One of the requirements of being a HealthyPlace blogger is personal experience. In other words, having an anxiety disorder qualifies me to be one of the authors of the anxiety blog. More specifically I have panic attacks, crippling self-doubt, paranoia, and general anxiety. My blog application was one of the only times this was a plus. Weekly blogging isn't an easy thing to do, despite the number of them out there. Topics need to be chosen, research done, comments read and responded to, titles selected, keywords considered, pictures picked, then it needs to be written, formatted, and scheduled all before it goes live for all the world to (hopefully) see. As a writer, I know other writers, and the general consensus is that publishing anything, even a blog, is stressful. It invokes a sense of anxiety in the most grounded of people. A part of the writer – his work – is out there, waiting to be judged by strangers.

Separation anxiety - the term often conjures an image of a young child in distress, loudly crying and fiercely clinging to a parent. While that’s not inaccurate, it is incomplete. Separation anxiety disorder affects not just children, but adults; in fact, it actually affects more adults than kids (7% vs. 4%). And while adults typically don’t cling to a loved one, loudly wailing, people experiencing adult separation anxiety disorder (ASAD) do feel a very similar degree of distress at the thought of separation from a loved one.

A few days ago, a friend who lives with generalized anxiety disorder called me while in the throes of a severe panic attack. She had been awake for a couple of days, she was crying, and she was terrified. The first words out of her mouth when I answered were, “This is never going to end.”

If worry and anxiety were the keys to success, I’d be ruler of the world. Success - it means different things to different people. Someone might want to be a multi-bajillionaire by the age of 30. Someone else might want to be able to eat a meal that day. We all have goals around finances or relationships or academics or fitness or health or anything else that people need and desire. With goals inevitably comes anxiety.

Anxiety disorders manifest self-doubt in many ways. Undoubtedly, people living with anxiety disorders know different ways panic and anxiety challenge our lives. So today, I want to speak to the non-sufferer who does not understand. Loved ones need to know what anxiety disorders, and the massive amount of self-doubt they create, do to a person.

If you are anything like me, you’ll find the news media to be a virtual minefield of anxiety and panic attack triggers. Television, radio, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet are constantly bombarding us with headlines about various happenings in the world. Whether local, national, or world news, the one thing that is certain is that media will find, create, or report on anything that will draw our attention. More often than not, the news is negative. Anything tragic or controversial crowds the front pages and runs at the top of the hour. The phrase, “if it bleeds, it leads,” appears to be the measure of newsworthiness for any story. Constantly being bombarded with stories of danger, crisis, and violence is enough to leave even the most level-headed among us feeling anxious about our own safety and that of our loved ones.

Human beings are much like beautiful gardens. Within each of us are many different types of lovely flowers. Everyone’s garden is unique to him or her; indeed, we have different flowers—different personality traits, strengths and talents, and interests and abilities. That said, all of our inner gardens, like the dirt-and-plant sort, have a similarity. They can become peppered with, and even overrun by, weeds. For people, a very common, very noxious weed is anxiety. What happens when our inner gardens become infested with the weed of anxiety, and what can we do about it?

When people know my diagnosis of bipolar and anxiety disorders — and given my line of work, most do — they tend to assign all of my actions to said diagnosis. Confrontation and disagreement, as an example, turn into signs that I am escalating to a manic state state or having an anxiety or panic attack. But anxiety disorder and confrontation don’t exactly go hand in and hand.

I am a strong person, physically. At six-foot-three inches tall and 250 pounds, most people wouldn't waste their breath arguing that assertion. And, whether because of, or in spite of, my bipolar and anxiety diagnoses, I consider myself to be strong mentally, as well. I am intelligent, accomplished, likeable, and successful. Despite the mountains of evidence of this, my brain works diligently to convince me that every interaction I have with another person is a misstep. If I text someone and they don’t reply back, it is obvious they are mad at me. If someone doesn't answer the phone when I call, say hello when they pass by, or reply to my email, then my mind goes into what can only be described as an emotional roller coaster.

Many people who suffer from anxiety and panic disorder, me included, have trouble explaining to others why we are having anxiety. Folks understand the traditional “butterfly in the stomach” analogy as to what anxiety feels like and can relate to feeling anxious about visiting the dentist. However, the part the really confuses people is how one can be anxious about something when the “something” doesn’t appear to exist.