How Negative Thinking Kills Your Self-Confidence

Great article. I strongly believe that most of the emotional difficulties people experience are directly related to maladaptive, or negative as you call them, thought patterns. We need to continue teaching our clients skills to evaluate them in a more objective way so that they can experience emotional relief.

Very informative! I think a lot of negativity comes from other people. Please check out my views! Thanks!
http://tehaskett.blogspot.com/2012/06/how-to-deal-with-special-people.html

I think negative thinking and obsessive thoughts are sometimes a part of mental illness. I am now on an antidepressant and those thoughts have dissapeared slowly over the past few months. It does take work keeping your thoughts on positive things and keeping them there. I loved your article!

Hi Emily, I am 79 years of age. My father beat me to the point where I now have a very serious case of PTSD as a result. My mother heard everything and has never ever mentioned it ever happening. Neither parent ever touched me ever except my father's beatings. From the first grade, I learned my parents never ever said or showed they ever loved me. I had to do all the work around the house while my 4 other brothers did noting. I inherited my father's super anger and fought it all my life going through a few periods of almost committing suicide, and came within a few seconds of doing so. My mother who was there all the time was never a mother whatsoever. She never ever touched me even by accident. I went into the military for 4 years and saying good by included no contact whatsoever. We never touched, I simply said good by and left. I went to see my mother after my father died to see if my mother would be different toward me now that my father was gone and I learned she was the same as she had always been. I told her that I hated the way I felt toward her because she had never been a mother for me ever. I told her that I will be leaving in a few seconds and will never see her again. She said nothing in words and never changed her facial expression in the least. I said good by and left and just after closing her door I felt a great burden lifting from my shoulders. It was the happiest day of my life, sorry to say but it was.
The next time I saw her was 22 years later in her casket in a funeral home. I felt absolutely nothing seeing her in the casket. I don't see my brothers except now at funerals. I have never been to their homes or they mine ever and that goes back some 60 years or so. I was never a kid. For survival, I had to learn to get through to adulthood starting when I was seven or so. I hated my father from my first recognition of his existence. During some of his beatings, I wanted him to kill me to end the terror and trauma I went through. I vowed to never let these two bast_ _ _ s win and forced myself to become goal oriented and as a result I became a super achiever. I never ever quit or gave in ever. I will work till I die or can't move, whichever comes first. I grew up in a big black hole and will never see the top. Thank you very much for listening to me.

Carol...Just wondering what antidepressants helped with your obsessive thinking and negative thoughts? I have been on all the SSRi's but they didn't help with this sort of thing.

It is the hardest thing to do when wronged, but I will urge there is power in forgiveness. Kindly do forgive your parents even if they are in the grave, they are your second 'God' irrespective of your super achievement and are reason behind your existence.

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them..." but it doesn't sound like John's parents or brothers ever admitted their mistakes at all. Forgiveness is important, no doubt. However, those who have not endured the kind of life-long torture that John described really have no right to preach forgiveness so nonchalantly. Forgiveness can be a long journey for those of us who have endured unspeakable acts of abuse.

Amen to that Kyra. John, bless you for sharing your life story. You are very strong for survivng and sounds like the work that you do helps you. Do not feel that you are called to forgive. It may happen for you or not...Maybe when we pass, we will feel the love our parent(s) could never give in this life (?) .. I too felt nothing when one of my parents passed...except relief. I pray for that parent as that is the right thing, for me anyway to do, but feel no guilt over my lack of remorse over the death...only 3 mos ago. The abuse was unrelenting and had to care for this parent at the end. I am 54.
I have coped by learning to understand this parent was very very very ill. No mentally well healthy parent would abuse or maltreat a child.. It took NAMI course, years of counseling to help. Made all the difference. My family is my children and husband, not the one I came from....

Some parents are toxic and the only way to survive and have a healthier life is to disinherit them. I confronted my mother in a letter about my abuse, neglect, sexual abuse that should've been prevented, how it felt to not be loved, etc. She never talked to me after that. I literally thought I was gonna die. I was so enmeshed that I didn't think I would survive. It took me over a year to get over that feeling. It's been 15+ years now and I've run into her very briefly. I have done a ton of counseling but I, too don't think I will have closure till she's gone. Each of us is different and have different ways of coping. For me and my sister, our lives started once we were no longer involved with her. It's been a long journey for me but I don't regret "extricating" the poison.
Kara