Moving on from verbal abuse isn't easy. For a long time, I couldn't get past the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse in my previous relationship because I hadn't confronted it. In practical terms, I moved on quickly. We didn't have any children, so I was able to move out of our home and get on with my life (minus a brief and horrible reunion, several abusive texts and some social media blocking). Within months, I met someone else and learned what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. However, feeling safe and comfortable in my own skin after two years of psychological damage wasn't easy. Almost six years later, here's how I moved on from verbal abuse and why I'm leaving the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog.

Applying the five stages of grief to the loss of a relationship, yes, even an abusive relationship, can help you to understand what you're going through and to guide you through the process. Grieving the loss of a relationship is a complex, messy process, and grieving the loss of an abusive relationship may be especially confusing. When thinking about an abusive relationship ending, people may think, "Good riddance;" and while a good riddance may very well be in order, it is not that simple a summation (Three Things We Need to Understand About Grief). If you're grieving the loss of a relationship, here's how and why the stages of grief can help you through the process.

Trusting again after abuse in a relationship can be frightening, but there comes a time when you’ll want to open yourself up to others. You want to believe that the people you love won’t hurt you, but wasn’t trusting implicitly why you wound up being abused in the first place? Are you partly to blame for being susceptible to narcissists and perpetrators of abuse? This isn't a simple question to answer, but it is crucial to trusting again after abuse.

Most likely, you will suffer a loss of identity in a verbally abusive relationship. The relationship will take you as far away from yourself as it's possible to go. Not only will you experience a loss of personal identity, you may even struggle to remember who you were before the abuse took hold. You will become a collaborator in the abusive process and the abuser will make you feel as though everything you experience is your fault, calling into question your personality and your motives (What Are Victims Responsible for in an Abusive Relationship?). So why does this happen, and can we ever unhook ourselves from it? Here's what I learned after my loss of identity in a verbally abusive relationship.

After the abuse finally ends and you’ve walked away from the relationship, you may start to ponder “How do I make a comeback after abuse?” Your self-image will likely be in shambles and the person you once were won’t be a person you’ll know again (Domestic Abuse Changes Who You Are). That’s okay, and it’s okay because the person you were before was never as strong as the person you have become. Abuse changes you; it alters the very fabric of your inner being. Rather than let those changes be negative, let them build you into a tougher, wiser, smarter person with self-respect, dignity, and a hopeful outlook on life. Continue reading to learn tips and tricks on how to make a comeback after abuse.

The link between verbal abuse and depression is well known, but I didn't realize I had depression until my verbally abusive relationship ended and I felt suicidal. It's hard to write those words because they feel so alien to me now, but it shouldn't be. It's the truth -- a truth that will resonate with anyone who's ever been told by the person they love most that they're not enough: not thin enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, or not enough to make someone happy. But was I  always prone to these feelings of depression and hopelessness, or were they triggered by the verbal and emotional abuse in my relationship?

I still have dreams about abuse despite the abusive relationship ending years ago and the progress I've made in my recovery from verbal and psychological abuse. Sometimes I am trapped in a house with him, unable to escape. Other times the roles are reversed: I become the abuser, and he is the one begging for my love and respect. But then there are the nightmares -- the dreams so violent and terrifying that they take weeks to shake off. I'm sure these forays into my subconscious are simply my brain trying to process what happened, but the dreams about abuse always take me right back to the way I felt at the time of the relationship abuse, and sometimes they're just downright confusing.

Resolving to learn self-help for verbal abuse in the new year can help you end next year in a better place. A New Year’s resolution is a personal promise we make with the intent to better ourselves, and New Year’s resolutions for those battling verbal abuse are just as important as any other resolutions we consider and commit to each year. If you’ve reflected on your year and thought you could really benefit from some positive change, implement solid New Year’s resolutions to improve the quality of your life: Promise to learn some self-help for the verbal abuse in your relationships.

After verbal abuse, my mental health didn't automatically return to normal. The first year after my verbally abusive relationship ended was tough. Not only did I struggle with the after-effects of verbal abuse -- namely anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem -- I also met someone new (let's call him A) and fell in love all over again. A was everything I had ever wanted in a partner and my instincts were telling me "he's the one" from the day we met. So why couldn't I let myself be happy? With my verbal abuser firmly out of the picture, why was I still plagued with anxiety? Mental health problems may follow us long after verbal abuse ends.

Here's how it feels when people tell you that your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend is a "nice guy." At first, it makes you doubt yourself, as if you could have made the whole thing up or that you must be overreacting. It feels as though the whole world is reinforcing the idea that well-established, charismatic men cannot possibly be held accountable for abuse. It's frustrating and maddening that no one is willing to recognize the pain he inflicted on you. You cry, shout, and doubt yourself some more. But then you stop being angry. You stop expecting others to understand. Instead, you nod and smile and make peace with what you know to be true. And here's to deal with it when your verbal abuser is a nice guy.