Insecurity Can Lead Self-Harmers Down Roads of Self-Injury

October 20, 2014 Jennifer Aline Graham

Feeling as if you are out-of-the-loop with a group of friends or co-workers always brings insecurities to the forefront. The idea of feeling left out does not end in high school or college – it continues through adulthood. Even though many can push feeling left out aside, those with a mental illness often have more difficulty when it comes to doing just that. It all comes down to one word and emotion: insecurity. And insecurity can lead to self-harm.

If you an insecure person with high anxiety, the actions and words of others may affect you differently than it may affect others. Even if you are a confident individual most of the time, little things may still find a way of crawling under your skin. Sadly, this is all part of life, and while some may have coping skills and the personality that allows them to ignore these feelings, those who self-harm may turn to self-injurious behaviors to cope.

Feeling Left Out Never Really Goes Away

Insecurity can happen when we feel left out of a social situation, and, if you self-harm, that insecurity can cause self-injurious behaviors.

Many self-harmers begin their addiction during middle and high school. Of course, this is definitely not the case for everyone, but, generally speaking, teenage-hood tends to be when emotions run high and people are more affected by those around them. With middle and high school comes cliques and with cliques come judgmental stares and comments that are often angled towards people who seem to have low self-esteem or be different than everyone else.

High school was when I began my self-harm, the atmosphere was not always the easiest to handle – especially for someone who had low self-esteem. I constantly felt left out, and looking back, I was partially to blame. However, the environment often led me into bathrooms or to my locker to hurt myself. Even when I began finding healthier coping skills, I still felt left out at times, but was able to push some of those negative emotions aside.

Insecurity Is a Tough Thing to Battle

Recently, I have been feeling much more left out than usual. These feelings have been coming from viewing, what I feel to be, the obvious interactions and body language of others in specific environments. On a recent occasion, it was through text I felt this way and this happens much more often than we would like to admit since the use of smartphones and social media is at an all-time high.

Many people with anxiety and paranoia tend to look too far into conversations and the actions of others and take every speck of negativity to heart. During one of these situations, I told a specific person that I felt bad about everything going on during our conversation. She responded along the lines of, “Well, you don’t have to. You control that.” Yes, she was right, and yes, I do have the ability to control my emotions when they’re on overload. However, it is not an easy thing to do.

We cannot fully blame our insecurities on our mental illness or internal struggles. We do have the power to change our thinking and to focus on the positives. Even though we all know it can be a battle to do so, we need to find ways to do focus on ourselves and less on how others affect us because it isn’t worth the energy.

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APA Reference
Aline, J. (2014, October 20). Insecurity Can Lead Self-Harmers Down Roads of Self-Injury, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, May 22 from

Author: Jennifer Aline Graham

October, 24 2014 at 5:17 pm

How refreshing to read this article. I don't go as far ad cutting anymore but I have that nagging insecurity & end up crushed by things as small as a wrong glance from someone, and the being left out, OMG, that really hurts. Nice to know I'm not alone.

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