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Borderline Symptoms

I need people to stop using the borderline diagnosis as an insult. As someone who writes primarily about mental health, it’s easy for people to figure out that I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) via a quick Google search. Part of me is relieved that it’s in the open – it frees me of the shame bestowed by secrecy and saves me from having to explain myself to people. But the other part of me worries that people who learn about my diagnosis will pigeonhole me based on their own misunderstandings of what BPD entails (Reclaiming Borderline to Reduce Stigma).
For me, the most helpful framework in understanding borderline personality disorder (BPD) comes out of schema therapy, a borderline personality disorder treatment, which includes a concept known as schema modes. The easiest way to understand schema modes is to think of them as personalities. Different personalities take over to protect the borderline when she is hurt or threatened in some way. Schema modes in borderline personality disorder are a form of maladaptive coping that the person learned in response to childhood trauma, and schema therapy is designed to address these modes.
As a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I sit here with law school deadlines looming and find myself writing instead about procrastination. Might there be a relationship between borderline personality disorder and procrastination?
While not one of the nine criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD), selfishness can be a symptom of the disease. Selfishness interferes with healthy relationships, worsens risky behavior and worsens addiction--all symptoms of BPD. How do we know when we're being selfish? There are three questions to ask.
I live in a bad neighborhood, complete with an abandoned house next door. About a week ago, I saw a man with a crowbar and a bag enter the house through the previously boarded-up window. I called 911 to report a breaking and entering (B and E), and the police came out to investigate. Or so I thought. I walked outside, identified myself as the caller and prepared to positively identify the suspect. However, the police just looked at the forced-open window and left without saying a word. They didn't even interview me. I later learned that it's not the first time this guy has had the cops called on him--my landlord has called the police, but nothing has been done. The whole experience has caused my symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) to flare up. It has made me think about what a person with mental illness can do when they witness, or, God forbid, are victims of, a crime.
Romantic relationships are difficult enough without mental illness entering the equation. But when one or both of the people involved has borderline personality disorder (BPD), relationships can become sheer hell. I live with BPD and was once in a romantic relationship with a man who had BPD and bipolar disorder; it was probably the biggest mistake I ever made. That said, I learned a lot from it.
Addiction can be one of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. In my case, alcoholism both fuels and is fuelled by my psychiatric conditions. As I've progressed in therapy, I've learned that everything addiction told me is a lie.
We all know the joke that "normal" is just a setting on the dryer (it's also a street name here in Indianapolis), but let's face it--we have a normal (for us) mode of operation. Mental health professionals call this "baseline." Some people have high baselines and can pass for someone who does not have a psychiatric diagnosis. Others have a low baseline and wander around in public talking to themselves--I have a few neighbors like that. But we all have a borderline baseline.
Three times a week, I go to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings and say "My name is Becky, and I'm an alcoholic." I've been doing this for a little more than a year now, and the further along I get in sobriety, the more I learn. There are many myths about alcoholism, some of which I'm still learning to accept as myths. But recognizing these myths as such is crucial to recovery from addiction.
My diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is somewhat controversial; one doctor said it might be more accurate to say I have "traits of borderline." Whatever the words, I have at least one symptom of BPD--I self-injure. That's easy to define, but hard to explain. Here's my story.