I've been living with schizoaffective symptoms for 20 years. In fact, this holiday season marks the 20th anniversary of my first and only schizoaffective psychotic episode. Since I'm 39 years old, that means I've had schizoaffective disorder for a longer time than I'd lived without it. It means I've grown and changed with the illness. Not only am I a different person than I was without schizoaffective disorder, but I'm a different person than I was when I first became ill. I wasn't going to write about this, but the anniversary of living with schizoaffective symptoms is making those symptoms worse.

I've been taking a ballet class to help with my schizoaffective disorder, but still, schizoaffective anxiety almost made me leave. Exercise helps with mental health--plus, it's fun and I enjoyed ballet all through my childhood. But in my most recent class, I had a schizoaffective anxiety episode. Here's what happened.

I suffer from schizoaffective suicidal ideation. I’ve never made an attempt on my life, and I’ve never had a plan to end my life. But I think about doing so. I think about it a lot. I think about it so much that I’ve gone to the emergency room multiple times, and have even been hospitalized for schizoaffective suicidal ideation.

Having a regular sleep cycle is important, but for years after I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and then schizoaffective disorder, my sleep cycle became completely reversed. I was up all night and asleep all day. It wasn't until a little over four years ago--just before I started writing for HealthyPlace--that I got a regular sleep cycle back in place so that I'm awake during the day and asleep at night. What a relief. Here's how I did it.

Meeting new people can be difficult. My schizoaffective disorder makes it hard for me to strike up conversations with strangers, let alone make new friends. But recently on vacation, I met a young woman who I knew could be a good friend if she didn't live so far away. For the sake of her privacy, I'll call her Gina (not her real name).

Schizoaffective disorder and marriage can go together, successfully. My husband Tom and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary in September. That's no small feat, especially when you add schizoaffective disorder into the equation. I think our best secret is patience. Here's how patience helps our marriage stay happy, even though I have schizoaffective disorder.

Listening to music really helps with my schizoaffective disorder. I try to listen to soothing music, like Tori Amos' more recent work or pretty much anything by Hope Sandoval. A lot of people have suggested I listen to "happy" music. The trouble is, I don't like a lot of happy music because it tends to be in the pop genre, although there are exceptions. Here's how music helps with my schizoaffective disorder.

I know I write a lot about how my family helps me cope with my schizoaffective disorder, but it's important to have friends, too. A lot of my friends live in different parts of the country or are really busy with their children while my husband Tom and I are childfree. Also, it doesn't help that I have a tendency to isolate. But I do have an old friend from high school with whom I'm still close and we go out for tea or coffee almost every week. Her name is Casey, and seeing her really helps me cope with my schizoaffective depression.

I love to read, and certain books helped bring me out of the cavern of depression I fell into after my first schizoaffective episode. That’s when I first went on an antipsychotic medication that caused weight gain and made me physically, emotionally, and mentally lethargic. Books about people dealing with mental illnesses such as schizoaffective disorder helped bring back my spark and made me feel that I, too, could make art about my illness. Here are some books that helped me then and that continue to help me as I go back to and re-read them again and again.

After a hiatus from politics, I’ve come to realize once again that I need feminism for my mental health. The reason I’m rediscovering it is directly linked to my schizoaffective disorder: Feminism helps me to accept the weight gain that comes with the atypical antipsychotic medications I take. And it gives me perspectives on a challenging time in our world as a whole.