What is it Like Waking Up with Bipolar Disorder?

I'd say its realizing no ones messaged your phone because you've once again successfully isolate from your friends and they understand that "sometimes you get that way, to give you space until you're feeling better". Or realizing you shift started 2 hours ago and feeling the hopelessness of "not again" when you just slept for 13 hours and through your alarms seemingly out of nowhere. Or mid shift zoned out tired and numb, you didn't sleep cause your mind was racing but now its empty, you wonder if anyone will notice that you're 'not all there' or when your anxiety is physical though nothing has changed from one day to the next 'Am I the only one that can notice?. Wondering "Am I even capable of stability or change when one day I wake up at 6am, or feel fully rested having not slept, or couldn't manage to wake up and face responsibilities, instantly putting my employment or relationships at risk. It's having to communicate although you feel like you can't and its pointless cause so many blame you personally and can't seem to separate the illness from the person, and sometimes you can't either, sometimes you wonder if you're even in control as much as you try to be..

exactly what roxanne said. take my example: yesterday i woke up feeling like myself, i kissed my boyfriend good morning and i took my meds and even biked 26 miles. after that i was tired and kind of shut down by the end of the night, looking forward to sleep. i managed to fall asleep fairly quickly, i don’t remember falling asleep but i set 4 alarms early in the morning that i slept all through. sometimes when this happens i miss work opportunities, being an on-call service staff. i woke up numb, irritated and anxious. I can’t communicate my feelings, i can’t remember my dreams, just the anxious dreaded feelings they leave me in the morning. I wonder why no one talks to me, but it’s because i can’t give anything back during this episode. i’m waiting for something, i distract myself with writing, a book, or social media (this one isn’t the healthiest but it’s an outlet) i don’t know what to do these mornings. sometimes they get better through the day, with errands or something to do, but the feeling is over whelming and i go to sleep hoping i can be myself tomorrow. anyone have any coping skills for this?

Well reading this seems all too familiar. Y'all are not the only ones that feel like this. It is such a struggle and can't explain it. My problems do subside after forcing myself out of the house.