Should People With Bipolar Be In Relationships?

I have to admit, I thought this article would be about dealing with bipolar disorder -- the symptoms, how you manage bipolar disorder -- and whether all these things make it difficult to have a relationship. Or, maybe you've written about that subject before.
My routine, my schedule, that I keep to try to ensure that my bipolar cycle is manageable almost necessitates that I avoid the "normal" course dating, e.g., going out evenings for dinner, a movie, home at midnight -- when I *have* to be home at 6pm and in bed by 10pm. You know, dating could be done on weekend days or during a weekday lunch, but the WHY of it almost demands that you reveal your bipolar disorder early or before you're ready to talk about such a thing.
My bipolar rapid cycling with its constant mood swings has also made it difficult to maintain any type of long-term relationships. I don't have remission tho, so the relentlessness of the moodswings (as viewed by others) becomes exhausting. I hear things like "how can you deal with it" , , , "don't you just want it to stop" , , , . But also, sometimes people don't take seriously the fact that, for instance, if they wake me up at night & keep me up, or if I don't go to bed on the strict schedule, my disorder starts spinning out of control. And, all it takes is 3 days not on schedule for me to go into a "spin-cycle" of intra-day mood swings for about 3 months. The fragility is difficult to understand.
There's many other things that, even my daughter, doesn't tolerate well, like the fact that during a mania I have to vigilantly clean my house and stock my freezer with made-ahead food to prepare for the coming depression. All the schedules and quirks can be a bit odd and a weird way to live life; and can I really expect another person, in a relationship, to sign on for all that if my own daughter can't do it?
Gosh, I'd really like to hear from other people how they develop relationships, in the midst of what you talked about and if they have the same sort of problems I do with keeping schedules and etc. ... .

I've been married for sixteen years and I owe it to my partner to be as well as I can. But I think that goes for any illness and relationships. Also there is no need to self disclose at first. We are ourselves not the illness!

I have been with my boyfriend, who has bipolar, for almost 18 months now.
No, it's not easy, but yes, it is worth it. So what if he has mood swings? It's all about learning to deal with it the best you can.
I have bladder problems, but I'm not labelled because of it.
He is the most thoughtful, caring and kind person I have ever met, so a little depression here and there is more than manageable!
Plus, he is so much fun when hyper!!

My best times with people have been those who understood the consequences as well as the perky peculiar fun side of BP. The list includes animals, children, and adults who have lived - have a history worth remembering, or possess a quality of intelligence I can respect. Please choose your environments wisely or acquire a taste for solitude.

On Valentine's day, no less? Usually I like your site's posts, but frankly the way you titled the post just buys into the stigma. We are human. We deserve to be in relationships as much as anyone else. Signed, someone living with bipolar disorder who happens to be married for 15 years to a wonderful man whose last name is Valentino so I'm just particularly aggravated by this post.

I was diagnosed as bipolar in 2004. A couple years later, after 32yrs of being married, I was divorced. Looking back on those years I can see that it my illness that was the primary cause. I suffered through countless bouts of depression. I didn't know what was going on during that time. I only knew I was down a lot of the time. Since that time I have dating a woman who understands and accepts me. I see a therapist and I am on medications. My illness has abated some but it still raises up at times. I can control it but I have to be vigilant. I'm okay now.

I think this is a great article. I had already been married for 5 years before I was diagnosed. Before then, I manifested almost every symptom there was. My husband loved me despite my symptoms. We were married for 16 years. Did I question myself, as to was I a good person to be in a relationship, sure I did. But that was a self esteem question. Sometime I still question myself. I have good days, I have bad days and then when I am manic I have terrific days (lol). But I think I am worth getting to know and to fall in love with. I have to remember that I am not my disorder and the person who accepts me will realize it too.

I've had trouble with my manic attacks causing me to throw my morals out the window and have allowed me to cheat. That's a big issue for my husband of 9 years. If I do it again he'll leave so I worry all the time that that one person that makes the grass look greener will walk by.

My wife and I had many road blocks with my depressive episodes because they last for weeks. I think communication is key. I have to remain open with her and share. She does the same. We're at a place in our relationship where everything is on the table. For us it's the only way we've been able to stay together for 16 years.

Bipolar is different for everybody. Untreated, it can be very destructive, including of relationships. As with alcoholism for example, the biggest hurdles are accurate diagnosis and acceptance by the patient. It is not simple or easy. Not all problems of bipolars stem from bipolar. There is plenty of information on the internet and professional help is needed. There are effective medications. A new treatment for bipolar and depression utilises N-acetylcysteine on its own or adjunct to harder drugs. Look it up and talk to your professional about it.

Facts about the risk of developing mental disorders in the offspring of persons suffering from Bipolar disorders may be of interest to the readers of this Blog. My Danish colleagues and I were able to use a national cohort of 2.7 million citizens to identify the outcome in the offspring of rare parental combinations compared to the general population risks. When neither parent in a couple had bipolar illness, the risk to offspring of developing that disorder was 0.48%, about 5 in 1,000. When both parents had bipolar, the risk to offspring of bipolar plus unipolar depression was 36.0%. When one parent was bipolar and the other had never been psychiatrically admitted, the risk was 4.4% for developing a bipolar disorder. These "naked" facts are only the starting point for a discussion with an informed genetic counselor.

I am Bipolar II, and I have been married for over 24 years. My husband has loved me enough to educate himself and involve himself in my recovery, and he is a big part of the reason I have done so well. Sometimes I ask him why he puts up with me, especially when I am symptomatic and difficult to live with. He tells me it is because he loves me, and that I am intelligent, funny, loving and gifted and he has enormous respect for me. He further says that as a result of being married to me he has grown as a human being, become more compassionate and patient and appreciative of life's little blessings. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man as my mate!

My husband which now separated from we'd been married for 16yrs and I know now what I didn't know back then that he has what's called narcissistic. There is actually no way of any reasoning. There was no way me and my kids could live under the same roof as him. I couldn't get anything through to him just too much frustration. It was nothing but a circle going nowhere.

Damn right people with bipolar should be in relationships ... I've had dozens!!
I have just been dumped by a woman who told me "I realise you have an illness but nevertheless you were expecting an awful lot of a vital, well-adjusted woman to make a life with you...I don't know any woman who would have a relationship with you. That sounds callous, but it's the truth." She then went on to say, "My friendship is always here for you Bruce if you want it xox".
Clearly this woman wasn't right for me, but reading what she said, would any sane man, bipolar or otherwise, want to be in a relationship with her?
It's too easy to get sucked into the stinking thinking that says "I'm not OK 'cos I have bipolar". Yes, we are not easy people to live with all of the time, but as one who has dated and been in relationships with so-called normal people, I can vouch for their demons and inadequacies too. It's called life.

Me and my wife been married for 14 years,but she left after some arguements over petty things.The reason was she was having Narcissitic disorder, and earlier i didn't know that there is a disorder of this sort.She is the hard working type but ocd nature still can be tolerated.
Lately only i found out, about this disorder otherwise i would just keep quiet and after a couple of weeks she would revert back normally.At times she can be abusive too.Is difficult but not impossible to live together if i knew this earlier.
Sad and broken hearted.

This article just perpetuates stigma. It doesn't even answer the question in the title. Waste of 5 mins of my life

The question posed is completely ridiculous! We're human bipolar people have difficulties but who the hell doesn't. I have multiple diagnoses and have been blessed to have two men who were and are tolerant loving and supportive. It hasn't been easy but life isn't meant to be. It's a lesson and everyone, mental illness or not, has the potential to contribute and enhance t life of others

My daughter who struggled with bi-polar illness was blessed to have a romance like you read about.They had their ups and downs but their love carried them through.They had 15 years which only ended when she died from an illness unrelated to the bi-polar disorder. Yes, people with mental illness can and do have wonderful relationships,I know I witnessed one for 15 years.

I think the reason Natasha wrote the article is that it's unbelievable how many people give relationship advice that if one person has bipolar, the other person should immediately dump them, that it can't ever work. There is a fake statistic online that 90% of marriages where one partner has bipolar, will end in divorce. I did spend 20 minutes googling and could find NO SOURCE for this information, other than a made up number in an article in Psychology Today, and everyone cites this. Some people even say "Studies show that 90% of marriages. . ."

I totally agree with CmM.
I care for myself first. Stay on a regime that allows me to function and stay out of the hospital. THAT selfcare MUST come FIRST. If I can find someone who respects and fits into my world that's great.
Unfortunately, partners can't fit into my discipline for long.
I don't believe what I am doing is selfish or manipulative or controlling, its survival. I am honest with perspective dates, but I dont think they understand what they are getting into dating me and my illness.

I was in a relationship with a bi-polar male for approx 4 years off and on. he was manic only and all the time...charismatic, reckless, energetic, seductive, over-confident, constantly spinning delusions of grandeur, extremely self centered. it was very appealing at first, and medication made it markedly better, but in terms of long-term relationship material??? I really felt like some of the behaviors that the meds helped curtail (over-spending and gambling, for example) had become habits. I determined that he was...and always will be...a great guy to have fun with, but not settle down with long term and we were headed for marriage. I saw numerous liabilities ahead. just my personal experience, knowing that every bi-polar person is different.

Any person that suffers from any illness including mental illness should not have a problem with maintaining a healthy relationship as long as they strive to maintain stability through meds, therapy, and support. My son was married, developed schizoaffective disorder and his wife left him in the midst of him trying to actively recover. When he started on his road to recovery, he stated that when he was ready to date again he wanted someone who also battled mental illness so at least they would understand each other's struggles. All of this was said in jest however he did meet a young woman who was diagnosed with bipolar. They've dated for a year and a half and go to doctor appts and therapy sessions together and stand by one another during the bad days. They make sure they are taking their meds and they encourage each other to strive for a healthy life. At first I was a little nervous about the relationship but now I am thankful they are there for each other and will soon be married in October.

Relationships are based on liking the other persons character and supporting your loved one when in difficulty ect. If you as a person cannot commit support to anyone with a disability, then your family would not receive the Duty of Care they have a right to and deserve. So it is you who should not consider being in a serious
relationship until you can grow into a compassionate and mature, well rounded person.

I lived with and loved a man for 3 years that was bipolar but refused meds. There were times when he was wonderful, loving and playful. Mostly though he was selfish, mean, cold and abusive. Also he felt he should be able to have sex with me whenever and wherever he wanted. I took it for a long time but eventually we went separate ways because of his severe mood swings. Every time he went with another woman and it didn't work he was sorry and wanted to come back to me but eventually I moved away and he stopped trying. I still think of him and miss him but from what I know he is still in and out of relationships. If he would take meds he would have a much happier life.

Dont fool them either. Your going to have tohave self respect and lots boundaries with them, never a moment of weakness shown to them if yu dont want get played. Dont try study them or fix them, learn self respect dont let anyone run yu over treat yu less destroy your esteem

I was in a relationship with my GF who is Bipolar. She refuses to use any recommended medication and does not see some one to talk to. Based on her Urging, we got a place together 3 weeks ago. She moved out, after ONE WEEK, while I was gone one night without an explanation. Over the past 5 years it has been a ROCKY ROAD traveled, for the BOTH OF US. Although I do believe that she is Not her illness. And I know and love who she is aside from it. I would say that it is IMPOSSIBLE to be in a relationship with someone with BP that does not take the necessary steps to somehow manage her symptoms. Without causing much distress to the other partner. I love her very much, but feel like I am just enabling her by propping her up during her episodes or constantly taking her back when she leaves, since she refuses her self to deal with the illness.

Im happily married to an amazing man who is kind, caring, funny, loyal and trustworthy. Who makes me very happy.
We have been together 2 years, 11 months married :)
My husband has bipolar.
Yes the highs are high and the lows are really low, but isnt a marriage about being there, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer.
Marriages needs to be worked at.
And in my opinion there is no reason why a person who happens to have bipolar shouldnt have a fufilling relationship

Some Bipolar sufferers can be manipulative, self centred, selfish and abusive during an episode.These are symptoms of Narcissism which can occur during hyper mania/ mania.In my partner it usually occurs in conjunction with irritability, grandiosity, nightmares and sleep paralysis, intense activity and project obsession with low productivity, alcohol abuse and hyper sexuality.He finds the depression the hardest aspect while for me it's the hyper mania. I think the more episodes of hyper mania or mania a bipolar sufferer has the harder it is to stay in a healthy relationship. Treatment for hyper mania / mania is crucial to maintaining a relationship.

I have found from being in a very long term relationship, one of the bigger issues I face with type 2 bipolar is being able to cope with both my brain's distorted requirements, as well as her requirements, reasonable or otherwise. When the depression is in ascendancy, and you can't explain why you can't perform a task or job, it can be hard not to beat yourself up about it, but when your partner is also imposing her desire for you to do the job, how do you deal with it? I vary between a) summoning the extra energy and doing the task anyway, fully knowing that this is likely to have severe negative effects on my health, often extending or worsening the depression, or b) shutting down and ignoring the task, trying to explain to her why i can't do that. This can very easily lead to conflict and frustration, especially as bipolar is chronic for me and ever present for a long period of time. It's not that I don't care that her needs are met, and if anything i'm hyper-sensitive to her needs. I am fortunate that we have been in a very long term relationship and can weather a large amount of conflict, but i can only imagine how hard it would be to be dating in the same circumstances.

I met a bipolar 2 person about 4 weeks ago. Things seem to be going well, there was a break and then things seemed to be going well again, suddenly silence again. This guy is absolutely wonderful and expresses interest in me but then it feels like it can't be sustained. I guess there is always a possibility that there is a loss of interest unrelated to bipolar 2 but it doesn't feel that way. I wonder if anyone can share some possible insight into what might be going on.

Not all bipolar's are the same. Some have mild bipolar, some seem to manage their symptoms with medication. When bipolar is extremely severe and cannot be managed with medication, the other person in the relationship is in big trouble.
My ex, is manipulative, a liar, has a high opinion of himself, he screams and shouts, has violent tendencies, swears, is rude, cannot maintain friendship, could not hold down a job and loved to spend my money.
In the end I could take no more . Last year I had breast cancer and he was totally unsupportive. He cannot show empathy with others. He is the most important person on the planet.
I also think he has other issues besides bipolar, probably a personality disorder. He was 37 before he was diagnosed and only went to see a psychiatrist because I said I would not carry on with the relationship if he didn't. Unfortunately, his meds don't help and for my own health, I walked away. Now I am stress free.

You cannot have a long term healthy relationship with a bipolar person because the bipolar person himself will go on a guilt trip every time he has the episodes. (Regardless of how the other person takes it). and it will finally end up in a broken relationship or hurting oneself of the other person. There is just no solution to it. It's a cyclic infinite loop! You just can't escape it!

I was so in love with my husband I ignored all the bad. I would make excuses for why he was in a bad mood. He would always say" I will be happy when-----" He wouldn't get any help. I went by myself it didn't help us
There were weeks when he wouldn't even speak to me, He would yell at me all the time. Didn't have a kind word to say to me, Never in any crisis in our marriage was he ever awake. I was still going to keep my vows for better or worse. There were so many times he never came home from work. His dinner was still on the table in the morning. Then we had our son. He told me no one else would want me. I had no self esteem. One day he was driving the car and yelling at me about something. I kept thinking I could just open the car door and jump out. As I reached for the door our son started crying. I left him he divorced me. Then wanted to remarry. He only gave me 2 gifts the whole time we were together. one was my son and the other my freedom. He married 6 times. I think he should have come with a warning sign.

I have given up hope on ever having a healthy relationship of the intimate level. The longest and healthiest relationship I had was 3 years with an addict/alcoholic (so not that healthy) I was patient and supportive for him to get sober but because he was a functional one and I at the time undiagnosed- he accused for being unstable. I tried to do the 'I can't see you anymore because of it'. After years I finally had the guts to see if he was even alive and not only did he get sober with out trying to get back with me, he moved on. So I feel addicts don't even want me when they're sober. This triggered me to take an overdose resulting in 3 weeks in a psych ward then in shelters for several months and in a number of unhealthy relationships with addicts, alcoholics and ex cons friendships to intimacy. But now that I am housed and in a safe environment again I realize I cannot be in a intimate relation with someone with more bagage than me but doubt any non addicts/alcoholics/mental illness people would be interested and it isn't like I screen people nor expect to be screened but the stigma I have with mental illness just is too strong. I am still not even working and want to burst into tears when normal (for lack of a better word) people who don't know I have mental illness ask something simple like 'what do you do?' However me and my doctor still haven't found a medication that works but even medicated I don't want to be accused for not trying to manage my mental illness better and left for someone more stable.

All of you guys out there with lovely relationships to your bipolar significant other, are all of your bipolar spouses on some type of medication?
Mine is not, she refuses any type of medication doesn't take any other advise such as exercise, yoga meditation or anything.
I'm at my wits end.

Been with a bipolar woman for 2,5 years ALL i can say is that.
RUN ,RUN AWAY from them if you want to SAVE your MENTAL HEALTH!
Wanna know how it ends my story?with a charge for murder attempt!!!
but it was funny when i show to the authorities the evidence that after charge, she come to me and spend 3-4 days together ,while she asks to not be close to her area!!
dont know if you publish this,BUT PEOPLE RUN,RUN AWAY FROM THOSE MANIACS.IN MY COUNTRY OLD SPARTANS THROW THEM TO KAIADAS.....

Speaking from hard earned experience I can assure you that people with Bipolar Disorder do not have significant others, they have care givers, who they pretend to care for and/or con into thinking they are in a romantic relationship with. The Non Bipolar partner is simply a crutch to be used until he or she is worn out during a depressive cycle and is thrown away to be replaced during the next manic cycle. Repeat and Repeat and Repeat ad nauseum. Avoid these people like the plague they are

I have been dating a bipolar man for about 6 months. All of it has occurred in his high phase, and i have yet to see the depressive side. We are both seniors with previous marriages and both living single for many years. I have no desire to get married as i,m very self reliant, nor do i want to live with anyone, but i would like a permanent relationship. I,ve witnessed the speed talking, the terrible insomnia, and the life of the party behavior. But, he is also super generous almost to a fault with anyone, has a great sense of humor and is highly intelligent, so a great conversationalist. The physical side is pure attraction on both sides. What i have read is totally scaring me, though.. maybe i,ve already experienced the best? He does see a pdoc occasionally and does take a med. But he also likes to have a drink with me when we go out, which is maybe not a great idea. I,m not going to run his life however. We just get along so well at this point.. what should i expect going forward?

Even though I am a compassionate person, in my opinion, clinical terms should not always be given to things that really are bad behavior. This is the problem with society; no one is held accountable for their actions. Not everything is an illness. I have been reading different articles on the web regarding the bipolar disorder, and I can't do anything but shake my head in disgust reading the list of behaviors associated with the bipolar disorder.
When a person is insensitive, rude, aggressive, angry, etc., that is not being bipolar; that is a character flaw or a personality disorder. I am a believer in people's upbringing and life experiences shaping who they are. If anyone wants to disagree with me on this, I welcome the opinions without personal attacks.

I forgot to mention that I went out two or three times with a bipolar man (I can't really call it dating), and I knew after knowing him for two weeks that I could not be bothered. When I would try to honestly explain to him why felt the way I did towards him, it was stressful. There was absolutely no reasoning with him. It was like talking to a brick wall. He was the type who say something hurtful and not apologize. Things would just get turned around on me. All you can do is avoid these type of people like the plague!

I'd be most concerned with the types of people making bigoted assertions that it is impossible to be in a healthy relationship with, or to "RUN RUN AWAY from", someone diagnosed as bipolar.
It' is unfair, if not wicked and tasteless, to debase an entire population of six million Americans who have bipolar as incapable or undeserving of one of the most basic and vital human needs, a fulfilling relationship.
There are many people with and without bipolar who make wonderful partners. I'm sorry if some commenters have had difficult individual subjective experiences with a bipolar partner. Some people are poor partners, some relationships are poor relationships, regardless of any present clinical diagnoses. But it is very reckless to pin your bad experiences on millions of others who are lookng for and are perfectly capable of beautiful, healthy, compassionate, and loving relationships.
anne, if things are going well, expect them to continue to go well just as you would if your partner didn't have a bipolar diagnosis.

I understand the openness of the forum format, but I find it troubling that such libelous and discriminatory misinformation is being harbored on websites which pass themselves off as leading health resources or authorities. HealthyPlace -it might be time for a little more careful monitoring of your branding and content.