Parents of Mentally Ill Children Have a Long and Difficult Journey

I just cam across this page and I was shocked to see how many people deal with the same situation i have . I have a 16 year old step-daughter and for the last four years she has been in and out of facilitys. She doesnt have much time left at the one she is in. There has been no progress she has actually gotten worse. She is a danger to herself, her family and others. I am afrais when she comes home she is going to do something bad her father and I have done best we can but we fustrated scared worried. We want to do what is best for her but she will not try. The self harming scares me and her father to death and we have been working with her and her therapist. But it seems like know one cares and they want her gone. She is in trouble with law just got arrested while in facility and her behavior is increasing. What is a parent to do when you afraid of your child? We've always done the best we can we particapte we try so hard but we get know where. Even the groups homes as a step down program wonnt expect her because of her behavior. Does anyone have an Idea to help us we live in florida and have exhausted all avenues? What is a paren't to do when you love you child so much and you can't help them?

Everyday we try to be strong not just for ourselves but for our daughter too. It breaks my heart that there is nothing I can do to help her. We take it day by day and always try to keep a positive outlook. But when all these places don't help your child and insurances say they cant pay for services no longer what are you to do?? Maybe there is someone out there that can help us I'm just not sure?????

This blog is breaking my heart. My son grew up with some issues in ADD and depression. He made it through OK and was a wonderful young man, responsible caring social and hardworking. At 22 he had a car accident with a head injury. He recovered fairly well but was changing. He refused all help saying he was strong enough to get well on his own. My exhusbands family had a history of mental illness with one brother a severe schizophrenic. After three suicide attempts and a very short stay in the psych unit he was deemed competnet inspite of voices telling him to do things, dellusions and paranoia. He came home but was increasingly agressive, angry and felt he was going to change the world because we are all idiots. He changed his name, disowned me as a mother and left. We found him once in the following year but he wanted no part of anything. On Dec. 26 2009 he killed himself. I feel that the whole system ignored his illness and did not give us any help, guidance resources or anything. He had his rights and apparently parents have none. I am in my masters program in nursing and am looking at how the mental health system works or doesn't. I have read story after story where parents are left in the dark and literally to fend for themselves. We weren't given any info as to how we might become conservators or how we could help we were told we can't that my son had the right to refuse help no one could force him. How can this be changed? I don't want people to suffer and be powerless when it is obvious that their children need help. My heart goes out to all of you.

Reading the mesages here has been a trip down memory lane-a very bumpy road for anyone who is raising a child with a mental illness or severe learning disability. I have two adopted children who suffered significant trauma before I adopted them. Despite having professional degrees and lots of experience in the field of childrens mental health, I was not prepared for the emotional toll that parenting these children would take on me. Fifteen years later, I am still amazed at how hard it was, and still is at times.
When our children are young, we have to learn the systems for putting support in place for them while experiencing their symptoms and trying to create as normal a life for everyone that we can. In my case, I was doing this with both children and maintaining my job(s) so that we could keep our house. I bought a home in a town that had the reputation for having a good school system because I knew that my children would probably need special education services and I wanted to make sure that they received the best. If it weren't for my professional knowledge of the mental health and special education systems, I would have lost my mind. These things along with a strong support system was essential.
Everyone of us needs someone to talk to who has been through this kind of experience. No two are exactly the same but many of the features are identical. There are some tips that I would give parents who are struggling. These may sound impossible to you now but they may not sound so in a week or a month or a year.
First-the "system" - whether it is a hospital, outpatient clinic, school, residential program - will always have the goal of releasing the client to the family if the family is willing to do the work. They are over-burdened and, when you make yourself available, they will take you up on it.
Focus on safety. Not your level of exhaustion or your inability to "make" your child do what you think they should. Emphasize the inability of the family to keep the child safe as well as the rest of the family. If you fear that your child will do harm to themselves in your care, let them know that you do not feel capable of keeping your child safe.
Second-get an educational advocate to help you work with the school to get your child's needs met. Keep in mind that the school's responsibility is to educate your child. If his/her mental health needs are keeping him/her from learning, it is your job to get your child outside services and it is their job to tailor his/her educational program so that it works. You can ask to have homework modified if homework is becoming a constant battle at home. You can request daily reports about how your child did in school and what the issues are. It is always most advisable to maintain a positive relationship with the school. I understand that this is hard because public school teachers can seem like the most critical and judgemental people you ever deal with. Trust me, a little appreciation of efforts that people are making goes a long way with this crowd. They are used to everyone blaming them for everything.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF-As harsh as this sounds, keep in mind that it is your responsibility to usher your child to adulthood. In some cultures, that is 12 or 14, in ours it is officially 18. After the age of 16, very little is in place to support you in controlling the conduct of an out of control child. For those parents with a troubled 17 year old, you understand that this is the hardest year of all. They can move out, have sex, drop out of school, etc. and there are no significant consequences. But, if you kick them out because they are tormenting the whole family, you are in trouble.
So-take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, talk to people. TALK TO PEOPLE. Let them know the kind of stress that you are experiencing. Get help from family. If they can't extend themselves to your child as many family members cannot, ask for help for you. Laugh, go to the movies, try not to fall into the trap of thinking you must always be home in case your child does something. They ARE going to do something. Can you really stop it? Take all of the precautions that you can and then LET GO.
This is so hard. I feel jealous of parents with typical children and I hate myself for that. I resent my children for the blame they try to place on me and I hate myself for that. I feel ashamed at times and go through the things that I did as a parent trying to find where I went wrong.....this is all stuff you already know. We all do it. It is the luck of the draw.
You are in my prayers, all of you. Nina

I found this website while googling about children attacking adults. It made me cry remembering all the years of worry, pain, blame and stress I thought things had finally calmed down with one of my children, but I have twin daughters, one demonstrating schizophrenia in the teen years (involving drugs and losing her to the street for over a year) and NOW the other one (37 years old) is becoming obsessive and aggressive blaming ME for numerous problems over the years. She is reporting me to anyone and everyone for things that I had nothing to do with. She won't allow me to see my grandson and so he has no way to know the truth. I wish I had to money to take her to court for my grandparents rights...anyone done that? THANKS EVERYONE FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SHARE...If you haven't been thru this kind of thing...you can't even imagine how hard it is....

My step daughter has become a danger to herself and others. In the last two years she has tried to kill a family pet, subjected herself to a great deal of self harm (cutting, etc.), threatened to hurt us with a knife, and staged a suicide attempt. (We had her taken to the hospital via ambulance because we believed her. All tox-screens came back negative.) Previous to this she bullied children at school, resulting in our feeling the need to home school her, and she stole large sums of money from other family members. In the last 4 months, she has been hospitalized for severe mental illness 3 times. (It should be noted she was abused in a number of ways in her biological Mother's home, resulting in my husband and I gaining full custody of her and her older sister.) The psychiatrists at the hospital are concerned by her continuing out of control behavior, because the events she is staging are getting grossly out of control.
Here's the problem: We are scared for our lives. This last time she went to the hospital, she had become angry with me for blowing drying my hair. She then faked a suicide attempt. Then, because she didn't feel she got enough attention for this issue, she made up new issues (with her health) which we had to pay for because no one ever consults the parents when a child complains. Then, when the hospital staff finally figured out what they were dealing with, she changed her method of attention seeking to making wild allegations toward us and various other family members, resulting in investigations from child services. (The investigator chose to end the investigation after the interviews, realizing how sick our daughter is.) When the hospital deems her "okay" to come home again, we are afraid of what she will do next! Is there anything we can do to protect ourselves, while still caring for her? This has been 10 years of absolute hell and we really need help badly.

My mother had bipolar disorder and was abusive and never medicated. When my son began to have tantrums at age 4 that lasted for over an hour, I did not understand what this would ultimately mean for both of us. At 14 he began to use drugs and alcohol and I replaced many broken windows. His anger outbursts reminded me of my mother's outbursts. Sadly, because of my past, I could not always respond to his behavior with calmness. He will be relased from prison in a year, 23 years old now and having spent much of his time since age 16 in facilities, lockdown, jail and prison. He says he is intstitutionalized. I know that he wants to do well. I have experienced many losses as a single parent and professional in a small town with a mentally ill child. It has been quite lonely. I have pretty much come to terms that I can love, guide and hope for him, but ultimately he makes his own choices. Thank you for the poem, it gives me hope.

Ultimately love wins all. Love them no matter what and they will come around or do better. My own personal experience.

I have a son that is now 21 yrs old. He was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 13. It was not easy being his parent but I continued to seek help and love him unconditionally. As the years went by, he became more violent and scary to live with. I had to call the police out many times. Being a minor, there was nothing they could do. He has been in different rehab homes but eventually would get kicked out for his violent behavior. He has multiple personalities. I never know what he is going to do next. He switches personalities on me in a blink of an eye. He is now homeless, and my heart is so broken when I see him. He lives outside of reality and I am so afraid to let him come home. Do you have any advice for me?

Hi My Step Daughter is bipolar type 2. That I can handle its the extreme depression, sleeping all the time, not wanting to be social, being a prisoner in my home for I have to babysit her all day, she will drink anything and I mean anything if she thinks there is alcohol in it. She has drank rubbing alcohol, hair spray, nail polish remover. I ask her why she wants to be drunk, she cuts too. She is on meds and getting help. I need help, I need support. I wonder if I should put her in the hospital again. Giving her everything she wants besides alcohol doesn't help her depression any. She is very rebellious and I think didn't grow up with any rules and i'm left to deal with it. I'm afraid to make too many rules I don't' want her to try to kill herself again. I do not know how to handle all this any info or support would be greatly appreciated.

My daughter was 18 when our hell began and she is 24 now. We have had her institutionalized several times. First they told us she was bipolar, then just angry, now she has been diagnosed as schizophrenic. She had a child that we ended up adopting because she was showing signs of muchausins by proxy (harming the baby to get attention for herself). She was very sexually active and got two sexually transmitted diseases. She married a guy she met in AA after 9 days and then got pregnant again, this time the baby died at 5 months. She has stolen money from us and other family members, she is also a drug addict and alcoholic. We love her but we have literally had enough. When is it ok to allow yourself to just let them go? Everyone keeps saying get her help. We have tried, she won't take the meds she says other drugs (pot, cocaine etc) and the alcohol make her feel better than the prescription drugs. We have had her in therapy and we are tired. When is it ok to focus on us and the child we are raising and to just let whatever happens to her happen? I am so fed up with all of it. I know mental illness is bad but what about the people who are left having to pick up all the peices? I keep reading things that make me feel guilty for wanting to just have no contact with her at all but I am afraid for my family and our safety more than I am afraid of her being homeless. We have been dealing with this for 7 years now and we don't want to deal with it anymore. Does that make me a horrible mom? Someone please respond.

I read this after searching very long, trying to find help for a very close friend. She is a single mom, with a son, 10yo, who has serious mentally ill issues. He has been tested for bipolar, neg. ADHD...pos, but really, the child is completely unconttrollable. He is combatitive, has attacked his mother physically numerous times, police called multiple times. Has been placed in two different schools to help deal with him..programs designed to deal with kids with emo problems. Nothing changes. Twice he has been 5150, locked up for weeks at a time...they change the meds, send him home...behavior returns within weeks. She has studied on diet, supplements, taking parenting classes, they have no less than three counselors they see. She attends a local church...anything, to try to get this child help. At this point, I feel the child, is mentally ill, and is not controlable for her, esp by herself. It is a horrible accident just waiting to happen. She lives in CA, and frankly, there isnt much help for her. At this point she is considering surrendering the child to the state, however, knows that this isnt getting the child help...but, at the same time, she is breaking down mentally, as this has been going on since he was five. ANY suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I am just joining this journey -- my lovely, wonderful, scarily brilliant son started showing signs of depression when he hit adolescence, and he has spiraled down into severe depression, a few suicide attempts, and he no longer goes to school, leaves his room. I grieve the child who was a mountain biking fiend, great musician... who now does nothing at all, and no medication works, and all I see is an angry, sad child who no longer makes sense or thinks straight, and he grows worse every week. Like many here, I have spent years with doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, and watched my bank account disappear. My question is, how do we deal with the grief? How do we turn from terror to acceptance? I feel I cannot help him anymore, as my grief overwhelms me. Do we all look at those happy families with happy kids and say, but.... that's what I want?

Thank you for sharing the poem and your story.
I adopted my daughter at 4 1/2 years of age. I didn't quite grasp what I was getting into then. We have spent the last 11 years in therapy,doctor's office...I've lost jobs because of the amount of work I've missed due to all of this. Recently - we just completed the Nerophysological exam. Going into the meeting I thought - here we go again - spending all this time and getting no answers. I couldn't of been farther from the truth. Finally a test/doctor who got it right - and the answer was scarier than I could of ever imagined. Phsziofrenia/Borderline personality disorder/bi-polar and FASD. The doctor opened the appt. with "You have a very sick child here". I've been saying that for years - why did it take 11 of them to finally get some answers? And over the last year my daughter is getting worse every single day is a roller coaster ride. After our appt. I was in shock...and now like Kate -I'm in grief...the reality that we're more than likely not going to be able to help this child breaks my heart--all that time and money - and had the doctor's just listened to me - we could of identified this sooner. They now say she's to far gone. I'm not giving up - but I also know I'm at a point now where I personally can't help this child anymore. What is also so frustrating is that you know you only have short windows of opportunity to get them help...and it takes MONTHS to get anything accomplished...When time is so critical...why is there no way to speed up the processes? I'ts all enough to make you as mentally ill as your child is.
Peace - peace /pēs/Noun
Freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.
May you all find it someday....
.d.

I have come to hate my adult bipolar daughter. She is making stupid choices. In October, she was arrested by police after a dispute. She blames the arresting officers for not getting her help. She is now looking at a felony.
I paid 3000 I did not have. Her father would not help. Yet she still calls the asshole everyday despite him being nasty to her on the phone.
Now she and her girlfriend have gotten a dog from Petco for 150 yet they had no crate.

I have a friend who is in a similar situation. Her daughter is about forty and has been dianosed as schizophrenic years ago.
She was stopped by the police recently and they said she had been drinking. She is in a regular jail and assaulted a guard so her sentence has been upped from 6 months to 9 months.
My friend has spent a fortune on her giving her about a $1000 a month and buying her cars etc.
She has also spent a lot on attorneys. Even if she gets out of jail what will happen then? My friend is paying her rent whilst she is inside the jail. I'd have thought there would be special facilities available where people with this illness can live and be treated. And be happy as their medications would be dispensed and therefore thay can keep the person biochemically in an acceptable state so the people suffering from this can lead a fairly normal life with supervision. Does anyone know anything about this type of place please? This has taken a huge toll on my friends life and she is struggling financially too. She doesn't know what to do.

I have a friend who is in a similar situation. Her daughter is about forty and has been diagnosed as schizophrenic years ago.
She was stopped by the police recently and they said she had been drinking. She is in a regular jail and assaulted a guard so her sentence has been upped from 6 months to 9 months.
My friend has spent a fortune on her giving her about a $1000 a month and buying her cars etc.
She has also spent a lot on attorneys. Even if she gets out of jail what will happen then? My friend is paying her rent whilst she is inside the jail. I’d have thought there would be special facilities available where people with this illness can live and be treated. And be happy as their medications would be dispensed and therefore they can keep the person biochemically in an acceptable state so the people suffering from this can lead a fairly normal life with supervision. Does anyone know anything about this type of place please? This has taken a huge toll on my friend's life and she is struggling financially too. She doesn’t know what to do.

I read this thread of so many parents and loved ones crying out for help for their children and themselves. My heart just aches, as I have my own journey. What's so sad is that there is so much more help out there but it is next to impossible to find it or get it. My husband and I are both psychotherapists and still it took 4 years to get adequate care for our son!!!
This journey has prepared me to help friends and clients in their pursuit of the right care for their kiddos because we've seen so much of how our system and some professionals fail us. With a healthcare system largely set up to limit care and many professionals not able to be helpful it's an uphill battle. Socially society can be empathetic but then there are those who make it worse for grieved parents by judging, attacking, and not supporting them when they are the most vulnerable! We need support too, and should be receiving it!
I have been relentless in pursuing care for our son in any and every possible way. We had to have breaks and times of regrouping, and regaining our strength. We've had seasons of feeling like the professionals don't have what our son needs. The bottom line is that there are answers for everyone. All too often those are not found or provided. One child I know of took fish oil daily and it totally solved his severe symptoms! Not my son! It's been a complex puzzle and he does not respond well to medication though he has to have it. As parents and friends we can only do so much. But we can keep hoping and praying for a turn of events for those who won't get help. This was never supposed to happen to my son!!! (Your child)
I watch the stories unfold of troubled kids shooting up others with the realization that most Americans don't know the danger signs and how to insist on the right help for the child and for themselves. I see why things happen, and how easy it is to misundstand the mentally ill child's behaviors and the natural reaction to them. I see how high functioning autism fuels the symptoms in some cases and how the child with mood and or thought disorders are so misunderstood and help is not obtained until its too late. Well there is always tomorrow and its never too late to get help. My thing is that we have to be relentless in our pursuit of the right care along with self care so we can keep going. Most people don't know that there is more help and accept that there is nothing more anyone can do. That is never true. Yet when you don't have the choice as they become adults it sure cuts down on what you have the power to influence.
You parents are to be commended for your love and sacrifice with blood, sweat and tears no matter the result. We hope to see great reform in our mental health care system in the years to come. I just scanned Australia's mental health care reform roadmap for 2012-2022. What an inspiration!
Sincerely, Anne - relentless mom

I'm 52, educated, and "normal". I'm raising two grandchildren ages 11 (boy) and 9 (girl). I adopted them eight years ago when they were abandoned by both parents. I did a lot of praying and soul searching first because I knew what I was getting into, but I really had no choice.
My daughter (their mother) was in and out of rehab as a teenager, in constant therapy, in trouble with the school and the law, on drugs and alcohol, and bringing strangers into my house. She had three felony convictions by the time she was 21. She now supports herself with prostitution. When she was a child, I did everything I could do to help her. A therapist would treat her for a while only to turn us away. Finally, when she was 18, one of her psychiatrist told me that she was a sociopath and that there was no treatment, no cure.
So, when my daughter told me that she was pregnant with her first child I cried. I could see the writing on the wall and I was already used up and defeated. She went on to have a second child because the state would give her more entitlements if she had more children.
Of course she left them. Who didn't see that coming? I haven't heard from her in eight years. Now I'm right back where I started only this time I have two mentally ill, angry, aggressive children and I feel like I have nowhere to turn. What do you do when you have reached the end of yourself, there's no help, and you still have the children? There's no light at the end of this tunnel.

Thank you all for sharing. My 14 year old is severely angry, depressed, and has anxiety. He is hanging with a bad crowd, doing drugs, drinking, steals, vandalizes, has attempted suicide, cuts, and has recently become violent. He was hospitalized and is seeing a therapist. His psychiatrist has tried different drugs but we have seen bad side effects . The newest one does not work. We go in Monday to up the dosage or cha
ge the drug. I am at my breaking point. Friends, family, and church don't seem to understand . I am searching for a new therapist. The one we have now seems incapable.

My 19 year old daughter showed signs of mania as early two years old. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 9 after trying to jump out of a second floor window at school because she says a voive told her to jump. She has been hospitalized 7 times. She can't keep friends, she steals from everyone, and she is permiscuous. She was diagnosed a month ago with Borderline Personality as well. Today is her 19th birthday and she has informed me that she is moving to California (we live in michigan) with a boy she just met a week ago. She does take medicine - she has since she was nine and she goes to therapy but she is getting worse. My husband and I are frightened and frustrated beyond belief. But reading all of your stories has lifted a sense of loneliness. I will keep on fighting for my daughter til the day I die. She deserves it and is worth it. Prayers to all of you!!

I have a 20 year old daughter who is suicide,she cuts, drinks bleach as well as overdoses and hears voices.
I have been to see a specialist doctor who has prescribed her medication but it isn't working. The voices are worse and she still has suicidal thoughts. As her mother I feel I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do. I want the voices to stop as I feel it would make her feel a little better. She hasn't been diagnosed with any thing at the moment. I need help for me and her brother as we really at the end of our tether. I love my daughter unconditionally of course I do but I need these voices to stop.i need some1 to talk 2 maybe before I lose my mind I feel I cannot cope there is nothing worse for a mother to see her daughter so distressed its totally heart-breaking and breaking the whole family unit up.Any advice would help please.

Thank you for your comforting words... they echo the cries of my heart. I have 3 mentally ill daughters. They are 9, 8 & 6. I've been living in hell every day trying to keep them and myself safe. The oldest has run away, stolen from me, stabbed her sister with a pen, trashed my house etc etc. my middle has hit me & my husband, run away, trashed my house, broken furniture and been hospitalized for threatening suicide (etc etc). my youngest has tried to kill me by pushing me down the stairs, threatened suicide and basically is set on fire with rage over every little thing (etc etc etc). We have no idea what is wrong with the oldest (aside from severe OCD) but she definitley has traits of a sociopath... no remorse, no guilt, no compassion, no empathy. but she is also delayed in her physical, mental, emotional growth. My middle daughter, they say she has a "mood disorder" which is a broad term for "your guess is as good as mine." They said she has ODD and its a possibly she has psychophrenia. And my youngest, who scares me the most, we still don't know much more than that she may have ADHD. I am TERRIFIED of the years to come. Terrified of being murdered in my sleep, of them going to prison, of finding out what horrible things they might do to someone. For so long i thought it was my bad parenting that caused all this. Which it was made worse by my ignorance and inexperience seeing as my oldest was born a week after i turned 18. What I don't understand is why there is no help for people like me... ? Every road to recovery we've gone down has been a dead end.

My family is living in a nightmare due to our just turned 15 year old daughter. We've been dealing with bad behaviors/choices since she was about 10 but things started out small and escalated to such an enormous level I am paralyzed. I started catching her in lies and everyone told me she manipulated me constantly but I didn't see it and the lies I just thought were extreme pubescent behaviors. We had her in dance, en pointe for 5 hours a week, a mentorship program 2x a week with the local YMCA, youth group with our church, counseling and psychiatrists. Despite everything we did for her she was getting worse....trouble in school and finally alleging her dad hit her. CPS got involved and has been ever since. The physical abuse was recanted and there were no consequences for my husband thank God! We have 3 kids none of which have ever even been spanked let alone "hit"....she was getting in more trouble at school and the restrictions we put on her were no cell phone, no technology etc. well, I guess that really pissed her off because she told a friend last June on the bus to school that her dad molested her, cps came again and she was taken to a shelter because no one in either of our families was willing to take her because we have been very open about her behaviors. Again she recanted that story and said she did it because she stopped taking her medicine and was depressed and wanted attention/someone to feel sorry for her. We knew she needed help so she was put in residential care for 8 months. We worked through our issues, or so we thought, going to family therapy once a week and visitation on weekends etc. she seemed to be stabilized and ok. She was discharged Jan 30...everything seemed ok and we were progressing, she had a two person team that came to the home 3x a week and saw her privately at her alternative school,once a week. April comes and there is a knock on the door, police and cps again, she was in shock as was the rest of the family, husband, son 17 and a daughter 11. Apparently a friend of hers made a report to the school and they called cps. This whole time my kid is acting like she has no idea what's going on. To make a very long story short, she continued to deny that any of these allegations made by her friend, were true. That was until she was told she couldn't stay at home and then the gates from hell opened up....she made outlandish statements of sexual abuse from her father and that she was addicted to drugs.....? That kid was NEVER left unsupervised, when did she turn into a drug addict? When did all of this abuse take place when we live in a 1700 square foot home with 5 people? Btw- she has made allegations against 4 other people (minors) one of them was in the residential facility and one was the girl that reported whatever she said to the alternative school.Needless to say my husband was charged and is DEVASTATED along with the rest of us.....what is wrong with her? Why would she do something so awful that it literally could ruin lives forever?!! She prided herself on being daddy's little girl! Now cps has taken her and they believed she was a drug abuser even with a negative drug test and sent her to rehab, my husband just got bailed out of jail and now we just have to sit and wait and wonder what is happening to her. Her siblings are great kids and we never have and any problems with them and they hate her now. Our lawyer said none of us should talk to her and hang up if she tries because they could try to twist whatever was being said. I have lost a daughter, my husband and our family unit all because these people believe her lies. I feel so alone, if it weren't for my other two kids I don't think I could get off my couch i am so devastated. My parents have written her off, his parents too and our kids. She is ONLY 15 and she is my baby. They have her on Geodon, Celexa and Trazadone. She has been caught in so many lies, in court, out of court, and my husband is still charged with what she said "happened" and has to live at his fathers until this is all said and done if he doesn't go to prison for the rest of his life because of her lies even though she will never be allowed to live back here at home because I do have other kids to protect. I have nowhere to turn except my family and I am sure they have heard enough of my sobbing and just want me to move forward. How do you move forward when your baby is so sick and your life hangs in the balance?? Please someone help me!!

I'm glad I stopped to read this post. It was very touching.my son and I have experienced being called bad and that I'm not doing something right as a parent. My son Has not been diagnosed with bipolar but i do suspect him having it. I have mentioned this to countless of doctors he has seen. My son is 8 years old and has been hospitalized 3 times. What he is diagnosed as having is add/adhd combined with odd, and intermintent explosive mood disorder. I feel like it's more than that. He becomes very aggressive, slms doors is very easily agitated.His moods changes every second,minute hour its very unpridictable.

I was looking for a support group for parents and I came upon this blog. I am just looking for some answers. I had another incident with my 24 year old son today and I am so exhausted trying to walk on eggshells. Each week I say this is the week that we honestly address his issues. He came home a year ago having graduated from college (we think). Given how he looked and how he behaves, I really don't know. Within two weeks of his arrival, he and I had a significant argument. To make a long story short, he blames me for his issues and his inability to function and be an adult. He will not allow me to step him as he thinks everything I do is suspect. He was seeing a psychiatrist in his college town only occasionally. Started with a mild anti-anxiety and then moved to Adderall for Adult ADD. I just don't think that the Adderall is good for him and he has no follow-up with his doctor except when he gets his prescription filled. I tried to call the doctor last summer to express my concerns. Of course, he called my son and my son said "no way can you talk to her!!" I think he has been ADD since he was young but was smart enough to get through school. His moodiness started in middle school. Would withdraw occasionally. Was pretty popular in school since he could be charming, was athletic, and a natural leader but showed symptoms of anxiety and a short temper. When he went to college, it all fell apart. He has been home for a year, no job, nothing. He was still socializing with his college friends for a few months but now has not seen them for months--they are positive people in his life. Has returned to the friends from high school that I do not care for but at least they work. In the last couple of months, I have come to accept that my bright son who I had high hopes for is probably not going to come back and I grieve daily. I have sleep issues and have gained a lot of weight this year that I could not have afforded to gain. The issue is that my husband just won't acknowledge that he is probably mentally ill. I talk to some of my friends about it since they have experienced with their children or themselves. My husband will not address it since his family has always swept issues like this under the rug. My son has chosen not to attend family functions which is actually fine with me since he puts me on edge. He did attend his sister's college graduation and it was a good day. His room is full of garbage and bottles of urine which I found as well as empty beer bottles and couple bottles of whiskey. I try hard to respect him and hope that the filth will get to him but I am pretty close to issuing the ultimatum that he either he cleans it up or I will. I have always run interference between him and his Dad and if his Dad sees the bottles of urine, it is going to be a very humiliating situation for my son. There are days when I feel he wants to move forward but just won't let me help. I have a hard time being around people who want to know what he is doing and why he isn't working. I don't like keeping secrets but I am trying to respect him.
I have to say that mental illness is definitely part of my family. My father's brother killed himself in front of his children. My father died of the effects of alcoholism later in life. I did everything in my power to keep alcohol out of my home to break the cycle. I have cousins who have been addicts etc. I am highly educated and am a teacher at a community college so I do have students who are in the midst of their struggle but at least they are trying to better their lives. I am looking for help but I am also at a point where I am seriously considering taking on lobbying my congressman to change the mental health laws for parents so they can help their children up to age 26 if they are not on their own since I can have him on my insurance until then. It is ridiculous that at 18, we no longer have the right to get help for them. I don't necessarily need to be in the room for therapy but I should be able to share what I know and observe. I was responsible for his tuition, his housing, and could deduct him on my taxes, I think I should have the right to get him psychiatric care. If he had cancer, no one would think twice about helping.

Hi,
I have an 18 year old teenage daughter who has been diagnosed as autistic. However, she has a lot of anxiety and behavioral issues that seem to me to be bordering on mental illness. She is angry, restless and rebellious. She wants her own way most of the time and is unable to reciprocate love. She is also mentally challenged and is not independent.
My heart breaks every time I think about what the future holds for her. How will she be able to cope in an institutional environment after I have passed on. How will be the staff treat her given her bad temper and rebelliousness.
I have lost a lot of hope in life and the future.

Melissa J. I have a 10 yr old son who has a mental illness and I am a single parent. It's hard to deal and cope with his illness. He has depression,odd & adhd. I fight myself all the time and I ask myself what did I do wrong. I hate to see my son suffer and go through what he goes through. He gets picked on and called names all the time. I really am scared that he is going to hurt himself one day. I tried getting him help and no one understands. I feel like I lost a child. Sometimes I just want to jump over a cliff and throw in the towel.

Most parents of mentally ill children are mentally ill themselves but instead choose to seek treatment for their own problems through their children. They're much like stage parents. I suggest that anyone accusing anyone else of being mentally ill take a good, long, hard, look in the mirror before doing so. You might find that the crazy person you see looking back at you is the one who really needs treatment. Not your poor, innocent, unsuspecting, children.
I pray for those accused of being mentally ill. It's the last real form of abuse there is.

Hello Ilya-
I understand that kids learn and inherit many things from their parents. However, I have to disagree with your statement. It is obvious that you do not understand all that is involved in what causes mental illnesses. Comments saying that the parents are to blame are painful and cruel. Frankly, they are false and without merit. How are these types of comments going to help anyone?
I can guarantee that parents (birth, adoptive, foster, relatives)who are raising mentally ill children are constantly looking for anything that will help the entire family. They are not looking to blame rather they are looking for help. The fact of the matter is mental health is making wonderful advances but there is still a lot that is not known.
If you think you know how to fix this huge problem please become a foster parent and take in children who have been abused, neglected, drug exposed, abandoned and provide them a home environment where they will not become mentally ill. There are many children who could use your expertise.

What is important to consider is your own safety and sanity. Secondly is to gain support, even if you currently have none. See who is willing and able to help you, but have specific wishes for them and express it clearly.
I love what Heiddi said. Learning to stand up for yourself is HUGE. My husband insults people when he tries. I withdraw completely. We both need a middle ground.
For those of us having a hard time seeing what in the heck our child is thinking, TRY to put yourself in their shoes, realizing that they do NOT think rationally. Imagine being in a state of confusion, wanting to do the right thing, but not knowing what it. Think of the times when s/he has clarity and the difference in the rationale. ASK what they are thinking. I found out that my VERY VERY VERY MEAN daughter was a product of all the vast amount of bullying, even though SHE put herself into those situations. Also let them know that you DO know a lot but not everything, but what you don't know, you will try to find an answer, with their help.
Always try to involve them in everything "independent" -- cooking, finding answers, etc.
Also involve them in things that help them face the fact that others have hardships, too, different from theirs. Find ways to help them help others. Like, take them to a nursing home just to play cards with them or whatever. I say nursing home over assisted living, b/c typically it's the nursing homes that need it the most, but you could always check your areas.
START UP a play group for kids who are "socially awkward from whatever reason. This gives them a chance they will otherwise not have.
My answer was to home school my daughter after 7th grade, b/c the abuse from others had turned her into something awful. It has taken 2 years, but I'm starting to see the sweet side of her. I actually heard her tell a stranger almost that exact, same thing the other day. I'd say she's on her way towards a loving heart again.
Most of all, keep up the faith. Don't forget that God loves you and will stand by you. Don't let go. And again, for those who have given up on their kids, remember that God loves them, too. Don't give up. Find a new way to love them.
God bless you all.

2 boys - ADHD, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, bipolar disorder - the older one 9 years old - stabbed his teacher got expelled started at new special needs school for violent kids - stabbed his new teacher with a pencil and was suspended indefinitely. The younger 8 has the maturity of a 2 year old, the brain of a 10 year old and the manipulative ability of a 20 year old and is also equally violent and even more out of control. My entire family has abandoned us and wants nothing to do with us because of them. I have lost everything - my house my career.... I am a widow - I am at the end of what I can cope with. Has anyone else thought or has given up custody of young children like this? I am thinking I can't do it anymore .....