Borderline Personality Trigger: Canceled Plans

There are many borderline personality triggers, but my biggest is canceled plans. With canceled plans comes that common borderline feeling of abandonment all over again (Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Diagnosis). Let's talk about how much consistency, communication and changes in plans can all lead to a borderline personality trigger for me.

What Helps Me Cope with My Borderline Personality Trigger?

Communication and Consistency Goes A Long Way

It's honestly not that hard to make me happy. All I require is to hold to your word when it comes to plans; and if you can't, I need full communication as to what went wrong. I don't know what it is but something in me clicks if someone goes back on his or her word.

A big part of my coping mechanisms for my borderline and bipolar is creating a routine so when I plan something out my entire mental stability is dependent on it happening. It's one thing if you are already a flaky person because then I expect that from you so there is no disappointment. It's when you come off as a very consistent person and then out of nowhere, I'm getting let down, that my world comes crashing down.

Canceled Plans Feel Like Abandonment in Borderline Personality Disorder

I seem to put my trust in people a little too much. I view plans as you caring to see me and spend time with me, so when you cancel, I feel like you no longer care about me--I feel abandoned. I am immediately flashed back to the feeling of loneliness that I felt as a child. I feel that you are going out of your way to hurt me (Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me). It doesn't even matter if you have a solid excuse; if you don't handle the situation like you would with a child, I will not comprehend what's going on (Can People Without a Mental Illness Understand Us?).

This Borderline Personality Trigger Makes Me Hate Myself For Caring So Much

I completely understand that having borderline personality can lead me to overreacting and being "dramatic," but I don't need you to keep rubbing it in my face. For some reason, people who don't understand borderline personality disorder seem to continue to freak out that I am freaking out. What does that lead to? It leads me to hate myself more and more because I can't get you to understand; because, at that moment, I don't understand.

All I feel is pain, confusion, anger and hurt. This is when I turn to self-harm, not because I want to feel more pain because I want people to see the pain I feel on the inside. My goal is to try to learn that things come up and not everyone is out to get me just by canceling plans.