Should People With Bipolar Be In Relationships?

It is very unfortunate how people are labeling bipolar people as bad. I have bipolar disorder and have been a very good mom and wife. My husband is a very supportive man and we've had a happy marriage together.
It's sad to see shallow people pass judgements and stigmatizing people with an illness. If properly managed with medications, bipolar people are very functional and normal.

This is for "Hurt" and her comment from January 9, 2017.
I thought I was the ONLY one that was going through a relationship with a BP person like that! I know exactly how you feel. I've been with her for the past 6 years, the first 3-4 years were great! Absolutely fell in love with her.. Year 5-6 got shaky with her "I hate everything and anything, life and everybody sucks", mood swinging the world owes me attitude. And that was a 'good day'.. Then early this past January there was a death in her family. I was unbelievably patient, understanding and supportive (Like I would be for anyone that I care for) and she tore me apart! She was going out-of-her-way to be mean to me.. And just me! The person that was there for her the most - She would be mean to the most. Every LITTLE thing I did or didn't do.. She would lose it on me. Until I finally said "WTF!?" and SHE told ME to leave.. Haven't seen her and have been trying to make sense of it all since. I love and care for her but I knew our relationship was going to make it.. I just wonder when she went from loving to hating the person that was the best to her. Anyway, I feel your pain and if you ('Hurt') ever read this? Know, you are not the only one. Just keep on keepin' on.. That's what I tell myself anyway..

I've been seeing a guy with bipolar for 4 months. The first 2 months were wonderful. We had fun, he seemed as keen as I was and it all seemed too good to be true. Then almost over night it was like a switch flicked. Two months later I'm in between a rock and a hard place. He's in depression and I never know where I am with him. I'm now suffering with reactive depression and stress. My head says walk but my heart says otherwise. It's so incredibly painful. I find it hard to cope with the total lack of consideration he seems to have for how his actions impact on me. I know I shouldn't take it personally but it's hard not to. I can't get my head around the fact everything is on his terms. So yes very selfish but I guess after reading these posts it seems to be a common theme/coping mechanism.

From my experience being a relationship with a BP person.. JoAnne from Feb 16 hit the nail on the head. Wish it was different but in my case it wasn't. An 'exercise in futility' said it best.

I have been dating a man for 6 weeks it has been an extremely amazing relationship and the feeling grew between us very quickly. He was indicating feeling of love almost immediately. 4 weeks into the relationship went into a "funk" and said he was very stressed out and overwhelmed by a few things going on in his life ( not me). It made sense because he did have a lot going on. We talked about it and things resumed full speed ahead. We were both falling in love. We are both divorced and in our late 40s. A few days later he shut down again. He told me he has Bipolar 2 disorder. He said he has such strong feelings for me and even though its breaking his heart he didn't want to put me through the emotional rollercoaster that was his life. He had tried medication years ago but said he never felt it worked. Since I was already falling in love I said I wanted to stay together. He asked me to research this disease and I asked him to promiseto get treatment for himself whether I will be in his life or not. I have spent countless hours researching every aspect of bipolar 2 and I believe he and I were meant to be together. He has pulled away from me for 2 days since we talked. I have reached out to him but he stopped answering me. I believe he is in a depressive state and I have no idea how long it may last. My heart is breaking because i know how strongly we feel about each other and I think he is pulling away to protect me. I am looking for advice anyone can give me here...I am willing to wait for him to work through this but am I just foolish to think he will come back to me?

This is to Hurt posted on January 9, 2017 at 8:56 am.
I'm married and miserably living on the roller coaster for last 12 years. I feel your pain and you are absolutely right in your comments. It's very hard if the spouse is not willing to seek medical help...

Not all hope is lost. A relationship around bipolar disorder can take a lot of work, but in our case, we've learned that less effort is what we needed. My husband and I have been together 14yrs and bipolar is only one in the list; between us there are 6 mental health concerns. We like to joke that his crazy matches my crazy and that's a tool we use a lot; humor. Sometimes it's gallows humor and sometimes it's really bad puns.
Our most important tool, however, is our contract where we have outlined our boundaries and consequences. It's a fluid contract as either one of us can call for a review to add or remove aspects. It also covers our agreement to monitor ourselves and each other to ensure continued treatment.
And a subtle, but no less important tool is space. When one of us needs/wants space, we give it no questions asked and with the understanding that, unless outright told, the request is not personal. This is where the "less effort" aspect comes into play. Any destructive or prolonged behaviors are of course addressed, but we don't try to fix each other's mood. If I'm in a manic, grumpy mood (and safe at home) he doesn't try to cheer me up. If he's anxious and irritable, but not in a full attack, I won't try to talk him through it. When his PTSD has him yelling mission directions and a slew of interesting insults at me, I box my emotions and stay with his roller coaster until it comes to a complete stop. When I'm accusing him of not helping around the house and calling him lazy while I'm on day 2 of maniacally cleaning the place, he knows I'm full of shit and he knows I know it too. When I get to the end he simply asks, "feel better?" We're a team, but we only got that way by making mental health treatment a priority.
If your partner refuses treatment and personal accountability, they are not your partner. Not truly. There's a line between collateral damage and outright abuse. You have every right and should set a limit on how much collateral you'll accept. Unfortunately, it will happen. We're still human and have only so much control even with medication and therapy. There should still be effort to at least minimize the radius and extent. If not, it should be a red flag.
And here's the important part: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER EVER put up with abuse. There is no excuse and if they use their bipolar as one, get out of that as quickly and safely as you can.

I was dating this guy for a 1yr and half we never argue or fight we respected each other too the fullest. About 6 months ago he was always downing himself and saying I can do better and im too good for him. He loves me and want me in his life but recently everything changed. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore and he love me and he dont wanna hurt me. I love him regardless I stood by his side I encourage him I talk to him support I did every thing and it doesn't matter he still feel worthless and not good enough for. He always says hes weak and can't help. He was diagnosed with bipolar when he was younger he was on 3 different meds for 15 yrs. He took his self off them. Recently he got back on them and he said he needs to get right. But he don't love himself enough. He's a nice guy sweet as pie but saying something to him will make him go off. I wasnt going to stand for so I told him to get back on his meds and he did that. But our relationship is no longer because of it. Im sad n hurt?

It is really hard to be in a relationship with someone with bipolar. My husband is a runaway and would always leave the house and gone for days, sometimes weeks or months without any trace. Be never had a stable job so all the finan ial burdens go to me. I could not trust his words because they usually change decisions in an instant. When in a manic episode, he would go on spending spree including gambling. There is no stability in the house.

I was married to someone diagnosed bipolar and the bouts of depression and hypo/mania were manageable between us for a few years. Then following a deeper bout of winter depression, as soon as spring hit, the mania took over at an all time high and they left and ended the marriage. Though the author here has written about it for 11 years, the article reads as if it has no idea what bipolar is nor mentions the severity or treatment methods. Bipolar is a disease of the brain. Chemicals are not in balance. Research has shown if left untreated, it is degenerative. It is possible for a bipolar person to hold together a stable relationship, but only with awareness, hard work, and treatment. The rest of this article is hogwash. Many of us can speak from direct, actual experience and there are a lot of us both bipolar and not, that can speak to this from real life. There may be varying degrees of bipolar and brain activity and no, it is not the same for everyone, but this article hardly addresses any real issues.

I know how old this thread is, but I felt the need to respond to this irresponsibly naïve and intellectually dishonest article.
First, allow me to say that I'm not categorically opposed to people with a BP diagnosis entering into relationships with informed partners who know what they’re getting into. Patience, understanding, therapy, medication and love can, in many cases, yield healthy, productive relationships regardless of underlying diagnoses in one or more individual. I speak from experience.
That said, the author has done a tremendous job of burying her head in the sand when it comes to the real effects bipolar disorder can have on those who love its sufferers. She hand-waves away the chaos, bewilderment, cruelty and frustration that can overtake a household with bipolar. It’s one thing to acknowledge that these are symptoms of a disease, and that the carrier is likely in great emotional pain to. But to those who have experienced great psychic (and sometimes physical) injury themselves at the hands of an unstable bipolar, to blithely dismiss the authors of that suffering as merely “people with mood issues” is insulting in its diminishment of their victims’ pain.
There is societal stigma against the mentally ill, and some of that is certainly unfair. However, it is equally unfair to demonize as “hateful” all those cautionary warning coming from honest people with tales to tell. As I wrote above, I don’t endorse the clearly embittered views of those who would write off all bipolar individuals as evil monsters incapable of love. But there has to be room to observe that loving and living with a bipolar person brings with it a unique set of difficulties, and that those contemplating entering such a relationship deserve some education as to its pitfalls. Natasha, it seems, takes the overcorrective view that any such trepidation must be the product of unwarranted prejudice. Does she realize how close she is treading on victim-blaming territory? I’m sure the last thing she meant to do was excuse or enable abuse, but one could easily come away from this reading with the dangerous perspective that BP is little more than a cosmetic condition and that to reject a relationship with someone because of the disease is morally equivalent to racism. Natasha, I know you’re not trying to gaslight anyone, but I’m afraid that might be precisely the result if we take your sugarcoated sentiments to their logical conclusion.
Mental illness is not like other disease; my partner’s diabetes or asthma will never turn on me the way bipolar can. And while unwarranted generalizations are, well, unwarranted, it’s not uncalled for to share testimonials when they are in fact illustrative of the dark side of the condition. I can look back on past relationships and acknowledge them without attaching negative moral terms like “evil” or “selfish.” But I won’t shy away from applying honest, neutral, objective observations, not because I still feel the need to get back at anyone from the past, but because I believe truth must always triumph over magical thinking.

I am bipolar, and although it hurts to admit, I agree with the people who have commented. Being with someone bipolar can be scary, especially if untreated. My Step Father is also bipolar, and his mania is uncharted territory. He's been in and out of jail, has verbally and physically hurt my mother. There has never been stability in their relationship. Finding out I was bipolar was difficult, but I knew that I was for a long time. I've been in three serious relationships, and though each one got better, there was still a lot of fighting. I ended up breaking up with my last boyfriend because I felt guilty about the fights. Although he didn't want to break up, I wanted to. I don't know if I will ever be able to be in a long term relationship with anyone ever again. I have chosen to remain single and focus all my energy on staying balanced. I have a cat, pets help a lot! I have a lot of friends as well. I do have a great job, car and home and take medication regularly. But I am always on guard, watching my thoughts, managing my moods and making sure I'm taking care of myself. I don't know why people are always afraid of being single, it's rather nice and peaceful if it's right for you. I do think that there are people out there that can be in relationships with people who are bipolar, but they have to understand, at some point, they may end up being caregivers to their loved ones. If they can handle and accept this, then great, but most people are looking for stability when looking for relationships.

I myself is diagnosed with Bipolar 2. A little more then a year ago, I found myself beeing arrested by the police and put in a hospital. In the beginning, everything was chaotic. No one told me that I had a psychosis. So my mind kept running in all kinds or directions, telling me all kinds of crazy things. And I believed in it.
After that horrible, horrible experience Im trying to slowly build up my life. Im taking medications for both depression and for stabilizing my mood.
As for the relationship part, I have a boyfriend who is amazing to me, even at my lowest. Im afraid although he says he is fine he is not. I have accused him before, for beeing a criminal, and 5 minutes after explained myself and cried Im sorry. I hate my illness sometimes, I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Dating a bipolar is like dating anyone else. Be careful what you get yourself into. And remember that everyone has their bag of cats.dont let stigma influence your decisions. Make a decision based on the persons actions. If you fall in love with a bipolar then there is obviously something there worth looking into. And remember you never have to stay in a relationship. Just be considerate of folks like me. And try not to judge us harshly simply because we are sick. Make your judgements on an individual basis.

This generation relationship status will be always complicated. It is so popular that even facebook made it one of the options to select. Because the perspective of a relationship has changed. Boys meet girls they date they marry and they love happily ever after. Date part has become extremely non- committal. This is why we talk about relationship labels. If your confused about your relationship status. Labeling kind of works like that it bumps you to the next expectation level, and with expectations come disappointments. Labeling-up somebody before you've gotten to know them is a self-fulfilling prophesy—so tread carefully when rushing to call someone "bae."

Thanks, just what I needed, another in denial bipolar telling me it's all in my head.

I'm Bipolar 1, I have lost everything(wife and kids). I can go hangout with them whenever I want and I do a lot. We have been together for 13 years and I love her, I have been trying to earn her trust back after cheating on her beating her getting drunk every night for years, geez what else could a Bipolar psychopath like me do, I was a mean drunk, I was so bad, I am the stigma... sorry bipolar people. She left me obviously. I am also the sweetest person and so caring and loving empathetic and all. I am here to get help from some people who are also bipolar 1. I went manic godlike I felt so amazingly strong, smart, and connected to the spiritual and I was. I could see the good and bad in people, I could see the future and the grand design. God showed me many things and then I told someone how I was feeling and what I was seeing.... hospital time. They put me on mood stabilizers and I was bad to my old self. that was 2 years ago and have been diligent with appointments and medications. I believe that what God showed me was 100% real as a non manic I can now still see evidence of the almighty. He has called me to change the world and gave me purpose. I started reading the bible and one verse stuck out Corinthian 1, 26 in the niv. I have been a good person for 2 years starting out homeless with nothing but what was in my car to now I have a minimum wage job and going to college renting a room out of someone else's how with a change in career and a new goal I am a new man. But all that time undiagnosed and without medication, I have no friends, no girlfriend and no family. I just don't know what to do, do I plague another girl with my love? I am so alone. I know, I deserve it and it is my own fault and I am paying for what I was. I honestly had little to no control , it was like I was back seat to this horrible nightmare. I am paying for another man's mistakes. Will anyone ever love me? What if I beat and mentally abuse the next one? I am so tired of being Bipolar it makes me sick. I wish so badly for a redo and to be rid of this awful disease. I on the depressive side so sorry for that. 3 people have come to me in the last week saying they were suicidal, which is crazy because I haven't let my pain show, which means that the universe is trying to help me. I want a friend and a girl but it is hard to put myself out there and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Help?

Hail! I love Bipolar sooooooooooooooooo much. It is all about how I neeeeeeed to control myself and I neeeeeeed to be accountable.
In all seriousness, it feels like I'm holding the whole world up. My mind goes 100miles a minute and I lose track of stuff that I did to someone because it is too painful for me to remember so I block it out. I hate Bipolar for hurting my friends and family, it was only until I had messed up every meaningful relationship I ever had up that I finally got help. Medicated Bipolar is okay... I am now in the driver's seat to my emotions, you see a lot of people don't realize that when I hurt someone I hurt myself because I feel empathy so badly, so I'm hurting myself and there is LITERALLY NOTHING I can do about it. PFFT, being accountable and caring, I am accountable and I care too much, I wish you could feel any feeling so powerful that it takes over your body and makes you a puppet, slave to your own ID all the while you are watching and can do nothing about it.

I was in a relationship with a guy for 9 years that had bi polar and he just dropped me like a hot potato. Not to sure why. I think he just lost interest and it was getting weird. I still love him and I hope he can get it together and come back and possible continue but I am starting to lose hope as each day goes by. I did everything in this relationship and it was not a give and take more like take and receive. I did more for him them myself. I was with him when he had and episode and stood my his side and help him cope with his issue and remember all to well when he called me his soul mate and told all our friends how special I was. I guess this is like a divorce in a way and it just sad that he will not go get the help he needs and try to get healthy. I think my relationship with him is had or done. I cannot even bring myself to show up in the same circle of friends we have. I do more avoiding him and our friends then anything and just cannot seem to bring myself around and mutual club be both belong to. Its just to had for me to cope right know and to see him is to hard. I can only hope there it a shinny glimmer out there that things can heal and and will get better. Not to sure. I guess one day at a time.

Some people are self absorbed and selfish....and they have bipolar. My husband is medicated... mood stabilizer and wellbutrin. He is still a [moderated]. Medication alone will not help. Cognitive behavior therapy is important! We all have issues. He refuses to accept that smoking pot is not helping him. Bottom line he is addicted to the high. He is not the only one in the relationship that needs emotional support. At this point, he can take his mental illness and shove it [moderated]. Don't feel bad. Only feel bad for those who don't have access to information on how to get diagnosed or how to receive proper treatment. Just because someone has bipolar does not mean it gives them a right to use it as a weapon.

Well I'm bipolar and I totally hate it . At times I'm okay but at times I'm not . I have severe trust issues with people and meds only help so much . I was. Nurse for 24 years got into trouble dui after last breakup and became homeless and started using illegal drugs which don't work for bipolar people and been clean and working last year and hopefully get my life back on track As for relationships I had to give that up have beautiful daughter very supportive but unable to let myself get involved with anyone because after divorce and lived with someone 3 yrs I wanted to kill my self so I can't let anyone ever have that much control over me again It's been really hard Todd