Integration and Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment

I achieved the first stage of integration last year. Jade not longer exists in any kind of aspect that feels separate from myself. I sometimes do a 'check' to see if everything he was is within me.
I do notice this last year a sense of not understanding my sense of identity. What is this thing with the label 'Mark'. What will I become in years to come as Baxter and Morgan go from co-present manifestations into the wholeness I now enjoy with the part of me formerly called Jade.
The strange part is it was another trauma that has been the catalyst to integration. My therapist mentioned that new trauma can be a catalyst this way. I had always thought someone kind in my life might be the catalyst.
I wish I could compare thoughts with someone that has gone through complete or partial integration. I feel quite alone in this.

with us we decided to have one main spoke person we are all still here we discuss thing and share with each other,it is great knowing them and knowing what they helped me get through the main idenity,so each one has a say but we don't have to split no one tries to be in control,actually we have said goodbye to some.thanks for everyones comments and we must a good therapist helps!

It took me 7 years to integrate once I knew I had DID but I’ve been in therapy 25 years getting nowhere before that. I too thought of my parts as separate. When I changed that and loved my parts, integration began. First by becoming dual aware. I got my alters to trust me and communicate with me. No small feat!! I would have a conversation every morning saying I need to be in control and would ask each part if they needed to do or say something that day. Then I could get them to see that I had to function but as a reward for their cooperation, we would go have ice cream, or go to the park etc. it worked. But now I am facing a lot of pain that I can now handle, I’m learning how to communicate with other people. It’s hard work and I often think I shouldn’t have integrated but my life is better now dare I say it. I’m not finding myself in places unfamiliar, I’ve been safer. I’m trying to write about my integration journey in a gut wrenching lay honest way so people are informed. DID is a coping mechanism. I don’t need it anymore. But you need a lot more support than I had to do it. Terribly hard doing it alone and isolated.

I integrated what I call my b-itchy side just yesterday. I was at my mom's Tuesday and she was drunk and on and off hostile because her angry personality Beth was out. She came at me and Scarlet showed up. I felt my face change and I heard "don't you f-ing touch me!" This situation changed me. I realized that Scarlet wasn't mean and angry just to be that way. She wants to protect me. She kept my mom from hitting me and it probably caught my mom off guard. (My boyfriend later admitted he thought he was gonna have to get my mom cause he also thought my mom was gonna hit me.) Scarlet was crying later on and I found out that she felt lonely and angry and thought everyone hated her and thought she was toxic. I told her this wasn't so, that I was glad to have her trying to protect me. I fell asleep and when I woke up I felt different. I felt Scarlet but not as separate from me. The thoughts and feelings she had were still there but not so overwhelming. Scarlet was angry to the point that it was almost unbearable but now I can feel anger and it not be so overwhelming. I know that I have more work to do cause I still have other dissociated parts but this has been exhilarating (and tiring) for me. I know it can be very frustrating. I don't want to be dissociative but we are this way for a reason. I do most of my work on my own but I do have a therapist as well. Another thing that has really helped me was talking about my alters to my boyfriend. He accepts me as I am and for the first time in my life, I feel like maybe I can accept myself as well.

Thank you all for these posts. Helpful. Can anyone recommend a good DID therapist and/or psychiatrist in the Chicago area? I'm not having much luck.

I was diagnosed and in therapy for over 15 years. No one ever talked to me about integration it was mostly spent identifying alters and their roles. Some of my alters shared their experiences in therapy but I was not copresent. I moved. Got married again and things were very stable. I began therapy again for some relational issues a few months ago. As we’ve been working I’ve had all kinds of triggers and anxiety. Suddenly I feel chaos inside and am so overwhelmed. I guess I THOUGHT integration just happened because things had been so “quiet”. Now I know that wasn’t true. I have a great therapist who specializes in DID and knows of my previous DID diagnosis. Until last week I’ve stayed totally present during sessions. If he noticed a “change” happened for a short time he didn’t react. I don’t know if I’m going backwards because my alters are starting to speak out again or if it’s because I’m going forward. Feeling so confused and scared

I have a friend that has MPD and he wants to get rid of it but he doesn't know how. We aren't sure if integration is the right choice or not. What do you guys recommend and do you think integration is the best choice?

I'm being misdiagnosed. Im not schizo effective. They know about my main switch. But I woke up out of surgery in june feeling totally different. Found out I was engaged to a 25 year old and I'm 43, had to shut that down and felt so bad. My mother was was extremely abusive all my life. She stole my daughter when she was 2 saying I had mental problems. Has said that since I was a child and would tell me I was imagining all of it up. People believe her because she had lifelong career as a teacher, the mean teacher, kept a marriage, and raised her kids. My brother stood up to her at 15 but now has nothing to do with me. Then she would tell me nothing was wrong with me..it was all a show. My daughter sounds like her yelling me it's all in my head. None of my family will acknowledge this or me basically. I moved out of my hometown into a independent mental rehabilitation apartments and in their program but I get no therapy or any real help and the Dr misdiagnosed me. I'm so overwhelmed. I've turned to using Meth just to keep from killing myself. One of the me's reached out to a suicide assistant and what drug to get for euthanization. My meds don't work and to save myself I started using Meth cuz on this drug I can't get enough knowledge and it did help me realize and I know of 8 personalities now. I can't keep using and now that my usegot me researching myself and found this information. One Dr around 4 years back diagnosed me with this but when I got out of being hospitalized everything got switched back. Anyway how do I go about talking to my Dr that I don't get to choose nor is there a therapist or psychiatrist on staff and none around here. All I've got is a 5 day a week "councillor" basically just adult babysitter that takes us to do our shopping and checks apt and fills med trays once a week. I am in the Tenkiller behavioral services out of Tenkiller,OK. I draw ssdi and live in the Stilwell,OK apt. I'm not even allowed to have a roommate because the main switch can be very violent. Help please or some kind of advice..idk??

I am 68 years old. At six years old I was sexually abused by my father. Even though never officially diagnosed I had Dissociative Identity Disorder. My major feelings of anger, joy, hurt, sadness etc. had human names. At the age of 13 my feelings no longer had names but they had not been integrated either. I was therefore desperately struggling and suffering.
Recovery usually takes professional counseling. But if you truly work the process it is worth every ounce of energy.
As difficult as the journey of recovery is there is one main goal. Self love!! I often ask myself - why has it been so difficult to see, nurture and love that precious abused child that is me! This same child who through no fault of their own and who did not have the emotional maturity to handle the horrors of abuse. But praise God through His help, the help of my family and counseling my feelings are totally integrated and disassociation due to abuse has lost its power over me. I have relived my victimization feeling the horrors of abuse and have gained the power to stop re-victimizing myself. As victims we were powerless to remove/change/stop the abuse. By removing/changing/stopping the feelings we experienced when abused – we were gaining control the only way we could. It helped us survive those years and I praise God for that. However, as we mature using disassociation puts us at war with ourselves (by fighting our feelings). Let’s start fighting to love the abused child as we do to disconnect from the horrendous feelings of abuse. May we stop abandoning our abused child by not honoring the frightened helpless child and start learning to love and protect her.
My struggling and suffering would continue until my mid 30s when I sought out counseling. I had two children and I could see how my issues were hurting my whole family. As I started therapy and started the process of childhood memories, everything in my body was screaming I can’t go back there. My mind kept screaming - you want me to do what? My blanket of disassociation did not come off easy. It had been my old friend, my life of denial. It had also become my worst enemy because I had lost sight of who I was. Could I survive reliving the abuse? That was an unfathomable place to go. I had visions of being in a cell screaming. The cell walls were bloody, my hands were bloody from where I had been clawing at the walls. I was having a nervous breakdown.
I survived all the memories and all the unbearable horrible feelings. After all I am a survivor!! I survived childhood abuse! Little did I know in time the capacity for love I would have! I was finding what I had longed for – freedom to love God, myself and others.
God gave us feelings to be felt and to warn and protect us. Feelings were never meant to be denied or to disassociate from. To remove my protection of disassociation and relive the very thing I was protecting myself from seemed like insanity. What pain and suffering I was going through because I lived in fear that I could not handle those horrendous feelings. Feelings of powerlessness, hurt, rejection, not being heard, seen or loved. I survived - shattered and broken. And as the walking wounded, I begin the journey of trying to find love and approval outside of myself.
But there is hope in recovery. It became clear that it was up to me to nurture this abused child as a loving parent. I guess you would say I have learned to be the loving parent I did not have. The core part of this story is that no one other than you and God knows what you have gone through. No one really knows you like yourself and God. And no one but you and God knows what you need. It is up to you as an adult to take care of those needs of your abused child as only you and God can.
There is still one perplexing questions. If I was not shown love then how do I know what it looks like? How can I obtain it?
I have learned to love myself through my faith in Jesus Christ. God is love, He sent his son so that I may have life. Only by faith in His love and His teaching can I understand this kind of love. Learning to live in the now. To not split from my uncomfortable feelings and walk through the fire. Living in the now means I feel and honor my feeling and realize that feelings are just that - feelings. They are meant to be felt, worked through and they are there to identify us as a real person with real life experiences. It is fear that stops that process. Fear of losing control. Fear of not being loved. I am here to tell each one of you are a beloved child of God. He will guide you through this process if you allow him. Remember He is always a gentlemen and will not force himself upon you. We have to invite him into our lives. By this very act, you can be your own hero!! You are a survivor!! You can do this! If you do not know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, confess your sins and ask him to be Lord of your life. Get involved in a church. He will walk with you hand and hand to a place of wholeness.
John: 3:16

"Integration Isn't Possible Without Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment"
This is wholly, utterly a lie.
It is possible, but it's like learning any skill on your own without a tutor, it just takes longer.
I've had DID since age 10 when I was raped.
I recovered, with struggle, over the course of the last 8-9 years.

I am learning that each person/system will find the level of healing they can achieve with the resources the have and the best interests for their functioning. I did integrate my last separate alter today. Self harm is pretty much guaranteed if I remain fragmented hence the need for fusion. Right now I see myself through the lens of Internal Family Systems. I have an Inner Child, Inner Teen, Inner Critical Parent and developing Inner Loving Parent. Right now my IC and IT have the capacity to come out separately as alters but are the previous age appropriate alters fused. I think the process of becoming my own loving parent will ultimately lead to complete fusion. I hope so, but I also know this is not necessarily possible or desireable for all. For me, without my therapist would not have come to pass.