Love and DID: Sometimes More is Less

Hi Nicolle, I personally struggle with DID and have been in therapy for the past two years. Something you need to keep an open mind is that we truly believe we are monsters due to the serious extreme trauma we have endured. When his protector is telling you to keep away this is a part of him that is utterly terrified of love. For him to accept love he has to accept how damaged he is. Please remember you cannot rescue or change someone if they are not ready. Chaos and lack of love and support is all we grew up knowing and as a protector it feels safer to continue in an environment we know best or learned to survive. His protector wants you to be safe and the only way he knows how is to push you away from himself. I want you to be safe and I have had my own abusive behaviours in a relationship please ensure your safety above all. There is hope however but he needs to be able to process the trauma with a lot of help and support. The pain you speak of is the love we know best it is a reminder of the love we never had. your trying to rationalize something that is not rational. At the end of the day like any relationship does his good outweigh the bad and can you live like this long term. He will need to love an accept all these parts to love you. Even his darkest part needs the light and will take time to grow. Please ask him to get help and that you realize it will take time and he has all the time in the world. Do not threaten abandonment as you will have a war! in time with the right support both of you wil be able to make the decision if the relationship is healthy! Please make sure your safe!

I have developing DID, I have gone from having 2 alters over 10 years to now having 6, one of which is a 5/6 year old girl called Ellie (which being a 29 year old man Is a challenge) my partner now worries about my switch in states during Sex, in her words “You are a man who I love and want to sleep with, but Also a 6 year old girl who wants to be my best friend, it’s a mindfuck
What the hell can I say!

Hi Holly,
Your article is exactly what I've lived through. My now ex bf of 7 months he suffers from DID. I was with him through 2 major changes the first one 5 and half months was with an alter, then the last month and half was with the one born in the body. They were both loving and caring and I grew to love them both deeply. They had said that they were the last two personalities left. I was a judgement free place for them to communicate about the others and their feelings and it seems they appreciated it. But they never told me about this 3rd one. He laims he was caused my some severe head trauma at a very early age and he was not created by the person born in the body and is wired differently. Is that even possible? Well this third personality doesn't do relationships so we instantly we broken up. I tried to get to know him, we have went out and hung out. But he finally told me he doesnt find me sexually attractive. Im really heartbroken he is so cold and distant. I had to go over and give back keys and get my medicines and belongings from his place. Its crazy how one alter can totally turn a persons world upside down. Its really been hard for me wanting the others but their gone now. People have been telling me to leave the whole situation alone. I know he is dealing with way more than me being gone for 5 years but he cares nothing about how it affects me.

I was a significant other of someone with DID. In the beginning, she told me about having "alter egos" and the way people joke about that and use the word "crazy" so loosely, I thought she was joking. She never sat me down and discussed it seriously or let me know what I was getting into. Because of that, I didn't understand why our relationship mimicked an EKG report. The up and down wore me out! It wasn't until I witnessed her going from child like to the mean version that I knew she really was battling DID. it was then when I started reading up on it to learn more and see if there is help for it. I told her that I read up on it and that support groups and therapy is possible. Her response was that she thought she was beyond help. I told her that I had read stories about people who thought the same thing but once they got help they were good. She still showed no interest. I told her that I'd be there for her and go with her, she still made excuses. When we would get into it because she was having an alter it would drain me so much. I couldn't see staying with her if she refused to get help. I feel bad because I know it's not her fault, it's the condition. It would start to affect my every day life and how I interacted with people. I couldn't let that happen. I will always love her. In addition to did she also suffers from bipolar disorder, anxiety, and PTSD. All of which she refused medication because she feels it's poison. I am so happy to have found this forum and I hope people are still responding because I would love a response to my situation.

Hey I just came across this article and it completely blew my mind. I was diagnosed with DID from my psychiatrist about a year and a half ago but what they described was nothing like this at all. i was talking to her about how i was feeling and missing time and forgetting and feeling like i was squished in my own skin or taller and broader than i really am and it always made things so difficult. i cant keep my thoughts together and it seems like every few seconds i'm loosing track of something and its like im slowly losing my mind.
i can remember the most random things but i cant for the life of me put a name to a face or remember what someone just said or forget what im saying while im saying it...half of what comes out of my mouth feels like nonesense....i dont know...i guess im at plate 0 and just realizing there's other people in my head and it scares me, makes me wonder if I'm just an alter ...makes me worry about...everything...

Firstly, thank you so much for this post. I was engaged to a woman who I now believe to have had DID. It's strange because I'd prior researched DID years before meeting her and when I was in a relationship the thought didn't even cross my mind that she may have had DID. I was raised in a Christian home and the belief was that people who suffer from DID are in actual fact possessed, a belief which I do not agree with in the slightest after being engaged to a sufferer. I say sufferer but in actual fact I love the fact that she has this condition. I love her personalities and I naturally treated each of them differently. We called the child "little her" and (I'm assuming the host) "big her", she'd also switch to (what I was lead to believe was our future children). I would go with her into her flashbacks and help her escape from her traumatic experiences. She knew that her safe place was with me and when I would say certain words or play a specific song I had made she would switch back and come out of her flashback. She would have many seizures, she told me that she had been diagnosed with MND, which is a terminal illness, and that she didn't have long to live. She suffered with anxiety and OCD. She said that was the reason why her body would shut down and she would have seizures due to an allergic reaction to her medication. We went through a lot together in such a short space of time and it's the most intense relationship I've ever been in. It was strange because I was able to communicate with her telepathically (I know that sounds weird but it's true). She could hear everything I was thinking. Things changed when one time she came out of the bathroom and looked at me as though she didn't have a clue who I was. I then had to explain to her what had happened over the past few months, big events that she had no recolection of. She looked at me as though I was a stranger and she didn't trust me, that hurt beyond belief. Because I didn't know exactly what was going on I started to get suspicious of her. A lot of her actions (constantly disappearing, being off with me, starting arguments just so she could leave) lead me to believe that there was something else going on. I eventually found out that she was literally living a double life. She was already in a relationship and had children. I don't know who I was engaged to. This broke me. I still believe there's a part of her that loves me as I do her but for whatever reason that part is not allowed to take control. Side note, because this is also quite interesting. She was able to tell the future and when I mentioned about me talking to her alters that I believed to be our children, well, strangely after parting I ended up getting into another relationship with a woman who was the same age as "little her" and her younger siblings had the exact same character traits, ages and even one of them has the same name as her alters that I believed to be our children. I couldn't make this up if I tried. I'm always going to love her, I feel as though she's my twin flame. I really bought into her past almost as though it was my own (in a different lifetime). I hope she's okay and that she finds love because she truly deserves it. My life is better for the fact of meeting her. For one, I'd still be living in the closet now if she didn't help me. She opened my eyes to so much and I thank every part of her. I don't really know why I wrote this I just needed to share my story with someone who might understand.

I needed to write this somewhere because for the past month I've been searching for a way to help my loved one. But failed to find any solution...
I met him 5 years ago, knew he had DID but still fell for him. He had a gf at the time so I stepped back and the moment he broke up with his gf I stepped back further causing him to think I abandoned him... Because of that, he got with another girl for 3 years and when he decided he wants to be with me he broke off with her but it was pretty ugly as I thought he clarified everything the moment he got with me but after he went back to another country because of his studies, I found out he had to meet his ex to give her a closure.
The most dramatic part was, we had shared a lovely 2 and a half month together as a couple, only to be separated because of his concussion. He got robbed when he was going to find his ex and because he couldn't contact me, I was frantically worried but honestly, I hated the fact that he was with his ex the whole time.
He told me another alter took over and then we didn't talk for a while and after a few days, his other alter told me that his memories are messed up and he thinks he is still with his ex. I suspect I have BPD so at this point, I could only feel him leaving me.
Thoughts on my mind at that time were pretty obvious which was just how I was not enough for him and he probably loved his ex more than me and what he told me were just lies. Which was why he could leave me so easily 3 years ago and this wouldn't be an exception...
I believed those and it made our relationship even harder... especially when he completely disappeared. His other alter was all over his ex and I had to hear all those from his alter... Being miles away from him, I wish I could have just went over and maybe try to make things right but knowing that I may actually be useless in the end... that I am actually not loved by him killed me... Because of his DID, I too made myself think I have DID or more like I went all the way to isolate myself and created another character that could help me live and take care of myself.
Till today, I still miss him and recently I got to talk to his alter whom said that he is around but he isn't the one that I know... His alter said that the him now is emotionless and that just made me felt guilty because I feel as if I made him this way... If I never appeared , he would never had to suffer like this.. But I really want to work things out with him...
I know I may deserve someone better or he may too but I really just want to be with him, support him and at least I just want to work things out with him during this tough period... I really wish he would come back and patch things up with me..
I told his alter I would wait for him for 2 years but... as time pass, I'm healing.. The want to be with him doesn't change but I'm scared that he'd just run away from me like before and... I'm trying so hard to fight and survive but I don't know what to do... I just want him back... I just want him to be happy, healthy and safe...
Please come back...
Yuki

I have DID and I just recently found out last summer. I just started a new relationship but my alters keep trying to reach out to my ex bc they believe we are suppose to be with him. I fight with them all day long and they dont like my currebt SO. We talk about getting married but they dont think she can handle us. I'm scared im making the wrong choices all the time and i dont know what to do or what im in control of anymore. They drive her away and then i bring her back. I haven't told my current SO that they contacted him. I have blocked him a few times hoping my alters will get the clue to stop. I feel like i should be by myself bc i cant control my/their actions and words. I have one thats really mean when i get upset and switch. I need help to navigate all this. The few stories i read about people having and keeping relationships is hopeful but is it really fair to be with someone and make them suffer forever?

Help pls email me wanna get some feedback urgently

Does anyone know anything about DID and using a polyamorous relationship to balance things out? I've found in my latest relationship that adopting a thrupple idea with my girlfriend seems to work for the system (a 3 girl thrupple) for me it really seems like everyone gets the right amount of attention just when they need it.

Hey my name is Zamo, my lover suffers from DID, well it started back in 2017 he thought and probably still thinks he's possessed. Ever since it started he's been pushing me away telling me to stay the hell away from him for some reason. Then after some time, sometimes after a few hours sometimes after a few days or even a couple of months he's come back and tell me how sorry he is and how he can't live without me and how he's never loved anyone like he loves me. Bc I love him i let him back in. He's practically the only person i trust with my life even though he's a ticking bomb. Idk but something about that just makes fall even more in love w him. He's the only man I've ever loved.
We're really too young for all of this. But I try in all ways possible. I'm even considering studying psychology to just understand more about this disorder. Currently we've separated and he's been pushing me away, ignoring my calls and driving himself crazy. I text him almost everyday to show him that I care since he won't answer my calls. He sent me a message just once last week Wednesday wishing me a good day and reminding me to take care of myself. I won't give up on him, i love him and he knows it. I just don't know what do anymore and it's driving me insane pls help!

I'm currently dating someone with DID for about 2 months now, and they have 3 alters, but one of them is a negative alter he calls Alpha. One of his other alters warned me that if anyone were to mention anything about popularity, Alpha would take over the host. Alpha took control of the host while he was riding the bus home today and I feel as If I can't do anything to help him, I talked to Alpha over text and I feel like the negative alter isn't going to let the host take control anytime soon, and I just don't know what to do.

So I'm dating someone with did, and they have 3 alters. But the system has a negative alter they call alpha that recently took control of the host and I'm pretty sure alpha is going to be in control for a while. I feel helpless and I just don't know what to do.

Why did I have to attract this? I will never know
most difficult and saddest three years of my life. I don’t wish anyone to go through this tiring relationship. You are left feeling abandoned all the time

so i know this person who has DID. we're pretty good friends, but i think i've developed a crush on one of his alters. is that a bad thing? because i don't exactly like him, but his alter. and i also have no idea if his alter is gay or not so :/

If you can .........avoid relationships with did,mpd disorders at all costs it is a lost cause before youve even started for both sides..it will destroy you in the end .you cannot have a normal loving relationship its impossible..you dont even know who they are most of the time unless its the original alter/host/person???? who you actually felt something for ...you might only meet them once in a week the rest of the time your in limbo.....please think long and hard before you jump in.

I am glad to find this site. I have done some work regarding Parts Integration during the past decade and had a therapist who I saw regularly for a few years after a hospital stay. She was both a RN and a therapist. I eventually felt pretty trusting of her and believe that I was able to actually reveal my inner self to her...then, she retired and I had to start seeking a new therapist. This was very discouraging after spending years developing a therapeutic relationship. I find it both exhausting and humiliating to have to inform new people about my childhood and decades of adaptive struggles. A bigger problem that I struggle with is that I forget that I have mental health issues and what they are. I mean, I remember that I deal with ongoing suicidal ideation because I carry it daily. I know that I have situational anxiety but that is better thatn the generalized anxiety that I used to live with. Recently I have had a memory incident and received a letter regarding an event and interaction that I participated in a couple of weeks ago but without any memory of. Receiving this letter and then making a follow-up phone call has brought-up for me the fact that I have memory issues that I forget about...a terrifying loop. I have just requested from my former therapist a written letter offering me an overview of the work we did and what my diagnosis was...because I do not recall it. I have had some therapy since my time with her but do not recall the depth of work. A psychiatrist that I have seen a few times has no record of my talking about lost memory issues. And that's the crux of this situation: if I forget that I have dissociation, then I can trick myself into not realizing that I have dissociation...until proof pops us again (like this letter incident) that reveals that I lose memories...not the long-ago memories but even recent ones only weeks old. Now I feel re-traumatized and am attempting to scrape together fragments of my diagnosis. Discontinuity of care is an additional challenge. If I keep having different doctors and medical professionals and little long-term history, I have little accountability. A part of me is very good at hiding this from myself. Evidently, I am also efficient at dissociating during therapy in such a way that I manage to avoid informing new therapists of my dissociating concerns. How self-defeating is this? I have a difficult time trusting myself to make good decisions for my own well-being. I contacted my M.D. (a new one) after the recent letter incident. I let her know that I have a history of lost memories and that I forget that I experience lost memories. She is scheduling a series of tests and referring me to a Neurologist. I might have had a brain scan in the past...I don't really remember. I immediately informed my adult daughter and sister of the appointments that I need to fulfill- so that they can keep me accountable. I realize that other parts of me are capable of undermining my own treatment out of fear of exposure. I feel very humiliated and embarrassed to acknowledge that I am so broken inside. The vulnerability feels unbearably threatening. My hands are icy typing this here. To be so weak and incapable is suffocating./deafening/devastating. Still, feel relieved that there is a space where others might empathize with some of what I experience. Most of the time I am oddly functioning...but my perspective is very possibly skewed... I try to keep a level of humor because my life is absurd.

My So says she has 6 alters. I have only met 4 of them. Two of the alters I rarely see, but they will text. The other two, we are insanely in love with each other. It took me months to figure out what was going on and now I can tell the difference between them. One day I ask the host a question and she told me that my relationship is with her and the one other...both of them wanted a relationship with me. Each have different wants/needs ect. Although each make me happy, it is both combined that make me complete. This has been a learning curve for sure. I get less upset as time goes on....I used to ask wth is the problem when one day she would make love to me and the next wants to be a dominant and rule. Finally figured it out. After a year, the more I learn, the more I love them. So anyone struggling, educate yourself and hang in there.

I’ve currently been with my fiancé almost husband for almost 2 wonderful years and it’s also been a struggle… he has 26 different alters. Me and him both only want a monogamous relationship but they make it hard they get angry with me and go do something out of context some have even wanted their own relationship and me and him are not okay with it. But lately he’s been colder we even took a break back in April. I love this man more than anything we even have a baby together and hoping for so much with each other his father even wants us to get married. He adores his dad and so do they. The main group is made up of five people they’re the ones who appear the most. Colt, Damon, Eric, Embir, and a five year old. I just don’t know how it’s going to work I’m tired of being broken down by finding other women in his phone assuming it’s my fiancé talking to them. Embir is a female and she only wants me in a sexual sense but also time being the only one she’s been able to tolerate. Damon wanted a relationship with someone else but I think he’s just mad because my fiancé won’t let him touch me in a sexual way. Colt he’s just a ball of anger literally I haven’t spoken to him in months but he let me name him because my fiancé had him hidden away because of how bad it was when he was a teenager (constant fights because of bullying). Eric doesn’t see me in the way Embir or Damon does, he's more quiet but he’s happy I’m here I guess, my fiancé didn’t clarify it. But my fiancé also told me they’re ALL trying to keep me happy. I just feel like I’m holding my own emotions over it and they hate me for it, I don’t want my fiancé to catch any type of disease or to hear people talking about how I’m stupid for being with him because he’s screwing around. I dont know how to keep them at bay with just me.. but it hurts to think that they use my fiancé’s name and accounts for all of their stuff. Because that’s just taking advantage of the situation in my eyes. They don’t wanna share me with anyone but they wanna do their own thing. I think it’s wrong on so many levels, it’s like telling children no and they do it anyway.

Hello, im a 14 year old girl named Alex. for the past months ive been talking to a guy named Aiden (15), online. we videocalled and stuff though. but a week ago a girl went on his account and said Aiden wasnt real. sje said she was the real one. Now i didnt know that she had DID so it was hard for me. But she explained that she faked being Aiden because she thought i would like her more. Now it was hard for me, but i loved Aiden and her so i forgave her and we talked together and called. She looked the same and i thought everything was gonna turn back to normal. Until Vilte and me were talking about some book we read and suddenly i saw a change in her way of texting. I didnt think anything of it and continued, until i called her Vilte and her response was: Who’s Vilte? I’m Aiden dummy.
So what ive heard she told me i told Aiden that he wasnt real and that Vilte shouldnt play games with me. he kept saying he was Aiden and that Vilte was one big fake. Now i got really confused. So i blocked him for a bit.
i have their cousins number because we talked sometime. So i asked him about it, he explained that they had a split personality. Ot took some time for me to understand but eventually i understood. I asked what i should do but since he doesnt like me very much (it’s a long stiry but it doesnt matter) he said thats my problem and went offline.
So i deblocked Aiden and apologized. He asked why i was so rude so me being dumb explained it to him. At first he didnt believe me but the longer i explained him he started to understand. so he went and asked his parents about it. They confirmed it so he started thinking about it. Of course i understood it was a lot to take in so i tried to get him to relax and stuff. But then he said he needed to go get a mirror. Now he never looked in the mirror before, because he wasnt alowed to (i don’t know why, i guess his parents did that to not make it complicated for him?) so i told him he shouldnt do that tonight sonce i dont know if he could take that. since he has panic atracks a lot. So i tried to stop him by saying he could look later. but he went offline. Now it’s 00:20 so i cant go to him but he didnt respond in 30 minutes now. i’m getting really worried.
thank you if anyone read this, i needed to talk about it sonce it is a lot to take in for me
too. I just turned 14 and before this i didnt even know what DID was.

My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years now, He have a did, I knew this from the beginning because I was actually dating one of his alter, things happened between me and his alter which caused us a break up but the host, which is my fiance now was in love with me so we got together, time passed I'm starting to get to know all his personalities, I had a lot of struggles due to them trying to split me and my fiance or their just acting mad, but I stopped everything and came to a situation where all his personalities finally accepting me, they're all good friends to me, two of them are in love with me, which was my ex and another alter of his, We've been talking a lot but my fiance got really jealous often, so I really don't know what to do, Does returning the alter's feelings for me considered as cheating? Even though they're living in the same body?

The guy I have been talking to recently admitted to me that he has a second personality that takes over sometimes. He says it’s constantly trying to control him and get him to do bad things. I think that he thinks he possessed. I’ve seen something similar to this with an old friend of mine who did but I never met or talked to his alters knowing that it wasn’t him. Last night I was talking to the guy I’ve been recently and he kept referring to himself as he wasn’t himself, so I knew something was off. His alter seems to think he’s not even human, and that is simply possessing the boys body when needed. He was telling me he was going to have him hurt himself and then hung up on me. I kept calling and texting and finally he answered confused and saying he didn’t remember anything. I’m afraid his second personality is dangerous. To himself and others.

Hi, i'm currently researching DID as i think my partner has it, a few days ago she asked me to be her boyfriend and yesterday she changed im nothing more than a creepy stranger to her now and i guess im just finding it hard to adjust, not knowing how long this will last or how to deal with it, assuring her that im not just some weirdo trying to manipulate her. This is painful, i just hope that she comes back so we can work on this but as of now she doesnt even want to speak to me.

Hello,
I am a student studying theatre and psychology.
I am currently trying to write a play about somebody who has DID, because I think movies and plays that are out show people living with it as being dangerous and that is hardly ever the case. I was wondering if you knew of anyone with DID who would be interested in helping me with this ? Maybe reply to this comment if you do.