I’m stuck in a bipolar depression and yet, I’m trying to exercise. I’ve never been successful at this – ever.  Now and then I have been on exercise programs, but I’ve hated every one and none of them have stuck. Not to mention the fact that getting my depressed butt out of the house to do anything is almost impossible. I have no energy and everything hurts all the time. Bipolar depression makes exercising almost impossible – but I’m hoping the truth is that it’s just “almost” impossible.

There are nasty effects on bipolar when I suffer from a lack of sleep. Luckily for me, I usually do have a decent sleep thanks to my medications but, sometimes, my body just decides to wake up at 3:00 a.m. and refuses to go back to sleep. I know this happens to many people but I also know that most people don’t have bipolar disorder. And I know that, for me, if I have a lack of sleep it really affects my bipolar disorder negatively.

I have bipolar disorder and self-harm urges. No, this doesn't mean my diagnosis is wrong, it just means that I happen to have a mental health issue outside of my bipolar diagnosis. But let me be clear: I deny my self-harm urges. Even though I want to hurt myself, I don't. But this hurts. If the only thing in the world that you wanted to do had to be denied, wouldn't it hurt you, too?

There are so many reasons why I hate having bipolar that I could have a whole blog just on that alone and I’m sure other people could join me in their hatred of bipolar disorder, too. I do realize that hating an illness is normal and that enumerating the reasons why one hates a disease is a bit of a rant, but, what can I tell you, this is my space and I’m going to tell you why I have having bipolar disorder (Bipolar Is Unfair).

I was thinking about adrenaline rushes and bipolar disorder the other day after I got to hang off the side of the CN Tower, the tallest, freestanding structure in the Western Hemisphere. Taking the Edge Walk, as they call it, around the outside of the building, 1168 feet in the air, led to a huge adrenaline rush (Bipolar Treatment and Risk Tolerance). So what is the effect of an adrenaline rush on bipolar disorder?

I’ve written a lot about bipolar triggers over the years and usually I write about bipolar triggers you can control (Pushing Aside Daily Mental Health Triggers is Tough). But, as we all know, there are some bipolar triggers you can’t control. I’m dealing with one right now: the death of my father. His death was very inconvenient to me in that I certainly had no time for it. I have no time for a memorial, I have no time to write a eulogy and I certainly have no time (or brain space) to grieve (Coping With Loss: Bereavement and Grief). But, of course, no one asks for permission to die and no one does it on a schedule. His death happened and I have to deal with it and it’s definitely a bipolar trigger I can’t control.

I realized the other night that I am scared of hypomania. Some of you may remember that a little while ago I suffered a particularly notable hypomania and it was then followed up by a huge, debilitating depression. And last night I realized that while hypomania for me, is not necessarily, always unpleasant, I’m actually scared of hypomania.

I admit it; I’m a bit of a people pleaser because of bipolar disorder. How is this possible? Well, I suppose I have a bit of a fear of abandonment – as most people with bipolar disorder do. This isn’t an irrational, “please don’t leave me” kind of a thing, it’s the experience of having had people leave my life because of bipolar and not wanting that to happen again. So I try people pleasing because of bipolar.

I have always argued that being honest with your psychiatrist is critical. Simply put, if your doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong, how can he possibly help you? But it’s hard to be honest with a psychiatrist and many people aren’t.

People want to know what to do when they’re hypomanic from bipolar. Should you stay in hypomania as long as possible if you enjoy it? Should you try to moderate it in some way? Should you try to end the bipolar hypomania as quickly as possible? People will have different thoughts on this one but here are my thoughts on what to do when you’re hypomanic because of bipolar.