How Much Change Is Possible?

Self-Therapy For People Who ENJOY Learning About Themselves

Changing Your Personality

People who have never experienced therapy often ask: "Do people really change?" People who have experienced good therapy know the answer is a resounding "Yes!" [If you wonder about this yourself, please read: "About Change."]

But there's a related question that even some therapists wonder about: "Can people change their basic personality?"

This answer is also a resounding "Yes." Most people don't change their whole personality in therapy, but some do.

This topic is about how they do it.

AN IMPORTANT CLUE

Most self-aware people remember times when they said something and believed it completely,
and then, maybe even later the same day, they said the exact opposite and believed that completely too!

When they noticed this they might have wondered if they were going crazy, but this apparent "craziness" gives us an important clue about how our personality works and how it can change.

Our personality consists of five different parts. These parts often disagree with each other - and most of the time we aren't even aware of it.

When we "change our mind" about something, we are changing a minor belief in one personality part.

When we change our whole personality we are changing major beliefs in at least four of the five parts of our personality.


 


FIVE PARTS OF OUR PERSONALITY

We have five separate and distinctly different personality "parts."

Some day I'll probably tell you more about each of these parts and how they work, but for now I'll just use them as an example and show you how they can change.

I'm going to use a stereotypical male alcoholic as my example. [If you are a male alcoholic, please forgive these generalities. I know every person is different.]

What He Believes BEFORE He Changes:

THIS PERSONALITY PART...
CARES ABOUT...
AND THE ALCOHOLIC BELIEVES...
Nurturing Parent
Taking care of himself
"I shouldn't drink. It's so bad for me."
Structuring Parent
Protecting himself
"I won't go past the bar on the way home."
Adult
Getting the facts
"Drinking feels good but it hurts me more."
Compliant Child
Getting approval
"Please forgive me for drinking so much."
Rebellious Child
Fighting authority
"I'll drink when I want. Nobody can stop me."

When the alcoholic is in his Nurturing Parent he strongly believes he shouldn't drink. When he is in his Rebellious Child he just as strongly believes he should drink. When he's in ANY part he is equally sure of himself! He only knows he's confused when he notices the inconsistency between these different parts.

If he's going to overcome his addiction the alcoholic will need to become aware of his different parts and decide how to change deep beliefs about his worth and about the best ways to get along in the world. His therapist and his alcohol treatment sponsor will help him to notice the parts and the inconsistencies.

He can even change his whole personality if he needs to. If he does, he will be making major changes in what each part of his personality says to him over and over and every day of his life.


What He Believes AFTER He Changes:

THIS PERSONALITY PART...
CARES ABOUT...
AND THE ALCOHOLIC BELIEVES...
Nurturing Parent
Taking care of himself
"I care about myself regardless of drinking."
Structuring Parent
Protecting himself
"I'll even give up my buddies if I have to."
Adult
Getting the facts
"Drinking feels good but it hurts me more."
Compliant Child
Getting approval
"I'm OK now, and I even did my best then."
Rebellious Child
Fighting authority
"I'll rebel against the alcohol."

The Adult part doesn't need to change unless the facts change, but every other part of this man's personality is VERY different than it was. His whole personality has changed.


 


EVERYONE CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING

Please forget about the alcoholic now. He was just an easy example I could use.

We all have these same personality parts and we could change our whole personality if we needed to.
If we did, our path would be the same:
  1. We'd need to admit that we are hurting ourselves and those we love the way we are.
  2. We'd need to admit that we don't know how to stop it without making huge changes.
  3. We'd need to learn a lot about how we work while working with a good therapist.
  4. We'd need to get enough support from friends, relatives, and support groups.

ANYONE CAN CHANGE ANYTHING

Only a tiny number of us will ever even try to change everything. But we all need to know we can change anything.

Many changes happen without us even being aware of them. Other changes happen naturally
as we connect with others and share our love. Some changes happen with professional help -
whether it's with a therapist, a dietitian, an MD, or a tennis instructor!

Expect, allow, and learn to take charge of all your changes.

Enjoy Your Changes!

Everything here is designed to help you do just that!

next: Problems With Anger

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). How Much Change Is Possible?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/inter-dependence/how-much-change-is-possible

Last Updated: March 29, 2016

Uses Of Hypnosis with Dissociative Identity Disorder

In 1837, a report which may well be the first record of a successful treatment of multiple personality disorder (MPD) described a cure by hypnotherapy. Over the course of time the use of hypnosis in the therapy of MPD has waxed and waned.

In recent years most clinicians who have taken a serious interest in the investigation and treatment of MPD have found that can make valuable contributions toward efforts to help these patients achieve symptomatic relief, integration, and character change. Allison, Braun, Brende, Caul, and Kluft are among those who have written about such interventions, and described their effects. Braun has offered a tentative and preliminary description of the neurophysiological changes which accompany this process: Kluft has described the stability of treatment results.

Despite this, the use of hypnosis with these patients has been, and remains, controversial. Over the years, many prominent individuals have stated or implied that hypnosis can create multiple personality. Several other figures echo these cautions, and some investigators have used hypnosis to produce phenomena which have been described as multiple personality.

In response to those opposing the use of hypnosis, Allison states; "I consider hypnosis a method by which one can open the Pandora's box in which the personalities already reside. I do not believe that such hypnotic procedures create the personalities anymore than the radiologist creates lung cancer when he takes the first x-rays of the chest." He goes on to urge the use of hypnosis in both the diagnosis and treatment of multiple personality. Braun supports this view in his article. "Hypnosis for Multiple Personality" and offers arguments to refute the concept that hypnosis creates multiple personality. Working independently, Kluft, in an award-winning article, strongly challenges the ideas that hypnosis creates multiple personality and is contraindicated in its treatment. Elsewhere, he reports statistics on a large series of cases (many of whom had treatment including hypnoses), and advances testable criteria for fusion (integration).

In recent years, most clinicians who have taken a serious interest in the investigation and treatment of DID have found they can help these patients achieve symptomatic relief, integration, and character change.Kluft and Braun found that reports of the experimental creation of multiple personalities with hypnosis were rather overstated. Experimenters have created phenomena seen in association with and analogous to multiple personality, but did not create a case of clinical multiple personality. Harriman produced automatic writing and some role playing, but not full personalities. Kampman and Hirvenoja asked highly hypnotizable subjects to "...go back to an age preceding your birth, you are someone else, somewhere else." The resulting behaviors were taken to be alternate personalities. However, to be a personality, an ego state must have a range of emotion, consistent behavior, and a separate life history. Kluft and Braun show that none of the authors criticizing the use of hypnosis with multiple personality produced phenomena which met these criteria. It is widely known that ego state phenomena short of MPD can be evoked with or without hypnoses. A form of therapy has been developed to capitalize on this. Allison, Caul, Braun, and Kluft all concluded use of hypnosis in the diagnosis and treatment of multiple personality. All emphasize the need to proceed with care. Their work describes the use of hypnosis for symptom relief, ego building, anxiety reduction, and the building of rapport. It can be used as well for diagnosis (by facilitating the switching process). In the treatment it can aid in history-gathering. Creating co-consciousness, and achieving integration. After integration it has a role in dealing with stress and enhancing copying skills.

General Issues Concerning Hypnosis

Allison, Caul, Braun, Bliss, and Kluft have reported that multiple personalities are good hypnotic subjects. One can take advantage of this to expedite both diagnosis and treatment. Access to the several personalities can be facilitated. After inducing trance, one can teach the patient to respond to cue words (called "key words" by Caul) so that future inductions can be achieved more rapidly.

In determining whether or not to use hypnosis, it is recommended that it not be undertaken unless the clinician has specific therapeutic objectives in mind and can anticipate the possible outcomes of the intervention. If the results are as expected, one is likely to be on the right track. If not, one must clarify one's understanding before proceeding. Poorly planned hypnosis can cloud issues.

When hypnosis is employed, the therapist must formally "remove" the trance before the session ends, and reserve enough time to process the sessions and help reorient the patient to the current time and place. In emerging from trance, a sense of disorientation is common. This is accentuated in MPD, because the trance experience is akin to their switching process. Patients may complain of a "hangover" effect if a trance has not been removed properly.




Uses Of Hypnosis For Diagnosis Of Multiple Personality

Our discussion begins with a renewed word of caution. As noted above, one cannot "create" multiple personality, but the injudicious use of hypnosis (via pressure, shaping responses, and insensitivity to demand characteristics) may create a fragment or elicit an ego state which can be misinterpreted as a personality.

I withhold the use of hypnosis until I have exhausted other means. One consideration is to avoid difficulties and criticism (inducing artifacts). A more substantial reason is that since these patients have often been abused, I do not want to do something abruptly or early on that might be perceived as another assault. Spending extra time in observation and building rapport is generally worthwhile.

Once the decision is made to use hypnosis, I proceed by doing an induction, and at times, teach self-hypnoses. Merely inducing hypnosis and observing often suffices to yield the material needed to make the diagnosis. The serendipitous discovery of MPD during hypnosis for other problems has been reported by this author and others. A major part of the session is conducted with the patient in a hypnotic trance. If the necessary information is not forthcoming, use is made of material that the patient has disclosed, including inconsistencies, to probe further. "Talking through" has also proven useful. In this technique, one talks through the current host personality using statements aimed at underlying personalities, who are presumed to be facial expressions, posture changes, movements, and response patterns to observe subtle shifts. One notes the topics under discussion when these occur. When the host appears confused by the words spoken by the therapist and there are data to indicate the existence of another ego-state, one might say, "I'm not talking to you," or ask if there is anyone else inside. Finally, an attempt can be made to call out another personality by inquiry about a troublesome event: for example, "Will whoever picked up the man and let Mary find herself in bed with him, please be here and talk with me?"

Hypnosis can be used to confirm a suspected diagnosis. One may move faster when doing a consultation than when working with an ongoing case. When working with limited time, a consultant may miss the diagnosis due to insufficient rapport and trust. On the other hand, he may get some information more easily because it was withheld from the primary therapist for fear its revelation would prompt rejection. There also may be an empathic connection between an experienced consultant and an alter personality which allows it to come out when it was previously reluctant or unable to.

When other personalities have been out, the host may notice that he or she cannot recall what happened during parts of the session. When confronted with the existence of "others," the denial shown by some personalities can be astonishing. A confrontation using tapes (especially videotapes) of previous sessions can be invaluable, but denial can override this evidence also.

Timing is critical. If the patient is confronted with the diagnosis too early, before a good therapeutic alliance has been established, he or she may avoid future therapy. Multiple personality patients test the doctor and the therapeutic relationship almost continuously and rather excessively. If a therapist waits too long, the patient may believe that the therapist waits too long, the patient may believe that the therapist is unable to help him or her because early "obvious" cues had been missed.

With the therapist's and the patient's mutual acceptance of the diagnosis, specific treatment for MPD can begin. Prior to this point, many non-specific benefits of therapy may be realized, but the core pathology remains largely untouched.




The Use Of Hypnosis For Psychotherapy With Multiple Personality

Overall, the first step consists of establishing rapport and some modicum of trust. Then hypnosis can aid in furthering the therapeutic relationship. No matter how much these patients are reassured that they cannot be "controlled" via hypnosis, their fear of loss of control will persist until they have experienced formal trance. Thereafter heterohypnosis may facilitate rapport via its association with autohypnosis, which has rescued them many times before from overwhelming circumstances.

Hypnosis can be used to call out personalities so that they can be treated or express their feelings about the issues at hand. When a personality is called out, it may or may not be in trance. Sometimes a second level of hypnosis (multi-level hypnosis) must be used to help this personality recall a memory which has been repressed. An hypnotic age regression technique can be useful at this time. If this is done, one must remember to reorient the personality to the current place and time and to end both levels of trance.

Various personalities will need to be contracted in order to obtain contracts such as to work in therapy, not create new personalities, not be violent, or not to commit suicide/homicide. The specific suicide/homicide contract I use is a modification of one proposed by Drye et al. The wording is, "I will not hurt myself or kill myself, nor anyone else, external or internal, accidentally or on purpose, at any time."

I first ask the patient to just say the words, not to agree to anything. I observe and ask how the patient feels about it. The first modification is usually around self-protection, "Can I fight back if I'm attacked?" This will be agreed to if it is specified that the protection is from a physical attack from an outside source. The second is the duration of the contract. This can be modified for a set period of time down to 24 hours or until the therapist physically sees the patient again, which-ever occurs last. If I do not get a clear contract which I feel is secure, I will commit the patient to the hospital. This contract cannot be allowed to expire without renegotiation. If this happens, it will be seen as a lack of concern and/or permission or instruction to "act out."

Histories may be gathered by collating information from several personalities about certain time zones or incidents. Their stories will often fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. With sufficient yet incomplete information, the missing pieces can be deduced and then found.

The personalities individually are capable of repression, but often they do not repress information the way non-MPD patients do. Instead, information might be shifted to another personality. The affective and the informational aspects of the memory may be held separately. Another way of dealing with the stimulus overload is to store sequential segments of an event in different personalities so one personality or the system of personalities is not overwhelmed.

Information can be retrieved by tracing the affect, using an affect bridge technique. In doing this, one builds a given affect until it is all-consuming, then suggests that it stretch out through "time and space" until it attaches to another event which had a similar affect. The patient can then "cross the bridge" and describe what is seen.

This author has modified the technique by allowing the affect to change. One thereby learns about the connection of affects, ideas, and memories. For example, one may start out with anger and trace it back in time to an event where fear was involved as well. At this point, fear could be traced in a similar fashion and might yield information about an incident of child abuse. Such discoveries help to unify the affect and the historical information.

If the information about an event was so overwhelming as to force sequential memory encoding across personalities, then the best way to retrieve it is to start with the facts of the event and discover who knows about it (not necessarily gathering the details). Next, locate the personality who has the last piece in the sequence. Obtain what information it has and from whom it took over. Follow this chain backwards using hypnosis to call forth the personalities and to calm them, allowing them to relate the needed information. While this discovery process is going on, each personality can be desensitized by multiple abreaction techniques, learn coping skills via rehearsal in fantasy, and gain mastery through hypnotic manipulation of the contingencies.

Age regression and age progression techniques are useful for gathering information about specific life events. A patient known to have two lines of personalities can be given a set of ideomotor signals: movement of index finger would be understood to mean yes, thumb--no, and little finger--stop. Stop is used to give the patient some control and avoid a forced choice situation.




This author uses the term "cue words" (or phrases) to describe the word(s) established as hypnotic induction cues or signals. Caul first described their usefulness in MPD especially for the protection and the therapist. Cues cannot be relied upon exclusively for this. However, they do reduce the time spent on induction, especially if one is going to do multi-level work (for example, using hypnosis of one personality to contact a second which will be treated hypnotically).

Cue words are valuable in negotiating matters such as who will be in control of the body and when. In this way certain goals can be accomplished and internal disputes can be settled before an incapacitating escalation of conflicts takes place. For example, a personality dedicated to hedonism and another trying to complete graduate school might be helped to an accommodation.

After needed information is gathered, the psychodynamic issues of each personality must be worked through so that integration will yield a functional whole, not one paralyzed by conflict. This phase of therapy is done with or without hypnosis, as circumstances suggest. For an excellent discussion of the fate of integrations based on insufficient working through, see the outcome data reported by Kluft, who also discusses other pitfalls.

The next step toward integration, or fusion, is the establishment of co-consciousness: the ability to communicate with, and be aware of what other personalities are thinking and doing. This can be established initially using the therapist as the "switchboard." with each personality telling the therapist and the therapist telling whomever. Later it may be done via an Internal Self Helper (ISH), internal group therapy with the ISH or therapist as group leader, or without any intermediary. At this point, integration may occur spontaneously, but often needs a push and the aid of a ritual, usually hypnotic.

Integration ceremonies have been described by Allison, Braun, and Kluft. They use various fantasy techniques such as going into a library, reading about, and absorbing others: various forms of flowing together as streams into a river or the mixing of red and white paint to get pink, etc. Some fragments may use the image of being dissolved like an antibiotic capsule whose energies/medicines get absorbed and circulated throughout the system/body.

Successful and lasting integrations have psycho-physiological components. Some patients report that stimuli are greater, things and colors seem sharper, color blindness is lost, allergies are lost or found, eyeglass prescriptions need changes, insulin requirements change drastically, etc. At first reading, there also appear to be neurophysical changes that go along with the psychophysiological ones.

The final integration which meets Kluft's criteria still represents only about the 70% mark of therapy. If the patient has not learned self-hypnosis before teaching it is valuable at this time. It can be used to learn new coping skills such as relaxation, assertiveness training, rehearsal in fantasy, etc. For protection from overstimulation, an adaptation of Allison's "egg shell" technique is very useful. One imagines a healing white light or energy entering the body (via the top of the head, unbilicus, etc.), filling it up, coming out through the pores and laying on the skin as a semipermeable membrane. This membrane is as moveable as the skin, but protects the patient from the "slings and arrows" of life like an armor.

It serves to damp down stimuli so they can be observed and registered without inundating the patient and causing blocking, denial, and additional dissociation. The patient needs to be assured and reminded that stimuli will be moderated so that they may be responded to appropriately, but nothing important will be missed.

Deep hypnotic trance can be used (like meditation) as a coping skill and healing process. This is equally true both before and after final integration. I first learned of this from M. Bowers, in October 1978. The patient is placed into, or goes into, a deep trance and continues to deepen it over an extended period of time. Usually, it is suggested that the mind will be blank until a prearranged signal is heard. This may be an alarm clock, a danger stimulus, or a cue from the therapist.Occasionally it is useful to suggest that the patient will work unconsciously on "X," or have a dream about "X."

SUMMARY

Patients with multiple personality disorder are, as a group, highly hypnotizable. No significant evidence has been published which causally links judicious heterohypnosis to either the creation of multiple personality disorder or the creation of new personalities, though the demand characteristics of the situation in which hypnosis is used may aid in the creation of a fragment. Hypnosis is a useful tool when used with multiple personality disorder, for diagnosis and both for pre- and post-integration therapy. The major limitations to its use are the skill and experience of the hypnotherapist.



next:   Projective Techniques in the Counseling Process

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). Uses Of Hypnosis with Dissociative Identity Disorder, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/wermany/uses-of-hypnosis-with-dissociative-identity-disorder

Last Updated: September 25, 2015

Depression and the Subtext of Family Life

In a previous essay (The Four Questions), I suggested that the four questions - "Who am I? Do I have any value? Why doesn't anybody see or hear me? Why should I live?"---were answered by young children on the basis of the subtext of the parent - child relationship. Children are adept at reading between the lines. Consider this situation: a mother comes home from work, says "I love you," to her young children, tells them to watch television, then goes into her bedroom for an hour and shuts her door. She then comes out makes dinner for the kids, doesn't sit with them, but asks how school was ("fine" they say) - and an hour later makes dinner for herself and her husband. After the couple's dinner, she helps the children into their pajamas, sits on each of their beds for thirty seconds, kisses them, says how much she loves them, and then closes the door. If you asked the mother, she might say she felt good about the interaction with her children - after all, she said she loved them twice, cooked dinner for them, and sat on each of their beds. This is what good parents do, she thinks.

And yet, the subtext is quite different. The message the children receive is: "You are not worth spending time with. There is nothing of value inside of you." Children want to share their experience of the world, and to know that this experience matters, but in this case they are stymied. They do not consciously think about or ask the four questions - but they secretly absorb the answers, and the answers shape their sense of who they are and deeply influences how they interact with others. Damage can be done no matter how many times they hear the words: "I love you," or see other token displays of affection. Of course this kind of parent-child interaction may be a one-time affair: perhaps the mother was sick, or had a terrible day at work - these things happen. But often, this level of interaction is habitual and consistent - and may start the day the child is born. The message: "You don't matter" is deeply embedded in the child's psyche, and may even predate the child's capacity for speech. For children, subtext, which they perceive as genuine, is always far more important than text. In fact, if the subtext is affirming, words hardly matter. (My 15 year old daughter Micaela and I have always shared a "I hate you" before going to bed because we know the words are the furthest thing from the truth--irony and word play is part of our very special relationship--see the essay "What is a Wookah?")


 


What do young children do with these hidden messages about their worthlessness? They have no way of expressing their feelings directly, and no one who can validate their existence. As a result, they have to defend themselves in any way possible: escape, act out, bully other children, or try to become the perfect child (the chosen method is probably a matter of temperament). Rather than feeling the freedom of being their own unique self, their life becomes a quest to become someone, and to find a place in the world. When they don't succeed, they experience shame, guilt, and worthlessness. Relationships serve the purpose of finding a place and validation rather than experiencing the pleasure of another person's company.

Inadequate answers to the four questions are not resolved when a child reaches adulthood. The goal remains the same: prove anyway possible that "I am someone of substance and value." If a person finds success in career and relationships, the questions can temporarily be put aside. But failures bring them out, once again, in full force. I have seen many deep, long-lasting depressions resulting from inadequate answers to the four questions, triggered by the loss of a relationship or a job. For many people there is no overt childhood abuse or neglect - instead, powerful hidden messages or subtext that placed the child-turned-adult in the position of having to defend their very existence. They were simply neither seen nor heard, but had to enter their parent's lives on terms other than their own. This is a condition, described elsewhere in these essays, called "voicelessness."

Therapy for the "voiceless" involves addressing the original wound. In the therapeutic relationship, the client learns they are indeed worth spending time with. The therapist facilitates this by encouraging the client to reveal as much as they can, by valuing the client's voice, and finding what is special and unique in them. However, the popular notion of therapy as an intellectual process is an oversimplification - over time a benevolent therapist must find his or her way into the client's emotional space. Often, after some months, the client is surprised to find the therapist with him or her during the day (when therapist and client are not literally together). Some clients will hold conversations in their head with their temporarily absent therapist and receive comfort in anticipation of being heard. Only then does the client realize how alone he or she has always been, and the missing parent (and the hole in the client's life) is fully revealed. Slowly and silently, the internal wound begins to heal, and the client finds, in relationship to the therapist, a secure place in the world and a new sense of value and meaning.

About the author: Dr. Grossman is a clinical psychologist and author of the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival web site.

next: Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents: Is Love Enough?

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). Depression and the Subtext of Family Life, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/essays-on-psychology-and-life/depression-and-the-subtext-of-family-life

Last Updated: March 29, 2016

Taking Antidepressants During Pregnancy

Find out which antidepressants are safer during pregnancy and how taking antidepressants during pregnancy impacts the baby.

The standard of care when it comes to antidepressant medication treatment during pregnancy is for the doctor to weigh the risks to the mother vs. the risks to the baby. If you are depressed and pregnant, there's a concern you may not have the energy or desire to take care of yourself properly; putting not only yourself at risk, but also the health of your baby.

Research shows that while pregnancy doesn't make depression worse, hormonal changes can trigger emotions that make it more difficult to deal effectively with depression. Pregnant women with depression may not eat right, or they'll smoke cigarettes, drink or use drugs as a way or coping with the depression. This can lead to having a premature baby, developmental problems in the baby and a higher risk of postpartum depression.

Are Antidepressants Safe During Pregnancy?

For many women with depression, antidepressants help relieve depression symptoms, but there are special concerns about taking antidepressants during pregnancy. First you should know that when it comes to taking antidepressant medications during pregnancy, just like any other time, there are no guarantees that it will be risk-free. But current research does show there's a very low risk of birth defects, along with other potential problems for babies of mothers taking antidepressants during pregnancy.

Here's a list of antidepressants and their potential problems if taken during pregnancy:

SSRIs

  • Celexa, Prozac (Serafem), : are considered by doctors to be a good option. If taken during the last half of pregnancy, they are all associated with a rare but serious condition called Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn (PPHN), which effects a newborn's lungs.
  • Paxil should be avoided during pregnancy as it's been associated with fetal heart defects if taken during the first 3 months of pregnancy.

Tricyclic Antidepressants

  • Amitriptyline and Nortriptyline (Pamelor) are considered by doctors to be a good option. Early studies showed risk of limb malformation, but the risk was never confirmed in later studies.

Other Antidepressants

  • MAOIs should be avoided during pregnancy.
  • Wellbutrin is also considered a good option as research hasn't revealed any risks if taken during pregnancy.

Antidepressant Withdrawl in Newborn Baby

There is evidence that babies born to mothers who take antidepressants during pregnancy often experience symptoms of drug withdrawal shortly after birth. In a 2006 study, about one out of three newborn infants exposed to antidepressants in the womb showed signs of neonatal drug withdrawal, which included high-pitched crying, tremors, and disturbed sleep. It's important to keep in mind though that these symptoms are temporary and disappear once the antidepressants are out of the baby's system.

What may be more important is another major study that came out about the same time as the one above. It showed that pregnant women who stop taking antidepressants run a high risk of relapsing into depression. In fact, they were five times more likely to experience a depression relapse than were pregnant women who continued taking the drugs.

The Decision to Use Antidepressants During Pregnancy...

...is not an easy one. About 10% of women are affected by depression during pregnancy and doctors say that antidepressants are an effective depression treatment option. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists advised doctors in late 2006 to use SSRIs if needed during pregnancy; if the drugs are discontinued and the depression worsens.

If you are suffering from mild depression, therapy, a support group or other self-help measures may help you manage depression symptoms. But if have severe depression or a history of depression, then the risk of relapse may be greater than they risk of taking antidepressants. It's important to speak with your doctor about any concerns you may have.

Sources: The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists Committee Opinion: "Treatment with Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors During Pregnancy," December 2006. Louik, C. The New England Journal of Medicine, June 28, 2007; vol 356: pp 2675-2683. Greene, M. The New England Journal of Medicine, June 28, 2007; vol 356: pp 2732-2734. Alwan, S. The New England Journal of Medicine, June 28, 2007: vol 356: pp 2684-2692.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2008, November 29). Taking Antidepressants During Pregnancy, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/depression/articles/taking-antidepressants-during-pregnancy

Last Updated: May 13, 2020

Antidepressant Medications: Sample Directions For Taking Antidepressants

Instructions to Patients to be Read Before the Patient Leaves His Office
Joseph H. Talley, M.D.

IMPORTANT: These are sample directions (below) given out by one doctor and to be used accordingly. These do not apply to your specific situation or health. Please contact your personal healthcare provider for information on your health, any treatments or medications you may be taking.

Please read the following directions until you are certain that you understand them thoroughly, but call if there are any questions about your medications.

  1. The name of your antidepressant medication is circled below. The bold italized names are the chemical names for the brand names listed under them:
Imipramine Desipramine Amitriptyline Trazodone Protripyline Fluoxetine Sertraline
Tofranil Norpramine Elavil Desyrel Vivactil Prozac Zoloft
Tofranil-PM Pertofrane Endep        
Imavate            
Janimine Trimipramine Nortipyline Doxepin Maprotiline Amozapine Paroxetine
Pramine Surmontil Aventyl Adapin Ludiomil Asendin Paxil
Presamine   Pamelor Sinequan      
  1. Antidepressants must be taken regularly, not just when you feel like you need them. In other words, never stop taking the medications because you feel better and think you no longer need them. Stop them only when I tell you. Your treatment with antidepressants will last a minimum of four months.

  2. Take your medication all in one dose, and take them about four hours before you intend to go to bed. That will put some of your side effects such as drowsiness while you sleep. There are two exceptions: Trazodone (Desyrel) should be taken right at bedtime with a snack. Fluoxetine (Prozac) should be taken after arising.

  3. Most of the good effects of this antidepressant medication will not show themselves for about two-four weeks. Some of the medications will help you sleep right away, but all of the other beneficial effects will be delayed for two-four weeks or sometimes longer. When the medication does begin to work your headaches or other pain will go away. Your tendencies to cry and feel irritable will go away; in other words, you will feel like you are back to normal.

  4. When you do begin to feel back to normal, do not stop taking the antidepressant medication. If you do, within three or four days you will feel worse again.

  5. It is extremely important that I see you again after the first two weeks of treatment in order to evaluate whether the diagnosis and treatment is correct. Whatever you do, do not stop taking the antidepressant medication until you see me.

  6. If anything troublesome happens which you think may be due to the medication, call and let me know what is happening. Many times the problems will have nothing to do with the medication at all. However, it is true that with a few people there may be such reactions as constipation, blurring of vision, delay of urination. or a lot of perspiration. Such side effects are usually temporary and can be controlled other ways.

  7. You should be able to work, drive, and carry out your usual activities while taking the medicine. When first beginning the antidepressant, you should use some caution about driving or engaging in other hazardous activity until you see how the medicine will affect you. Usually you can do anything you wish, especially after the first two or three days. If you are too sleepy after that, or cannot sleep, it usually means that we need to change the type of antidepressant to one that gives more or less drowsiness, and I can easily do that by phone. Call if there is any problem.

  8. You should be aware that the safety of these antidepressant medications lies in the fact that you cannot hide from troublesome life situations with them. If, for example, you do not have the true medical disease of depression, but instead are only working too hard, you will receive no "energy" from these pills. If you do not have a depression, but instead are simply unhappy with a life situation that would make anyone unhappy, then the pills will give no happiness. If your headache or stomach ache are due to some other disease, the pills won't help. They only work when the disease depression is present, and in that situation they usually give dramatic and gratifying relief to all of the symptoms. Thus you can see the basic difference between these medications and such drugs as alcohol, "uppers", "nerve pills", sleeping pills and the like. These medications cannot be used as an escape from life's problems. and are not habit forming. The antidepressants cannot be used in that way, and that is their greatest safety feature.

Important: This is a sample set of directions handed out by a specific doctor to a specific patient. You are advised to follow your doctor's specific directions and ask your doctor any questions before making any changes in your medications or the way you take them.

next: Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, and Assertive Techniques
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APA Reference
Gluck, S. (2008, November 29). Antidepressant Medications: Sample Directions For Taking Antidepressants, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/depression/articles/antidepressant-medications-sample-directions-for-taking-antidepressants

Last Updated: June 18, 2016

Getting Through a Meal With Strength and Serenity

Getting through the days, the nights, the meals, the snack times without overeating or starving is a challenge for people with eating disorders. Get some help here.Getting through the days, the nights, the meals, the snack times without overeating or starving is a challenge for people with eating disorders.

Often people write or call me to say, "Yes, I keep my journal. I see my therapist. I go to 12 step meetings. I'm learning to be kind and compassionate with myself. But what can I do about the food? Please help me."

What people specifically mean by this plea varies with each individual. But they clearly express their bewilderment and anguish as they attempt to find and develop new attitudes and behaviors toward daily eating.

A long time ago the Buddhists developed a contemplative practice for eating which may be just what these callers are looking for.

Here is my edited version of the five contemplations for eating. I suggest that people with and without eating disorders print them out and read them before eating anything at any time.

Being fully present for ourselves, being fully aware of what we consume and being fully aware of our intention in the moment can help us develop the attitudes and behaviors we need for our well being.

These ancient contemplations may be very helpful in eating disorder recovery. What's more, they may open our awareness to other aspects of our lives that also need healing.

These contemplations were originally written for all of us.

Five Contemplations When Taking A Meal

  1. I consider the work required in producing this food. I am grateful for its source.
  2. I evaluate my virtues and examine any spiritual defects. The ratio between my virtues and defects determine how much I shall deserve this offering.
  3. I guard my heart cautiously from faults, particularly greed.
  4. To strengthen and cure my weakening body, I consume this food as medicine.
  5. As I continue on the spiritual path I accept this offering with appreciation and gratitude.

Note: Periodically I receive questions about contemplation two and less often about contemplation three. As always, questions and comments inspire me to think, research and write more. Here is my latest thinking on the contemplations. Please feel free to write me with your perspective.

I found these contemplations written on the dining room wall in a Chinese Buddhist temple, Hsi Lai , in Hacienda Heights, California. So some of the phrasing and word choices may relate to translation from Chinese to English challenges and different meanings given to words based on cultural values.

However, here is a way of thinking that may help you understand what the contemplations are getting at.

First, they are contemplations, not rules. They are not meant to be followed like laws. They are meant to be contemplated, at best over a lifetime and at least, over the course of a meal. Different levels of meaning will occur to us over time if we continue to contemplate the words and what thoughts and feelings come up within us over time.

Second, evaluating one's one virtues and spiritual defects is a mighty challenge. When 12-steppers get to the stage of writing their personal inventory they understand how challenging this is. Often when we begin the process of exploring our own defects we can't think of a single one! And just as often, when we try to look deeply into the truth of who we are, we can't think of a single virtue either!

But at least we are looking. We are beginning to examine ourselves.

Later, perhaps in a week or year or more, when we inventory ourselves again, we discover defects and virtues that were invisible to us before.

In this way we become open to the possibility of learning something about ourselves. That openness is what allows us to see what we couldn't see, understand what we couldn't understand, forgive what we didn't know, care about who we are and appreciate the consequences of our actions and attitudes over a lifetime. This contemplation process allows us to open our hearts and minds to the people around us and who were around us in the past and who will come into our lives in the future. We have an opportunity to become free as imperfect beings in an imperfect world where we are surrounded by imperfect others and nonetheless can recognize, give and receive love and respect.

If we think about this deeply, isn't the act of eating a behavior that embodies the giving and receiving of love and respect from one life form to another in order to maintain life force on this planet? This question, if contemplated, may lead us to issues of deep spirituality about which we have been oblivious and yet which concern us every moment of our lives.

So how do we begin to look at our defects and virtues if we don't know how and probably wouldn't recognize them if we did see them?

Because I was a visiting professional guest at the Sierra Tucson Treatment Center in Arizona, I started receiving their Alumni Newsletter, "Afterwords." In their 2002-2003 Reunion issue I came across an article by David Anderson, Ph.D. In his article, "The Eight Deadly Defects of Character," Dr. Anderson addresses the issues you and I are exploring together in this article.


Dr. Anderson made a list combining the seven or eight deadly sins with ten personality disorders and came up with what he calls the Eight Deadly Defects of Character:

  1. Dishonesty/lack of authenticity/wearing a "mask".
  2. Pride/vanity/need for things to be "my way/need to always be "in control"
  3. Pessimism/gloomy disposition/being stuck in a "victim role" (this is closely associated with anger, bitterness and resentment).
  4. Social, emotional and spiritual isolation
  5. Sloth/laziness/passivity/living the unexamined life
  6. Gluttony/unwillingness to self-discipline/need for the "quick fix"
  7. Self-debasement/excessive self-denial and self-sacrifice
  8. Greed/lust/envy/materialism

We can use his list as a starting place to think about what may apply to us (in different degrees at different times, of course). Contemplation two invites us to think about what virtues and defects are in ascendance in the moment. Any "defects" on the list above will influence how we plan to eat, what we eat, where we eat, how we relate to ourselves and others while we eat, how we feel, think and communicate before, during and after we eat.

Possible considerations:

One way of eating involves receiving with grace, humility, respect and gratitude an offering of life from life forms on the planet that nourish our body and soul.

We may eat well, thoughtfully and with care because we are preparing for a physically or emotionally stressful time and need extra resources in our body.

We may eat well with particular care and consume particular various nutrients even if we don't feel like eating them because we are nursing a child and want to give our baby the most nourishing milk our bodies can produce.

We may eat thoughtfully and with care because we want to keep ourselves well and healthy for our own pleasure and delight and for the pleasure and delight of the people who love us and count on us to be a stable and reliable presence in the world.

Another way of eating involves using food, thinking of it as a device to manipulate feelings (ours or someone else's), to act out feelings or control feelings or change feelings and completely disregard all the value and meaning of the food we are using: e.g. the life that is being offered up, the people and animals who worked to bring the food to us, earth and sky and rain and sun that helped the food come into being, etc.

Another way of eating involves mindless bingeing that could relate to many of the character defects on Dr. Anderson's list, including flight from all of them.

Yet another way of eating is non-eating, using self-sacrificial means to control others and to make up for lack of control in other areas of life. It's using food by wasting it to waste away a body. It's attempting to create a body that is desired because of almost all of the defects listed above. Plus, non-eating is a way to disregard the gifts of life supporting life including the life within one's own physicality.

When a person is bingeing mindlessly does he or she "deserve" the offering from the earth? These are the kinds of thoughts and questions we develop when we contemplate the contemplations.

Contrary to what people seem to believe when they write me about this article, contemplations are designed to remove guilt. Guilt arrives when a person with an eating disorder thinks he or she is doing something wrong and must stop, should stop, could stop but can't stop.

Instead, the philosophy expressed here involves contemplating our behavior and internal experience. The willingness to contemplate, the generosity of spirit that allows room to contemplate, can open our minds, hearts and bodies so that positive changes occur, not from self punishing acts of control, but naturally, organically and at the pace that is just right for individual healing.

Giving thoughtful and regular attention to the ancient contemplations can help us release ourselves from stray remnants of our character defects. When we can maintain a healthy and personal alert awareness of what nourishes life we can we appreciate how we are part of all life and how, by living our lives well, we in turn nourish others. Then we can get through our days, nights, meals, snack times not only with strength and serenity, but also with grace and a vibrant internal joy.

next: Guided Imagery and Eating Disorder Treatment
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~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). Getting Through a Meal With Strength and Serenity, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/articles/getting-through-a-meal-with-strength-and-serenity

Last Updated: April 18, 2016

About Joanna Poppink

hp-joanna_front.jpg I have been a psychotherapist in private practice in Los Angeles, CA since 1980. Many of my patients have struggled with eating disorders, including overeating. Some are brave adults on a particularly challenging healing path as they explore not only their own inner world but also how their way of life may have contributed to the creation of eating disorders in their children.

I'm of the traumatology school, where the eating disorder is viewed not as an illness but as a symptom. The people who find me and stay to do the deep work are often grateful and relieved that we focus on:

  • their identity;
  • perspectives which influence their decision making and their actions; developing an ability to be clear and functioning in the world while understanding the forces around them.

This focus helps equip them to care for themselves in ways that are far more effective than an eating disorder.

Joanna Poppink is a Los Angeles psychotherapist specializing in eating disorder recovery. More about Joanna Poppink plus her eating disorder recovery articles on HealthyPlace.com.Guided imagery was my first specialty. This study still teaches me about symbols and how we can use a disguised language to work through problems we will not let ourselves know concretely. Dream analysis became part of this study.

This led me to 12 step programs and psychoanalysis simultaneously as I studied the grip of addiction and the power of memory, distorted memory and lack of memory.

Gradually, I began to more fully appreciate the joy and useful personal development opportunities the creative arts and various body awareness practices contribute to emotional healing.

My experiences with patients continually shows me the value and need of speaking directly and to the point concerning specific thoughts, actions and the consequences of both. Studying the cognitive behavioral approach brings a practical and concrete aspect to the day-to-day work of healing.

Recovery from an eating disorder is a complex process. Part of the process is about becoming aware of a more broad perspective and appreciation of the physical, emotional and psychological environment in which we live. I began studying systems theory, boundary issues and the psychological effect of the group on the individual and the individual on the group. This has been helpful in understanding various family dynamics that can contribute to individual suffering and individual healing.

I began a serious and ongoing study of eating disorders, compulsive overeating and bulimia in 1983. This study continues.

I wish you every success in your healing, your research or your attempt to understand and help someone you love. I hope you find your way to your own personal Triumphant Journey.

Joanna Poppink, MFT, licensed psychotherapist, specializing in eating disorders
10573 West Pico Bl. #20, Los Angeles, CA.
(310) 474-4165
email: joanna@poppink.com
website: www.eatingdisorderrecovery.com
blog: www.eatingdisorderrecovery.com

Professional Affiliations Joanna Poppink, M.F.T.

Academy for Eating Disorders (AED)
http://www.aedweb.org/

American Anorexia and Bulimia Association (AABA)

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)
http://www.aamft.org

California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT)
http://www.camft.org

International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals (IAEDP)
http://www.iaedp.com/

International Society for the Study of Dissociation
http://www.issd.org

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
http://www.istss.org

Sidran Foundation
http://www.sidran.org

Joanna Poppink, MFT, licensed psychotherapist, specializing in eating disorders 10573 West Pico Bl. #20, Los Angeles, CA, (310) 474-4165

next: Adonis Complex:A Body Image Problem Facing Men and Boys
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~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). About Joanna Poppink, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/articles/about-joanna-poppink

Last Updated: April 18, 2016

Eating Disorders: Bigorexia

Bigorexia, in psychiatry it's known as 'muscle dysmorphia' (an obsession about being muscular) but to the layman it's Bigorexia. It is a mental disorder in which patients - typically men and typically bodybuildersà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â‚¬ view their body through a distorted lens.In psychiatric circles, it is known as 'muscle dysmorphia' (an obsession about being muscular) but to the layman it's Bigorexia. (BIG.uh.rek.see.uh) is a mental disorder in which patients - typically men and typically bodybuilders - view themselves through a distorted lens and become obsessed about what they perceive as their physical inadequacies. It's the big brother disease to anorexia nervosa, except that bigorexia is to "huge" what anorexia is to "thin." This is an under-diagnosed condition because, for men, being big is acceptable. It isn't surprising that bigorexia is a growing disorder in gyms and health clubs given the hype about six packs, impressive pecs and large lats. Their muscles may be sculptured, bulging and rippling, yet no amount of persuasion will convince them their body is big enough. Rather than their bodies being thought of as functional machines, they become the objects of hate, resentment, fear and loathing.

No longer are body dissatisfaction and breast implants the domain of women. In a study of over 1000 men, over 50% were unhappy with their bodies and 40% said they would consider chest implants in order to achieve bigger pectorals. When asked to draw their ideal body, the body ideal was so muscular it could only be achieved by taking the risks associated with using anabolic steroids. When fevered by muscle mania, men may use steroids for nine or ten years - sometimes refusing to even take a break from them. 1993 study for the Department of Health looked at 1,300 men in a range of UK gyms and found that 9% were on steroids and GP surveys revealed that one in three doctors had seen steroid takers (i.e. takers that they knew of). Steroid use has long-term risks - potentially damaging changes to the liver, heart and muscles, raised cholesterol levels, possible dependence, mood swings, acne, breasts and "'roid rage". However the common (mis)perception is that, properly taken, they are safe.

At its most extreme muscle dysmorphia can have a devastating effect on men's relationships, careers and social lives.

Do this simple test to see if you suffer from Bigorexia:

  • How often do you look at your body in the mirror? (One study found that men with this condition check themselves in the mirror an average of 9.2 times a day with the most extreme checking their reflection more than 50 times).
  • Do you think your body needs to be leaner and more muscular? And does it drive you crazy thinking you are too small?
  • Do you find yourself reading up on new training methods, diets and supplements?
  • Do you eat special high protein or low fat diets or use food supplements to improve your muscularity or to help you bulk up?
  • Do you disbelieve people who comment on how big you and find fault with your musculature?
  • Do you ever wear baggy clothes because you wish to hide the body you feel is too small? Or do you avoid situations where your body might be seen such as the beach because you think you are not muscular enough?
  • Do you still train and work out even when injured because you fear losing muscle mass?
  • Do you find it difficult to cut back on the hours spent working out and training?
  • Do you compare yourself to other men and feel envious when you see someone bigger than you and find yourself pre-occupied with this for sometime afterwards?
  • Do you ever perceive that others are snickering at your puniness?
  • Would you rather spend time and energy going to the gym than having sex and/or has your libido taken a dive?
  • Have you turned down social events, taken time off work (or passed up on a higher-paying job), had relationship problems or skipped family responsibilities because of your need to work out? *typically men who have bigorexia will say yes to three or more questions

So before any big guys or health clubs get hot under the collar. I'm not saying there is necessarily anything wrong with working out regularly, or being an exercise enthusiast or even a body-builder. But looking in the mirror at 110kg and seeing a weedy weakling and being so consumed with your pursuit of muscle gain that it interferes with your every day life is something totally different. Sadly bigorexic tendencies are exacerbated, not alleviated, by more sessions at the gym. Wanting to be bigger is like running on a road to nowhere, because obsession breeds dissatisfaction. There will always be someone bigger and better.

It is estimated that probably 10% of the men in any hard-core gym have muscle dysmorphia, ranging from mild to crippling and that this figure could be three times as high if sub-clinical statistics were added. The hidden message is that your confidence, your desirability, your sense of being in control and your sex life will improve instantly when you get bigger muscles. However, just as anorexics lose control, so to do bigorexics and paradoxically, women interviewed liked toned muscles, but were put off by huge muscles. Huge muscles reek of self-absorption. Research shows that men's perception of the ideal body is typically around 8 kg more muscular than the stated female preference.

Standards for male beauty are changing, because we are bombarded with imagery in movies and television that portray men as larger than life. Action toys give the message that being mortal just isn't enough. Having super power and super strength is what counts. The muscle definition of chest and biceps measurements of 'GI Joe' and 'Star Wars' male action figures has sky-rocketed. For insecure children picked on and bullied at school, the supposed power exuded by these figurines can be alluring.

Men are catching up on the levels of body dissatisfaction that used to be the monopoly of the fairer sex. Ideas that men shouldn't care how they look have gone. It's no longer acceptable for a man to stand around the braai with a beer belly. What stands out is that what used to be women-talk is now man talk: "I constantly think I'm overweight and go into cycles of eating hardly anything and exercising like crazy. I can't eat sweets or cakes; I go to the gym every day. It takes willpower." Men are buying into the beauty myth, except that instead of being thin - Å“ it's BIG.

next: Eating Disorders: Muscle Dysmorphia
~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

APA Reference
Gluck, S. (2008, November 29). Eating Disorders: Bigorexia, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/articles/typebigorexia

Last Updated: January 14, 2014

Overview of Pedophiles on the Web

Pedophiles on the web put your children in danger

Info on internet pedophiles that parents should be aware of

Submitted by request to the
Internet Online Summit:Focus on Children
Washington DC December 1, 1997
by Debbie Mahoney, Founder and Board President,
and Dr. Nancy Faulkner, CEO,
Safeguarding Our Children -- United Mothers

The Internet Allows Pedophiles:

  • Instant access to other sexual predators worldwide;
  • Open discussion of their sexual desires;
  • Shared ideas about ways to lure victims;
  • Mutual support of their adult-child sex philosophies;
  • Instant access to potential child victims worldwide;
  • Disguised identities for approaching children, even to the point of presenting as a member of teen groups;
  • Ready access to "teen chat rooms" to find out how and who to target as potential victims;
  • Means to identify and track down home contact information;
  • Ability to build a long-term "Internet" relationship with a potential victim, prior to attempting to engage the child in physical contact.

Computer technology and the Internet enables pedophiles to locate and interact with other pedophiles more readily than ever before. Although pedophiles luring kids on the Internet is a horrifying problem, the long-term organizational aspects are more terrifying.

The common gathering place and the resultant support child predators are providing each other is probably their most significant advantage, -- and the most troublesome for a concerned public. The computer, a common household fixture, is now a place where pedophiles can go to hear others say, "You're okay and what you're doing is okay; don't listen to the rest of the world, just listen to us."


 


The ability to receive and offer comfort within the support of their like-minded group reinforces pedophiles with the belief that their attraction to children and adult-child sex are an acceptable way of life.

Pedophiles on the web put your children in danger. Info on internet pedophiles that parents should be aware of.Child predators are forming an online community and bond that is unparalleled in history. They are openly uniting against legal authorities and discussing ways to influence public thinking and legislation on child exploitation. A group of admitted pedophiles has even developed their creed, "The BoyLove Manifesto."

While pedophile websites are being tracked down and removed from Internet servers in countries all over the world, they are still easily finding ways to post websites, webrings, forums and chat rooms. Recent online topics have even focused on fundraising efforts and plans to purchase a dedicated server for their websites.

It is easy to find and read messages between pedophiles supporting adult-child sex. It is also increasingly common to observe pedophiles in chat rooms promoting one another to move forward with advances on new victims and their families, -- in what they define as "loving relationships."

The advancement of Internet technology allows pedophiles to exchange information about children in an organized forum. They are able to meet in "online chat rooms" and educate each other. These online discussions include sharing schemes about how to meet, attract, and exploit children, -- and how to lure the parents of their victims into a false sense of security about their presence within the sanctity of the family structure. It has become an online "How To" seminar in pedophilia activities.

Pedophile chat rooms, forums, irc-chat, and newsgroups are filled with information on "their" boys and girls and the "safety tips" that allow the abuse to remain hidden. Some of their Websites have information posted telling children that it is okay to be sexual with adults. It is in direct opposition to the messages advocates, teachers, and parents have been trying instill in our country's children.

The larger the sense of community and support that is offered, the bolder pedophiles have become in their graphic descriptions of sex with and exploitation of children. The added comfort of anonymous email addresses and anonymous surfing is helping pedophiles literally "hide in the open"! They appear to be feeling safe enough in their nicknames to openly relate (and brag about) their stories of child sexual exploitation.

Organized Pedophile Groups

The largest organized pedophile group on the Internet is the Man/Boy Love. That is not to say they are the only ones, just that they indeed do have the largest community. Their website community is entitled "Free Spirits."

Within the "Free Spirits" Internet community are pages of links to other Websites, that include:

  • Personal Pedophile Web Pages
  • BL IRC Channels
  • Pedophile Organizations
  • Pedophile Web Forums
  • Pedophilia History
  • Documents that support the pedophile viewpoint.

"Free Spirits" also provides links to non-pedophile children's organizations and child protection Websites, like:

  • Adoption
  • Boys and Girl Organizations
  • Boy and Girl Fan Clubs
  • Child Sites, and many more.

NOTE:
None of these pedophile pages are blocked by current software.

"A Brief Overview of Pedophiles on the Web"
is proprietary to D. Mahoney and Dr. N. Faulkner, © 1997.
Not to be copied or reprinted without express writen consent.

next:  The Relation Between Depression and Sexual Abuse, Violence, PTSD
~ all abuse library articles

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). Overview of Pedophiles on the Web, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/pedophiles-on-the-web

Last Updated: May 6, 2019

Analyzing Feelings When a Relationship Ends

A relationship breakup can produce intense feelings, but they are normal reactions to the end of a relationship.

The following are common, normal feelings often experienced when a relationship ends.   There is no right or wrong feeling to have - we each react to the end of a relationship in our own unique way.

  • Denial. We can't believe that this is happening to us. We can't believe that the relationship is over.
  • Anger. We are angry and often enraged at our partner or lover for shaking our world to its core.
  • Fear. We are frightened by the intensity of our feelings. We are frightened that we may never love or be loved again. We are frightened that we may never survive our loss. But we will.
  • Self-blame. We blame ourselves for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over, saying to ourselves, "If only I had done this. If only I had done that".
  • Sadness. We cry, sometimes for what seems an eternity, for we have suffered a great loss.
  • Guilt. We feel guilty particularly if we choose to end a relationship. We don't want to hurt our partner. Yet we don't want to stay in a lifeless relationship.
  • Disorientation and confusion. We don't know who or where we are anymore. Our familiar world has been shattered. We've lost our bearings.
  • Hope. Initially we may fantasize that there will be a reconciliation, that the parting is only temporary, that our partner will come back to us. As we heal and accept the reality of the ending, we may dare to hope for a newer and better world for ourselves.
  • Bargaining. We plead with our partner to give us a chance. "Don't go", we say. "I'll change this and I'll change that if only you'll stay".
  • Relief. We can be relieved that there is an ending to the pain, the fighting, the torment, the lifelessness of the relationship.

While some of these feelings may seem overwhelming, they are all "normal" reactions and are necessary to the process of healing so that we can eventually move on and engage in other relationships. Be patient with yourself. It may also help to talk your feelings over with someone. Speaking with a counselor or therapist can often give us perspective.

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 29). Analyzing Feelings When a Relationship Ends, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 7 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/breakup-divorce/analyzing-feelings-when-a-relationship-ends

Last Updated: March 16, 2022