The addiction culture, the addiction lifestyle, can make it very difficult for an addict to get clean or stay drug-free. As they say on the street: “it’s not the drug that will kill you – it’s the addiction lifestyle.” One of the main causes of relapse has to do with the old way of living.

If you have ever dealt with addiction then you know how devastating it can be. It has the ability to strip a person of any sense of decency, reducing one to an animalistic level. When I look back on all of the despicable things I did to fuel my addiction it filled me (initially) with a sense of guilt, shame, and self-loathing. It got me to a place where I did not know where to turn or what to do. But….I did pray.

This weekend marks the start of the summer holiday season. Events like picnics and parties can be a dangerous place for people in addiction recovery.

Two weeks ago I took a Benadryl because I was struggling with some sinus issues, and a few hours later at work, I felt like I was ‘off.’ I was sort of dazed, out of it, brain was not thinking as quick, and my entire body was tired. It literally took me half an hour to figure out that the Benadryl was the mostly likely cause.  I take Benadryl a lot, and rarely feel any side effects, but this day I was completely uncomfortable in my body. I didn’t feel centered or in control of how my body was feeling. It felt like I was drugged, and it was uncomfortable.

Whitney Houston's death kept me up Saturday night because my mind was racing. Not only from the shock of a legend being gone, but also the speculation and response from media, but mostly from people on Twitter and Facebook. There is so much misunderstanding, judgment, and blame placed on addicts whom die, and am saddened to not see more compassion for the struggle people face when struggling with an addiction. I know at this point the cause of her death is pure speculation, and I will not try to analyze the how and why in this post, because I feel I do not have enough information to talk about it, without more facts. I do want to address the life and loss of a legend, the realities of a struggle with an addiction, and the frustration and sadness I feel when seeing the responses to her death.

A few days following the death of Amy Winehouse, I am still at a loss for words. When I read comments like “Well she had so many opportunities to recover,” it makes it even harder to explain why that bothers me. I feel a huge loss, for her family, friends, and this is a tragedy, just as it is a tragedy when this happens to anyone, from any background.

I called this blog debunking addiction because I wanted to debunk the myths surrounding addiction, as well as continue the work to de-stigmatize these struggles. Betty Ford epitomized this mission. Besides being a First Lady, she worked tirelessly to lessen the stigma attached to addictions, as well as fight for women’s health issues. She has been a voice in all of her struggles, whether with substance dependence and de-stigmatizing seeking professional treatment, or with breast cancer and the importance of mammograms. She was a beloved activist even before she became a First Lady, and continued to be admired and loved until her death, and her legacy will continue to live on.

The lies our addiction feeds us can be dangerous, triggering, and something we need to be vigilant of in sobriety. When we get sober it is important to separate the voice of our addiction from our true, authentic voice.