The Secret Life of Self-Injury

Those struggling with drug addiction may have people around who understand or relate to their situation. Even some with severe depression and anxiety have some kind of support system, since action can be taken quickly if willing to get help. Alcohol addicts also have meetings and groups where they can discuss their frustrations in a social, private setting.

What about self-harmers?

The comfort level for those who learn that a friend or family member is a self-injurer is usually pretty low. Tis secret life may cause self-harmers to push loved ones away and when others learn about the addiction, they are unsure of what to do. At times, it is tough to have support groups for self-harmers because it can trigger a negative behavior by just seeing scars or scabs or stitches – especially if unprepared.

A Secretive Experience

Many self-harmers cut or burn or head-bang in private, which makes the self-injury struggle so much different than others. When at a party or at a bar, you can’t typically just pick someone out as an alcoholic because, well, everyone is drinking. The same goes for those who have exercising addictions. When walking into a gym, you can’t often pinpoint someone who has an addiction to working-out because everyone is doing a similar thing.

When it comes to cutting, and you are genuinely self-harming because you feel the need to, you often do it in private. During my self-harming years, I’d go to a school bathroom and if I were alone, I’d cut. At home, I’d take hot baths and cut. If I couldn’t sleep and everyone else was asleep, I’d cut. I never wanted anyone to witness my self-mutilation and I did not want it to be known. Not once had I ever cut myself in the public eye because, well, self-harm is a lonely addiction.

The Comfort Factor

Another reason for why the self-harming population feels alone is because of how uncomfortable others feel about the topic. This has been discussed numerous times in my blogs, but the idea of comfort is difficult when it comes to self-injury.

During my rough years, I did not want a soul to know I was someone who cut. I did not tell my best friend about my self-injury during those years, and it did seem to push her away. When telling a close friend about it, he instantly asked to see the scars and automatically I froze up. To this day, I’ve never spoken to my sister about my past with self-harm, even though she knows about it, because I know it would not be an easy conversation.

Typically, the reaction when discovering someone’s self-harm is not easy. Even now, when I help others with their struggles, I grow tense. Everyone’s battle is his or her own battle and it is tough to trust someone enough to get them involved with your difficult journey.

Feeling Abandoned

When I self-injured, I did not know anyone else who cut. I came across self-injury as an accident and when it became an addiction I couldn’t let go of, I convinced myself to keep it a secret. Since I’d been struggling with mental health issues, a recent parental divorce and a boyfriend, at the time, on top of self-harm, I started to get my priorities wrong. I began pushing away friends and staying home, or with my boyfriend, rather than being social. I stayed angry at the divorce, but used cutting as a coping skill. If I was social, it usually involved alcohol. I did whatever I could to make it through the day without problems, but because of my circumstances – problems didn’t disappear.

Sometimes, it is hard to even recognize that you’re pushing people away. Sometimes, one day you realize you can’t find any friends to sit with or people are interacting to you differently. Pushing people away doesn’t always happen intentionally and that is the hardest part. I never meant to push people away; my behaviors had other plans and I didn’t know how to control them.

It can be hard to think about all the factors that go into someone’s addiction or disorder or struggle. For self-harmers, it tends to be a quiet and small world due to the factors that go into it: secrets, comfort and abandonment. The only way to make this world different is for self-harmers to recognize their issue before it takes control of there bodies. It’s extremely tough, but it is possible.