Bipolar Treatment Failures Feel Like Personal Failures

A Hate Blog About a Hate Blog...About a Hate Blog....
I found your entry interesting thus I've added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)...

u hit it right on the head --- and it is what i see with my husband when meds fail and depression hits -- am always trying to redirect without heaping on to the depression -- it is a balancing act for sure --- this time of year is so bad with change of season and the holidays -- can't wait until January LOL. Thank you for the realistic and insightful article -- you are a blessing!

The fourth dimension is not so bad. You are right treatments are just that, treatments not cures. I do not think it is possible to cure bipolar disorder because it is a complex illness and the diagnosis is so subjective. That is why treatments don't work for all people.
Treatments(meds and therapy) keep me alive but I still get depressed and I still get manic. In lieu of the effectiveness of medication and counselling I have strategies to protect myself and my family. Thats the best I can do.
Regarding being a better patient, I have told my doctor I feel good when I really feel like hanging myself. I think I have a pathological need to validate my doctors skill by claiming wellness. I do not think I am uncommon that way.
cheers Jake

Hi Cat,
Thanks. Yes, I think a lot of people struggle with this and yet others never seem to think of or understand it. It's great that your husband has you to help him through it.
- Natasha

One time, I was sitting at the bar of my favorite restaurant. I'd bought myself dinner and was sipping on a glass of homemade beer. Sweet success was my friend, and I was proud. I'd bailed myself out of a serious depression and a jobless bind. At last, I worked a week at a new job and romance was blooming. I was a little manic and delusional. The new antidepressant I was on began to react violently with the half beer I drank.
This would be the last night of sleepless torture. I actually blacked out at the top of my stairs. The loud noise scared me to death. It was my body dropping like dead weight from fatigue. I didn't have a phone. When I went back to the restaurant, they said I looked fine, I didn't need medical help. When I called 911, they said I looked fine. Go home, you'll feel better in the morning.
Of course, I'd failed. Full blown manic swing. Bottom line, I thought I was successful. I thought I finally found the light at the end of the tunnel. Only to be hit by the train. The glimmer of my successes vanish as quickly as they come. But, the quicker I move to the next and the next and the next, the darkness of failure also fades.
It takes lots of small successes to keep me believing that I know what I'm doing. As we use to say in college, everything you know is wrong.

Hi Jake,
Oh yes, the disease is very complex, and that is why it's so hard to treat, you'll get no argument from me on that one. Treatment, therapy and strategies is the best most of us can do.
It's interesting how we want our doctors to feel better. It's backwards and yet we all seem to feel it.
- Natasha

So sorry not to address anyone personally, but you weren't there when I first looked in on Natasha's article. Hello beautiful beautiful people with BP.

PLease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep fighting on, everyone. I know the holidays are hard. I have been on a couple of dozen medicines, O.D.'d many times, has ECT, yada yada yada. What I realized was keep trying new things til something works...and the process will be much shorter than mine was. Tell a good friend or relative how it REALLY feels to be depressed. (I've been injured in sports, had migraines, cluster headaches, almost died. NOTHING is like being clinically depressed...no physical pain can compare.) Read about your disease and find a doctor who will really listen to you. It CAN be done...I have not been in the hospital for 4 and 1/2 years. Very stable right now. You can do it.

Hi Natashia
Just wanted to thank you for you'r blog.&that i really like you'r audio programs .

You Feel Like...
[...] therapist would say about it, I know what a doctor would say about it, I know wh [...]...

even worse when the police routinely belittle and abuse the mentally ill, and national "advocacy" groups for the mentally ill and their families, who have bona fide contacts within the police dept. will do NOTHING to get the abuse to stop!!!
it's almost as if the parents of some mentally ill individuals, who are in key positions in national mental health organizations, are playing a sick game themselves!!!
sad to say, this is all too common.

Hi Lou,
Thanks so much.
- Natasha

Impressive to say the least! After looking for a year for personal bipolar blogs I finally found yours! There aren't many out there that are truly personal. Because of this I finally started my own.
I really like your description of your feelings. I've booked marked yours and as soon as I start a blog roll on mine I shall include it. After all we are the only ones who truly understand us!
My only relief is humor and laughter, a form of the world accepting me and caring about me for who I am! Thanks for sharing!

Hi Cathy,
Well thank-you, I'm glad you're enjoying my writing.
Laughter is excellent relief whenever you can get it. I totally agree.
Feel free to look me up on Twitter or Facebook for updates on all my work (links at the bottom of post).
Thanks.
- Natasha

So now I've got a question you may be able to answer. I don't want to go totally social about bipolar. Can my facebook page reflect the pages I follow in facebook? If not how about twitter, etc. Because I'd love to follow!

Hi Cathy,
Well in my case, you would just request to be my Facebook friend and I would show up like any other friend, Natasha Tracy.
If you're not using Twitter, you probably don't want to for just little old me :)
- Natasha