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Borderline Symptoms

Yesterday, I told my therapist that all I wanted was "a stiff drink and a sharp blade". As you can imagine, this did not go over well. Yet it made me think--how does substance abuse affect the symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD)?
I had to cope with nightmares last night, nightmares related to a traumatic event I went through. That's one of the downsides of borderline personality disorder--the nightmares can leave you shaken up for the entire day. But there's good news: there are ways to cope with nightmares and night terrors and not let them get to you. Three such ways are thought stopping, rewriting the nightmare, and understanding what the dream means.
When someone suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD), he or she needs to beware of the word "masochism". According to Dr. Aphrodite Matsakis' I Can't Get Over It, some people are quick to label a person who has experienced multiple traumas a masochist and interpret their misfortunes as a desire to be miserable. For example, when I was sexually assaulted, I was told I was "maybe not consciously" asking for it.
It's a myth as old as trauma--"I let it happen." It's easy to believe it and blame ourselves for the trauma that led to our symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). But it's a myth that can be very destructive, and we need to realize that.
Dear Addiction, What can I say about you? I love you or I wouldn't be an addict--if I didn't love you I wouldn't turn to you to cope. Yet I hate you, because you're trying and sometimes succeeding at taking over my life. You take my money, you cost me opportunities to do something else instead of spend time with you, you take my mental and physical health, and you cause me to do some crazy things--even for a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Remember the time we made a drunken pass at a drag queen in a New York City transvestite bar? Or the time we stripped down and said we were going to paint our bodies and run around the neighborhood whooping like a Native American warrior? Yeah, funny, but embarrassing. You gave me what I thought was a good time, when all the time I was running from the infamous crash. In many ways I'm still running while you call to me like a lover.
Sometimes we feel as if we're getting worse instead of better. Sometimes we feel as if we're in more pain, not less. This is due to emotional thawing.
Addiction is a common symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD). However, many myths about addiction treatment keep people with BPD from seeking help. More Than Borderline's, Becky Oberg, explores these myths and the realities of addiction treatment. Watch.
Codependency, like addiction, is a serious problem that can affect many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Codependency is a behavioral and psychological condition in which a person sacrifices his/her own wants and needs in order to maintain an unhealthy relationship. It is also called "relationship addiction." Codependency is probably due to the intense fear and frantic efforts to avoid abandonment common in BPD.
This is a hard piece for me to write because it involves recognizing emotional abuse and the events leading up to my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It may be triggering to fellow survivors of emotional abuse. If you aren't in a place where you can read about it, don't read this piece. It's okay not to be ready to face your past by hearing about mine.
Can we be addicted to self-injury? Could the act of self-harm effect us like alcohol or a drug? Recently my therapist and I have begun to work on my addiction to alcohol. One session went particularly rough and left me craving a stiff drink. However, I also wanted to self-injure. It was my way to cope, my way to deal with the pain. I then asked, "Could I be addicted to cutting?" Is it possible to be addicted to self-harm?