Stop Minimizing Mental Illness: Worst Things to Say

Hi Linda,
Wow.
That is emotional abuse. Plain and simple. Your husband has found a sore spot and presses it to abuse and manipulate you. That is not right and you deserve better.
What your husband is doing could be about anything. You could be on a diet so he calls you "a pig" because he knows it will hurt you. What about if you were sensitive because you were losing your hair to cancer treatment so he called you "baldie." That's all abuse plain and simple.
He's _trying_ to hurt you. Which is unacceptable.
This isn't about your illness this is about his behavior and his abuse. Even if you get through to him and he never says "you're bipolar" as an insult to you ever again, if he wants to hurt you, he will find another way.
Please, please, please get help. You need therapy. You need people to backstop you. You need people who can see this for what it is: abuse. Get couple's counselling so you can express yourself in a safe environment and you can work together towards a more positive way of communicating, if that is possible.
You are not crazy. Your feelings are real and deserve validation. No one has the right to use an illness against you.
(This has ticked me off so much I might do a video on it.)
- Natasha

I sat here crying, not knowing what to write yesterday. I was so done. Am still so done. I hate this! I'm in a pretty bad depression, I am of course not going to hurt myself or anyone else, but even in the darkest of the dark, I can still find a bit of wickedness in me (humor). That if you think you know or at anytime would like to trade lives with me you can just go suck one.
I'm 20 years sober, and I've been told if I work the steps hard enough or be of service a bit more, REALLY turn my life over to god and be truthful and be totaly honest that these defects of character will be removed. "If you are brought to it, you can get through it" I don't know how many time I've come close to picking up that big book in a meeting and throwing it across the room and saying, "FUCK ALL YA'ALL" ( that would be my wicked bi-polar) maybe not?
I'm seeing my Dr. on the 8th. My dog Lilly still lays by my side all day if I need her too, and my girlfriend of 16 years still loves and reminds me that I can just "go with it" she never knows who she's gonna wake up next to, I'm thinking she kindda likes it, goin' to bed with one woman and waking up with some one completely different in the morning. OH, and don't get me started on our kids,they both are specail needs the girl is developmentally disabled and mild autistic, the boy is the same but he has tourette's, favorite word..fuck.
SO....wanna trade lives? No never. I got my cheerleaders. And if you need one, I'll be yours ANYTIME.
P.S. did I go off topic? SORRY :)

Thank you for your wonderful blogs Natascha. I love reading them, they mean a lot.

Hi Benee'
I'm not a big fan of the “If you are brought to it, you can get through it” I think it diminishes what people go through. A rhyme doesn't really solve a problem. Of course, you can always take the parts of AA that work for you and leave the rest. Just because they have their own book doesn't make them right all the time.
(There is also SMARTRecovery. I don't know if you've ever looked into them but I gather they have chapters in many places. http://www.smartrecovery.org/ )
No, I'm not really looking to trade lives. We all have our challenges but at least I'm acquainted with mine. It's good to hear you have cheerleaders. They rock.
- Natasha

Hi Rosie,
Thank-you so much. I'm glad my writing helps.
- Natasha

Hi Linda,
I quoted your comment and did a video commentary on the dynamic: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/06/what-are-you-bipolar-mental-ill…
- Natasha

hi natasha-
i guess i should clarify, my comments. they were not directed to anyone n particular, just running off at the mouth. i read some of the comments left here. it makes me so sad that we are in fact abused and at times not even aware of it. family members that don't understand, organization...A.A. (no resentment there-as she snickers under her breath), and the people that know you but DON'T know you, the ones that say those things about wanting to trade lives with you because of the car i drive, the house i live in, the way i look on the outside. that mask i put on before going out the door. that is when i can get out the door or the bed for that matter. i'm sure none of them could even imagine the pain and suffering that we go through to even want to breath on some days. would they want to trade lives with me these last 3 weeks? i've been in my jammies, haven't showered in a week. i wake up to go back to sleep and then wait for bed time to go back to sleep AGAIN!
it's been pretty bad this time, if not for my son, "tourette boy" telling me "I FUCKING LOVE BARENEE" (his nickname for me, and he does HAVE tourette's) i don't know what i would have done. he's the best cheerleader i have,when he knows i'm "sick" he shakes my head and says, "bad fucking head, you leave barenee alone" if he only knew that he might have just saved my life. blessings to you all! i'm going to bed.....YAWN

Never heard more TRUER words! Thank you for making this article I'm gonna read it to my mom.

Thank you for writing this. I think the most destructive aspect of this kind of talk is that it can discourage sufferers from seeking treatment - I spent a very long time attempting to eliminate my OCD and depression through sheer force of will, convinced that my unhappiness was somehow my fault. I hope someone struggling like I was will stumble across this post and consider seeking help.

For YEARS I have been dealing with this illness, but only now have I been diagnosed. Since I was a child I saw and heard terrible things, went into powerful mood swings and cried a lot. At anytime of day (especially at night though), I'd be so terrified of the things of the things I saw that I'd crawl in the corner and rock until I feel asleep. In my mind I had many friends, and as well as enemies. I'd hear several conversations throughout the day. I told my grandmother about all this and all she'd do is ignore me. A few times she dragged me to church while the pastor yelled at my "demons" to come out. Of course, after that I was even more traumatized. For years I just prayed and developed my own coping mechanisms. I became active in sports, dance,acting and much more, not only because I loved it,but because it was a distraction. As I got older, I somehow managed to drown out the voices-I'm down to maybe one to three. I still here the running commentary or conversations. I even hear a man telling me about his day. It drives me crazy sometimes, and sometimes I just listen to him, lol. I'm 28 now and while things aren't nearly as horrifying as they were, I still hear and see things. I lie still for hours. I get manic. My obsessive thoughts keep me up for hours, even days. I still fly into rages and cry for no reason-basically I still show signs of SAD. At night I'm terrified that someone or something is out to get me. I don't sleep cuz I'm in the corner on the floor waiting for that "thing" to come. I have fears that my dress form and wig stand will come alive. I long for the day because it's easier to handle. I just get so scared. If anyone is wondering why I waited so long--lack of insurance, for one. The other reason is that I got so used to no one else caring, I just learned not to care. I told the closest family members and fiancee of my feelings and recent diagnosis, myfamily doesn't seem to care. My man is trying to understand. My mother didn't want to hear the symptoms or what I'd learned-instead she threw scriptures at me. My aunt just shrugged and suggested that this was the manifestations of all my bad choices. Isn't that strange? I mean I feel so alone, and that I will have to deal with this alone for the rest of my life. I don't pester anyone with this, I mean no one visits me or calls so it's not like I am or will be a burden. I mean family isn't supposed to give a damn? I love them and would do anything for them and have done so much for my family without prompting, I am there for them at the drop of a hat, but now I've never felt so alone. Why would they do this to me? My apologies for rambling but I had to get it all out. My aunt told me yesterday that I was just faking it, and just cuz a Dr tells me something i shouldn't start acting that way. Although she finally admitted to remembering me tell her I need help. Her response to my anger that she was just giving me a "little" loving criticism. Wow. Just...wow.

PS- thank you so much for writing this. I wish I had a friend like you.

Hi Anita,
I can't tell you how sorry I am that you have had these experiences. Many people are with you on this. Many people have been yelled at by preachers. Many people have been told their illness doesn't exist. Many people treat mental illness like a little personal flaw like biting your nails.
You are not alone in those experiences.
But this stems from ignorance. Your family is ignorant. They just, plain, don't know what they're talking about. You need to remember that when they say things that make no sense.
If possible, you could help by educating them. Print some information off the internet (this post if you like) get a good book, or take someone you trust to therapy with you. You can help them become understanding once they have the knowledge to do so.
But it's possible that your family may never be able to give you what you need. That is a fact of life. Some of us are in that position.
Well, hear this -
- there are people who understand and who will support you.
I promise. There are people like me and everyone else who has responded here who understand what you're going through. You are not alone.
Maybe you could join a mental health support group, people often find they feel less alone when they do that. (Google NAMI for a starting place.)
You deserve better. You have an illness and it's about time people stood beside you so you could fight that illness together.
- Natasha

Thank you for writing this. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of ignorance that people have about mental illness- even those who claim to be educated. I think people talk out of their butts to hide their own issues or insecurities. Finding positive supports will always trump those who try to bring you down to their level

"Why is it that just because I see a psychiatrist and you see a neurologist your disease is real and mine is not?" - this brought tears to my eyes, it is so exactly what I say in my head so often. Thank you my dear. Your words help me feel less alone.

Lynoth,
You're welcome. It's one of my favourite messages to give people - you're not alone.
- Natasha

This is a good article. It discusses many things that those who are facing "mental illness" are going through.
Those that are looking from the outside in are not able to understand what those who are going through such a thing are going through. In their way of trying to help they use words and phases such as their illness is in their head, or they just need to get over it. Another one that is used is to try and take away from it by saying there are worse things out there, or someone else has it harder then they do. To one that is struggling what they are facing is real to them and is a concern. In others knowing that what they face is legit they can get support which helps them get through anything they are facing.

Oracea...
[...]Stop Minimizing Mental Illness: Worst Things to Say | Breaking Bipolar - HealthyPlace[...]...

I have Bipolar I and am currently 25, with the majority of a university degree finished. This was interrupted by bipolar problems causing me to fail classes in my 5th year after doing so well for the most part, after switching degrees twice, and managing to spend 100 grand in 5 years of student loans/scholarships/family loans, etc. I've been addicted to alcohol, smoking, and drugs at various times in my life, and have had some severe depressions where I almost took my life. The worst I heard was from my older brother, when I was 15 and he said "you're going to kill yourself before you even turn 18, and you'll end up in hell anyway." I've also had a severely ruptured patellar tendon (the main tendon going over the knee) caused by manic superpowers pushing me to jump into a shallow pond filled with jagged rocks. I've had people tell me (the knee injury) is my own fault, a university professor who teaches "Voice and Movement for the Actor" called me a gimp for two years while I struggled with physio to rehabilitate my ruptured and repaired patellar tendon, while helplessly watching my life in the 3rd person as my mood swings progressively ruin my social life and affect my academic performance. After being more of a workaholic than my peers for the 4 years I spent in theatre school I was called "unreliable" by some insensitive teachers, after climbing ladders to hang lights with a cast on my leg, taking on 600 hrs of rehearsal time outside of regular class hours in a 6 month period, sacrificing 3 years of weekends never and never ONCE being late for rehearsal. I've had the stigma on the my back for both my mental and physical illnesses. I also grew up with a craniofacial tumour and have had people ridicule that problem. A lot of people are astoundingly ignorant most of the time. I feel like, with all my life experiences, I'm 50 years old, not 25. Reading others' stories on here is uplifting in an odd sort of way, though I wish I could hear them in person. With love - J.

Natasha, thank you for this. It should be required reading for anyone who knows someone with a mental illness. I've shared it on Facebook, and I may also print a copy and post it on my refrigerator for my housemates to see. Some of them really need it. A lot.

One of the reasons I like you so much is that you feel like you are at war with the "mentally-well" world, and you go on anyway. I have felt this way for a very long time, chipping away at the wall of ignorance surrounding us. Other times I feel like I am at war with the mentally ill world; some of my opinions about recovery are not popular. But, I go on. -- Your #5 is particularly annoying to me. "That which does not kill me only serves to make me stronger." This lovely snippet of twaddle is attributed to Mr. Chuckles himself, Friedrich Nietzsche. When you've lost everything multiple times, been beat down by cops and thugs, done time in prison and mental hospitals, and lived - well, you must be stronger than Hercules! The fact is, you might be wiser, but you're weaker, exhausted, and used up. I quote my old friend Taz Mopula, ""That which does not kill me only serves to make me feel like taking a nice little nap."

Hi Elizabeth,
If only I could define "required reading" for people... the world would be just peachy.
Hopefully it helps you and yours.
- Natasha

Alistair,
Ah, well thank-you.
I don't really like to think of it as being "at-war" with anyone, although, granted, it does feel like that sometimes. I feel like I'm playing defence a lot. Maybe like a hockey game. I am Canadian, after all.
I like to say "that which does not kill us makes us bitter." Well, OK, I stole that from Chuck Lore, but still, I like to say it.
- Natasha

"There are a lot of people worse off than you" is my least favorite one, but I've heard it so many times. There are people being tortured in foreign countries under dominating regimes. They are worse off than someone at home in a comfortable bed with diabetes. So what's up with this statement? I think it is the person saying it putting their mouth in motion before putting their brain in gear!

Thank you for writing this!!!!

Thank you so much for sharing this and putting it into such a comprehensive, easy to follow format. I truly believe education is the best way to address all mental health issues.
Could I make one request? Rather than referring to the act of suicide as "committed suicide" could it be rephrased to "suicided?" The reason for this request is because using the word "commit" makes suicide sound like a crime. In the 70's in Canadian law, attempted self murder WAS considered a crime and people were then sent to mental institutions to "fix" them. Doesn't seem quite right does it? Very cold solution for a very real problem.
In order to remove the stigma surrounding suicide, we have to change our wording. Suicide is not a crime. It is the result of untreated mental illness.
My husband died of suicide last summer. He was the most loving, warm, caring, generous person I ever knew. But he didn't commit any crimes.
Thank you again for sharing and raising awareness of this horrible disease called mental illness.

Hi Kelly,
I understand your point about the word "commit." There are a number of different phrases that people use to refer to the act of suicide such as "completed suicide" and some people are very particular about them. I try to use care when writing about the subject for that reason and will take your point of view into consideration.
I'm sorry to hear of your husband, and no, he didn't commit any crimes.
Thank-you for your comment.
- Natasha

As a psychology student, I agree with most of this article. Trying to justify to other people why it is you feel the way you feel when you can hardly accept it yourself, or let alone fully articulate it is overwhelming on many fronts.
"Why is it that just because I see a psychiatrist and you see a neurologist your disease is real and mine is not?"
My biggest issue currently with psychology is not whether or not the behaviours, thoughts (symptoms) of mental 'diseases' are real, but the fact that I don't believe they should be called diseases. Society sets up a framework that most people can function from and make a life for themselves. In turn, society labels people of differing emotions and behaviours to have a ‘disease’- labelling these emotions and behaviour as maladaptive (which, within society, they certainly can be) when the individual is no longer able to maximize their priority, and in turn, contribute to the society that raised them. Many people take advantage of the fact that being an individual comes naturally, and that knowing what to do with your life comes naturally - it most certainly is a difficult quest, and philosophers have been concerning themselves with this since the dawn of time. I'm not arguing that the symptoms of certain circumstances do not present themselves in what we now classify as 'mental illness' (that is, I absolutely know first-hand that the symptoms in diagnosing mental illnesses are very much so present and affect tons of individuals) I just think these 'diseases' are in fact human responses that are often times justifiable, and as r.d lang once stated, "Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world".
In short, this is why I personally think having cancer or aids is a disease whereas bipolar is not. While there is some research of demonstrating the etiology of mental illness, I still stand where I do.

Hi there Differing Perspective,
This is a very well-thought out argument about the social construction of mental illness, the theory of which I understand very well.
Do some work with the mentally ill-homeless for 12 months or so and you will see the social effects on the mentally ill. Also, try telling them that their lives were socially constructed and you will get laughed out of the soup van. There are some very independently minded individuals out there.
Best of luck with your studies.

Do you mean to say that homeless individuals with mental illness attribute some other cause for their outcome in life that surpasses social context? Biological vulnerabilities, perhaps? Or no cause.. (That wasn't rhetorical, I am genuinely trying to grasp your point without misinterpretation - I'm prone to that.) For many, I would argue that social context is a huge barometer in determining outcome. For some, not so much, and some people (example - drug 'addicts') decide to engage in their behaviours simply because they have accepted their fate in life, and enjoy doing drugs. And yet society labels them addicts, often times creating interventions with ultimatums because they have become seemingly destructive to themselves or society - I would argue that this revolves around social construction, too.
Ps, I have done work with homeless individuals and other individuals experiencing mental ‘disorders’. Again, I am not denying that criteria for mental disorders or mean to say they are made up symptoms. I am in favour of assessments and therapy so long as the individual chooses it. I am simply saying it is very cruel of society to label this person as diseased when their 'illness' (again, not mocking the reality – just dislike the term) is a perfectly reasonable response to various stimuli.
Another example – I think post-traumatic stress ‘disorder’ is very real and warrants awareness and resources. But remove the word ‘disorder’. It is a perfectly reasonable response to extreme trauma. Post-traumatic stress disorder was originally dubbed “shell shock” - two syllables - almost like the sound of a gun. Soldiers experienced negative emotions after coming back from war. This is not a disorder; this is a consequence of a reality endured. Negativity does not equal disorder. I completely agree that there are some very independently minded individuals out there.
Apologies for going on and on - I may have missed you point entirely.
-M

Thank you for this wonderful article, Natasha. There's a chorus singing hallelujah in my brain.
Another phrase I struggle with when I hear it -- it's fresh in my mind because a mental health nurse said it today -- is "Everyone feels that way."
I know she is trying to comfort me by implying that I'm not a complete wierdo, but I've resolved to tell her at my next appointment that I hear it as minimizing my illness, and wonder if she is trying to convince me that I'm not really ill at all. This is a confusion that has tormented me for most of my adult life. Am I ill or just weak.
I'm very glad to have found your blog. Thanks for being you and writing about it.

[...] Tracy’s list of worst things to say to a person with a mental illness, from her article Stop Minimizing Mental Illness: Worst Things to Say at her blog| Breaking [...]

I am a reader of the website run by the person who left the previous comment @underground.
First, I would like to thank you, Natasha, for both this post as well as the one that accompanied it, "The BEST things to say to...". I have nary a complaint or quibble, which is rare for me!
However, I do have a thought or two to share with @Differrering Perspective (or @Differring Perspective?). I both agree and disagree with your point of view. Disagreement part first: Okay, yes, I understand the concept that mental health is not cut and dry, that there is individual variation along a spectrum. Similarly, I understand that sometimes problems are situational, or start that way. Regarding the latter: There are homeless people who are mentally ill. But not ALL homeless people are mentally ill.
Behavior may initially be a reaction to something situational e.g. traumatic stress. But even though there is a direct causal relationship between the event or events and the pattern of atypical behavior, it doesn't mean it is any less real or less of an impediment to mental health. Or that it goes away, or gets better, even when the stressors are removed.
Substance abuse is not so straightforward as what (I think) I understood you were saying: That users are making a rational choice, and just happen to enjoy using drugs. And that there is nothing wrong with that, other than in the eyes of the dominant culture and social milieau. This is why I disagree: Substance abuse can be an attempt to self-medicate for mental disorders (physical too, e.g. chronic pain). What percentage are the "normal" recreational users versus those with mental health issues, trying to find a way to become, or remain functional? Unknown. Certainly there are some of each.
Trying to say that it is merely a matter of societal context that defines mental health is overly reductive. Certainly when one gets to the point where one is no longer functional e.g. able to keep a job, remember to eat or sleep (which does happen, without any sort of substance abuse), well, it doesn't really matter if it was motivated by a traumatic event or not. Treatment is necessary to survive.
Now for the part where I agree with you: Referring to conditions like Aspberger's as a mental illness troubles me. It troubles me because there is autism, which is a severe mental handicap, including cognitive skills limited to that of a one year old, unable to speak, severe mental retardation. Those children, and the adults they become, require a high level of supportive care, which is scarce and expensive. Diverting scare resources, in terms of public sympathy, energy, awareness AND mental health care-givers, to so-called high-functioning Aspberger's individuals, those who are employed (usually in well-paying jobs as programmers, electrical engineers, PhD level researchers etc), not harming their person nor that of others, well, it doesn't seem right to me. In that sense, I DO agree with you.
Some very intelligent and/ or creative people are perceived as eccentric by others. Some have difficulties relating socially. Describing that as a form of mental illness seems misguided to me. Paranoid schizophrenia and clinical depression ARE forms of mental illness. Autism is not mental illness, but it IS mental impairment (autism of the sort I mentioned earlier, where there is profound cognitive impairment, NOT Aspberger's syndrome). For example, everyone in my family other than my mother would probably be diagnosed with Aspberger's. Lots of eccentricity, complete inability to connect with others on an emotional, sometimes even physical level, lots of compulsivity about work habits, intensity, myself included. But here's the difference: I am the only one of us that cries all the time, doesn't like to leave my apartment (for months) and so forth. We all have graduate degrees. But my aunt, brother, father, grandfather, two cousins have careers as rheumatologist, university librarian, cardiologist, attorney, first cellist in a major orchestra, senior management position at Siemans, respectively. Very important: They are quite happy, consistently (even if no one else particularly enjoys their company). I don't consider that being mentally ill.

Just went through maybe almost the most hellish days I have ever experienced. So smart of me to go off 2 psych meds, both of which are known for brutal withdrawals, and then why not quit drinking at the same time. Just get it all done at once. I had no idea of the physical and mental consequences of making such a wise decision. And oh yeah, I was also out of my anti-anxiety meds which are my lifesavers at times. I highly do not recommend doing this yourself unless you are in a hospital. Physically, I had tremors and shakes, could barely focus and and was basically non-functioning. Every once in a while a muscle would jerk reminding me that, yes I was still alive. A gun would have taken care of that though. Emotionally I was wrecked. Unbearably anxious and suicidally depressed living amongst people who had no clue and didn't really care to about what i was going through. My saving grace was my wonderful boyfriend who I could only talk to on a computer headset because he lives in Canada for now and I am in California. He has been through his own hell with depression and gave me what I needed to hang on which was sometimes just listening to his breathing while he slept at night, always waking up when he somehow felt I needed him. Oh yeah, this one is a keeper. Anyway, I just want people to know that doing what I did was reckless and will take down your nervous system. The fifth day I decided I needed to go out because I was feeling better but still vulnerable. I did't want to bring on a panic attack which I had in the past. The great, no miraculous thing is, once I got out of the house (of gloom) I was okay and felt so free and confident in my body and mind. Surprised and so grateful just to feel "normal" because during those horrendous days I thought I never would again. I wish all of you peace of mind that hope keeps alive.

I generally agree with #7. Unless you do. 1 in 4 people suffer a mental illness in there lifetime. There's a chance someone you know does know how you feel. And if you do know what it feels like I think you should tell that person. You need to say, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!"

Spot on truth there Natasha. The first time I sought help for lifelong clinical depression (major depression now) it was about 16 years ago. It was suggested I go to any kind of meetings and all there was available was A.A. and N.A..I was prescribed prozak and later paxil (neither really worked for me.)
At the meetings I went to I heard many of the very same things your post talks about. One I heard a lot is "get a job" and I thought to myself, "ok I can do this, they feel I can."
I got a job working part time and it was enough to bump me off state health care and I lost access to paxil and ended up having to quit cold turkey and had no way to afford a doctor to tell me what to do. It was one of the worst 90 days of my life as the withdrawal from paxil is horrid.
But I was working, we moved, I worked more and somehow thought what I felt must be normal, at least I was productive.
6 years ago I had some kind of mental breakdown and was unable to work again. All the rage, hate and depression flooded back so quick and I got so bad I would go more than a month without bathing, my wife had to make sure I would eat and I refused to seek help since it was such a disaster the first time.
Does mental illness kill? Oh yes!!!! about 15 months ago I had a first heart attack and a 2nd about 4 months ago. The 2nd heart attack I took opportunity to try and end my life by pushing the heart attack. You see I am a heavy smoker and I felt the precursor to the heart attack every time I lit up. I started chain smoking, pacing, trying to force the conclusion of my mental illness.
Heart attacks hurt so much! I want to never feel that kind of pain again. I finally tried to find help but in the state I live in there is not much help for mental illness. Well not much help if you are uninsured and jobless. Many health care plans offered by employers wont even cover mental health treatment.
I had to have a serious manic episode/panic attack just a month after that 2nd heart attack before I was offered a bed for 6 days at a crisis center funded by local community members.
Today I am trying to live, overcome and heal. It is difficult and most of the time I feel alone in it. My wife just doesn't get it and I am at least a triple diagnosis (how far I got 16 years ago). Major depressive, general anxiety and very serious PTSD (2x rape victim).
Good luck getting even some of the doctors to understand.

I got a new one last week. "You think yourself sick". Well, I think I could come up with better things to do with my life besides taking handful of pills every day, afraid to leave the house, paranoid over every little thing and worry about life in general. I am just so sick of people looking down on people who live life struggling everyday just to remember to breathe. It is not easy and I applaud all of us who show we are stronger than the arrogant jerks who want to label us as crazy, lazy or just want someone to take care of us.

great article. Thanks.
I dont even try and tell people about my MI anymore, because I know I'll just get a dose of this kind of sh*t. I just allow them to think what they want about me. It sucks not being able to be open about my life with friends in particular, but its better than the alternative--not being taken seriously. when Im feeling especially sick I just hide myself away until I feel well enough to come out. Thats just how it is and Ive learned to accept it. Sorta.

Hi Betty,
How you choose to disclose your mental illness and to whom, is of course your choice but I'm saddened to hear you make it a policy not to do it at all. Because, as you say, this means that you can't be honest and open about your life. I do understand your choice, but I hope you find someone you feel comfortable opening up to because not everyone will judge you or treat you badly because of a mental illness. Some people are great supports and by never telling anyone, you're missing out.
- Natasha Tracy

One I hear and absolutely hate...
When I fall back into the pit after a spell of doing well (or seemingly doing well to others), one 'friend' will often ask, "Well, what happened? You were feeling so much better!". It's almost as if she thinks that I've done something wrong to make my moods destabilize.

i hear these all too often i had too break up with my first boyfriend recently after 2 years because i kept hearing ÿou cry more than a baby", "grow up", "fine just do it"and now at work since a few of my colleagues know i have bipolar but know very little about the disorder as they come from countries where little is known about it i hear things such as "your taking too many drugs its making you sick"when i have a cold. Im trying to keep away from people with these comments but it seems too many people just dont understand or think that it isnt a real illness.

Right on sister, well said!

WOW you really hit home with this article .... I was diagnosed Bi Polar 1 manic depression at the age of 44. I'm 46 now. My family & friends just don't understand the whole "going out" problem I face daily ... I just want to stay in where I feel safe & no one understands that. Most times I just allow them to drag me around .. it's easier than having to listen to them bitch but then my moods change rapidly during the day. I have 3 sisters & when I'm around one of them I just totally lose it (everything she does just sets me off). I can't explain it & my other sisters just don't understand it as well. This whole mental health thing is so hard =(

Hi Jane,
Oh yes, the mental health thing isn't easy.
I can understand the urge to stay in bed - believe me, but maybe you can draw some healthy boundaries for yourself where you're not getting "dragged around" but you're also not completely trapped in your bed either. There can be a middle ground.
And if you find that someone sets you off, as you say, then I would recommend talking about that in therapy, if you can. There are reasons it is happening and if you can work through those reasons, you may be able to break the trigger.
What I'm saying is, it doesn't have to be quite so much of a tug-of-war for you. You can take more control. It's tough, but it's doable.
- Natasha Tracy

Hello! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading through your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Thanks!

How about all you need is wisdom or if you'd just listen to me I could tell you how to fix this? I heard both of those today after telling my husband I finally made a call to the therapist. And the awesome thing is most of the reason I'm going back is because of how I treat him and the fear of how I will treat my future children if I can't get a grip on myself.

sometimes family doesn't want to accept the fact that you have a problem and that they could let you know that they love you anyway and will be there for you. They say it is up to me to change the way I feel about myself. I try but when they do not accept me it is hard. I feel like I am just not worth it and should just go live by myself where I can't "hurt anyone" and try not to depend on others to make me feel better.

My husband of 36 years has severe, treatment resistent depression. I struggle every day of my life NOT to say, feel or think the above "what not to say to a mentally ill person" phrases. My adult daughter, our only child gets so angry at her father because he's always sad, angry and doesn't want to share me. He gets angry when I want to go out & be around other people or even if I want to do things that interest me - he barely tolerates me having interests that do not include him - which I do because he has no interests other than restoring cars which is too expensive for our budget - he has been on disability for 18+ years. How can I cope - how can I know WHAT to say - I already know what not to say?
How do I make my daughter and extended family understand why I stay?

I feel so lost and have gotten to the point I really don't care. I just don't want to continue. I don't think my insurance pays for mental help and don't want to have another bill I can't pay. Just more stress. Reading these stories makes me feel like its not worth going through it to seek help that really is not help. I am tired of the roller coaster. Maybe I should go away and start new. Not sure this will make it better. Thank for listening.

Only wanna state that this is extremely helpful, Thanks for taking your time to write this.

Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! "There are places and moments in which one is so completely alone that one sees the world entire." by Jules Renard.