“How drunk do you have to be before cutting your own hair starts to seem like a good idea?” Taz Mopula Long ago, I had a hypothetical girlfriend we’ll call Prunella Entwhistle. Indeed, it was so long ago I was not yet sober and still cheerfully diving headfirst into debauchery as one might leap into a swimming pool. This was during that blissfully ignorant period in my life when I believed that, as a result of facing down bipolar disorder and defeating it, I had become bulletproof. By then I’d recovered from several devastating battles with the terrifying illness referred to at the time as manic depression. I had even written a memoir (Invisible Driving) that chronicled my ordeal. Having walked through fire and survived, I bristled with self-satisfied cockiness and swaggered through life like a cowboy breaking in new jeans.

There are times when Hollywood resembles nothing more closely than a sheltered workshop for anxiety-wracked individuals wrestling with mental health issues. Desperate hopefuls, burned out wannabes, wipe down marble tops in sleek martini bars and valet park Ferraris on the boulevard. When home at last, worn smooth as old shoes, they spoon baked beans out from a can and wonder; how long can I do this before I go quite mad? Ironically, there are very few movies showcasing the profound, emotional struggle faced by those valiant souls who battle, and ultimately vanquish, mental illness. However, that didn’t prevent me from tracking down some of the very best ones. Now comes the fun part. How many of them can you identify from the signature dialogue snippets listed below? [Note: There is an answer key at the bottom of the page.]

There are times when letting others know how you really feel is inappropriate, even self-defeating. For this reason, it is important to realize when one is inadvertently revealing too much about one's inner life. This brief video blog provides a useful tutorial in the fine art of not being yourself, convincingly.

Sooner or later we are all tormented by that nagging, unnerving question. You know the one. Am I wearing my underwear over my clothes? Is my cheese slipping off the cracker? Am I marching to the beat of a different didgeridoo? Is the diploma in my den from Whassamatta U? Like a pebble wedged firmly in your shoe the uncertainty refuses to leave, taunting and mocking until thinking of anything else is impossible. I’ve been troubled by these moments of existential meltdown for decades, which is why I was so excited when my friends at Kronko told me about self-diagnosis with SynAPPS® - the latest in “smart” applications for iPhones, iPads, and ay caramba. Here’s how it works. As an intelligent application, SynAPPS® records your online activities in order to build, and regularly update, a psychodynamic knowledge base enabling it to gauge your sanity quotient on demand.

and NOW a word from our SPONSOR! When a mental health disorder leaves you at the mercy of your moods, life can be challenging! But let’s not kid ourselves; you can be a challenge, too. Friends, family members, and associates may wonder, “Is this a good time to bring up that sensitive subject, or should I wait?” With Mood Minder® from Kronko, they’ll never have to guess again! Just a few keystrokes and the folks in your life can download an Emotional Weather Forecast™ for the day, week, or even month! Friends will know exactly what kind of behavior to expect from you, regardless of how random, irrational, or annoying it might be.

Mental health is a world within a world, complete with its very own vocabulary. These idiosyncratic names, phrases and expressions may seem odd, even bizarre, to newcomers and outsiders alike. However, if you intend to successfully navigate the crooked concrete corridors leading eventually to mental health, familiarity with this specialized lexicon is strongly advised.

My name is Alistair McHarg and my mental health humor blog, “Funny In The Head”, is a weekly feature here at HealthyPlace. The goal is to help us all discover and rediscover the fundamental absurdities and humor in the challenges we face and overcome. I believe seeing the humor in our trials is a key ingredient of recovery and health.