7 Signs You Are Verbally Abusive

Have you noticed signs you are verbally abusive? Verbal abuse articles often focus on victims of verbal abuse because they are typically the ones reaching out for help. Not as often do we explore the other side of the coin, the abusive readers, or the readers considering they may be abusive. If you have ever considered that maybe your behavior isn’t normal or have noticed you react in volatile ways when you are agitated or lose your temper, continue reading to find out about seven signs you may be verbally abusive.

Have You Noticed These Signs You're Being Verbally Abusive?

1. Name calling -- Using name calling as a way to degrade, demean, and hurt the people in your life is a tell-tale sign you are being abusive. If your go-to response to anger or frustration is using slurs aimed at making that person feel bad about themselves in one way or another it's a sign you're being verbally abusive. Examples of this are referring to females as dogs or genitalia in degrading ways, referring to males in an equivalent manner, using physical characteristics to be mean like saying fat, ugly, disgusting, or belittling someone’s mental capacity with terms like stupid, pathetic, weak; you get the picture (Things Verbal Abusers Say and Do).
2. Blaming -- Do you find yourself always pointing the finger elsewhere? If you are constantly blaming your boyfriend or girlfriend for every less than favorable aspect of your day, you are likely abusive. Examples of this are: “If you weren’t so annoying, I wouldn’t feel so stressed all the time,” or "If you weren’t such a disaster, we’d never have been running late and I wouldn’t have gotten a ticket.” Finding ways to blame your partner for your bad moods or life’s frustrations is abusive and damaging.
3. Gaslighting -- Gaslighting is mentally manipulating someone to make them feel crazy or confused. If you say something to your boyfriend or girlfriend and then act like you never said anything of the sort, that’s a form of gaslighting. If you try to manipulate your partner into believing all of his or her friends and family are a bad influence which alienates him or her from loved ones and makes the person fall more and more under your control, it's a sign you are being abusive.
4. Silent Treatment -- Believe it or not, the silent treatment can actually be considered abusive. Withholding contact is a sure way of shutting someone out and making them feel lonely, rejected, and abandoned. Requesting some space until you’re ready to communicate respectfully is one thing, shutting someone out completely to be cruel for prolonged amounts of time is without a doubt, abusive.
5. Guilting -- Behaving in a certain way with the intention of making your partner feel guilty for something he or she has done or even preemptively placing guilt on your partner for something you think is a potential, is abusive. Examples of this are: “If you leave me, my life will be over,” or something less drastic like, “If you loved me, you’d keep the house clean and have dinner ready every night.” Guilting your boyfriend or girlfriend is a tactic used to control him or her and it's abusive behavior.
6. Screaming -- Raising your voice to unnecessary levels when you're angry is something people do to intimidate others. The occasional fight where emotions cause a person to raise his or her voice is one thing, habitually screaming to get your point across and to frighten is unacceptable. This is a sign your are verbally abusive and should never be an acceptable way of communicating (How Abusers Gain Control by Appearing to Lose It).
7. Preying on specific people -- You are likely verbally abusive if you tend to only behave your worst when you sense you can get away with it. Abusive personality types generally will not pick an opponent they think will outwit them or that won't tolerate their behavior. If you are picking on people you consider “weaker” individuals or people you know will stay with you despite your poor treatment of them, you are probably abusive.

Did any of these seven ways of being abusive feel uncomfortably familiar to you? If so, you may be starting to realize you are verbally abusive.

A Letter to My Verbally Abusive Readers

Dear Abusers, I strongly recommend, for your own good, that you get to the root of your issues. You are likely a broken individual yourself and that’s not something to feel bad about. Realizing you have some issues that could be paid attention to is the most important step in resolving them. You are not hopeless if you reach out and get some help.

Get therapy or domestic abuse counseling. Try to find a way to forgive the people who have hurt you in life because your insecurities and resentment are causing you to act out. If you continue your abusive ways, using verbal abuse to communicate, you will likely not enjoy healthy relationships that reap the rewards that make life so sweet. This does not have to be your story. Best of luck to you.

See Also: Domestic Abuse Victims Think They Are The Abuser