Getting Off The Rollercoaster
As I grow in awareness everyday, I come to understand that any fear or concern that comes my way, is my ego trying to get me to avoid a situation that might bring me some degree of discomfort or pain. I find that in many situations, the ego is evaluating probabilities that in reality do not apply, but genuine fears serving to protect me can still easily be identified by the connecting to my truth. It can be the same for you.
Remember the animal heritage of the ego, its duty is that of survival and we will always be influenced by this duty because it is part of our humanness. By understanding this fully, we are able to see that our first responses and actions may not necessarily apply. The intervention of our ego will always be with us, so by knowing this, we can come to a peaceful balance between the input that it has to offer for any given situation, and the input that our instinct will also put forth.
THE EGO HAS ITS PLACE:
We now know that ego is a normal part of being human, but we also are now very aware that it has its own particular place in our lives. We know that if allowed, it can dominate or even get out of control. We under stand the concept of instinct more fully, and celebrate our spirituality from a knowing that this is where our significance and true self is found.
Becoming proficient in the process of self examination, I found the ego began to take on new angles of thought. There were times when I became mentally exhausted from the continual process of scrutiny. From trying so hard to learn to stop and think before I would perform any particular action, I found myself at a point where I needed to prepare for another facet of developing awareness. I found I became tired of thinking so much, that the effort of making an effort seemed not to be worth the effort. (That's a mouthful). At that moment, my ego would come in and criticise me for being lazy. It a crazy scenario and it's very disheartening. I felt like I was in a no win situation.
How strange and complex this ego is. If we maintain that the ego is fear based, why would it condemn me for not trying to use an opportunity to expand and grow? Since the ego relates its fear base to patterns or standards of behaviour, the options it will deliver will be referenced to some established or regular conduct. If we are in the process of changing our life, one would immediately think that there is now nothing regular happening anymore, but if we stop to consider, we can find a link between our old thinking and our new thinking. If we are involved in change, and that change is continual and ongoing, then this very process is a regular part of our life. The new set of patterns and standards of behaviour that our ego will relate to, is the pattern of regular change.
Here I can see why it condemned me. I had slipped away from the new pattern of scrutiny and change, to echo an old way of thinking. From its fear base, it is fearing that I might slip back into old patterns. It is actually fearing itself; it is fearing its own method of operation.
The good news in this situation, is to know that the road to personal healing has now established itself without doubt. The old role model patterns residing in the subconscious are becoming redundant, and are now being replaced through the efforts and determination to become new. You would be transforming your inner most self through the Power of Love.
Remember that the ego operates on the pain and concerns that are upon us at the moment. Again, it is bringing about responses through its ingrained duty. In one respect, it is not rational, it is not logical, it is animal. This only proves to me more and more, how primitive this aspect of our nature can really be. It is still only trying to do what it thinks is right which also shows us how very easily it can cause us confusion. To think, we let this part of our nature play such a dominant part in our lives. We have been letting it get away with murder for too long.
When you encounter such a conflict, you must remember two important things. Firstly; It will be your ego who talks in excuses and rationalisations; not your TRUE SELF. And secondly, you need to call on an affirmation to assert your GOODNESS and COMMITMENT to growing in strength and Love. For myself I would say..."I am a good person, and I am trying my best". (For yourself, something else might be more appropriate, but keep its essence based on simple Truth).
I knew I was weary; I knew I was sick and tired of the relentless excuses that would follow my every action, but I also knew that from a wrong choice, I could allow these negative thoughts to gain strength and stop me from becoming a whole and fulfilled person. On the other hand, I also knew that one day my life would turn around and wonderful things would happen for me and the ones that I love. I knew I had to be Patient, I knew I had to have Faith, I knew I had Trust. I believed! ... I've always believed.
Now whenever I ever I have a fear or hesitation in doing some thing, I am able to ask myself peacefully...
"What is it, that I fear ?... and why do I fear it ?"
Upon recognition of my fears, I find that all to often they are quite unrealistic and unreasonable, and that everything will be fine. When I have to, I find that I am now able to go about finding and executing solutions much more effectively. I do this by separating the Truth from the Fear. Sometimes I have to summon up courage, but I know that if step out against the fear, I will feel good about myself. Sometimes I still give in to the fear, but I acknowledge this as a choice; I may still be a slave to fear in one respect, but I am no longer a blind slave.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END:
Part of obtaining the peaceful balance is related to the previous methods or tools employed to expand your awareness. When you come to your own understanding of ego and how it seems to work with you and against you; when you can finally say you're in control, you can then lay aside all the questioning. Occasionally, I'll leave a tea bag on the sink, or not hang up my clothes, but now that I understand what is happening to me; now that I understand the methods that my ego tries to employ, I am no longer dragged down or living unconsciously under its control. In finding the beast that torments me, it turns into a little timid mouse. This is the magic involved in self discovery and there are wonderful revelations awaiting you. Through persistence, patience and courage, you will know of these things.
RADICAL ACTION:
When we consider the actions and effects of radical groups within society, we can recall the times when they began to assert them selves and their beliefs. Such groups are very often called weirdo's, nutters, exhibitionists, and many other names derived from un-thinking. As these people continue to strive and persist in their cause, elements of their beliefs are gradually seen to have substance, and the consciousness of society in turn, eventually swings around to their way of thinking. Initially their views were slammed by ignorance or the implication of the group's belief in that Truth.
In the closing decades of the twentieth century, we have seen tremendous changes in planetary awareness by groups akin to the Green movement. We have also seen radical People Power cause powerful empires to crumble. Through this radical action, the truth of these people was revealed to the world through assertion. This same concept applies at the individual level. By your radical action of pulling apart your inner personalities; turning them upside down and shaking the living daylights out of them, your consciousness will swing around to your new way of thinking and eventually the peaceful balance will be obtained.
Again, this concept will also apply outwardly to YOUR very own world. After your radical actions have brought you new Peace and Outlooks on life, you will then have to deal with the world which will now perceive your new self as radically different. When you have truly tamed your ego, you naturally begin to assert yourself in confidence in all things by love based motives. Here you will find how people can react with their own fears when dealing with empowered people. Again I maintain that from the fear base of ego thinking, people interpret your change and think of the implications that will apply to them through your assertion. Only Love will protect your cause, only Love will help you understand that they, like you, are all learning of Life.
However, the great majority of people will see your new self as something which rings within them as being wonderful and exciting. You can't help but inspire people when you walk tall in Love. When you are this confident, you then know that you can do Anything and you are not dependent on obtaining strength or power from outside of yourself. You do not listen to the ego thinking of others that express words and deeds to try and bring you down, for you know that your Love is your source of goodness, and that you never have to justify your actions because there is nothing to justify. You are living by your own deep and silent truth, and you are learning more and more about yourself and the world each day. You Will make mistakes, for we All make mistakes...we are all learning. No one human knows all things. It is acceptable to make mistakes because it is through them that we continue to come to new understandings.
Through understanding fear, we are able to see why people do what they do, and we are also able to understand our own actions more clearly. Therefore, we are able Love others as ourselves more fully. The more you delve into the complexities of life, the more you realise the limiting ability of ego thinking. When we fully see the peace in the present, a balance will be found that other people will want a share in. Because we live in Love, we gladly offer what we have learnt.
UNITING THE SELF:
As my own unity becomes more complete, I have found many other aspects of my life also come together. Throughout my working life I have been employed in diverse careers. My first job after leaving school was to obtain an apprenticeship in Signwriting. After six or so years, I entered employment into the art and promotions department of a large retail chain. After another six or so years, I had a "mid Life" crisis at age twenty six with an intense need for some change in career. The change was dramatic and I joined the Royal Australian Air Force to receive training in Electronics. Six years after that, (Funny about that.), I spent a year in a television studio, and then onto maintenance of computers and data systems.
Throughout that entire period, I have always had my guitar and my music. I have been writing songs over the years and it has been a great comfort to me. Because of the value of this comfort I've always had at my disposal, I decided to share it with you by the inclusion of the Audio Cassette tape supplied with this book. All my music has a common quality of Hope, with a Forward and Positive direction. I truly hope that you may find some gift in my efforts.
After the emotional crises in my life, I am now finding all aspects of my other careers have come together to help me in my new direction which is now taking shape. I use the knowledge of Signwriting, Songwriting, Art and Advertising production skills for the publishing of my own books. Though I didn't realise it at the time, being trained in electronics brought me to walk my very first infantile steps in understanding awareness philosophy. Through successful completion of the training, it opened my mind to the possibility that anything is achievable when you have the want. My very first efforts in getting recognition of my music saw five of my songs get placed on a Spiritual/Religious tape containing ten songs and it gave me immense satisfaction. It was from this that I decided to engage a sound studio and record some of my other songs to accompany this book.
This is my second book and it reflects my search for knowledge. It was born out of wanting to know why. Why things happen to people. Why people choose certain paths, and what is the hidden motivation in people that makes them do what they do. Through searching, reading, wanting, hoping, praying; through acknowledging my unknowing, I increase my knowing. I'm closer to understanding, but there is still so much to learn. What I end up learning, will be what I want to learn and what I need to learn.
For yourself, I can only hope that you respond to your truth which shall guide you to the knowledge that you need to possess. If there are parts of this book that seem uncomfortable or cause conflict, then a golden opportunity lies before you as a gift of understanding is awaiting discovery by you. It is waiting for your freedom and the understanding needed for that part of you which makes you feel as you do.
MORE GOODNESS:
Further things that will come to you as you begin to live in harmony, is a sense of increased vitality. As your mind becomes integrated through the efforts of restoring your unity, the burden of past hurts, guilts, and fears no longer exists. Your attitude is then reflected by the mirror action of life in your physical well being. In eventually finding my balance, I eventually found my peace. I learned to tame my ego, and it will be the same for you. Go out into the world knowing that you have a right to live fully and happily. It has always been your right and it always will be. No PERSON or EVENT can ever take that away from you. As you search for Love, know that you Will find the Love you've always been searching for. Perhaps it has always been so close to you that you didn't recognise it, or maybe you've been afraid of real Love; perhaps both. You will not be afraid of anything anymore. You understand how fears are born, and whether or not they are valid. You believe in yourself, and in doing so, others will believe in you. You are Free.
Be truthful and honest with yourself at all times. Don't be something that you are not. Don't be partial, be yourself and live the way that you've always wanted to. Be peaceful knowing that your Love and your true self will always guide you and look after you because it always wants the best for you. You need not fear going down any dark roads anymore when you are truly honest with yourself. You have always known your truth, now begin to live it.
CONTEMPLATION
Within me is a deep and fulfilling peace.
A Well that I am able to draw from at any time... if I so choose.
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next: Getting Off the Rollercoaster Appendix I
I experienced episodes of severe mania and depression for most of my life. With the lack of help available to me at the time, and out of frustration, my first research project was on how people with psychiatric symptoms get well and stay well. Prior to my research and the implementing of self-help strategies, I underwent numerous hospitalizations and medication trials that weren't helpful. I have achieved long-term wellness and stability by using many of the coping strategies I learned through my research. For the last ten years, I've been studying how people who experience psychiatric symptoms relieve these symptoms and get on with their lives.
I acknowledge that every circumstance and relationship in my life is a direct or indirect result of choices I have made, or failed to make. I understand that I am the supreme creator of my life and everything in it, and I choose every day to accept my present circumstances and relationships exactly as they are, unless I am consciously acting to change them.
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There are those among us who seem to be natural-born caretakers. Often it's due to the way we grew up in our nuclear families -- Mom was ill for years or Dad was an alcoholic, and the list goes on. Doesn't it seem that, as adults, caretakers would run toward normalcy? Unfortunately, it doesn't usually play out that way. For caretakers, what they knew as children was the norm.