Your Mental Health: When to Come Out to a Romantic Partner

We've all been there. A new summer romance has added a skip to your step. Your mind obsesses about the wonderful future you will have together. And then, you realize, you haven’t told them about your mental health issues.

So, when is the right time to disclose your mental illness? Is it the same for everyone? Is there ever even a right time to come out about your mental health condition?

Disclosing the Details of Mental Illness

I unfortunately don’t have all the answers to these questions, but I do have a lot of experience in the matter. The most important thing to consider is what you expect from the relationship. If you think wedding bells will be in your future, it may be best to be as open and honest as humanly possible. But if it’s just going to be a fling, then it might not be necessary to air out all of your dirty mental health laundry.

I was with the same woman for much of my psychiatric battles. She knew me inside and out and there was nothing I could hide from her. But once we broke up, after a five-year relationship, I had to start thinking about just how open I wanted to be with potential romantic partners.

For the first few after the breakup of my long-term relationship, it was easy. I didn’t tell them anything. I lied. I made up convoluted stories to explain the many time lapses in my personal story that were filled with psychiatric hospitalizations. But these short relationships were essentially me testing the romantic waters again after psychiatric crisis. I never really had any intention of making them long term, so I didn’t feel guilty not telling the whole truth.

Is This Love?

Then, I met the girl that I knew I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. Within only a few weeks of casual dating, I came out with my entire disturbing story of major depression, suicide attempts, drug addiction, drug-induced psychosis and mania. I knew that I wanted to spend my life with her so I threw all my cards on the table. I remember thinking that it was make or break. Either she will accept me for who I am, or she won’t, and then I will be forced to move on.

It turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. Not only was she understanding and sympathetic, but she was genuinely interested in my story. Interested in the depths of hell that I survived and also interested in my slow, often painful rise up from a state of complete and utter chaos.

So when considering coming out to a romantic partner, take into account both what you expect from the relationship and also their relative degree of empathy. You just may find out that when presented with the information in the right manner, some people are more understanding than you may give them credit for.

The Completely in Blue website is here. Chris is also on Google+, Twitter and Facebook.