Borderline Personality Trigger: Canceled Plans

April 17, 2018 Shelby Tweten

Borderline personality triggers can include cancelling plans, which is a type of abandonment (it can feel that way to people with borderline). The borderline personality trigger or canceling plans causes me to overreact and feel betrayed. Learn more at HealthyPlace.

There are many borderline personality triggers, but my biggest is canceled plans. With canceled plans comes that common borderline feeling of abandonment all over again (Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Diagnosis). Let's talk about how much consistency, communication and changes in plans can all lead to a borderline personality trigger for me.

What Helps Me Cope with My Borderline Personality Trigger?

Communication and Consistency Goes A Long Way

It's honestly not that hard to make me happy. All I require is to hold to your word when it comes to plans; and if you can't, I need full communication as to what went wrong. I don't know what it is but something in me clicks if someone goes back on his or her word.

A big part of my coping mechanisms for my borderline and bipolar is creating a routine so when I plan something out my entire mental stability is dependent on it happening. It's one thing if you are already a flaky person because then I expect that from you so there is no disappointment. It's when you come off as a very consistent person and then out of nowhere, I'm getting let down, that my world comes crashing down.

Canceled Plans Feel Like Abandonment in Borderline Personality Disorder

I seem to put my trust in people a little too much. I view plans as you caring to see me and spend time with me, so when you cancel, I feel like you no longer care about me--I feel abandoned. I am immediately flashed back to the feeling of loneliness that I felt as a child. I feel that you are going out of your way to hurt me (Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me). It doesn't even matter if you have a solid excuse; if you don't handle the situation like you would with a child, I will not comprehend what's going on (Can People Without a Mental Illness Understand Us?).

This Borderline Personality Trigger Makes Me Hate Myself For Caring So Much

I completely understand that having borderline personality can lead me to overreacting and being "dramatic," but I don't need you to keep rubbing it in my face. For some reason, people who don't understand borderline personality disorder seem to continue to freak out that I am freaking out. What does that lead to? It leads me to hate myself more and more because I can't get you to understand; because, at that moment, I don't understand.

All I feel is pain, confusion, anger and hurt. This is when I turn to self-harm, not because I want to feel more pain because I want people to see the pain I feel on the inside. My goal is to try to learn that things come up and not everyone is out to get me just by canceling plans.

APA Reference
Tweten, S. (2018, April 17). Borderline Personality Trigger: Canceled Plans, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 20 from

Author: Shelby Tweten

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June, 26 2021 at 10:22 am

This was so helpful for me today! I was in tears, trying to "keep my cool" through messages with my gf this morning. Two days ago I asked her if I could come visit (she's about an hour away) and she said yes. Today she tells me she has to work and asked if she could see me another time this week...i instantly KNEW she no longer loves me. Even though I messaged her what i assumed would be "typical" replies. Something a "chill gf" would say. Something reasonable and understanding...even though what's in my head is the opposite. She responded like I was being difficult. It made me feel so hopeless because I wasn't even saying what i was feeling which was 10000% more intense...thank you for putting this experience into words that others may not be able to articulate themselves! You've helped me a lot today! I may even just send her this link!

June, 29 2021 at 7:03 pm

Thank you for your comment! I am not the original author of this post, but I'm glad to hear that this helped you. Having someone else wrap words around something difficult you're experiencing is important and validating.

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