Mental Health Alert! March Is Whack History Month!

Like so many armchair activists and limousine Liberals, I watched the civil rights struggle unfold from the insulated confines of a bourgeois environment which, had it been any whiter, could have passed for Swiss. I never got any closer to Selma, Alabama than I’ve gotten to Salma, Hayek. However, with the naïve posturing and platitudinizing so essential to the clueless “occupy” lifestyle – as essential, indeed, as the mochalottelenyagrande from Starbucks – I cheered from the sidelines with each brave step forward.

Those were heady, idealistic days when many of us actually did believe that America was going to catch up with its constitution and, as Dr. King phrased it with characteristic elegance, make good on a check it had written nearly two centuries before. Soon we would find out that forward progress in the world of spiritual and moral evolution moves at a glacial pace, if at all, like a circus elephant being pushed up sagging planks into a boxcar by a roustabout unable to recall what first attracted him to show business. But there were pivotal movements.

Before Beyoncé stood beside our first African-American President and lip-synched The Star Spangled banner, before she undulated lasciviously at the Super Bowl, before Clarence Thomas asked Anita Hill for a Pepsi, came the very first Black History Month back in 1976. Some black leaders complained that February is the shortest month, thus perpetuating discrimination, but overall the holiday has been well received and today is viewed as a welcome opportunity to celebrate and honor the diverse contributions of African-Americans.

I am happy to announce that there is a brand new addition to this tradition of affixing respect, righting wrongs, and paying homage to the under-appreciated – March is Whack History Month!

That’s right, starting in a few days, every March will be a festival of Whackadoomianism (a politically-correct umbrella term covering all people with mental illness of one sort or another). Be on the lookout for special events at high schools, a Sheen-Family Special on Fox, and promotional tie-ins from the makers of Cocoa-Puffs among others.

As is the case with Black History Month, consciousness raising is the key, so expect to learn fascinating facts regarding the contributions Whackadoomians have made to American culture. Here are a few that might surprise you:

The term “awesome” was first used in the popular sense by Amber Frampton, a kleptomaniac from Orange County, California.

The “scratch” sound favored by DJ’s and rappers worldwide was developed by Florence Uvula, a narcoleptic radio personality from St. Louis, Missouri.

The hokey pokey was created by Meriwether Steatopygous, a hat salesman from Galveston, Texas with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Keep an eye out for more fascinating tidbits as we celebrate the very first Whack History Month!