Suicidal thoughts are a huge part of my life with borderline personality disorder. Even though I have them less frequently than I used to, they can still cause me a lot of distress. Here are my four tips for managing suicidal thoughts.

What are borderline personality disorder (BPD) and my fear of abandonment like for me? Borderline personality disorder keeps abandonment on my mind. I have a long-term and near-constant fear that the people I love are going to stop loving me. This fear of abandonment caused by BPD makes me worry that my relationships could be lost at any given moment and stops me from relaxing because I feel relentlessly on edge.

In the video below, I’ll talk about my experience of feelings of shame and borderline personality disorder, as well as some tips for coping with the shame within borderline personality disorder. 

Perfectionism isn’t something that is often associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Those of us with this diagnosis of BPD can often be perceived as out of control and chaotic, so what does that have to do with perfectionism? From my experience, there is a relationship between BPD and perfectionism that can impact all areas of our lives. Perfectionism crept into my body image, my personal relationships, and my academic and professional endeavors. It stems from the black-and-white thinking or "splitting" within borderline personality disorder. In the video below, I’ll share a little bit more about how BPD perfectionism has impacted my body image, relationships, and professional life. 

I've experienced suicidal thoughts with borderline personality disorder (BPD), so I thought I'd share my experience and some facts about suicide and BPD. The topic of suicide has received a large amount of attention in the media as of late with celebrity suicides. With the death of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, it’s brought up old experiences and feelings about my own history as a woman living with borderline personality disorder. While I don’t feel this way today, I am no stranger to the feeling of not wanting to be alive. Self-harm, suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts are a part of living with borderline personality disorder. They are a distinguishing symptom when making this diagnosis. In the vein of opening up a conversation about suicide awareness, I’m going to share some important suicide facts and personal experience about suicidal thoughts and borderline personality disorder. Most importantly, I will share my hope. 

Borderline personality disorder splitting (BPD), in its simplest form, is seeing the world through extremes (Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Diagnosis). It’s a highly polarized way of perceiving the world around us. It’s a rigid way of perceiving things. It means someone always has to be "good" and another has to be "bad."  In the video below, I’ll explain what borderline personality disorder splitting looks like for me and within this post, will explain ways I’ve learned not to split and to have a more realistic and balanced view of the world around me.

It's rare to find positive commentary on borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits. Negativity, stigma, insults, and fear are the most dominant narratives about BPD (What Borderline Personality Disorder Feels Like Inside). Whether you are living with BPD or you love someone with BPD, life doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Is it possible there is an unforeseen positive side to living with this diagnosis? I believe the answer is yes. Those living with borderline personality disorder traits can also  be creative, passionate, deeply grateful, and loyal women and men. We can learn to embrace the benefits of borderline personality disorder.

I fake smile on my bad days, but many people never know it. In fact, many people are surprised to learn that I am a woman living with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Some were surprised when I first started writing this blog because I didn't fit their ideas and molds ascribed to women living with this diagnosis (Stigma of BPD). I’m perceived by many as happy, joyful, well put together, composed, and intelligent. (As if these things are mutually exclusive from living with severe mental illness.) And the reality is that on many days, these words do describe me wholeheartedly. The thing about living with BPD (or any serious mental illness) is that the world keeps on spinning even on our darker and tougher days. Just because I’m going through it doesn’t mean my responsibilities and commitments cease. Fake smiles are actually important.

Learning what borderline personality disorder (BPD) feels like can clear up the misunderstandings and stigma associated with BPD. While behaviors on the outside may be interpreted as malicious or manipulative, what's actually going on on the inside of someone who is struggling with this illness? I believe with understanding comes compassion. With the video below, my hope is to shed a little bit of light as to what borderline anxiety, shame, and anger feel like on the inside.