Visualizing Mental Illness

This blog, Recovering from Mental Illness, allows me to explore many different topics. This post, "Visualizing Mental Illness" might be a bit tough to delve into, but I believe it's an important, albeit confusing, issue. Let's give it a fair shot.

What Does 'Visualizing Mental Illness' Mean?

Let me be honest: I'm as unsure as you are, but the topic hit me while on my first coffee and it started to take shape, warped, but worthy of exploration. Mental Illness is considered an 'invisible disease.' Sometimes, most of the time, this is accurate.

But society has a twisted visualization of what a mentally ill person might look like. Perhaps we talk to ourselves? Throw things, scream at plants and passing vehicles, live underneath a bridge, don't bathe or brush our teeth. The stuff in bad Hollywood movies (and a few unfortunate Sundance films). The stuff that is completely damaging, stigmatizing, and--without using an explicit to my advantage--complete bollocks.

This belief, visualization, is limited to an uninformed minority. Most people know someone who struggles, at some point or another, with a mental Illness. For the purpose of this post, I don't want to focus on what other people might believe us to act like---no, I want us to visualize our illness.

What Does Your Mental Illness Look Like?

Think about this for a moment--but not for too long. What comes to mind? Focus on the image it conjures. What does your mental illness look like? It's like climbing through dense cobwebs; we have been trained to understand our illness on a purely practical level. We describe it in words. But a picture, bless the cliche, is worth a thousand words. Give it a shot.

What comes to mind?

My first images are sort of surprising. I thought I would picture something with horns; huge claws. A spider or ten. But I see myself sitting at the table when first diagnosed. The young woman at the table looks like me--she is me. I guess that pushed denial out the door.

I see myself with my knees to chest, rocking back and forth, praying for it to stop. For relief. And then: bottles of pills. Christ, I thought this might be a bit more positive. But the experience has been largely dark. I feel a bit deterred...I keep searching...and I visualize my illness as something that walks behind me. That makes sense. That's what mental illness feels like to me. And then it walks beside me. And we've learned how to walk together.

The Benefit of Visualizing Mental Illness

Think of it this way: when you meet somebody, someone new, you work to put a face to the name. You visualize the person and then apply the name after you walk away. Or, if you have a better memory than I do--and here is to hoping you do--you remember on first glance.

But that's not my point. I have one--I promise you.

Sometimes, when we don't feel well. we are without words. Being asked, "How do you feel?" can be confusing. A pain in the ass. Perhaps you cannot find words for it. But what if you visualize it? What if you try to describe your feelings based on an image?

Let's work to answer the question again: "How do you feel?" Now, picture how you feel. Is it dark in your mind? Do you picture yourself stuck within four walls? This image can portray a state of depression. If you cannot find words, visualize how you feel.

This might be an alternative view, I'll go out on a limb and assume that it is, but it's interesting. I have enjoyed writing about it, and I hope that it might be a tool for some people. After all, we spend our entire lives visualizing our future, recalling our past in pictures, it makes sense to visualize our illness to our advantage.