Borderline Rage: What I Wish People Knew About BPD and Anger
I will be one of the first to admit I have a fiery temper. Whether it's just my nature or a character flaw or the borderline illness, I don't know. But every so often, given the right (using the term loosely) mixture of provocation, physical state and emotions beforehand, I explode into a fit of rage. Think Donald Duck meets Incredible Hulk meets a doorslammer and you've got an idea.
One: Borderline rage is extremely powerful.
According to Healthyplace.com, one of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is "inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger." That's like referring to a tornado as an "air disturbance"--an accurate understatement of epic proportions.
The wrath of a person with BPD often comes on quickly. The intensity of the rage is extremely strong; it can quickly escalate into homicidal thoughts. Depending on the self-control of the enraged person, people or property can be damaged.
Two incidents from my time at Larue D. Carter Memorial Hospital come to mind. In the first incident, a female patient began throwing things. As objects shattered and the pieces ricocheted, we sought shelter. I closed the door to my room and used my body as a weight to keep her from coming in. The tantrum then went into the kitchen, where she destroyed two or three five-gallon jugs of water and overturned the chairs and tables. The episode was so bad that armed police officers were dispatched to the unit.
In the other incident, a 400-lb. patient cussed me out. I was about one-third her size, and I told her I didn't appreciate it. According to my friends and staff (I don't remember much about what happened), she shoved me. I went airborne, sailed back "a good four feet" and bounced upon landing. I suffered a concussion and multiple bruises. Staff were surprised I didn't crack my head open. This rage, especially when uncontrolled, can be destructive.
Two: Borderline rage is scary for the patient.
Although rage is a familiar feeling for me, it still scares me every time. I'm afraid of my anger. I'm afraid of what I might do, what the consequences might be, of what might happen if I actually tried to hurt someone. Factor in that I'm a pacifist and it becomes especially distressing.
Because I'm scared as well as angry, it does very little good to tell me to calm down. I'm terrified that I won't be able to. I'm frightened that I'll lose control. What does help is offering medication, offering to listen to me, trying to keep me talking until I calm down. Be with me, stay with me. Help me calm down, don't just tell me to calm down and expect me to be able to do so.
The rage, thankfully, does not last long. However, for a person with BPD, sometimes an extreme emotion overrides memories of feeling any other way. We literally forget that we won't always be angry. This is why it helps for us to talk--it allows time for the anger to dissipate, and it allows us to feel something else. Time is critical in calming an enraged person with BPD.
Three: We can improve on our angry reactions.
My temper was a lot worse as a child than it is now. I've had a lot of therapy and for the most part have learned to control my anger. It takes considerably more to set me off now than it did when I first began treatment. Although I still get angry, I've improved. I don't fly off the handle all the time.
Anyone can improve given the right combination of medication, therapy and anger management techniques. But first they have to believe change is possible. Counseling can help a person get to that point. So can spirituality (it did in my case).
We're not doomed to go through life constantly ready to explode.
APA Reference
Oberg, B.
(2012, January 3). Borderline Rage: What I Wish People Knew About BPD and Anger, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, April 28 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2012/01/what-i-wish-people-knew-about-bpd-and-anger
Author: Becky Oberg
Likely he is embarrassed to be seen that way so shuts down. The flair of anger is uncontrollable, and flairs fast. There is a moment of decision how you will express these inner feelings. They can also dissipate fast too. Not sure what to say to your situation tho.
Then he doesn't. With BPD it's like watching yourself from the outside. You know it's not okay but you can't stop the monster.
Because your partner is scared
If I am angry enough I wouldn't be scared of a policeman he would go flying
I HAVE BPD AND UNDERLYING ANGER BUT I NEVER HAVE URGES TO KILL ANYONE. YOU HAVE SEEN SOME VERY STRONG REACTIONS TO ANGER AND THEY SOUND FRIGHTENING. WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE, UNFORTUNATELY, "MET." IT TAKES ME A WHILE TO REACH BASELINE BUT I'M NOT VIOLENT...
Well u know what, u either haven't got BPD or u live by yourself because I have had violent attacks on people I can't help it, lucky u if u havent
Don't think your bpd can be very bad
I think it is impossible for someone to know how a person with BPD feels and thinks if you don't have BPD. Therefore, as hard as it is for spouses and family, please find a counsellor for yourself to confide in rather than posting comments questioning the truth about the symptoms of BPD. Also, please know that people with BPD often come from dysfunctional families and marry those with mental illnesses and/or addictions who can be abusive. So, they can and often are victims of abuse.
90% percent of the time it sucks.. Its like fishing for pirhanas ..you get all exxcited that you got a bit, then you real it in, enbracing the challenge, the excitemnt builds, and when you finnaly get it out of the water, it tries to bite your hand off...so you throw it back and swear to be more careful about where you fish...and then when you keep getting bites, you keep catching the same fish over and over, like 10 times in a row...then MAGICALLY ..you cathc a nice big catch shiny bass,and you are soo happy and proud of it....but the next cast.....its another pirahna...and you get bit again......at what point do you give up? Because you love bass.
Just then, you put the pole down and find another lake. You depart in kindness and peace, because you still love bass. But you also have compassion for yourself and are smart enough to recognize a problem you can't fix. So you walk and send love and take your precious soul to safer waters. Trust me...you don't want to lose a finger or an arm.
As a half century survivor of BPD (twice through DBT, nada,) I have a saying relating to this topic:
"The comparison about bringing a gun to a knife fight? I bring a thermonuclear weapon to a bridge game."
I really don't know what is worse, the brutally painful reconization and acceptance of BPD, or the exhausting and immense amount of effort it takes in the attempt to control BPD. Not to mention the extreme intolerance you project towards anyone that believes in you enoungh to attempt to shift your percetion and introduce you to accountability. Oftentimes I confuse this overwhelming fatigue (progress) with my depression and it convinces me that once again I am dysfunctional, incapable, and unworthy. In my greatest moments and accomplishments, BPD lurkes in the shadows, quietly waiting to push me towards self-destruction. As if to prove to myself that I was right in believing I never deserved any of it from the begining.