Tips to Turn Around Internal Verbal Abuse

March 10, 2022 Cheryl Wozny

Sometimes verbal abuse will come from within, even if an individual has grown in a positive environment with a loving, supportive family. For myself, even with a partner who has been terrific at providing everything I need in love and support, I still have that negative voice in my head that goes against everything he tells me. 

Why Is Internal Verbal Abuse So Bad for You?

What we tell ourselves directly impacts how we view the world and go through our lives. Positive reinforcement is a huge factor in many circumstances. For example, when I faced a negative situation during my day, whether at work or out at the store, it negatively impacted my mood. 

However, not all my problems will go away by telling myself things are all sunshine and rainbows. But if I can stop my mood from significantly declining due to adverse events, I can keep that voice in my head silent. 

Tips I Use to Combat Internal Verbal Abuse

Having some easy ways to help stop verbally abusing myself internally comes in handy when I start to feel depleted or face stressful situations. Some of these tips may help you in times of anxiety or stress. 

Love Yourself Like Your Dog or Cat 

Do you have a pet dog, cat, or another animal? Pet owners with furry friends would never dream of yelling at or abusing their animals. When you find yourself talking down about yourself, try turning the conversation around in your head. 

Instead of thinking that you are dumb or stupid for missing an important memo at work, use a different approach. If your dog missed catching the ball, you would tell him it's okay and to try again. Give yourself a chance to be better and avoid negative talk by remembering how you treat your pet. 

Stop and Breathe

If those voices in your head start belittling you, take immediate action by stopping everything if you can. Anytime internal verbal abuse pops up, stop what you are doing and analyze your surroundings. 

Are you hungry or tired, or maybe you missed your morning coffee? I remember a previous situation where I would tell my children that I get cranky when I don't have my coffee. For example, one morning, I became overwhelmed and stressed and was yelling too much. Knowing this behavior is unfavorable, I would then belittle myself for continuing these bad habits. 

My youngest remembered what I told her and said: "Mom, I think you need a coffee."

At that moment, I stopped and realized that I was getting out of hand and told her that I should have a coffee and calm down. I thanked her for the reminder that sometimes I need to stop, breathe, and just pause

Change Your Surroundings 

This method may not work for everyone, but it can be helpful in many situations. For example, if life throws you some complex challenges and you become stressed and overwhelmed, try changing your environment, even for a few moments. 

When I previously worked in an office, I made it clear that I had to leave my desk to step outside for five minutes for some fresh air if I needed a break. I would walk around the building once or twice or walk to my car for gum. Any activity that changed my surroundings helped me quiet the voices in my head that triggered heightened anxiety. 

Be Respectful of Yourself 

Not everyone treats themselves with respect. It can be hard to treat yourself well when you don't know how or feel selfish by doing so. However, giving yourself the consideration and love you deserve is as critical to your health and wellbeing as food and water. You can enforce more positive mental health each day if you think of self-love and respect as essential as vitamins and minerals. 

How do you deal with the internal verbal abuse so many of us experience? Share your thoughts and questions in the comments.

APA Reference
Wozny, C. (2022, March 10). Tips to Turn Around Internal Verbal Abuse, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 22 from

Author: Cheryl Wozny

Cheryl Wozny is a freelance writer and published author of several books, including a mental health resource for children, titled Why Is My Mommy So Sad? Writing has become her way of healing and helping others. Find Cheryl on TwitterInstagramFacebook, and on her blog

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