Abuse and Consent--Donald Trump and 50 Shades

Can you consent to abuse? Donald Trump's recent comments about grabbing women have sparked a question: "If his comments are such a big deal, why is 50 Shades of Grey a bestseller?" The problem is that in the novel, the main character consents to the mistreatment (Abusive Relationships – Why do victims stay?). Whether or not Christian Grey's conduct is abusive is a subject for another post, but it raises a valid question--Can you consent to abuse?

Abuse Is Mistreatment Without Consent

I would argue that a person cannot consent to abuse. While they can consent to mistreatment--that's the BDSM community in a nutshell--abuse by its very nature is mistreatment without consent. Rough sex is different than rape. Spanking is different than physical abuse. One involves consent, the other does not.

How do you tell the difference between abuse and consensual mistreatment? HealthyPlace has several excellent articles on verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, but the ultimate measure is: How does it make you feel? If you enjoy the mistreatment and give explicit permission for it, then it's consensual mistreatment. If it leaves you feeling hurt and afraid and you said no, then it's abuse. And no one deserves abuse.

You deserve to be happy in your relationship. Your consent is vital to how your partner treats you. If your partner doesn't respect your consent, your partner doesn't respect you. Remember, abuse is mistreatment without consent.

You can also find Becky Oberg on Google+, Facebook and Twitter and Linkedin. Her ebook, Comforting Tamar, is available on Amazon.