I attended a dinner party last Saturday. I haven't attended such an event in years.

I'm not sure what happened, but I had a great time and didn't offend anybody. I must have been off my game. That's alright, though, because I made up for it by Monday.

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Somebody at the party made a rude comment that troubled me. It troubled other people as well. I was so surprised by it on Saturday that I didn't respond, but it percolated in my mind and finally started fireworks Sunday night. I then went to bed and even woke up simmering. I may go into it sometime, but suffice it to say that the woman in question painted guys with a very broad brush. Since I was one of only two guys there at the party, I took offense at that brush.

That wasn't the bad part, however.

I woke up Monday with a relapse from a bug; I was a little out of it. What a perfect time to post two glib li'l tweets about Saturday. It was my idea that it might spawn some interesting discussions on sexism. Somehow it hadn't occurred to me that if I posted a vague comment about an unspecified, rude female author then many of the female authors who were in that room, who also follow me on Twitter, might think I was referring to them. Instead of discussing sexism, I was soothing dear friends who worried they had offended me.

ADHD and Conversation

ADHD affects us all differently, and where it affects me most noticeably is in conversation where I will bypass the car chase and jump right to the crash. Those little details that help people follow along get left by the side of the road in a cloud of dust as I race to the good parts.

I had exchanged emails with one of the women at the party who was bothered by the comment. I even had an hour long conversation with another female author friend about the topic. Both conversations went well, so what went wrong on Twitter?

I got careless.

When I write emails I work very hard to communicate clearly. When I talk on the phone, I work just as hard. I know what trouble I can get myself into. I lasso my tongue and rassle that varmint down. When I post on Twitter, though, I open the pen and let the varmint out. It's my ADHD outlet where I can freely discuss absolutely any thought in whatever random order I want. Great for sharing links and making jokes; lousy for deep discussions. I didn't rein in my impulses and reaped the consequences.

As far as I know, I didn't offend anyone except maybe the rude lady who has yet to realize all this happened on a public server (What was I thinking?). To think that I worked so hard to make Saturday go perfectly, then erased it all with one flippant tweet. That's my life with ADHD. It's as if the ADHD me takes over the wheel for a bit, drives us into a tree, then slips away and lets the responsible me take the fall.

Well, no matter. I've had some great conversations come out of this, and it will further entertain my friends and family. My 17 year old has already had a belly laugh at my expense, and I had something to blog about. I'll know these newfound friends are lasting ones when they can laugh with me, too.

I am not a morning person. If you are reading this, chances are, you aren't one either. Sometimes, I have been woken up in the early hours to instant panic. There isn't a reason for the fear but as soon as my eyelids open I am absolutely terrified. Its a horrible feeling. When my day begins this way one of two things are bound to happen.

Either I accept the anxiety and try to ignore it, or I feel sorry for myself, pout, and sometimes cry, and it consumes and ruins my entire day.

My anxiety is always worse in the mornings. Always. Sometimes I find myself dreading to go to sleep at night for fear of what the morning will bring. I have learned not to plan important events or parties until the afternoon or evenings because I know I will be in a better mood at that time.

Symptoms of Morning Anxiety

Most people experience several of the following symptoms when feeling anxious:

• Rapid heartbeat
• Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
• Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
• Nervousness, sense of terror, of impending doom or death
• Feeling sweaty or having chills
• Chest pains
• Breathing difficulties
• Feeling a loss of control
• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Trembling
• Mental confusion

Causes for Morning Anxiety

Cortisol- the Stress Hormone

When we are feeling stressed, our bodies produce a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol levels are naturally at their highest in the morning and lowest at night. Our bodies will also produce cortisol when we are feeling anxious to help with the "fight or flight" response.

It becomes a vicious cycle. We wake up feeling anxious because of the stored up cortisol throughout the night, which makes us feel anxious, so our bodies continue to pump out cortisol, which creates more anxiety, which produces more cortisol, which causes us to feel more anxious, etc.

Low Blood Sugar

Deanne Repich, founder of the National Institute of Anxiety and Stress, Inc. says,

"Another reason why symptoms can be worse in the morning is because your blood sugar is low when you first wake up. You have gone all night without food. It's important to maintain a constant blood sugar level because the brain uses sugar, also known as glucose, as its fuel. If blood sugar levels are too low or drop too fast, then the brain starts running out of fuel."

Running out of fuel causes the brain to trigger the "fight or flight" response which we just learned will send cortisol through our bodies to help fight or flee the perceived threat (which in this case is low fuel).

Environmental Aggravations

Although these may not be the root of your morning anxiety, your bedroom surroundings can aggravate an already bad situation. Imagine sleeping in a dark room, in an uncomfortable bed and then suddenly a noisy, loud alarm clock scares you into reality. Soon harsh bright lights and the chill of getting out of bed welcome you to your worst day ever (Infuse Positive Energy into Your Home).

There are simple things we can do to help eliminate morning anxiety. Read on for Morning Anxiety 101: 5 Useful Tips.

The upcoming HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show is for adult women. Our topic is: What to Do When Earlier Attempts at Eating Disorders Recovery Have Failed.

Some 10 to 15 percent of women suffer from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating or maladaptive eating attitudes according to a new study from the Université de Montréal and the Douglas Mental Health University Institute published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders.

According to news reports, some women develop eating disorders in their twenties, thirties, and forties because they, too, face increasing pressure to be thin, just like their teenage counterparts. The pressures of pregnancy, divorce, job loss, and other common issues faced by adult women also take their toll.

But many adult women with eating disorders were teenagers with anorexia and bulimia which carried into adulthood. Some made attempts at eating disorders recovery in their younger years and for a myriad of reasons, the recovery attempt either didn't work out or didn't last.

Now, in adulthood, these same women wonder whether they can be successful at eating disorders treatment.

Recovery from Eating Disorders at Any Age

In her interview on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show this week, Ms. Poppink defines what true recovery from an eating disorder really means and emphasizes that recovery can take place at any age (Ed. note, video no longer available). Joanna Poppink, MFT, has treated adult women with eating disorders for over three decades. You can find her at Triumphant Journey: A Cyberguide To Stop Overeating and Recover from Eating Disordersin the HealthyPlace Eating Disorders Community.

Based in Los Angeles, California, Ms. Poppink says "over the years I've seen many people emerge from despair into a more full and fulfilling life." At this point, if you've lived with anorexia, bulimia or binge eating, you may be thinking: "That's impossible!"

Ms. Poppink swears it's not. You can visit her website at Eating Disorder Recovery.

Share About Eating Disorder Recovery

We invite you to share your experience with eating disorders treatment or trying to recover from an eating disorder like anorexia, bulimia or binge eating. Or maybe you feel it can't be done. Leave a comment and tell us why.

My kids are taking a bath. The sound of gurgling water fills our little apartment. The dishwasher hums loudly. My youngest is crying. Today, everything feels like it's crowding in on my psyche. I applied my positive thinking approach until the moment that I screamed for my youngest child to get into bed for her nap and then I collapsed.

I woke up this morning feeling tired and fat. I tried to shake it off. I finally went for the walk that I've been intending to take for the past two weeks. I felt energized for half an hour before the crash began to really set in. I began to shake with anxiety. I tried to brush it off, but it clung to me like a drug addict on crack.

Trying to Get Rid of the Anxiety

So, I tried to take a nap, hoping that I would wake up refreshed and more chipper. I lay down and listened to my rain music and tried to sleep. Sleep barely skimmed me and I alerted myself to the danger, apparently, because I tried unsuccessfully for two hours to sleep.

I finally got up and turned on the television. I thought I could divert my energies into entertainment. I watched White Collar re-runs. The TV kept my bad thoughts away until the commercials, at least. But then the thudding in my chest and the feeling of something bad to come overcame me again.

I woke up my youngest and we headed out to get my oldest from the bus stop. I felt self-conscious without my jacket. I was too fat to be seen in public. But I put on my bravest face and met my child's school bus.

The apartment was busy with getting after-school snacks and making a mess in the living room. My children are louder than I needed them to be, but they can't help it that Mommy is an emotional mess today.

By the time my husband came home, I was so sick and tired of the roller coaster day. I felt like crying. I felt like telling him that I felt miserable. I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide from the world.

Xanax. Sometimes It Takes an Anxiety Medication

But I couldn't do any of those things. I'm the Mommy and I'm needed. My family needs me to be functional. So, I did what I had been avoiding all day. I took a Xanax.

I pay attention in class. I really do. I sit there with eyes open and brain straining to follow. I hear everything the instructor tells me. Then something usually goes horribly wrong in the follow through.

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Take my first week on the job here at HealthyPlace.com. I started off by forgetting to both sign my contract and send them my email address so they could pay me. It’s nice to know that I was proving to them my authenticity as an adult with ADHD.

Then it was time for me to post a blog. I followed along during instruction without any major difficulties. Yet somehow my first blog here never posted. Didn’t I schedule it properly? I set the date. I set the time. The keywords were all nice and keywordy. The summary was concise. The blog writing was thoroughly bloggish and even spelled correctly. Yet I got a kindly email from one of my editors around 8pm with a prompt to post.

Oh! You mean I have to click on the “Schedule” button after setting up the schedule? Whoops. Somehow I missed that and left my first post in draft form all day. No, I didn’t think to check back and make sure things were alright. That would have been too easy.

Then came Thursday’s blog. I wasn’t going to let anything mess up this time. I set the date. I set the time. I hit “Schedule” with flair and verve. The post even appeared at the designated hour. Yet in my mailbox again was another kindly reminder. This time I somehow forgot to title my blog before posting it so that its URL was something useful like /adhd/something-useful not /adhd/42/.

So I deleted the blog and reposted it. Now it was number 61, but still not something-useful.

In the past, this sort of failure would drive me into Depression. I would be wracked with guilt over my lack of skills. I would worry. I would ruminate. Then I would spend every waking hour (and sleeping hour) trying to troubleshoot the problem. I wouldn’t be able to leave it alone.

That isn’t dedication. That is an aspect of ADHD that is referred to by Hallowell & Ratey as the “tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers.”

Now, I’m not sure about that last part. I don’t recall ever putting myself in harms way while worrying about something, but I sure wore tracks in the carpet with all my pacing. Over time, though, I taught myself to not worry so much. It took great effort in the beginning, but my perseverance paid off.

So when it seemed I was hopelessly messing up my blog posts, I conceded that I had no idea what I was doing wrong, let my editor know what I had tried, told myself that they were still working out bugs in the system, and moved on to other projects. A few hours later the word came back that even they were having problems. It was a glitch.

As for my first week on the job, well at least they can rest assured that I know what I’m talking about when it comes to Adult ADHD. I’m not sure that comforts them, but it might be good for a laugh.

I’d love it if you could tell me about your first week foul-ups. Surely something is far enough in your past that you won’t mind letting us have a giggle along with you as you share it. Please leave a comment below.

One of the ways I've learned to manage my ADHD is to utilize the beeping & booping power of gadgets. Between my iPhone and my severely packed iCal appointment calendar, I have more alarms going off than a fire station during fireworks season. I even change the alarm sounds periodically to keep them fresh to my ears. Otherwise, I’d tune them out. ToDo lists and sticky notes are also used in abundance to help me remember to do the important things. I have them all over my Dashboard and Desktop, as well as on the dashboards and desktops of the real world.

When you combine those tools with my tendency to run several dozen apps at the same time, and my apparent need to have a few thousand tabs open in my browser, you have a cacophony—usually, a sweet, blissful cacophony of busy-ness that is perfect for my fragmented attention span.

Unless I want to get something done.

There are times when two Twitter clients and a backlog of juicy, unread browser tabs is all wrong for productivity. Who would have thought? That’s where I found myself the other day. I had been given an assignment for a national magazine, but the article just wasn’t there yet for the editor. He gave me some suggestions for revision and there it sat. Oh, I knew I would get paid if I finished the silly thing. I knew an editor was waiting for me. I knew that I love the feeling of accomplishment when an article of mine ends up in a magazine. None of that mattered. I just couldn’t bring myself to work on it. There was so much else to explore on my computer.

I finally came up with an idea that I thought might be the best solution: I would create a no frills user on my computer. No alarms, no pop-up Twitter clients, no browsers, and no fun. Immediately, I set out to create a user who could only run writing apps. Everything else was locked down with an administrator password. It was going to be perfect!

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The end result was a computer user with a desktop so barren that my mind recoiled from the sheer boredom of it. I opened up the article, though, and began to write. Eventually, I set the desktop background to change colors periodically just to keep myself sane, but the overall quiet and lack of distraction worked its magic on me:

I finished the article.

Apps like CopyWrite, Scrivener, and WriteRoom for the Mac, and DarkRoom (.Net) and JDarkRoom for the PC offer full screen writing modes to minimize distraction when writing anything from your great Internet novel to homework. They provide an easy alternative to creating an isolated user account as I did. The important lesson to learn from this is that sometimes we have to go to extremes to offset the “attention deficit” in ADHD, even if it means living for a while in isolation.

Ever find yourself distracted by your computer but you need to get work done on the computer? Here's a few ways I've found that help get the work done.

Now I can sit back and reflect on those early days of my bipolar life. I lived each day in fear of the next. I mostly feared that I was going crazy. I feared that my sanity was to be taken away from me easily. I feared that I would end up in a cold, confined padded cell.

The Oxford Dictionary defines crazy as insane, mad and foolish with synonyms like demented, deranged and unbalanced. This accurately defines the sensations I felt in the first year after my diagnosis. I grew anxious as I feared fear itself. My arms were covered with etched claw marks, some healing and flaking. I woke up with a startle each morning, surprised that I was still in my body. I suspected that during the night I would fail and morning would never come. Or, at times, I went without sleep, spending oodles of time on the internet doing research on my disorder. There had to be a cure.

I made new "bipolar only" friends on the internet and shared the secrets that I did not dare share with any of my other normal friends. They would just think I was crazy and not the good kind of crazy where a friend jokingly hits you on the arm and says, "Oh, you're so crazy!"

I began to cringe every time my young daughter called "Mommy!" I just wanted to be left alone to do research and seethe inside. My mania quickly escalated and I screamed at everyone at any time over any little thing, Didn't they know that the research I was doing was important?

The research was nothing. It told me little what to expect. People told me little what to expect. Every life is like a flower. No two are alike. What I experienced is not what you will experience. All we can do is tell our tales. The research is in the healing the tales bring.

Oxford Dictionary also defines crazy as extremely enthusiastic, avid and keen. I choose to believe that I am those things now. Where I was is not where I am going. I choose sunlight over shadows. My fear is still there, hidden under piles of "research" but I choose to keep it under wraps.

Now I choose to live in the present without worrying about tomorrow. My first year taught me that the live research I did in the past helps me live without it's strings. I no longer choose to fear. I choose to live each day the best way I know how.