Negative Thoughts Are a Choice? No, They’re Not

It’s one of the original facets of mental health stigma: the belief that negative thoughts are a choice. I’d wager nearly everyone has had someone tell them that at one point or another. Mental health stigma can manifest in many complex ways, but that idea is rather straightforward and simple. Despite that, it’s a truly grating form of mental health stigma and one I encountered again last week.

I Don’t Choose to Have a Negative Thoughts and Internal Dialog

For whatever reason, people still have this idea that having negative thoughts or a negative internal dialog is a choice that can be avoided by just thinking positive thoughts.

Here’s the reality: I don’t choose to have a negative internal dialog. I’d much rather I didn’t because, let me tell you, it’s a hell of a time navigating life this way. Annoying, frustrating, infuriating, defeating, upsetting -- I’m not sure these words even sufficiently encompass the experience. That’s probably why it’s so grating when people think that simply rejecting negative thoughts and having a positive mindset will magically fix things.

In today’s episode of “just think positive thoughts,” an individual was trying to give, for lack of a better word, a motivational speech to a group, myself included. I competitively compete in a sport, and a big team tournament is coming up. One of the members of the team wanted to give words of encouragement to all of us.

Instead, what ended up happening was the issuance of sentiments such as, “don’t think negative thoughts,” or “don’t let negative thoughts or frustrations enter your mind because then everything becomes negative.” The person even made hand gestures, cupping his hands before him and then bringing them toward his head, as if the negativity is outside of us, and we scoop it into our psyche or invite it into our brains.

For someone like me, who has struggled a lot with negative self-talk, it’s really not that simple. I do get to the point of frustration when competing, and the thoughts get loud and start looping things like, “Why do you even try?” “Everyone is so much better than you; you’re embarrassing yourself.” “You’re such a train wreck; you’re letting the team down!”

No amount of positive thinking makes those thoughts go away. It’s a lot of effort to even keep going with whatever I’m doing when that goes on.

A Key Thing I Do When People Say to Just ‘Be Positive’

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: we can’t control how others see and understand mental health, but we can control how we respond to the ensuing mental health stigma. In this video, I go over one key thing I do when people say to just be positive instead of having negative thoughts.