Schizoaffective Anxiety Makes Me Afraid to Wash My Hair

I had a thing about washing that was tied into if I washed and changed clothes regularly my washing machine would break down quickly. I was really anxious if that happened about having a new machine plumbed in and installed. Then it got to be habit that I would bathe very infrequently and strip wash every 5-7 days.

I am 68 years old. These past few months when I wash my hair, i'm fine but when I do to rinse it and my hair, water and suds all face into my face, I panic. I cannot breathe and feel I am going to smother. I plan on getting a short haircut soon. I have been using dry shampoo this week and its not near as clean as it would be if using real shampoo. This is new for me. I was abused by my mother for my entire childhood and even when grown, she tried sabotaging anything I did good. She was happy when i got pneumonia and nearly died....she was never a mother to me and caused me much anxiety my entire life as she threw we out of the house each time my dad went away on business trips. She was a very cruel person. She used to tell me to kill myself and told me she wished she had aborted me but she said in those days nobody did that. I have much depression and anxiety from her and have been hospitalized many many times starting in my teenage years. Now I am nearly 70, I wish for once, I could feel normal and not feel this depression and anxiety. I no longer take meds....they made me worse.

i know i’m very late for this post but it was very comforting to not feel so alone with my paranoia about showering and especially about my hair being wet. when i was little i was also very scared of hair dryers and didn’t use them for years until i started working in a salon. my grandma used to put a towel over my shoulders so i wouldn’t have to wrap the towel around my head and my hair was only getting the towel wet if anything. or i’d sit with a fan blowing close to my hair. once i started using volumizing products and products in general in my hair, i’ve noticed it dries MUCH faster. plus, self care, right? :) i hope you’ve found some peace in these struggles, sending so much love your way ?

I do not like to shower because I am afraid of an intruder. When I do clean I take a bath, with the bathroom door open. I dry my body and the whole bath before I step out so I do not fall if there is an intruder. I have shaved my head for some time because hair makes my skin crawl, yet I'm depressed and don't trust myself with a razor to shave my body.

As a child I loved taking showers and washing my hair, I still do. But when I turned 13 years old I had bad depression and anxiety that lasted on and off for years. Showering, mostly washing my hair become a big trigger for my anxiety. It came out of the blue. Since then, it started to created this fear for washing my hair or showering. I’m not scared of water or having wet hair, I think because it was my main trigger for my anxiety I was afraid everytime I did wash or shower my anxiety would come, so I mentally brain washed myself into thinking it will happen and it took control of me and my thoughts. I never thought I was normal because I felt I was the only one going through this weird situation but now that I’m a lot older and I’ve done some reading, it happens to a lot of people. So, I no longer feel alone anymore. I felt some much relief. I’m 29 years old now and i still deal with it on and off. Some days are perfect but some days are not. On those hard days I face my fears and do it. A panic attack might happen but I’ll stop and breathe, trying to change my thought process and I’ll just go back to showering or washing my hair. My hair has always been very long since I was a child and as much has I wanted to cut it all off during those really rough times, I didn’t. Thank you for sharing your story! People like you have helped me and continue to help me everyday. Mental illness is something we live with on a day to day basis. It is who we are, as much as we don’t like it or try to hide it, it’s us. I’ve been battling with it since 13 years old. I also take antidepressants, been on them my whole life practically. The goal is just trying to live with them and accept it, as much as we don’t want to, you need to. We are so much more stronger then we think, we are in control. You can overcome anything, it’s definitely hard and feels impossible but you can, you just need to believe!☺️??