Why The Courage to Heal Isn't on My Recommended Reading List
The Courage to Heal is a self-help book – “A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse” - that has enjoyed widespread popularity among both those living with Dissociative Identity Disorder and many of their treatment providers since its first publication in 1988. I first read it six years ago and found it helpful in some ways. But subsequent readings have illuminated for me the book’s biggest flaw: its reckless approach to traumatic memory.
If you are unable to remember any specific instances [of abuse] but still have a feeling that something abusive happened to you, it probably did. - The Courage to Heal, 1st edition
A Hunch Isn't A Traumatic Memory
Thanks in large part to Laura Davis and Ellen Bass, authors of The Courage to Heal, this if-you-suspect-it-happened-then-it-probably-did idea is still circulating among pockets of Dissociative Identity Disorder treatment providers and sufferers. While I respect instinct, referring to hunches as memories is at best absurd and at worst dangerous. There is no scientific data to support something so disturbingly reminiscent of witch hunt logic and in fact, there's plenty of research that speaks to the opposite. The Innocence Project, an organization working to overturn wrongful convictions primarily through DNA testing, reports:
Eyewitness misidentification is the single greatest cause of wrongful convictions nationwide, playing a role in more than 75% of convictions overturned through DNA testing.
While eyewitness testimony can be persuasive evidence before a judge or jury, 30 years of strong social science research has proven that eyewitness identification is often unreliable. Research shows that the human mind is not like a tape recorder; we neither record events exactly as we see them, nor recall them like a tape that has been rewound. Instead, witness memory is like any other evidence at a crime scene; it must be preserved carefully and retrieved methodically, or it can be contaminated.
Traumatic memory is not infallible. I believe it's vital for both those of us living with Dissociative Identity Disorder and our treatment providers to remain aware of that fact.
Let's Not Make Assumptions about Traumatic Memory
As uncomfortable as it is, living with Dissociative Identity Disorder means making peace with a fair amount ambiguity. It's tempting to try and rid ourselves of that discomfort by jumping to conclusions about traumatic memory, which is precisely what I believe The Courage to Heal promotes, purposefully or not. But we owe it to ourselves to exercise more caution than that. Those of us with DID have the capacity to discern our own truth without relying on hunches to do so. And our treatment providers should be able to aid us in that endeavor without minimizing feelings or inflating the facts.
As for the book ... I appreciate the authors' compassionate message to people struggling with their pasts. I just wish they'd delivered that message with more balance, and a healthy respect for the potential ramifications of confusing hunches with memories.
As a reminder, Dissociative Living reflects my own research, experiences, thoughts, and opinions; all of which may differ from yours. You are the authority on your own truth. As such, and as always, I encourage readers to offer their own perspectives.
APA Reference
Gray, H.
(2011, March 3). Why The Courage to Heal Isn't on My Recommended Reading List, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, April 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2011/03/why-the-courage-to-heal-isnt-on-my-recommended-reading-list
Author: Holly Gray
Yes, yes! Thank you Wendy Williams. Glad to hear a "voice."
Thank you, Wendy Williams. This book helped me enormously. I have done a profound amount of healing with the many many tools they teach. I'd been in therapy at many times throughout my life and childhood. I'd been reading plenty of self-help books and books on the science of the brain and brain waves. But nothing has ever helped me heal from my childhood sex abuse as profoundly and deeply as the things I learned from this book. I am in a wonderful 12 step program for survivors now- something this book also led me to try- and many of the other women in my group have also found this book to be in invaluable and cherished resource for healing. To the author of this article I would say: Everyone is different- if it didn't help you for whatever reason, you should absolutely look for that thing that does. But I don't think it's fair to invalidate the experience of hundreds of thousands of women who HAVE found this book to be a powerful and effective healing guide. Why get online just to bash a tool that so so many find to be a beacon through the dark? Why try to turn others away from finding a potential healing source just because it didn't work for you specifically? That doesn't seem to be coming from a very loving place. This book was written to be of service to others. In what spirit was this negative article written? You could be potentially robbing someone of a powerful healing tool.
Because of this book, I have come so very far, especially in my sexual healing, something I did NOT want to address. And this book is the thing that blew the lid open for me and made me face how much of the way I related to partners was stemming from my history of abuse. It made me finally ready to heal those scars as well, and choose a path that has led me to the most fulfilling and healing relationship and level of intimacy I never thought was possible for me. This book gives you MANY concrete practical tools, for women who have all sorts of different types of abuse and upbringings. It's not at all geared only to women who have repressed memories or D.I.D. That seems like a pretty small portion of the book. Most of the book is comprised of common symptoms most survivors share, how this trauma affects our daily lives, and tools to implement to heal from these negative affects and become more whole, complete and happy. It also contains many many stories of actual survivors, all of which have very real and detailed memories. This book can apply and be profoundly helpful to ANY woman with any level of child abuse in her past, any level of memories, any level of side effects from the trauma. And the stories of other survivors shared in the book are so powerful, encouraging, beautiful, inspiring. You can see yourself in at least one of them, most likely many. This book made me feel less alone, and less like a freak. I've spent a lifetime analyzing myself and studying human psychology as an adult- I feel I know myself and why my mind works the way it does far better than the average person. I pride myself on my level of self awareness and self understanding. And yet this book helped me connect so many more dots than I could imagine. It was a rapid year of advanced healing, the year I worked through this book. It's astounding what I got from it. It facilitated a journey toward my truest and most healthy self.
And in terms of any other books survivors find helpful in healing from child sex abuse, know that THIS book is the one that paved the way for them. The first edition of this book came out in 1984 at a time when there were no other well-known readily available resources for survivors. It was still believed by many in the psychology community that incest was a one in a million statistic. There were no guidelines for helping children or adult women in therapy for this type of trauma, because no one was talking about it, let alone studying it or teaching coping skills for it. This book was written by a survivor and a woman who worked with survivors with the intention of being a lifeline for women when there was no where else to turn. THIS book got the conversation going and blew the lid open on just how big a problem incest and child sex abuse were in this country. It addressed the taboo and let women step out of the shadows into the light- to stop hiding their past and trauma as though it was a shameful dirty secret. To accept their past, and to face it and work THROUGH it rather than bury it and let it slowly destroy or end their life. And it gave numerous, clear, practical steps and tools anyone could utilize as they embarked on their healing process with this book as that cherished friend hiding their hand every step of the way.
It's wonderful their are so many books and tools now for people who have survived the most heinous of traumas, but those other helpful guides do not cancel out the invaluable and profound godsend this book has been for millions of survivors. It facilitated a total shift in perspective on the subject of incest and child sex abuse and heralded in a new and brighter era in healing.
These authors deserve their due, and I for one am forever grateful- more grateful than I could ever express in words.
May all of us find self-love, acceptance, peace, healing, and joy.