Faking Confidence When You're Not Confident Works

July 14, 2015 Fay Agathangelou

Faking confidence when you’re not confident helps to build self-esteem. There’s a lot of truth to the saying "fake it ’til you make it." Faking confidence does not mean being a phoney, being overly confident or being arrogant. However, it does mean learning to be confident in a healthy way. By faking confidence you can learn how to become more confident and also build self-esteem.

Reasons for Faking Confidence When You're Not

A lack of confidence will probably be reflected in your actions, thoughts and words, and that can keep you very stuck. Behaviours and words are very believable and they will reinforce your lack of confidence. Additionally, others can sense that you’re not confident which affects how they act towards you. It's therefore important to change the way you behave and talk.

Ways of Faking Confidence When You're Not

Faking confidence means acting against your negative thoughts and feelings about yourself. You need to challenge those thoughts act and as if you are a confident person. To fake confidence, you can:

  • Use confident words. Talk like a confident person. Note that this does not mean being cocky. Be aware of your words and stop talking about yourself in a negative way. Stop putting yourself down and talk about yourself in a healthy manner.
  • Use a confident voice. The way you use your voice makes a huge difference. A weak, shaky voice, talking too fast or talking too slow can convey low confidence. Practice speaking with conviction; watch your tone, breathe adequately and speak clearly and at a good pace. Avoid filler words such as "um" and "ah" as much as possible.
  • Be assertive. It’s important to be assertive and stand up for yourself. Assertiveness is a skill that can be learned and you'll get better with practice.
  • Be courageous. Have the courage to face your fears and do the things you are terrified of doing. For example, it might be attending a social gathering or doing a presentation that scares you. Challenge your negative thoughts by acting against them. It is empowering.
  • Have confident body language. Focus on your posture; stand up straight with shoulders back, smile, have eye contact and be open. Faking confidence when you're not feeling confident can help to build. Read here for tips on how to fake confidence when you’re not confident.As well as helping you feel better about yourself, confident and open body language will help attract people towards you.
  • Pay attention to your appearance. Looks matter. This may be as simple as the way you dress and personal grooming. It does not mean going over the top with your appearance; it's more about feeling good about yourself.
  • Do things that make you feel good. Do activities that you enjoy and are good for you. For example: exercise, singing or meditation. Nurture yourself and be your own best friend. Self-care matters.

Faking confidence can be challenging, and it will require some getting used to. With persistence there will be a point when confidence becomes a habit and it will show. That will not only boost your self-esteem, but it will influence the way others see you too. Be empowered to be a confident person. Keep on faking confidence until it becomes real for you.

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APA Reference
Agathangelou, F. (2015, July 14). Faking Confidence When You're Not Confident Works, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 13 from

Author: Fay Agathangelou

July, 22 2015 at 3:28 pm

I'm commenting on the Faked Confidence article.
I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "Fake it until you make it" and how many times I've done this to get by. I've held a full time job for about 30 years, while "faking it" on many a day. I guess one could call this an accomplishment, as I was able to function. However did the depression go away? Did I feel better about myself? In fact, things have just gotten worse as the years have gone by. I'm now not working in a traditional job at all. I fight back the tears every day and am really tired of this "fake it till you make it" stuff. I applaud those of you for which this has worked, but for me, it makes me feel hypocritical and when I can let my guard down, the depression is still there.

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