Self-Harm and Standing Up for Yourself

Many of us have been in a conversation when a topic you do not feel comfortable with was brought up. Maybe it was just a statement or a joke or a word. No matter what it was, you were left feeling unsure and uneasy. Some people may be able to laugh it off and try to change the subject. Some people walk away and turn their backs on the discussion because they just can’t stand to listen.

One thing is for sure - it is hard to speak up.

When I was struggling with cutting, whenever someone brought up the subject I usually looked away or ignored the topic. However, it would really start to get to me when people would make statements revolving around the act of cutting. Some of these statements may sound familiar, such as: “I could have cut myself over my homework last night” or “Go tell your ex to cut himself and die.”

Yes, these statements are real and have been taken from real life experiences.

Even though others would laugh and brush it off, I wasn’t able to. Instantly, the vibe of the conversation changed and I couldn’t focus. For a cutter, the mere thought of self-harm could make the deed look appetizing. Back then I never would have said anything about how it was not appropriate to talk like that because, well, people did it without realization. People say these things with as much ease as they say things like “That’s gay” or “That’s retarded.”

These statements need to come to an end.

Stand Up For Yourself

Recently I went to a wedding and was telling a group of friends about how I’d recently trained my dog to ‘play dead’. Some people joked by saying inappropriate, silly things about how I could have taught my dog this. Of course, I brushed those off because they were obviously driven by sarcasm. One friend laughed and said, “Did you teach him to cut his wrists and fall over?” While a couple friends laughed, I instantly froze. The smile fell off my face and I knew that even if his comment was rooted from sarcasm (which it was), I was not okay with what he’d said. Whether or not he knew that I’d struggled with self-harm, I did not appreciate the statement.

Therefore, I spoke up.

I remember saying, “It’s not okay to say that.” He responded with something, a joke, and I continued to shake my head. That was it – that was all I said. However, after years of exiting out of uncomfortable conversations, I stood up for myself – even if it was just one sentence. That sentence meant everything and was a huge step forward in my book.

For many self-harmers, it is hard just to listen to others joke about cutting or bring it up in conversation. It is even harder to bring yourself to speaking up about it. We know that self-harm is not a joke, so when it is brought up in an inappropriate context we need to take a deep breath and say something if it truly means something to you.

Afterwards, you’ll be glad you did.