Performance anxiety may prevent me from living my dream of singing professionally. Since junior high school, choir teachers and audience members commented on my anxious stage presence. I loved to sing with other people in unison or harmony, but when it came to solos, I was a nervous wreck. I was the recipient of the “Every Which Way but Loose” award in high school choir because onstage, I simply couldn’t relax and enjoy performing. Performance anxiety was front and center at every concert, and it often stole my spotlight.

Anxiety manipulates you. It’s not just you, of course, but anxiety would like you to believe that it’s only you. Anxiety is insidious, creeping and crawling through your brain, your mind, and your body. Anxiety causes its own symptoms but blames them on you. When you live with anxiety, you are dealing with this thing that takes on a life of its own and controls how you view yourself, others, and the world in general. There are things anxiety does to manipulate you and cause symptoms. 

Anxiety and panic can overstimulate the brain, rocket our senses into hyperactivity, and make us feel wired. When we feel keyed-up and on edge, it can feel as though nothing will help. Here we are at risk of jumping right out of our own skin, which would do nothing more than increase both anxiety and panic, and there’s not a thing we can do to settle down. Or is there? It can seem counter-intuitive, but practicing mindfulness when we’re at our most agitated can help when anxiety and panic overstimulate your brain. 

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a relentless experience of anxiety and worry. Worry and anxiety are part of the human experience; there’s even a type of anxiety known as existential anxiety that we feel simply because we exist. However, the anxiety and worry of GAD go far beyond ordinary anxiety. Regardless of the type of anxiety you experience, even if it’s a diagnosable disorder such as GAD, you can find peace as you learn to leave worry at the door. 

When it comes to meeting new people, social anxiety instills in its sufferers a sense of dread. Having to meet new people can sound alarms and ignite warning fires in the minds and bodies of those living with social anxiety (Extroverts Can Experience Social Anxiety, Too). In response to the fires, fire walls within the brain pop up, sealing off areas like rational thought and peaceful feelings so that all attention is funneled to the fire. The fire is a signal of danger—of stranger danger—and it makes us dread meeting new people. What we often don’t realize is that we are in charge of the alarm, the fire, even social anxiety itself. You don’t have to forever dread meeting new people. 

People who live with anxiety and panic know that panic and anxiety attacks are real. Unfortunately, not everyone understands that panic attacks and anxiety attacks are legitimate physical and emotional experiences. Recently, I was watching a show in which a character’s doctor informed him that he had had a panic attack. When this character told his sister, she exclaimed in disbelief, “Are those a thing? I thought panic attacks were something made up by celebrities for attention.” To help increase understanding, I offer an explanation for why panic attacks and anxiety attacks are real. 

When anxiety says you can’t _____ (fill in the blank with whatever it is you think you can’t do), it’s frustrating, and it can be tempting to give up. Why bother trying to move forward when anxiety is screaming at you, attempting to convince you that you can’t do something? There are important reasons we should bother moving forward despite being anxious and believing we can’t do something: We are living our lives, we have goals, passions, and purpose, and anxiety is wrong (12 Lies Anxiety Tells You). You can respond to anxiety to take away its voice. You can respond when anxiety says you can't do something.

Anxiety and exhaustion frequently go hand in hand. Feeling anxious day after day is exhausting, and when we’re so worn out, anxiety worsens because managing it becomes more difficult. The fatigue of anxiety often feels different than the exhaustion of depression. Whereas depression can zap people of energy and motivation and make it difficult to be up and about, anxiety can put people on almost constant alert, leading to a sensation often described as tired and wired. Increasing awareness of anxiety and exhaustion can help you take measures to feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Anxiety has a way of ruining relationships, making us feel unlucky in love. As anyone who has ever had a relationship involving two people and an annoying third wheel—anxiety—knows, love can be hard to feel and enjoy when anxiety gets in the way. Take heart: there are things you can do to keep anxiety from ruining your relationship.

If you find yourself anxious in many different situations, especially those that relate to your performance, behavior, or relationships with others, you might consider the possibility that you have unrealistically high standards for yourself. It’s not uncommon for people to hold themselves to high standards, and doing so can be motivating. Impossibly high standards, though, can make people anxious and interfere in their lives (How Not to Expect Too Much from Yourself). If your own high standards are making you anxious, there’s a way to reclaim your life.