My Personal Relationships Changed After Suffering Abuse

My relationships changed after I was abused. I learned this a while ago when I had a chance to sit back and examine the people I have as part of my inner circle. It was then that I realized my friends now significantly differed from those years ago. So naturally, I immediately felt sad, thinking that maybe it was something I did or said to create a rift between me and these others. So naturally, self-blame was my go-to emotion when I felt there was a problem. Thankfully, I have therapists that guide me through different situations, including ones like this, where I feel uncertain. 

Why My Relationships Changed After Abuse and Over Time

The well-known poem by Brian A. Drew Calker titled "Reason, Season, and a Lifetime" describes how friends will come into our lives for a reason, a specific period of our lives, or our entire lifetimes. Once you realize that you will not always have the same people around you, your perspective evolves. 

I have heard references to this famous poem several times, and now that I can sit back and examine my past, I can pinpoint where my friends fall. I currently have a few lifetime friends, several seasonal friends, and many more friends that have been in my life for a reason and are no longer around. 

At first, I was sad that I did not do more to keep in touch with people or maintain those friendships. However, this desire was my psyche, expressing the need to be liked and loved by others. 

Not Everyone Should Stay Forever

Although it is terrific to have friends that can support you and be there when you need them, not everyone should stay in your life forever. Often, individuals will serve a purpose by helping you achieve a goal, coming to a realization, or supporting you through a difficult situation. 

Once that obstacle is gone, this individual may no longer be valuable, and you may drift apart. Although it can be discouraging, this happens to many people every day. You don't have to be responsible for maintaining friendships that are not supportive or valuable to you. 

Abuse Changes Relationships

Going through an abusive relationship has given me the insight to choose better people to include in my life. As a result, I no longer feel like I must make everyone happy or ensure that I am the one to fix all the problems. Instead, I've started putting my needs in a place of importance, which is not always what some people want from me. 

Although it can still be devastating when I recognize that I don't talk to a specific person anymore, I know that it could be due to reasons other than my shortcomings. I no longer take responsibility for everyone else, and I cherish my lifetime friends and those with me for this season or reason. 

And once you can see the benefit of adapting to a changing inner circle, the next phase of your healing journey begins.