Thoughts on Depression and Suicide

It wasn't until I lost my son to suicide that I began to learn lots and lots about depression and suicide. There are a few things that, by now, you probably know but I want to tell you (again?). Maybe this will help to put things in perspective.

First, we have to learn to accept our past and know that we can't change it. We have to come to terms with it and get past any guilt or shame. It can be done. Just because something bad has happened, or because we have done something wrong, does not make us bad. Frequently, we have disproportionately built those things up in our own minds. When we can put the past behind us, we can go on with our lives. That's accepting the things that we cannot change.

To live our lives in the present, we must stop doing things that cause us guilt or shame. Guilt and shame are like vampires. When they are exposed to the sunlight of truth and openness, they burn away to nothing. This means we must be honest with ourselves and in our dealings with others; but we still must use caution when dealing with some people.

A life that is satisfactory also includes all of the good character traits that we can think of. The Boy Scout oath comes to mind, but this really depends on our own personal definitions and which traits you can take pride in. You and I can do, or be, anything that we (not someone else) can comfortably live with. We have that choice, that ability, and that much power over our lives.

Secondly, we have to take charge, and face our lives with boldness and be responsible and active (as opposed to passive) in our lives. We must stand up for what we think and believe, make our position clear, and not let people walk on us figuratively or literally. That empowers us to be leaders (someone has to be in charge), to make our own way in the world, and gives us self-pride where there would otherwise be shame, self-blame, and surrender.

Mahatma Ghandi said A no uttered from deepest conviction is greater than a yes mearly uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. I must caution you though to start with small decisions and progress slowly because that will give you a successful history to draw on. This is changing the things we can change.

Thirdly, I was a member of a social/civic organization that opened each and every meeting with a creed, part of which was:

We believe that faith in God gives meaning and purpose to human life ...

I believe it does, and that faith can carry us when things are tough. Now this statement is not to make people go right out and join up, but we humans need faith in something, if only because it is our nature to do so. If you had faith in God, and depression has caused you to feel so bad as to lose it, remember that God has not moved, He is just where you left Him.

The Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) organization uses a prayer for it's members. I think they only use the first verse, but here is the whole prayer:

***

GOD, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make
all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next.

Amen

By Reinhold Neibuhr

***

Fourth, there are better ways of handling all of our feelings than turning them inward. If we turn the feelings inward (bottle them up), they will consume us from within. We must feel them and deal with them to get rid of them.

We can learn to express those feelings in a variety of ways. For instance, anger can be expressed by telling someone about it, by taking a tennis racket and beating (violently) on the seat of a stuffed chair, and by writing and expressing the anger. Also, we could express our feelings in painting, music, acting, dance, or other arts. And, of course, if we're going to point that anger at someone, we should point it towards the people that caused and deserve it. We should never direct it at innocent people.

Fifth, exercise is vital to healthy living. I can't tell you how important this is to our well-being. If you think that you can do nothing (and I know how depression can paralyze people) and be happy, you are wrong. Exercise is the most effective way to feel better right now. If you will do some exercise daily, you will feel better and sleep better. If you make it a regimen, you can do it from habit even if you have a bad day or several bad days.

This is a very concentrated version of things that have made me able to live a better life in the last few years than I have ever had before. I have suffered depression all of my life, and I know the desolate feelings that were in Edgar Allen Poe's poems, in Van Gogh's paintings, and the feelings that make us think the world will be better off without us, that we are burdens to other people; and the self-hate that makes us want to die. Those are false and distorted thoughts that uselessly cost thousands of people their lives every year from suicide. The loss of those lives to the world is incalculable.

I hope this helps to put things in better order for you, and I pray that you will never be one of those people. This is a total package and should be interpreted as an overall view of what is going on with your depression. It is as good of a summary as I could muster.

It has taken me years to understand these things, and be able to put them in a form that I could communicate to other people. With these tools, you can start to see the way things really are, and start to rebuild your life if it is out of control. Being out of our control make us feel worthless. This should also change your approach to fighting depression and suicidal thinking to fighting the source of the disease (To change, so that we are in charge of our lives, and we decide and we control how we live) instead of unsuccessfully trying to fight the symptoms.

It may not cure you, but it will help you to live a more successful and a happier life, even with depression. Remember that you are the person to decide your wants and needs and you determine how you will live. Learn by starting small, to decide and take responsibility for your life, then progress slowly.

next: Listening Skills: A Powerful Key To Successful Negotiating
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Chapter 29 of the book Self-Help Stuff That Works

by Adam Khan:

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU WANT TO behave differently, you don't feel like it when the time comes. And sometimes when you want to feel differently, you don't really know how to get there from where you are. Maybe you want to feel confident talking with strangers or feel cheerful at work, but you don't know how to feel confident or cheerful. Well, there is a way.

The principle is simple: Assume the posture you would have if you felt the way you want to feel, breathe the way you would breathe, talk the way you would talk, think the things you would think, act the way you would act - do the things you would do if you felt the way you want to feel.

Are you depressed and want to feel happy? Move your body like you move it when you're happy. If you can't remember what it's like to be happy, move your body the same way you've seen others move when they looked happy. Put the same expression on your face. Imagine or remember the way you talk to yourself and the kind of perspective you might have about your situation when you're happy, and then say those things to yourself and take that perspective.

In other words, act as though you were happy.

If you are angry and want to be calm, act as though you were calm. Do you feel weak and want to be strong? Act as though you were strong.

What you're doing is changing everything that can be changed, and this changes your feelings, which can't be changed directly.

Remember Pavlov's dogs? Pavlov rang a bell every time he fed the dogs, and the dogs associated the sound of the bell with the taste of food. So when the bell rang, the dogs salivated, even when there was no food.

For your whole life you've been relating certain body postures, facial expressions, breathing patterns, etc., to certain feelings like happiness or calmness or strength. The postures and facial expressions and feelings belong together. So when you act as though you're relaxed, you begin to feel relaxed. When you act as though you feel good, you begin to feel good. And after awhile, you aren't acting. It's like siphoning gas - you suck on the hose at first, and then it comes out by itself.

"Acting as though" also changes reality, which tends to reinforce the feelings. For example, people who feel depressed typically aren't very friendly. If they acted like a person who felt good, they would act friendlier, which would cause people to act friendly in return, which would make the person feel less depressed. It creates an upward spiral. Change how you act and what you do and your feelings will change. You will get a better response from the world, which will reinforce your good feelings.

Act as though you already feel the way you want to feel.

Here's another, completely different and less difficult way to change the way you feel right away:
Brighter Future? Sounds Good!

Is there someone in your family, maybe an in-law or relative, that consistently makes you feel upset or angry or depressed? There's something you can do about it. Check out:
Attitudes and Kin

Here's a completely unconventional anger management technique, and really whole new way of life that prevents much of the anger and conflict from ever starting:
Unnatural Acts

Here's a way to deal with conflict without getting angry, and coming to good solutions:
The Conflict of Honesty

Would you like a little encouragement and practical techniques for living your life with honor? Would you like to know some secrets of personal integrity? Check this out:
Forging Mettle

How about a little inspiration on your path to greater wisdom, goodness, and honor? Here it is:
Honest Abe

next: We've Been Duped

Chapter 51 of the book Self-Help Stuff That Works

by Adam Khan:

ONE FUNDAMENTAL FORCE allows you to make changes in your life and turn good ideas into reality. The greatest idea, the finest resolution, the best plan are all useless without it.

What is this fundamental force? It is the power of keeping your word. It's the attitude of honoring the promises you make as sacred - even (or maybe especially) the promises you make to yourself.

The good news is you can increase your ability to keep your word. You can make this power more available to yourself.

First, understand the fundamental role it plays. Recognize its power.

Next, don't commit yourself lightly - treat each promise you make as something you will do no matter what. Be very selective about what you commit yourself to.

And finally, renew your commitment every time you break your word.

Each of us has what Abraham Maslow called "choice-points" every day. These are moments when we have to decide, "Am I going to do the thing I promised myself and move forward? Or am I going to do the easy thing and break my promise and move backward?"

And if you break your promise, you arrive at another choice-point: Will you renew your commitment to be a person who keeps your word? Or will you give up on yourself and adjust your self-image downward? The decisions you make during these choice-points determine the direction and quality of your life.

The most important starting point is to make a promise to yourself that, from this day forward, when you come to a choice-point, you will choose to keep your word. The more often you make the choice to keep your word, the more your word is worth. Eventually, your word is as good as gold.

Keep your word.

Would you like a little encouragement and practical techniques for living your life with honor? Would you like to know some secrets of personal integrity? Check this out:
Forging Mettle

How about a little inspiration on your path to greater wisdom, goodness, and honor? Here it is:
Honest Abe

Here's a completely unconventional anger management technique, and really whole new way of life that prevents much of the anger and conflict from ever starting:

Unnatural Acts

Here's a way to deal with conflict without getting angry, and coming to good solutions:
The Conflict of Honesty

next: Law of Return

Silent meditation can be a powerful healer. For others, "doing", being engaged, seems to raise the spirit.

An Excerpt from BirthQuake: A Journey to Wholeness

"I pray every single second of my life; not on my knees, but with my work." -- Susan B. Anthony

I've experienced the movement of my spirit most often while involved in the "doing" vs. the "being." I'm a firm believer in the powerful benefits of meditation and know a number of individuals who would say just the opposite is true for them. Some report that their spirits seem to flow more freely out of silence, calm, and from a deeply inward focus. Strangely, while I'm an introvert, my spirit appears to respond most clearly to extroverted activities. To dancing, to touching, to really listening, to human contact. Also, engaging in those random acts of kindness that Gloria Steinhem wrote about, truly seem to call my spirit forth. While silence and reflection are necessary for me to make contact with my higher self; it's the doing for and with others that seems most to strengthen and nurture this precious force that exists within me.

Doing can be an extraordinarily powerful thing -- if whatever you choose to do, you do so consciously, being fully present and engaged in the activity. I stroke my puppy absentmindedly and while it's a soothing way to pass time for him and for me, it remains relatively meaningless. Then I begin to caress him consciously. I become aware of his heartbeat, his fragile little bones, his softness, his innocence, and his trust in me. I begin to reflect upon the beauty and promise of each new life. Next, I am marveling at the magnificence of all creation. I begin to feel warm inside and feel grateful and privileged to be a part of the mystery and magic of all living things. All of the sudden, from my doing and my awareness of what I do, I am transported from the mechanical and absent minded stroking of a pet, to acknowledging the very wonder of life.

Every now and then I hear from fellow midlifers that they feel as though they've done just about everything they ever wanted to do. There often appears to be a message in the statement that there isn't much to get excited about anymore. I remember one woman in her forties who sadly informed me that she'd had a good life, but that now she was tired. "I can't get enthused. I watch the news and I see all of this sadness and pain, and I feel helpless and just want to close my eyes sometimes and go to sleep." I shared with her a story that I read somewhere long ago. It was about a very good man who spent his life seeking God. He prayed constantly while outside his window - the crippled, the hungry, and the down trodden went by. The seeker became increasingly bitter as he watched the suffering day after day, until finally in anger he raised his fist up to God and cried, "My God! How is it that a loving creator can witness this suffering and do nothing to stop it?" God's gentle reply was, "But I have done something about it. I have sent them you."

next:Frequently Asked Questions and Answers

Getting Off the Roller Coaster

Though this book is born of complex issues, it's rational is founded in the belief that the complications of life, (which all to often stem from the complications that we put into our lives), have answers which are revealed in simplicity. One of the most profound source of answers lies in our personal or Inner Truth. Within this Truth, resides our freedom. This truth is most easily revealed by developing intuition.

To simplify for discussion purposes, we could say that there are only two emotions, that being Love and Fear, (all others are simply subtle variations), but when they are seen in the light of a quiet frame of mind, fear begins to reduce its strangle-hold over us as we separate our Truth from a fearful and confused state of mind.

This process then brings to the forefront of our thinking the things that are in the interest of our well-being. To be able to look at fear in one hand and truth in the other, will enable choices that are not associated with confusion, but rather, have a hallmark of Confidence and a foundation of Love. Such choices will be made with clarity and peace since what is good for us, and what will serve us, will be seen to be more available as we come in tune with our True Self. From this, we can now be confident to express what we are feeling within, from a knowing that our motivation is linked only to that which is good and right.

Like other books which deal in personal development and present a description of human nature, I have put forth an interpretation of Human nature which has allowed me to build new and significant understandings. It is the approach I have taken that has allowed me to understand the reasons behind the way I lead my Life. It is my own model of THE EGO.

Immediately, I must emphasize the importance of not getting bogged down by the use of the term EGO. Keep in mind that it is only a LABEL. What is truly important is to peacefully understand that it is only used to allow a structure of thinking to be established. This can then allow your own unique and perfect understanding to be pursued and developed.

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Theories are all well and good and they have their place, but ultimately what is most important is what we are feeling inside, as well as the right action appropriate with those feelings to bring us properly through our difficulties. We are feeling creatures. We have needs, wants, hurts and desires, and when the expression of our feelings is denied either by ourselves or other people, a most important part of ourselves is killed off.

Be patient as I explain the aspects of my thinking in accordance with how I brought newness into my life. This first Chapter asks you to open up to a new avenue of thought. The essence of the concept I talk of is simple in itself though the implications can be far reaching. That is, they can be as deep and revealing as to the extent that you are willing to pursue them.

YOU ARE A DIAMOND:

When you come to know a person through either a close association or even from just listening to a description of someone, you naturally obtain an understanding of their nature. You become familiar with their thinking, their likes and dislikes, and in fact, any number of aspects to their identity. In short, we get to know of their personality. This overall concept of people is, in fact, only that-- General or Overall. In common usage, the word Personality is employed to enable us to define character in easily understood and relatable ways. However, just like a Diamond, we are Multi-Faceted, and when we care to look deeper into Human nature, we come to see that there many sides to our personality and that all of them shall provide an input into the way in which we lead our lives.

There is a part of us which responds to external events. It operates on information through experience and it is the most dominant aspect of all creatures that walk this planet. Its prime purpose is one of survival. Though it is only one of many parts of our nature, it is in a front line position of evaluating what it sees to bring about the required responses. It is part of our animal heritage.

In this world of matter and form that all animals are a part of, the vehicle we call the body has its natural limitations. It is vulnerable to damage and pain; requires effort to maintain, and is in need of a mechanism to ensure its continuance and safety. Within the animal kingdom, such a survival feature works fine, but within human nature there is a further aspect to consider. We have Spirit, Self-Awareness, and a conscious link with the Infinite that no animal has ever known. Through this link, the survival aspect of the animal is raised into consciousness along side the Spirit. It then sees, feels, contemplates, learns, and remembers. It acts upon worldly situations and relates feelings with events. It is the EGO.

Immediately upon hearing the word Ego, we tend to connect it's usage with pride and its association with vulnerability, (That is, My Ego could be hurt if I was led to feel inferior, or the Pride we talk of where someone has an inflated opinion of themselves). However, these descriptions which most people readily identify with are only illustrating one particular trait or outward action of the Ego.

Dictionaries typically define Ego as:

"Psyche"

"I or Self"

"The conscious thinking subject".

Here you will notice how each example is essentially describing a level of awareness.

This human part of consciousness that we are getting to know also has a Spiritual counterpart and that is called the Soul. Since being human is to be finite, the Soul being infinite and immortal is then revealed as our TRUE SELF. Our humanness is but a vehicle, and part of that vehicle is the Ego. It has Purpose, and it is good.

EGO IS ONE OF MANY PARTS:

Along with the Ego, there are many other aspects or natures that make up the complete individual. There is a part of you which has humour. There is a part of you which is creative. There is a part of you which is sexual. There is a part of you which gets angry. There is a part of you which is Spiritual, and there is a part of you which hurts. You have your logical thinking parts and your caring parts and they all piece together to form the person that you are. These many parts that belong to all people are all good parts, but sometimes during the course of a lifetime, knowledge and learning can have an association with bad choices or negative situations. It is here that our development as an individual can become misguided as our life unfolds.

OUR NATURAL NEED FOR ECSTASY:

If we have traveled down a road that has made us feel like our life lacks direction or purpose, that it is a struggle or that it feels like it is without control, then some aspect of our nature has become dominant and brought about disharmony. Many times, ignorance alone, of Life and how to live life, will keep us bound in situations that rob us of the growth and joy in life that we all seek. Through such a lack of harmony and balance, a person can feel like they are fragmented or have lost the essence of peaceful unity that is found within all of us when we are whole. A person will constantly search for ways to ease the burden caused from continued unsuccessful quests for happiness. Carl Jung, forerunner of modern Psychology has these thoughts:

"The human Spirit will naturally seek its ecstasy, and if it cannot find it legitimately, it will find it illegitimately."

When I first came across this thinking, I thought "Wow!", Here was an explosion of information delivered to me in only a handful of words. We all seek happiness, but sometimes the quest for happiness can be misguided or misdirected from the lack of a genuine experience of Love, or that a chosen path has failed to unfold its imagined promises. In the most extreme cases, negative cycles maintained by desires that can only become fulfilled by external means, can, in time, bring a person to a state of deep emptiness.

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EGO HAS A DUTY:

Your True Self is gentle and loving, always content with the simple aspects of life, but the actions of the Ego are essentially one of survival. For all the wrong paths the Ego has led you down, it was only trying to do what it thought was right. It has only ever known the things that it has encountered during its lifetime and the things that you have given it. All these experiences are summed together and become the subconscious role-model for behavior. Our Egos gather information from the world around us and in doing so have a very hard time when trying to deal with the abstracts or unknowns of life. These abstracts and paradoxes in life are contained in the Spiritual connection we have with the Universe.

Very often, after using or hearing the word Universe, I am tempted to think of vast amounts of Space and brilliant free-floating Spiral Galaxies, but in a Spiritual context, Universe is used to define All things in creation, and All means All; including those magnificent galaxies, and of course, yourself. Yes! You are equal to all things in creation. You have worth, you have value, you have a purpose. You were formed in Love, to grow in Love. You are the meaning of life

From what has been discussed so far, we can begin to see a potential for inner conflict as Ego interacts with Spirit thus bringing about confusion or uncertainty. The person living the Spiritual life style has learned that one's True Self is revealed in Spirit, and that a life lived harmoniously is a recognition of the physical world being just one part of one's overall personal evolution. Being Spiritual does not automatically imply an association with religion; the essence of being Spiritual is to be able to identify with Life and Love and the power of Life and Love. It enables a unique bond with the world where suddenly the aloneness of individuality is transformed into a freedom for self-expression that enables a oneness with all people from a motive of Truth and Love.

ACTION FROM FEAR:

If I were to become involved in a situation where I experience

Anxiety; (perhaps a dread of involvement), or

Anger; (from a threat to my own or someone else's well being), or even

Awkwardness; (where fear inhibited a need to express what was truly within), I would have gone through three very distinct stages.

From such an event or situation, there will be:

1. The feeling response to the event from the True Self.
2. Fear generated by the Ego from the Implication of the feeling response.
3. The emotional response then trying to protect me.

By learning to tune in to your reactions by simple observation, you will be able to heighten an awareness of yourself. Your feeling response is that silent knowledge that comes from within, and it will always be present before any fear. Though the fear may come charging in at a very rapid pace, it will always be triggered from your original feeling response. These feeling responses do not necessarily always have to be peaceful or loving. There are times when the feeling response might be anger (perhaps Protective Anger, or an instinctual response that prompts you to rightfully and thoughtfully assert your self).

It is when we rationalize or begin to deny what is true for ourselves that the emotional response of the Ego trying to protect us can then be allowed to assert itself. Obviously, in the process of getting to know the subtle interactions of the Ego and the inner truth, one must observe and rationalize these various responses, but when the rationalizations motivated from the fear response are done without awareness, the individual is caught in a blind cycle leaving no room for growth or renewal. The rationalizations of the student of awareness are motivated from Love and a need for growth.

Now you will be able to choose whether or not to respond in accordance with the original feeling response or the fear based response. By beginning to nurture an awareness of that part of yourself that I call Your Truth, then in time you will start to see that you have alternatives to the way in which you can lead your life. It is at this time that you can begin to take control of your emotions and attitude.

Here it can be seen that when we experience any form of fear, it will always be linked to some event, so when the Ego senses a potential for pain, it will activate fear, or an automatic response based on old and long forgotten fears, but still resident within you below the level of conscious awareness, (i.e. the sub-conscious). When unawareness in thinking to the responses of the Ego continues, it will sustain a cycle of unconscious or automatic reactions which we sometimes wish we hadn't auctioned. Have you ever said:

"Why did I do that?"

...or...

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"Why do I always do it like that ?"

If you find such ways persisting, while at the same time you wish they wouldn't, then your actions and responses are illustrating a motivation of fear. Here is a way of living that has come from the Ego being allowed to govern the outward responses to events. Over the course of many years, patterns become established in our makeup to reveal themselves in everyday situations. These aspects of our nature are learned patterns and are such a common part of the makeup of society, we get fooled into thinking that not only is it perfectly acceptable, but that it is normal. However, what is common, is not necessarily normal or acceptable, and if we wish to be liberated from the limitations that fear will cause in our lives, then we must activate a new way of thinking that will replace blinding confusion with enlightening Peace.

EGO VERSUS TRUTH:

Another fear-motivated action of the Ego is to disrupt the flow of good and positive thoughts. Since the truth will always reside within us, we will always have a potential for inner conflict when the Ego becomes dominant in our thinking. Here, we can begin to play games with ourselves or other people as we deny what is really happening within.

"Should be's", and "Shouldn'ts" are born of conflict from what you are experiencing, (Your Truth or feelings), and what you are fearing through the surfacing of your Truth.

In response to all these paragraphs about feelings and the inner truth, you might begin to say, "These feelings of mine, I wake up on Monday morning and FEEL like not going to work! "Does that mean I'm justified in Staying Home." Be careful. So subtle and lightning fast is the response by the Ego that it's response can be easily confused for an original intuitive feeling issued by the silent inner truth. You have to practice identifying one from the other.

This truth is as mysterious as our Spiritual nature and requires no justification, ratification or approval. Our truth just IS. It simply exists, and since it is linked to our Spirit, the Ego will always be the cause of our difficulties when as the two operate without integration.

Our Truth is willing to step out into the unknown, but the Ego will want to guard us so it then activates fear. The Ego will look into a library of experiences to compare and evaluate the potential for pain and bring forth a response. Sometimes this library contains:

Unfinished books (Incomplete learning experiences).

Others are:

Worthless hand-me-downs (Behavior that may have served another, but is not the Role Model suited to you).

And some are Out rightly false (Learning associated with assumption and ignorance).

But our truth is a form of Faith. We know faith does not require evidence or facts because it operates on the sense of a certain Rightness or Goodness that resides from deep within. They are feelings of a kind of knowledge which has no questions associated with it. It is the Ego which generates the questions to pollute the purity of such feelings and leave us with choices that can confuse us or even end up hurting us.

To cultivate an ear that listens to the truth offered by these inner feelings, is to allow your INTUITION to develop and therefore assist you in the task of inner-unification. To achieve this would then make you a talented, happy, whole, and fulfilled person.

When we are WHOLE, we have simply looked at all our personality aspects and put them into their proper perspective. All these qualities can serve us in our personal growth when they are united. It is only when they are unbalanced in the input to the life we lead, that they misguide us and coerce us into making bad choices that bring us pain.

CONTEMPLATION:

I am of many parts...

...and my goal is to make

them Equal.

My goal is to

BECOME WHOLE.

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next: Getting Off the Roller Coaster The Concept of "The Now"

How to tell when a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder is about to switch personalities.

Training Instructor Bethesda PsycHealth Institute 1990

• headache
• pressure inside the head
• stiff neck - (usually not as intense as with memory retrieval)
• pressure at the base of the head - (less intense than with memory retrieval)
• pupil dilation
• pressure behind the eyes
• blurry vision - (clears, then becomes blurry)
• eyes become - (watery or glassy, glazed in appearance), (eyes can also appear reddened without memory retrieval. Reddened eyes without memory symptoms means that a part is functioning that has repressed materials attached to it.)
• eyes more sensitive to light
• lightheadedness or dizziness
• chills
• ears ring
• emotionally feeling more child-like
• mood swing - a change in mood
• thought pattern change - thoughts change about same subject and your response changes with it
• feelings and emotions change - change about same situation
• objects and people look different - dimensions are off, colors can look brighter or dimmer
• body looks and feels detached
• face looks and feels detached
• face looks different in the mirror
• laughter changes - different laughs, subtle different to flagrant
• light in a room changes to suddenly brighter or dimmer
• fainting feelings - physically like you might lose consciousness
• inability to concentrate and think clearly
• urgency to "do something"
• thoughts become louder
• orchestra of thoughts or "conversations," all with opposing views

next:   Discerning Alter Personalities From Demons

• What is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
• What are the risk factors and causes of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
• What are the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
• How is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) treated?
• ADHD in Children
• 3D Medical Animation

Conclusion

ADHD or ADD is the most common psychiatric condition diagnosed in children. The disorder is chronic and appears in as many 60% to 70% of adults who were diagnosed with the condition as children. Symptoms of ADHD disorder include inattention, distractibility, and impulsivity, which are frequently accompanied by physical or motor hyperactivity. Therapy for the condition includes ADHD medications with social, psychological, and behavioral therapies.

Sources

• El-Mallakh, RS. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (PTG). In: Ferri, FF. Ferri's clinical advisor: Instant diagnosis and treatment. 2005 ed. St. Louis, MO: Mosby, Inc; 2005: 109-110.
• The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). National Institutes of Health (NIH). Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Available at: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/adhdmenu.cfm. 2006.
• Owens, JA and Dalzell, V. Attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder. In: Rakel, RR and Bope ET, Conn's current therapy 2004. 56th ed. St. Louis, MO: Elsevier; 2004: 947-958.

next: Many ADHD Kids Become ADHD Adults
~ adhd library articles
~ all add/adhd articles

There are some alternative treatments for Alzheimer's Disease which appear to be somewhat effective.

Alzheimer's and Huperzine A

Huperzine A (pronounced HOOP-ur-zeen) is a moss extract that has been used in traditional Chinese medicine for centuries. Because it has properties similar to those of FDA-approved Alzheimer medications, it is promoted as a treatment for Alzheimer's disease.

Evidence from small studies shows that the effectiveness of huperzine A may be comparable to that of the approved drugs. Large-scale trials are needed to better understand the effectiveness of this supplement.

In Spring 2004, the National Institute on Aging (NIA) launched the first U.S. clinical trial of huperzine A as a treatment for mild to moderate Alzheimer's disease.

Because huperzine A is a dietary supplement, it is unregulated and manufactured with no uniform standards. If used in combination with FDA-approved Alzheimer drugs, an individual could increase the risks of serious side effects.

Alzheimer's and Phosphatidylserine

Phosphatidylserine (pronounced FOS-fuh-TIE-dil-sair-een) is a kind of lipid, or fat, that is the primary component of cell membranes of neurons. In Alzheimer's disease and similar disorders, neurons degenerate for reasons that are not yet understood. The strategy behind the possible treatment with phosphatidylserine is to shore up the cell membrane and possibly protect cells from degenerating.

The first clinical trials with phosphatidylserine were conducted with a form derived from the brain cells of cows. Some of these trials had promising results. However, most trials were with small samples of participants.

This line of investigation came to an end in the 1990s over concerns about mad cow disease. There have been some animals studies since then to see whether phosphatidylserine derived from soy may be a potential treatment. A report was published in 2000 about a clinical trial with 18 participants with age-associated memory impairment who were treated with phosphatidylserine. The authors concluded that the results were encouraging but that there would need to be large carefully controlled trials to determine if this could be a viable treatment.

Alzheimer's and Coral Calcium

"Coral" calcium supplements have been heavily marketed as a cure for Alzheimer's disease, cancer, and other serious illnesses. Coral calcium is a form of calcium carbonate claimed to be derived from the shells of formerly living organisms that once made up coral reefs.

In June 2003, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) filed a formal complaint against the promoters and distributors of coral calcium. The agencies state that they are aware of no competent and reliable scientific evidence supporting the exaggerated health claims and that such unsupported claims are unlawful.

Coral calcium differs from ordinary calcium supplements only in that it contains traces of some additional minerals incorporated into the shells by the metabolic processes of the animals that formed them. It offers no extraordinary health benefits. Most experts recommend that individuals who need to take a calcium supplement for bone health take a purified preparation marketed by a reputable manufacturer.

Source: Alzheimer's Association

Question:

The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours. Can you tell me more about it?

Answer:

We can group these behaviours according to their underlying motivation:

The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours

These are intended to inflict punishment on the narcissist and to provide him thus with instant relief of his anxiety.

This is very reminiscent of a compulsive-ritualistic behaviour. The person harbors guilt. It could be an "ancient" guilt, a "sexual" guilt (Freud), or a "social" guilt. In early life, he internalized and introjected voices of meaningful others - parents, authority figures, peers - that consistently and convincingly and from positions of authority informed him that he is no good, guilty, deserving of punishment or retaliation, or corrupt.

His life is thus transformed into an on-going trial. The constancy of this trial, the never adjourning tribunal is the punishment. It is Kafka's "trial": meaningless, undecipherable, never-ending, leading to no verdict, subject to mysterious and fluid laws and presided by capricious judges.

Such a narcissist frustrates his deepest desires and drives, obstructs his own efforts, alienates his friends and sponsors, provokes figures in authority to punish, demote, or ignore him, actively seeks and solicits disappointment, failure, or mistreatment and relishes them, incites anger or rejection, bypasses or rejects opportunities, or engages in excessive self-sacrifice.

In their book "Personality Disorders in Modern Life", Theodore Millon and Roger Davis, describe the diagnosis of "Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder", found in the appendix of the DSM III-R but excluded from the DSM IV. While the narcissist is rarely a full-fledged masochist, many a narcissist exhibit some of the traits of this personality disorder.

The Extracting Behaviours

People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighbourhood, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions in constant and predictable (safe) proximity. PDs interpret intimacy (not DEPENDENCE, but intimacy) as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. NPDs (narcissists), for instance, feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these "chains". They feel they broke a siege, that they are liberated, free at last.

The Default Behaviours

We are all afraid of new situations, new possibilities, new challenges, new circumstances and new demands. Being healthy, being successful, getting married, becoming a mother, or someone's boss - are often abrupt breaks with the past. Some self-defeating behaviours are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities.

next:   Narcissists and Chemical Imbalances

Multiple Personality Disorder, or MPD, is an extraordinary syndrome in which two or more integrated alter selves co-exist simultaneously in a single body. It appears to have roots in severe child abuse, and is puzzling and painful both for the persons who suffer from it - who are called multiples - and for the therapists who treat it. Yet researchers and expert observers of the field now say that multiple personality may be the basis for a new understanding of the nature of the mind and its elusive relation to body and brain function.

In a multiple, different personalities who sometimes have no awareness of one another alternately control the physical body. The process by which control of the body passes from one personality to another is called switching, and when a multiple's personalities switch so do a variety of other features.

Alter personalities may differ in terms of voice, posture, physiognomy, handedness and - if preliminary research studies are correct - numerous physiological features such as brainwave patterns, immune status, and skin electrical responses. Behavior patterns, reported life history and (subjectively perceived) sex and age also tend to vary. Different personalities have often mastered different physical abilities, interpersonal skills, and intellectual subject areas. Some may even command entirely different languages!

The average number of alter personalities in a multiple is 8 - 13, although super - multiples may have more than 100 alternates.

By studying such changes and the mechanisms responsible for them scientifically, researchers hope to illuminate a host of key topics in psychology, psychiatry, and related fields such as psychosomatic medicine and brain research. Studies of multiple personality are expected to shed new light on such questions as:

• What are the mechanisms of conscious awareness, and how can multiple streams of conscious activity occur in the mind at the same time?
• How do processes occurring outside of phenomenal awareness influence experience or behavior?
• How do mental and emotional factors influence pain perception, immune function, and other psychosomatic processes?
• What are the mechanisms of volition or "executive control" in human consciousness? What are the mechanisms of "downward causation" in patterns of brain activity?
• To what extent are personality traits or abilities such as intelligence, sensitivity or creativity determined by genetic and environmental influences, and to what extent are they consciously or unconsciously "chosen"?

Cases of multiple personality have always fascinated lay audiences, from fictional accounts such as The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to contemporary true stories such as Sybil or The Minds of Billy Milligan. They have also intrigues professional observers from the 17th century to the present. Until recently, however, psychiatrists considered MPD to be extremely rare, and understood little of its scope or dynamics. Now, known cases and new knowledge about MPD are growing at a rapid rate.

Based on clinical research encompassing hundreds of multiples, as well as on preliminary findings from controlled research, a broad picture of multiplicity is beginning to emerge.

Presence of Alter Personalities

When a multiple switches it is typically rapid, usually occurring in 1-2 seconds although in some cases slightly more time is required. Switching may be a voluntary or involuntary event, initiated either through conscious willing, in response to an unconscious emotion or a situation which triggers "automatic" switching, or as a result of biochemical changes in the body.

Drs. Corbett Thigpen and Hervey Cleckley reported one of the first contemporary cases of multiple personality in 1954, in The Three Faces of Eve. They described their initial meeting with one of Eve's alters in a way that conveyed the eerie, trance-like quality that switching sometimes has:

The brooding look in her eyes became almost a stare. Eve seemed momentarily dazed. Suddenly her posture began to change. Her body slowly stiffened until she sat rigidly erect. An alien, inexplicable expression came over her face. This was suddenly erased into utter blankness. The lines of her countenance seemed to shift in a barely visible, slow rippling transformation. For a moment there was the impression of something arcane. Closing her eyes, she winced as she put her hands to her temples, pressed hard, and twisted them as if to combat sudden pain. A slight shudder passed over her entire body.

Then the hands lightly dropped. She relaxed easily into an attitude of comfort the physician had never seen before in this patient... In a bright unfamiliar voice that sparkled, the woman said, "Hi, there, Doc!"

Actually to meet the alter personalities of a multiple for the first time is both fascinating and disturbing. If the disparity between one personality and the next is great - as when an adult is replaced by a child, or a female by a male personality - one's first question may well be, "Is this real?" or "Is she (he) acting?"

This question has been posed throughout the history of psychiatry, and in specific cases one cannot definitively answer "Yes" or "No" immediately. Diagnostic issues aside, however (they are discussed elsewhere in this bulletin), it is interesting to note that what gradually impresses one meeting a true multiple is less the obvious differences between personalities and more the nonverbal, intangible dimensions of personality that are rich, subtle and difficult to fake. These qualities of being tend to be subconscious and are usually perceived subconsciously; it is the discrepancy between them from one personality to another in a multiple that eventually shakes one's sense of what is real and what is not.

Still, the differences among alters can be impressive. In the notorious case of Billy Milligan - described by Daniel Keyes in The Minds of Billy Milligan - Milligan's 24 alter personalities included:

• Arthur, a 22-year old Englishman who is rational, emotionless and staunchly conservative. Arthur is expert in physics, chemistry, and medicine, and speaks with a British accent. He also reads and writes fluent Arabic. The first to discover the existence of all the others, he dominates in safe places and decides who will come out and hold the consciousness. Wears glasses.
• Ragen Vadascovinich, 23, the "keeper of hate." His name is derived from "rage-again." Yugoslavian, he speaks English with a noticeable Slavic accent, and reads, writes and speaks Serbo-Croatian. A weapons and munitions authority as well as a karate expert, he displays extraordinary strength, stemming from his ability to control his adrenaline flow. His charge is to be protector of the family, and of women and children in general. he dominates the consciousness in dangerous places. Ragen weighs 210 pounds, has enormous arms, black hair, and a long, drooping mustache. He sketches in black and white because he is color-blind.
• Adalana, 19, the lesbian. Shy, lonely and introverted, she writes poetry, cooks and keeps house for the others. Adalana has long, stringy black hair, and since her brown eyes occasionally drift from side to side with nystagmus, she is said to have "dancing eyes."
• Christene, 3, the corner child, so called because she was the one to stand in corner in school. A bright little English girls, she can read and print, but has dyslexia. Likes to draw and color pictures of flowers and butterflies. Blond shoulder-length hair, blue eyes.
• The Teacher, 26. The sum of all twenty-three alter egos fused into one. Taught the others everything they've learned. Brilliant, sensitive, with a fine sense of humor. He says, "I am Billy all in one piece," and refers to the others as "the androids I made." The teacher has almost total recall.

Milligan's alter personalities referred to being in control of the body as being "on the spot." One explained:

"It's a big white spotlight. Everybody stands around it, watching or sleeping in their beds. And whoever steps on the spot is out in the world... 'Whoever is on the spot holds the consciousness.'"

A multiple named Cassandra who was interviewed at the First International Conference on Multiple Personality/Dissociative States revealed a similar range of personalities. Several of her alters (she claims to have more the 180 personalities or fragments in all) spoke openly about their experiences and abilities.

• Larry is an adult male who sits on what Cassandra calls her Inner Council, whose purpose is to provide guidance and moral direction for the "family." As are several other members of the Council, Larry is an American Indian. Thoughtful and direct, he has a strong masculine face and manner and will not enter the body if Cassandra is wearing characteristic feminine attire. Larry is responsible for protecting the body from physical harm, a function he fulfills even when he is not in control of the body by virtue of being co-conscious.
• Celese is a 14-year old member of Cassandra's family who has detailed knowledge of human anatomy and physiology, obtained through her study of medical textbooks. Formerly a selfmutilating personality, Celese now serves as the body's healer. She claims to have healed third-degree burns, internal organ damage, and even brain damage using visualization, which she practices with exceptional refinement personality, which means that she does not experience pain, and with men she is a delightful adolescent flirt.

• Chris is a 10-year old boy with all the normal interests and ambitions of boys that age. he enthusiastically tells stories of playing ball and of going fishing, and looks forward to being able to drive when he grows up. Presently forbidden to do that, since he cannot see over the dashboard when sitting in the driver's seat, he nonetheless admits to once taking the car anyway. Purportedly he drove it by stationing four other alter personalities on its two front and two rear corners to direct him!
• Stacy is a shy little girl who plays incessantly with her hair, often hiding her face beneath it. She speaks in a high-pitched voice with a strangely archaic syntax and vocabulary, and controls the body only briefly. Stacy's name is derived from her function, which was to "stay" and "see" what happened when Cassandra was abused.

With more than 180 alter selves, by her reckoning, Cassandra is what psychiatrists call a "super-multiple." She would have astounded investigators of multiple personality prior to the present era, since most prior reports of MPD involved cases of dual personality. Much more rarely, multiples with three, four or possibly five alternate personalities were reported.

Cassandra is unusual even today, but her case is not unique. Dr. Richard Kluft of the University of Pennsylvania Medical School has found that the average number of alternate personalities in a multiple is 8 - 13, though dual personalities are still "not too uncommon" in men and there are other "super-multiples" with more than 100 alternates.

Dr. Frank Putnam of the National Institute of Mental Health reported similar findings at the 137th Annual Meeting of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in Los Angeles. Putnam found an average number of 13 personalities (or personality fragments) in 100 multiples that he surveyed, and noted in addition that the greater the number of alternate personalities, the greater a multiple's self-destructiveness.

Putnam's survey also revealed that 75% of all multiples had child personalities under 12 years of age, 50% had alter personalities of the opposite sex, and over a third exhibited changes of handedness from one alter personality to another.

Inner Faces of MPD

Other common types of alter personalities found in multiples include Inner Self Helpers (ISHs) and persecutors. First identified by Dr. Ralpf Allison of Morror Bay, California, ISHs are exceptionally knowledgeable and helpful personalities who guide the multiple and sometimes aid the clinician in therapy. In his experience, said Allison in Minds in Many Pieces, ISHs often exist in a spiritual hierarchy with those highest in the hierarchy (those closest to God) being most reluctant to enter the body or communicate with the therapist.

Persecutors aim to dominate the multiple's inner family or even to destroy other alters. A product of the anger and hostility evoked by abuse, persecutors are nearly ubiquitous in multiples and are often responsible for sociopathic behavior which gets the multiple in trouble. They also embody strong masochistic tendencies, which psychiatrists say are common in multiples. Until they accept a cooperative role in the intrapsychic system (and like every other alter they personify important aspects of the whole personality), they are a source of misery and terror.

The fear that persecutors can elicit was described by Dr. Robert de Vito of Loyola University, who said in a paper prepared for the conference in Chicago:

If one could imagine the original personality "on stage" with one or more alters "in the wings" watching and/or talking to or about the original, one could begin to approximate the daily torment experienced by the original or host. When the original, host or presenting personality becomes aware that an alter or group of alters want to torture, humiliate, or even "murder" him/her, each waking moment is filled with dread. As a former patient of mine put it, "It is as if I took out a contract on myself."

The extent and strength of the dissociative barriers defining each personality vary tremendously. There may be personalities with continuos memory (given the name memory-trace personalities by Dr. Cornelia Wilbur of the University of Kentucky), personalities with continuous awareness, and yet others who are amnesiac for all or some of those with whom they are sharing a body. In short, Dr. Eugene Bliss of the University of Utah has observed, clinicians may find all gradations of awareness and control among the personalities in a multiple.

Alternate personalities who are aware of the thoughts, feelings or actions of other alters are said to be co-conscious (a term coined by one of the first U. S. investigators of multiple personality, Dr. Morton Prince). Frequently, a primary personality will be amnesiac for other alters, while one or more secondary personalities is co-conscious.

Co-presence is the ability of an alter to influence the experience or behavior of another personality. Psychiatrists such as Dr. Richard Kluft of the University of Pennsylvania (who coined the term) and de Vito think that co-presence may be a factor in producing many of the diverse symptoms that multiples exhibit. These encompass the full range of classical dissociative and conversion symptoms- blindness, paralysis, etc. - as well as unusual symptoms such as dissociative void, in which the body appears temporarily vacant of any personality. The latter, de Vito said, may reflect an internal struggle for executive control among alters.

Another unusual symptom sometimes observed in MPD is dissociative panic. This occurs when no alter can maintain control of the body for more than a few minutes, so that a rapid cycling or switching of personalities results. An episode of dissociative panic was described in The Minds of Billy Milligan following the administration of the anti-psychotic drug Thorazine to Billy:

They threw him into a small bare room...and locked the door. When Ragen heard the door slam, he got up to break it down, but Arthur froze him. Samuel took the spot, dropping to his knees, wailing, "Oy vey! God, why have you forsaken me?" Philip cursed and threw himself to the floor; David felt the pain. Lying on the mattress, Christene wept; Adalana felt her face wet in the pool of tears. Chistoper sat up and played with his shoes. Tommy started to check the door to see if he could unlock it, but Arthur yanked him off the spot. Allen started calling for his lawyer. April, filled with desire for revenge, saw the place burning. Devin cursed. Steve mocked him. Lee laughed. Bobby fantasized that he could fly out the window. Jason threw a tantrum. Mark, Walter, Martin and Timothy raved wildly in the locked room. Shawn made a buzzing sound. Arthur no longer controlled the undesirables.

An alter who is amnestic for other personalities experiences those periods when alters are in control of the body as "lost time," or blackouts. Such experiences are one of the most frequent symptoms of multiplicity, and they create tremendous bewilderment and confusion. Multiples may "wake up" in unfamiliar situations with no idea where they are, how they got there, or who the people around them are-even though those people may be well known to one of the alter personalities!

One of the consequences of such amnestic episodes is that multiples are frequently accused of lying, since an alter may deny remembering or being responsible for events or actions that occured while another alter controlled the body. Some alters develop exceptional memories to compensate.

In Sybil, the story of Sybil Dorsett's pioneering treatment by Wilbur, Flora Rheta Schreiber described the pragmatic and emotional consequences of lost time. As a result of her amnestic experiences, Sybil remembered, she "found herself floating in and out of blackness":

Disguising the fact, she became ingenious in improvisation, peerless in pretense, as she feigned knowledge of what she did not know. Unfortunately, from herself she couldn't conceal the sensation that somehow she had lost something. Nor could she hide the feeling that increasingly she felt as if she belonged to no one and to no place. Somehow it seemed that the older she got, the worse things became. She began derogating comments: "I'm thin for a good reason: I'm not fit to occupy space."

What happens to alters when they are not in the body is different for different multiples. Cassandra reports that her personalities frequently have out-of-body experiences in which they travel to a non-physical domain which she calls the Third World. In other multiples, alter personalities report residing inside certain regions of the head or body. Some alters "sleep," while others are aware of their inner companions and can watch the activities of whomever is "in the body."

Some multiples have elaborate inner worlds in which they play and communicate with other alters. Some personalities may even live almost entirely within, and rarely or never enter the body. The experience of these and other mysterious alters with no known origin or function often have a surreal or numinous quality quite difficult to convey using ordinary language. A glimpse is provided by one of Milligan's alters who had no name:

"When I'm not asleep and not on the spot," he said, "it's like I'm lying face down on a sheet of glass that stretches out forever, and I can look down through it. Beyond that, in the farthest ground, it seems like stars of outer space, but then there's a circle, a beam of light. It's almost as if it's coming out of my eyes because it's always in front of me. Around it, some of my people are lying in coffins. The lids aren't on them because they're not dead yet. They're asleep, waiting for something. There are some empty coffins because not everyone has come there. David and the other young ones want a chance at life. The older ones have given up hope....David named this place, " he said, "because he made it. David calls it the Dying Place."

Exceptional Abilities

Some multiples learn to use their multiplicity in conscious and constructive ways. Cooperation among alters which exist harmoniously may take many forms.

Alternation of personalities extends time during which a multiple is able to function at peak capacity. A personality who is tired or has used alcohol or drugs for instance, can yield the body to another personality who will be alert, sober and able to continue functioning. A personality who is in pain can yield the body to a more anesthetic personality who does not feel the pain, or to another personality who will remain in the body until he or she can no longer endure the pain and must switch.

Co-consciousness also facilitates cooperation among alter personalities. Using co-consciousness, Milligan's alter selves Arthur and Ragen would observe what was going on in the environment and decide who should be "on the spot." Cassandra's alter personality Celese, too, apparently uses co-conscious processing to continue with the task of visualization and healing even when she is not in the body.

"Parallel processing is not only possible with me, allowing a higher level of productivity than normal," Cassandra has written, "it is also inevitable."

When the pressures of graduate school are beyond the limits of any one person, I call on the others to help me. When I am writing a paper on dichotic hearing, on e of the others is composing the proposal for "my" master's thesis. Someone else has prepared dinner for me and will later clean up the kitchen while I sleep...I can no more prevent the others from working than I can prevent the change of the seasons. Even as I write this, one of the others is probably thinking about something as obtuse as critical flicker frequency. We share the body so the time I am at the typewriter of necessity limits the others use of the physical aspects of the body. It does not prevent anyone of them from using the brain to plan, design, or compose....I think that this is mind wandering deluxe!

Multiples also exhibit other unusual abilities, according to clinicians who have worked with them. These include "perfect" memory (sometimes having a near-photographic quality as well as strong auditory, olfactory and somatic components) and the ability to heal more rapidly than normal. Paranormal experiences are also reported to be common. Are these somehow related to a "passion to survive"?

Multiples also tend to be highly intelligent, perceptive and sensitive. "I've never met a multiple with an IQ of less than 110," said Wilbur at the First International Conference on Multiple Personality, while Dr. David Caul noted that they are exquisitely sensitive to cues and signals. "They can smell a liar at a thousand paces in one-ten thousandth of a second," he said. Are these traits, like their high hypnotizability, somehow related to the capacity for dissociation?

Such purported abilities pose questions and present opportunities for research.

next:   Child Abuse And Multiple Personality Disorder