When Parents Disagree On Psychiatric Treatment - Part 1

As I mentioned in this week's audio, Bob recently suffered a reaction to one of his psychiatric medications. He’s fine now, but the discussions between his father and I that have followed leave me wondering if he’ll survive the fallout.

My Ex Believes Bad Parenting, Not Bipolar Disorder or ADHD, is Responsible for Our Son's Behaviors

Bob’s initial symptoms of bipolar disorder and ADHD unfortunately coincided with the very messy breakup of my relationship with his father. Perhaps because of his animosity and opposition toward me, or for other reasons, Bob’s father has been at odds with me (and everyone else) in terms of Bob’s treatment from the beginning. Even when Bob was at his absolute worst—unable to remain in class for longer than a few minutes, putting himself and other kids in harm’s way, physically attacking teachers and other adults who intervened, and unable to provide any explanation why—his father maintained there was nothing wrong with Bob, that all he needed was consistent discipline, and I sought to medicate him into submission because I didn’t “want to parent him.”

In the five years since I filled Bob’s first bipolar medication prescription, his father has voiced his opinion on the matter to therapists, psychiatrists, judges, lawyers, social workers, teachers, principals, strangers, and anyone who will stand still long enough to give him audience. He has withheld medication while Bob is with him, either blatantly refusing to take it from me during our exchange, or not giving it to him without telling me. He has refilled prescriptions and then kept the refill—leaving me unable to obtain a supply because of pharmacy and/or insurance restrictions. Although these actions are annoying, I’ve learned to deal with them.

Disagreement Over Bipolar Diagnosis and Treatment Has Impact on Our Son

What’s most difficult to deal with is how this constant conflict affects Bob. He hears two stories. In one, he has an illness (albeit one that is “okay” and doesn’t make him a lesser person) and the psychiatric medication helps him to control his behavior and thoughts. In the other, the pills are his mother’s way of controlling him, and he wouldn’t need them if he could just be better.

Although things had improved more recently, the recent episode of acute dystonia (dystonia is a neurological movement disorder, sometimes a side-effect of antipsychotic medications, in which sustained muscle contractions cause twisting and repetitive movements or abnormal postures.) has convinced Bob’s father he is right. We were advised by the ER to discontinue a few of Bob’s medications until we could talk to his psychiatrist. Bob informed me Sunday night he hadn’t been given any medication since Saturday morning; that his father told him “if I do a really good job at school, I can prove to you I don’t need pills.”

Nevermind the obvious physical dangers of quitting all psych meds cold turkey—what kind of psychological damage does this message cause? You have to take pills because you’re not good enough. If Bob tries to “control” this and fails, what impact will that have on his already fragile self-esteem?

(When Parents Disagree on Psychiatric Treatment - Part 2)