How she got a job on our unit, I'll never know. When I was a patient on the borderline personality disorder (BPD) unit at Larue D. Carter Memorial Hospital in Indianapolis, we had a patient-led group. Staff stayed out of this group; it was strictly for us. L (name withheld) didn't care. She came into the group, and when we protested, accused us of "plotting against staff" and said we needed to "respect my authority." This was not going to end happily.

I have two nephews, Des and Landon, that I dote on considerably. During Thanksgiving, I visited Landon at his parents' house, Landon wanted to show me everything ("Fish!  Tree!   Light!") and gave me one of his toys.  When I visited Des at my parent's house, I held out my arms and he screamed--he thought I was a stranger since I'm not around him every day. Two one-year-olds.  Two different phases of development. So what does this have to do with borderline personality disorder (BPD)? Just as two one-year-olds may differ, so people with BPD may differ. There is no one way to have BPD.

You know how you sometimes have nightmares about monsters? Something like that happens to me. You know how the monsters lie to you? They lie to me, too, and sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I think that if I hurt myself, the monsters will leave me alone. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, but every time I hurt myself things get worse. I go to treatment--usually outside the hospital, but sometimes inside--to make sure the monsters don't win.

Many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have experienced traumatic events. Recently, my therapist and I decided to work on some of the trauma I've faced in my life. Short version: it didn't go well. I began having horrific flashbacks, strong urges to self-injure, and was irritable. We agreed that we should stop talking about the trauma for a while and focus on mastering coping skills. It took me a while to realize it's not a failure on my part. Sometimes, the healing process can do more harm than good.

Borderline personality disorder does get better if you work at it. You are worth the wait.

Sometimes alternative medicine can be just as effective, or even more effective, than mainstream medicine.

I went for four months without medical treatment that I received within four days of my transfer to LaRue D. Carter Memorial Hospital. The major difference between the two state hospitals is that LaRue receives some private funding--which made for better conditions.

Sometimes your mental illness symptoms may worsen, but increasing the dosage of your psychiatric medication isn't always the answer. Another problem may be to blame. Watch this video.

Recently I spent the night in the psychiatric emergency room. While I was there, the police brought a suicidal drunk woman in. Short version: she created a huge disruption, refused treatment, tried to leave and was eventually arrested for public intoxication. Mental illness, especially when combined with a substance abuse disorder, is an easy way to wind up in jail.

Recently I became very depressed for no apparent reason. My therapist and I decided I needed to be evaluated, and that's when the nightmare started. I live in a cluster apartment, so staff called hospital security to take me to the Crisis Intervention Unit (CIU). Hospital security said no officers were available, so staff called the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department. The police called for a medic, but both the medic and the police refused to transport me, saying that transporting me was hospital security's job. They made me sign a form refusing transportation, and said that all the psychiatric beds in Indy were taken. I was taken to the emergency room, evaluated, diagnosed with suicidal ideation, and sent home because there were no beds available.