Finding Motivation for Recovery from Mental Illness

Good day,
I would appreciate any support to tell my story or improve technology
I was 21 when I jump infront of a train and had major head injuries and if left me paralysed for a few months or soo. I am a 48 year woman who worked for Nebank for 27 years then this traumatic events started . We were moving office from one floor to another and I fell up the stairs with boxes in my arms and aged 22 bumped my head that time my colleague laughed and said they never heard of a person falling up the stairs but only down the stairs.
The doctor that time said my tumours is inherit from 3 generations meningioma and malaama passed and is stress related and he suggested that we move out of the residential area. Which we did. But neverless I lost everything my husband my beautifull plot my children my friends all my personal en sentimental belongings due to my personality changes, emotional insecurity, social phobia, memory loss, Nobody understood me not even me do now. I had 4 brain operations due to genetic gene's, over a period of 15 years. The first in 2001 half of my hair was shaved of to open my scalp to remove the tumour, the second 2002 the back of my left ear that leave me partial deaf the 3 rd in 2011 on my frontal right lobe eye what started with losing my eye sight the last in 2015 in my right frontal lobe.. which created a personality change which canot accept nor can my family. Which i am losing my eye sight I think the last one was the most difficult one due to my age and it created a personality change which is difficult to accept by myself and family and I am scared for people that I did not know before the operation. I have no words to explain my condition, I cry every day and is tired and sleep most of the time. I am unbalanced and dizzy if I stand to long I cannot even go shopping. I went through a divorce and into a relationship which made every thing worse as I did not understand why are everybody treating me like a baby. It felt that all know something but dont want me to know. I believed I was crazy but my family resued me. Well I believe I am able to cure with professional help / sponsorship or even if reseach is done on me to better technology. I want to be better a person with wealth and health and happiness and success and love than before. I am under 24/7 care but believe I am able to heal 100% with God on my side and professional help. I constantly change living arrangements within the family as they do not know how to handle my moods and cannot live by myself . I have emotional issues as I cry a lot and my family want me save and happy. I have short term and long term memory loss and it seem that no one understand me and I have no reason to live anymore. I was once admitted to Akeso Clinic and one in Randvaal area but I turned out worse and know i am with family in Heidelberg always family with me 24/7 as I get lost and all funny things happen to me. So I am never alone..... I were everywhere with the family Durban Cape town but had no professional help just loving family protecting and caring for me for the past 4 years.
The Brackenhurst clinic referred me to Alberton North physo who wanted me go go to Sterkfontein hospital but my family said noooo
Once a month the family comes together and dress me up and make me beautifull for photos but that makes me even more emotional. They love me soo much and also want to see me as I use to be and I know I am breaking theirs hearts as they see me deteriorating . Please see attached documentation and advise accordingly. Your help will be much appreciated. I am positive that this will be sponsored as I want to heal but the financial is limited from our side . I also believe that a book can be written as this is generic from our past 3 generations as some of my nieces and cousins sit with the same issues but not diagnosed or as severe as mine This would also make a great testamonial or a motivational speech. . But I do not no where to begin and need professional assistance.
As I know I won't ever be able to work due to this condition i have. I have both short and long term memory loss. I mix my words and numbers and are a threat to myself at home when left alone as i forget to put off the stove and to close the bath tap and forget who is who i drink the wrong tablets etc. I need my family or fiance to give it to me on regular basis I think it could be the beginning of altzheimer or something that is similar.. I do not want to be a burden to my family and want to know if there ever be a possibility that I can live a normal life again . I come out of a loving family with Christian upbrings and they support me 100% If not can you direct me in the right direction please. I am sooo scared and cannot go on this way of living I beg you out of my deepest heart to help to be a normal happy person again.
I know I look normal but the problem is inside my confusing head and I cannot think as I used to think and do not remember what and when I do what and forget what I wanted to say someting.
The knowledge I havr cannot be tsken away from me but My brain have difficulty to accept new information...
Nedbank authorised me to apply for a disability grant at Sassa
Jimmy Abbotte referred me to Nasa Smartmind in Heidelberg who is doing case studies on me currrently.. as I have breakdowns and loose count of 4 or 5 days at a time.. I know i am high maintenance but do not want to be a burden or a laughing joke to anybody.
God is good..... All the time....
I cannot go on living this confusing,depressed, joint stiffness,scary,trustless, helpless, suspicious, emotional, anxious, panicfull, frustrating, irrational, dizzy, impatient, way.
[02/28, 10:48] ICAS also referred me to Sanca in Heidelberg who said they will refer me to someone else. I am still waiting for their call...
[02/28, 10:55] Vic: Icas reference me to Sanca in Heidelberg again 27/02/2018 and their response was the same as the last time. They cannot help me as my case is to complicated with my brain tumour and injury and with my long term memory and short term memory loss. But they gave me 2 numbers for dr in Vereeniging and in Alberton which my fiancee must phone for help.
He did phone but one is over seas and the other one works on a cash basis which I cannot afford.
Currently I am on prolax and epynoutin from the gov hospital in Heidelberg, Gauteng.
I buy solal amino acid naturally high now, I used hpt5 before
And i also drink IPS energy tablets.
Please help me with correct health supplements to become a normal me again. ..
I have recurring genetic multipule meningioma tumours and malamoma skin cancer inherent from 3 generations passed accordingly dr Snyckers,dr zorio and dr Torres-Holmes from Milpark. And they also said my brain do not produce serotonin any more.
My name is AV TROLLIP and my date of birth is 18/06/1968. I live in South Africa.
I got your info from the Internet
I am busy writing my story for 3 years now...
The dr said I must write everything down, and I am 50 years old now and I think I am getting better as I am starting to accept my personality changes and God knows what He has planned for me...
I meditate every night and listen to sounds to rewire my subconscious mind....i believe I am in a awakening stage but still very confused ..
I know get my meds from Heidelberg gov hospital . The dr psychic at Heidelberg referred me to the Psychiatrist in Ratanda dr Thoka who want to atmit me to Tara in Sandton but must first have a panel interview with various drs at Sandton and a discussion with my family.....
I also try to live in the moment every day....i am a new me and want to grow further please help me as i need help to improve faster in my subconscious mind
I am starting to accept the other me and must adjust to it. I want to grow further and improve my condition and knowledge of the consious and sub co nsious mind.
My mental disorder can also be caused by my previous narcissistic marriages or child hood beliefs. I believe reseach could be done on my brain
Altough I have both short and long term memory loss and know I won't ever be able to work in the open or public market as I am scared for people which I don't know or any other person from my previous life. I believe God is working within me giving me wisdom to heal
..
JG DE LANGE

Thank you for sharing. We share an Awesome God who is with us and will one day give us a new body.
Is there something I can do to help or should I just be an ear for you?