Childhood ADHD and Stealing: What's Going on with Your Kid?
It's common for children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to steal from family members and friends. Knowing ADHD is probably behind a child's stealing behavior doesn't make it less frustrating, of course, nor less scary. After all, outside our homes, stealing is illegal. Parents of children with mental illnesses already worry enough about our kids ending up in the legal system. It's important, then, to figure out what might be causing our children with ADHD to steal.
Four Reasons Your Child with ADHD Might Steal
Stealing is so common in children with ADHD that many wonder if stealing is a symptom of ADHD. There are four reasons why your child with ADHD is stealing. Knowing them can help you be a better parent.
1. Your Child with ADHD May Steal to Meet Personal Needs
Some children might find certain items comforting so they take them. Some may be bored and grab the first thing to occupy them. For my son, he's usually hungry. ADHD medications commonly cause decreased appetite. While on meds during the day, my son eats practically nothing. Then, at night, he becomes ravenous. If your child has disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD) like mine, nothing triggers an outburst better than being "hangry".
My family has a years-long habit now of leaving out healthy snacks while locking our cabinets and fridge at night. Otherwise, my son steals things. Once, when he was little, he stole an entire cake and hid it under his bed. He rarely understands why we get upset, arguing that he was just hungry and needed food.
2. Child May Lack Impulse Control or Have Lowered Executive Functioning
I mentioned this when discussing childhood ADHD and lying, but symptoms of ADHD include lack of impulse control and poor executive functioning. For instance, when my son sees money lying around at home, he'll take it. He considers the immediate reward of having money to buy candy. He does not think past the candy-buying to the point where he gets in trouble for stealing.
So far, this behavior is limited to our home. We ground him when it happens, but the best we can do to prevent it is to remove the opportunity. When he's older, with better-developed executive functioning, we may change our response. For now, we just make sure money isn't lying around.
3. Conduct Disorders Cause Kids with ADHD to Steal
While it's not the case for my son, conduct disorder may be at play in some kids with ADHD, DMDD, or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). Conduct disorder is defined as a pattern of behaviors that violate the basic rights of others. Age-appropriate norms are purposely violated. Children with this disorder may enjoy upsetting people and breaking rules. They typically know right from wrong.
This is much different than simply lacking impulse control or not anticipating consequences. If you suspect your child has conduct disorder, consult your pediatrician immediately.
4. Remember Your Child's Stage of Development Is Not the Same as His Peers
Finally, for some kids, they haven't reached the developmental stage in which they understand the moral implications of stealing. Toddlers, for instance, steal all the time. We don't get offended. We may not even call it stealing. As parents, we simply tell them it's "not nice" and make them give back the item they took.
Part of the definition of mental illness is that symptoms affect "normal" development. It's hard, as a parent of a child with mental illness, then, to know if our kids' behaviors are typical or not. A provider once told me I should expect my son to always be about three years behind his peers in behavioral and emotional control. I don't know if this is scientifically valid, but it does seem to be the case. My daughter is three years younger than my son. She does not have a mental illness. The two kids operate at about the same emotional and behavioral level.
What I'm saying is, if your child has a behavioral disorder and they are stealing, don't assume they're "bad". They may not yet have developed the same moral reasoning as other kids their age. They may not yet comprehend how stealing affects other people. We may simply need to continue reinforcing norms and expectations until they finally get them.
APA Reference
David, M.
(2017, December 4). Childhood ADHD and Stealing: What's Going on with Your Kid?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, December 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/parentingchildwithmentalillness/2017/12/childhood-adhd-and-stealing
Author: Melissa David
ADHD is a spectrum, experienced differently by different individuals, so screw you.
As an ADHD gremlin myself, I stole from an early age and thoroughly hated myself for it, but it literally hurt me to fight against the urge. My parents thought me utterly disgusting, until they got my diagnosis and finally said a meaningful sorry, for the first time in my memory.
Your experience is not everybody. Don't be a git, please, I'm sick of self-righteous people ruining my mood. You're not the embodiment of ADHD just because you have it.
This is terrible honestly you’re making your child believe that he can’t get caught. Don’t embarrass your child they’ll never forget it. Teach them not to steal see why they stole even try to come and understand. Somewhat my parents did because I had no actual reason to steal I just like to steal
I do respite for a 12 year old with ADHD and autism. Before he comes for his overnight breaks I ensure that the house is set up to removed the risks of him taking things (e.g. I remove my house phone from the charger and put it out of sight - it’s something he’s taken home in the past). I have specific trousers I wear when I have him that grave lots of pickers so I always have my mobile and TV controller on me!! As for food he is forbidden here from going in kitchen cupboards or the fridge. However I have small pots which I fill with fruit and the odd snack and replace these on my counter top as he takes them. I’ve chosen to mitigate the risk of him taking things as he has done in the past. I only have him once a week for an overnight (24 hours) and my family are grown up so I’m lucky that I can give him all my time and attention and join his world for that time. It’s harder for parents juggling family life and these issues. But reducing the risk of it happening and therefore not having to deal with it is working in my situation. I’m also lucky to have a lot of storage space with locks so can put things away that he had taken before. I have no idea if this will be helpful but doing this means his time with me is so much less challenging and much happier for him.
As a person with adhd all yall are pretty dumb and are pretty bad parents after reading some of these tbh theres this crazy thing called a allowance and if you reward him (which stimulates and promotes healthy dopamine responses) for him doing house chores then he would have money which would mean he wouldnt have the urge to steal (shocker i know)
All the best parents who know it all don’t actually have children. You sir, obviously don’t have children.
As a parent of two children with ADHD and having it myself, I can say that this article from ADDitude really works. When a child is used to being the failure, they give up as a defense mechanism. This makes behavior worse.
I know the strategies an the article are not the knee-jerk response parents want to have. I know it sounds like "going too easy on them" or some variation of that idea. I also know that ADHD brains are wired differently, and don't respond well to discipline and punishment that "works on standard (neurotypical) children." Children can tell when parents have written them off, or despise them.
When is the last time you as an adult did what someone asked you to do, when they consistently insulted and or punished you (worth very little to no complements or praise)? I imagine, the first response would be defiance. If it was a boss, wouldn't you quit? Well, children can't do that, so in the same situation, they quit trying, and that looks a lot like the behaviors we are trying to stop.
Discipline has it's place, it just needs to be added to the back end of consistent strategies with planning ahead and rewards for even the smallest good behaviors. When a parent knows what sets their child off, they can help avoid the situation or confrontation. If that sounds too lenient, think for a moment if as an adult, you avoid things you know will set you off? It is teaching life skills, which they desperately need. Punishment doesn't do that, but being an example, and breaking it down verbally (step by step) consistently over time helps.
This will work much better After making a point to praise the child for even the smallest good behavior, for even a week or two first.
For example, if a child raids the pantry at night or in the morning, have high protein snacks and fruit out on the counter, and lock up the Sweets if your have to. Most adults can't control sugar cravings, how are children with lower impulse control, and lower dopamine in the brain supposed to do it?
https://www.additudemag.com/behavior-punishment-parenting-child-with-adhd/
Here are a few excerpts.
And when you repeatedly punish a child for behavior he can’t control, you set him up to fail. Eventually, their desire to please you evaporates. He thinks, “Why bother?” The parent-child relationship suffers as a result.
In their quest to quash behavior problems, many parents overlook all the positive ways in which their child behaves. The resulting negativity can cast a pall over the household that affects every aspect of life.
“Retrain yourself to look at the positives,” says Dr. Severe. “Catch your child being good or doing something well, and praise her. When you point out and praise desirable behaviors, you teach her what you want — not what you don’t want.”
According to social psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., research shows that a ratio of three positive comments for every one critical comment results in the best outcomes in terms of fostering well-being, building resilience, and maintaining healthy relationships. This Losada ratio has been covered extensively in Fredrickson’s 2009 book, Positivity (#CommissionsEarned) and her 2013 follow-up Love 2.0
It’s perfectly normal to feel angry at your child from time to time. It’s not OK to continually shout at her. You wouldn’t dream of screaming and swearing at friends or coworkers, so you know you can control your anger if you must.
Next time your child does something that causes your blood to boil, leave the room, take a few deep breaths, or do something else to calm yourself. When you demonstrate self-calming techniques in this way, you teach your child the importance of managing her emotions.
If you do lose your temper, do not hesitate to apologize to your child.
I appreciate this reply I just learned some new techniques I'm going to try. I'm struggling as a mom and I don't really know how to help him other than get frustrated. And I know frustration isn't the answer and won't solve anything. If you have any other tips can u email some links or tips. Thank u and God bless
I give my 13 year old daughter £10 a week, plus other bits of change throughout the week for school etc. she gets new clothes/shoes and stuff bought regularly. But I’ve recently discovered she’s been stealing money from me. I have no idea how much but I think about £200-300 if I had to estimate. She’s came home from school today with brand new trainers that she said were her friends but her friends just messaged asking did she take them out of her bag. I’m at my wits end and duno what to do 2bh. Came here for some information because I believe hers is a genuine urge/impulse to steal
I’m just going through this now but he’s been caught stealing from lickers at his school, so niw it might become a police matter.
My daughter has been stealing for years. She is now 18 has a job and earns her money but will still steal from me, her sister and niece. After reading this article I now believe that it is all linked to adhd. She has only just been diagnosed even though I have been fighting this since she was 3, we even padlocked our bedroom doors and she just broke in. I cry every night and it’s making me I’ll but she still can’t stop
As nice as it would be for this to be the case, it is definitely not always that simple. In my experience with my daughter, your theory is not correct. Also it is not true or very nice to call parents "bad parents" or dumb. just because something may work for you does not mean that it works for everyone.
My daughter had adhd and steals money. She is given an allowance every week and earns more money by doing chores. What, as an adhd sufferer, do you suggest I do to to stop this?
She is using the money to buy sweets and chocolate and I find countless sharing bags of sweets and crisps stashed down the back of her bed. I give her what she would like for lunch (a pack of crisps, sandwich, drink and small chocolate bar) and then a healthy dinner but she still steals. If I find her stealing and stop her going out she pretends to her friends that I don't feed her so they buy things for her.
I don't think I'm a bad mother so as an adhd sufferer please could you advise what I should do to help her and protect my other children (I can't hide their things or their money).
Thanks, Laura
My son does the same thing. The money he takes is always to buy sweets and junk, it's an addiction. As an ADHD sufferer myself I can tell you that the compulsion to eat sugar to get your brain functioning at a normal level is all consuming. I have eaten until I've made myself sick. I know it was because of adhd because the moment I took meds the compulsion completely disappeared. Unfortunately it's a vicious cycle as the comedown leads to more sugar intake needed.
I can't offer advice as I have the same problem with my son but I just wanted you to know that it's very normal with ADHD.
My daughter get allowances, sweets and still steals them. All the positive can be blown with her lies and stealing. We are completely at a loss until she is medicated.
I find this article and your wording quite disturbing. I have ADHD and so do my sons, to have it described as a mental illness is awful. We are wired differently, we aren't ill. You can't catch it and it doesn't come and go, that's just how we are made. It isn't triggered by something like depression or schizophrenia are.
I sincerely hope you don't word it that way to your child as that will have a lasting and devastating impact on his confidence.
In the psychological/medical world ADHD is considered a mental illness ma’am. This is why the medication is prescribed by a psychologist; and why most patients with ADHD are a behavioral therapist as well. Most people I know who had ADHD as a child also have bipolar disorder when they become an adult. There’s nothing wrong with it. Everything is treatable. Her wording is actually on point and quite refreshing.
I fully agree. My son has adhd and not once have I have thought of it seen it referred to as a mental illness. Just in this article. Glad I am not alone in feeling this way Christina.