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Ending a Relationship: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?

When deciding if and when to leave or end a relationship, how do we wade through the thoughts and consequences? How do you know when enough is enough?

When deciding on ending a relationship, the first question we ask ourselves is: How do I know when enough is enough? Someone very special and beautiful asked me that question this week.

In our culture, we are faced with all kinds of messages about relationships: see the good in people, relationships take work, rise above, and don't have too many expectations. Then, don't put up with anyone's disrespect, take care of yourself, set limits, leave abuse. These messages convolute all our decisions on how to set boundaries in relationships or know when it is right for us to leave them. We don't know who to blame, us or them. Add to it worry and fear about being alone, or being abandoned, or about other people judging you, and it becomes a maze to wade through.

Unconditional Love and Ending a Relationship

Problems in significant relationships effect our anxiety and depression more than any other factor in our life because our relationships and their success define us. These are huge decisions. The heaviness of making the right one, can be immobilizing. One can either open to reconnecting, nor can they step away to relieve themselves. Above all, they lose all trust in themselves, staying in misery and passing it back and forth between them.

We think we are supposed to have unconditional love for our partners and mistake this for having an unconditional relationship. Relationships have conditions! All relationship arrangements are negotiable, and there is usually aspects that for one or both partners that are not negotiable.

It is not easy to chose to leave a relationship and I do not have a prescription answer. Sometimes, it is best and other times it is not, and these both can depend. One thing I do understand is that if you make a decision, you make that your decision. Whichever you decide, you live that decision with your best self. Look deep inside you, beyond all fear and all guilt and there you'll find the answer. Ask your higher self what is the best for everyone involved. Step back from the situation and see yourself and your partner from a distance. This intention and perspective can help you get clarity.

The Ending a Relationship Decision

There is no right decision. Decisions are like everything else, relative. It doesn't matter if it is "right" or not, you make a decision and then make it right for you.

You might decide to postpone your decision to end a relationship, but even that is a decision to be lived instead of lamented. Don't beat yourself up for "not deciding," postpone consciously. But before making a decision about whether to stay in or leave a relationship, think about this:

  • Know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are perfect and awesome.
  • There is nothing to be afraid of, you cannot chose wrong.
  • Get people that love you around you.
  • Find your worth and know who you are and your purpose.

Then, and only then, the preferable choice will be as clear as day.

How have you decided to stay in or leave a relationship? Let my friend know how you did it. Comment below!

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
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APA Reference
Lobozzo, J. (2012, July 18). Ending a Relationship: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, May 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2012/07/how-do-you-know-when-enough-is-enough



Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R

Shannen
June, 17 2022 at 1:36 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and have 2 wonderful boys. But he is so disrespectful to me. Any chance he gets he calls me horrible names and is always accusing me of cheating when I haven’t done a thing. I’m to the point to where I love him and I’ve been trying to make this work for a while now but the verbal abuse is what’s killing me. I don’t know weather to leave or to stay for the sake of my kids. I’m so stuck and worried if the choice I’m making is a good choice or not.

Corina
June, 20 2022 at 1:44 pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years now but the first 3 were the worse. he would cheat, be verbal abusive and even hit me. He ended knocking out my teeth that got to the point that they got infected and caused a chain reaction and they all fell. He ended up leaving me for a someone who I thought was a friend. When things went south he came back and apologies and I took him back. Things went well, he proved his loyalty and changed but his friends always kept butting in our business and he would take their side. They thought I was too stuck up because I wouldn't chat or gossip but I would tell him, how could I? I have no teeth. I was so embarrassed. No one knows what he'd done and I wouldn't want to because they will think I was so stupid for taking him back. Well we had our good moments but every time we did social things with his friends it was the same drama, talking about me, asking him what was my problem and we would fight constantly in the car and he would side with them. I was already tired and getting to the point that this was a dead end relationship, till one day he decided to go off in a get away trip (with the same ppl that would talk about me) and leave me behind. That was the nail to the head for me. He explained how they thought I was the party pooper and the "mad" one and brought the group down. So I left him. He begged me but I never replied. I know to some they might say, work it out but after so many years of the same BS did I do the correct decision? I hate all of this because why be so unconsidered after I practically gave him the world... I just want the honest truth my heart is broken but I keep telling myself its for my own good...
Any advise? Thanks for listening

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