Hearing Voices in Dissociative Identity Disorder
Dissociative identity disorder (DID) includes the experience of hearing voices, medically referred to as auditory hallucinations. This is also a common symptom in several other mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder. The experience of hearing voices in DID is quite different from the experience of hearing voices in other disorders, however, and the causes and treatments are not the same.
Hearing Voices in Schizophrenia and Bipolar Psychosis
There are several mental illnesses that have auditory hallucinations as a symptom. These include schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depressive disorder with psychotic features. In these disorders, the auditory hallucinations are related to psychosis, which involves a loss of contact with reality.
The exact cause of psychosis in these disorders is still debated. There is some connection to an imbalance of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain. Antipsychotic medications, which alter the action of dopamine in the brain, are the most commonly prescribed and effective form of treatment for auditory hallucinations in these disorders.
Hearing Voices in Dissociative Identity Disorder: Not a Symptom of Psychosis
Unlike in other disorders, hearing voices in DID is not connected to psychosis. In DID, the voices one hears come from within the person. In other disorders, like schizophrenia, the voices come from outside of the person. This is one of the key differences in telling DID apart from psychotic disorders.
In DID, the voices are not a result of a break with reality. The voices are, in essence, real. They are the voices of the alters, or parts, existing within the core person. The voices aren't caused by a chemical imbalance, so medications cannot get rid of them. Many with DID spend their entire lives hearing these voices.
What It's Like to Hear Voices in Dissociative Identity Disorder
There is an an assumption that when a person hears voices, the voices are negative, telling the person to do something bad. This assumption is wrong, as most people, even those without DID, do not experience those types of voices (Schizoaffective Disorder and What It’s Like to Hear Voices).
Many people with DID report hearing voices starting early in their childhoods, while others first started hearing voices in adolescence or adulthood. Sometimes the voices are talking directly to the core person, while other times the voices are just talking among themselves. The voices can be very different: young or old, male or female, high-pitched or low-pitched. Sometimes, the voices all sound the same. Each person's experience of hearing voices in DID is different.
My Experience with Hearing Voices: I'm Not Crazy
I first started hearing voices when I was a teenager. At first I just assumed I was hearing my own inner thoughts. But then I realized the voices were not at all like my own, and quite distinct. I didn't tell anyone about my experiences. I was afraid of being labelled crazy or being locked away in an institution, so I kept the voices a secret for over a decade. It wasn't until my therapist assured me that I wasn't crazy, that I felt comfortable being honest about the voices I had been hearing for so long.
I still hear voices nearly every day. Most of the voices I hear are that of my younger parts. Sometimes, my parts talk to me directly. Other times, it's just random conversations going on inside. I try to keep the lines of communication open. I let my parts have their voices, because they deserve to be heard.
Many people hear voices just like me, and you would never know it. It's just a part of living with DID.
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APA Reference
Matulewicz, C.
(2016, June 22). Hearing Voices in Dissociative Identity Disorder, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, December 4 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2016/06/hearing-voices-in-dissociative-identity-disorder
Author: Crystalie Matulewicz
Fascinating. I would love to make a film about this and share someone's experiences. Please get in touch if interested
Hi did you manage to do your film? I could give you some information about my crazy like. I didn't really know if this illness was true or not until I experienced it for 6 year and I didn't know I had it until I came out of it. I have 3 different personalities. I got this because of a very strong medication I was put on. I spoke to the company in America who make this medication yesterday and asked what they had done to me and they explained this. I think it's because I had borderline personality disorder before I started them and because this medication enhances all your emotions they done this. Ever since I stopped them I'm back to myself and don't hear voices anymore. I don't know who I've been for 6 years ha
I’m not sure when you wrote your comment here about making a film about DID. I hope I’m not too late getting back to you, but I just stumbled across this article.
I’ve been living with DID since I was about three years old. Like the author of this article, I thought hearing voices in my head, was normal. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I began to realize that it’s not normal for everyone to hear voices like I do.
I have several alters. They are all of different ages and there are female (my body is also female and I consider myself a female). But some of my alters are male. They are the protective type, so are several of the female alters, but all of the male alters are protective.
I was diagnosed with MPD, or Multiple Personally Disorder, when I was 24 years old. That was 21 years ago, it wasn’t until about four years ago, that I found out they’d changed the name to Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I began seeing a therapist when I was first diagnosed, 21 years ago. I had to stop seeing her, after we moved out of the state we were living in at the time.
About four years ago, I started seeing another therapist and he’s who told me about the name change. Since working with him, I have learned so much more about DID. I’ve also learned a lot more about myself and my personal experience with DID. I’ve been thinking about writing a book about my story and living with DID, but I’m very busy with my family and haven’t had time to sit down and do that. I’m not even sure where to go or how to get it published, if I did have time to write it.
I’m very interested in sharing my story with you. If you’re still looking for people with DID to help make a film their experiences. I’d love to talk to you about it. Please email me at...
rainbert@me.com
If you don’t mind letting me know, in the “Subject” field, why you’re emailing me. I’d appreciate it, that way I don’t miss seeing your email come through.
Thank you
Shannon
plz contact me i have no interest in money i just want to share my story.
Hi, I'm an author who began writing a fiction novel about my own experiences with schizophrenia, depression, etc., but became fascinated with DID and stopped writing about myself. I'm now attempting to write a novel about a main character who has DID. It's a thriller, but I want to make it as accurate as possible. Chapters include meetings with psychiatrists and communication between alters. I would like to know more about how alters communicate with each other. I have a million questions actually, but focussing on that, there was a period where one of the voices that tormented me as an auditory hallucination became a voice in my head as opposed to through my ears. The experience was utterly bizarre, and I was terrified. I thought my hallucination had taken over my thoughts. In any event, I can't imagine how difficult it is for people with DID to live with it. I want my book to raise awareness and not shed a negative light on the disorder. A couple specific questions I have are: 1) When the primary alter (excuse me if my terminology is off) or the identity who is controlling the body speaks with an alter in their head, do any images come along with the voices? I read in a book by a medical professional that alters sometimes visualized the alter they were speaking with. Has anyone had that experience? If so, could you please describe it, 2) When alters are talking to each other, does the primary alter always hear it or can they talk without causing voices in head of whoever is controlling the body, and 3) If anyone would like to share their experience with fusion or integration with me, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much and I wish everyone the best of health!
My core personality (who I am day to day) hears the voices inside my head like a movie commentary. (It is how I got so good at writing movie scripts as a hobby) my alters include a sophisticated middle aged caucasian woman... think Bree Van De Kamp in desperate housewives..) another alter is a russian man who is some what of a dare devil.. he is the one who comes out when I drink mostly.. anothet alter that I hear alot is a mexican man, he is my protector. He comes out whenever I feel scared, or whenever I feel I'm being lied to.
Alot of times my alters will bicker amongst themselves and I can hear it in my head. At first before I was diagnosed, I just thought I "talked to myself" alot but just not outloud. It took along time before my therapist and I found out what was going on.
From what I have learned, my alters have always talked to eachother. It wasnt until I knew what I was looking for that I could hear them. 99% of the time it is inside my head, but my loved ones have heard me talking in different accents before "to myself". My base alter was unaware it was happening but all my other alters were aware of each other.
It usually happens in VERY high stress situations. And when those situations happen it is usually my other alters trying to calm down my protector.
I hope this answered some questions!
Hi Ryan,
I am one of the “few” people? Living with DID. I would love to talk to you about this, I can answer your questions, from my own experience. I’m not sure if everyone who has DID has the same experience with it that I’ve had. But I’d like to talk to you about it.
For your first question, I am the primary person, my name is Shannon & I’m the person who is currently writing this. Yes! For me, I can see & have pretty much always been able to “see” the other parts in my mind. Most of them look quite different from each other. Some of the little ones (all of my little ones are female), have blonde hair and blue eyes. Some have brown hair and blue eyes. Some have brown eyes with either one of those hair colors. One of them is a very pretty strawberry blonde little girl.
As for the teens and adults, the females age anywhere from 13 years old, up to 87 years old. Kaylena, she’s 87, is a gray haired female who’s very kind and gentle. KD (pronounced Kady), is around 40 years old. She used to have jet black hair and blue eyes but that was when she was known as, The Dark One. She was my biggest protective alter, who was up close to the front of my mind. There are other, stronger male alters, but they are difficult to reach & communicate with. I have been able to communicate with them a lot more in the past two years, though. KD is right here with me, pretty much every day. She is the one who took it upon herself to protect us. She will do almost anything necessary to keep us safe. She will gladly swing her fists, bite, pull hair or scratch anyone who pushes us too far. It normally takes her a long time to become that angry, but once she gets there, you don’t want to mess with her. She’s calmed down a lot in the past three years but she’s still a fighter. She’s learning how to control her anger and not let herself become quite so physical with those who she feels is a threat to us. That’s one reason her name changed, she’s trying to get back to the person she was when she was first formed in my mind. One thing about KD, is, once you prove you can’t be trusted with any of us. Or you push her too far, she’s not going to let you down easy. She’ll be watching you while you’re sleeping, she’ll be taking mental notes as well as writing them down. So she can always remember how much you hurt us. She’s not very forgiving of others and because of that, it’s best to keep her on your good side. Lol
I’m not going to tell you about every alter I have, but I thought I’d give you a bit of an idea of what it’s like for me. I can tell you that one of my favorite alters to talk to, in my own head. Is also one of my alters whom my husband would rather not have to talk to, ever again, if he had his choice. She’s a 16 year old teenager who loves life and loves to make people happy. She also loves to talk, & I guess that’s what my husband doesn’t like about her. I think she’s one of the most fun personalities that I have, though. I’m sure she would love to talk to you about DID.
I’ve made drawings of every one of my alters. My therapist has the majority of them. But I’m sure he would let me take pictures of them to send to you. If you’re interested in seeing what I see inside my mind, when I’m looking at the others.
For your second question. That’s sort of a two part question, at least in my experience it would be.
Does the primary person always hear the others talking? For me the answer is, no! I don’t always hear everything they say. Actually, from my understanding, DID purposely makes the voices “quiet”, from time to time. The individual parts were created by the brain to help the main person, deal with something or several things, that happened to them, usually at a young age.
So for any of the other parts to be able to communicate with each other. Without upsetting or even making the primary person aware of a traumatic event. Would be contrary to the reason for creating the individual parts in the first place.
This isn’t something that most people understand about DID, so I hope I didn’t offend you by saying that.
I feel that there’s a second part to your second question, here. Which is the part where you referred to the “primary” person. As well as referring to “whoever is in control of the body”. From my experience & from what I’ve read and been told about DID. Those two things can and often are, two or more different “people”.
An example would be, “ My given name is Shannon, when I was born, my parents gave me this name. At that point in time, I was only one person. No one else was living in my head until I was about three years old.”
So, until one of the first of the traumatic events that happened to me, happened. Which was the beginning of my mind needing to create the other parts & consequently, giving me DID. I was just one person, like anyone who doesn’t have DID.
Shannon may be, or may not be, in control of my body, at any point in time. So, the answer to, what I would consider being the second half, of your question, in question number two. Would be this...
Shannon doesn’t always hear everything that all of the other parts say. Shannon can hear each part speak, but only if she’s supposed to hear it.
However, Shannon is not always the one in control of the body. If Jeremiah needs or wants to come out & he controls the body for a time. Shannon may or may not hear any of the other parts speaking. It could be that only Jeremiah hears them. Or possibly, Jeremiah only hears one other part talking. While the others are way back in the deepest part of our mind, talking to each other.
At the same time, Jeremiah may only speak to Shannon, & that can happen when either of them is in control of our body.
Does that make sense? Id be happy to explain it in more detail later, if youd like me to.
For your third question. I can’t say that I’ve fully experienced integrating yet. Honestly, I’m not sure that I want to do that, either. I’ve lived with my other parts for so many years, the majority of my life. That I honestly don’t think I want to interstate. At least, I don’t think I would want to fully do that.
It may sound funny to someone who has never experienced living with DID, but for me. Having the inner support system that was created when I needed it most. Is something I don’t think I’d like to live without.
I had a very short time when everyone inside was quiet and I couldn’t get them to talk. Most of them, I couldn’t even find. I knew they were still here, but they weren’t communicating with me, or anyone else. They hid in the darkest parts of my mind and I was terribly lonely.
Upon hearing from one of them, they had all chosen to be still. To sit in the darkness and to only be a memory in my life and my family’s lives. It was because they felt betrayed by my family and mostly, by my husband.
It lasted about four months and I hated it. I didn’t have the emotional support I was used to having. I’m sure it sounds totally nuts, but it’s true. Still, today, none of them are the way they were before a year and a half ago. Most of them don’t come out to talk, if anyone in my family is around. My family made them believe that if they all worked together to make me more “normal”. That my family would be there for us. They made so many promises & almost all of them were broken. So, although my protective parts want to come do something extremely mean, the kind parts don’t want to come deal with my family right now. I’m positive that will change at some point, but because I’ve experienced the quiet of the “normal” mind. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to have a normal mind. I think I like the others whom share my mind, body and life with me.
I would like to talk to someone who has been able to integrate. I’m curious if it’s as wonderful as we all think it’s supposed to be. Or if it’s actually more fun to have alters in your mind. ?
Hi Ryan
In response to your first question simply, yes. Or I at least have that experience I can be shown images during theses conversations like photos or videos being flashed right in front of my face. Like someone else's thoughts and perspectives are being forced on me on me in a way by almost literally being shoved right at me. I also am able to see/ visualise who's talking depending on which part of me it is.
Question 2: as far as I know I don't hear everything that's going on and I do have my blank spells where there are gaps where I don't know what's happened.
hope that sheds some light at least
Hi Ryan,
Just like Sam replied, mine is quite similar. At times, I forget that occasional "we" will have conversations and often reply out loud . I have long since been diagnosed by multiple Dr's and specialist along with complex PTSD and others. I have also been misdiagnosed as schizoaffective given meds that actually made it worse, since the auditory wasn't a form of psychosis but part of a whole, but only a few are known and capable. There are others but are unknown to the core as of yet.
I am just learning about this as there's a lot about it that they say I show,do an say while
Others are at work. Me to originally diagnosis end with schizo effective disorder but first was told about this 5years ago but I think I got lost somewhere till lately.
I am 16 and have been hearing voices since earlier than age 11. I was repeatedly abused - physically, emotionally, and sexually as a child. I have had problems with dissociation since 6. I recall "zoning out" so much that I would forget who I was and begin to cry. I have been involved with mental health professionals since aged 11 and was recently told that these "voices" I hear may become separate identities. I fear they have because they are all already very distinct. So my question is - how do these types of things develop into DID?
My adult son started talking to himself from his inner thoughts of his life events, and after taking some antipsychotic drugs also uncontrolled movement. The doctors said he has schitzoaffective while others think it's stress and trauma. He was on one med after another and just made him worse. I can not find the right help for him., without another doctor putting him on more drugs. Now he akithisia from these drugs. His thoughts are from his head and not from the outside first he kept the thoughts to himself until the mix of drugs. He has conversations with his inner thoughts or sometimes yells because of situations he was in and very trauma experience. If anybody has any input please let me know what you think. Thank You
Thanks? Really? This is the best science has to offer on this topic?
I can speak only from experience.
In no way has multiple personalities ever felt like "hearing voices!"
It's who I am. It's how I assess my surroundings and my whole being reacts with the most appropriate, respectful, loving, strong persona in response. It's a spiritual thing. It's like letting Life bring out the very best in you.
Again from my experience:
I didn't need more medication- I had a message that needed to be heard. I needed people- people close to me and the medical professionals I confided in- to hear what I needed to say. Don't get scared when I admit I'm suicidal. In my case, I'm simply saying I'm very overwhelmed or I feel very alone and misunderstood. Listen and show you care. This is something we can walk through, holding hands through the pain. Thanks, Korey Dyck, for showing me two are better than one.
in some cases medication CAN stop the voices. I started Naltrexone about 4 years ago and never dissociated or heard another voice since, despite previously having DID. Meds affect everyone differently. So while meds may not work for everyone it IS possible to treat DID and the voices with medication.
Some would suggest a misdiagnosis in that case, then. Because it is even current agreement that there is no medicinal cure or treatment for DID. The auditory hallucinations may have been connected to another disorder.
There is no medication that will help DID, although, there are meds to treat other disorders that may accompany parts (alters). Some of my parts have eating disorders, borderline personality,etc. I have Complex PTSD and depression myself
sherry, that is very interesting. what mg of naltrexone were you on? do you know if its safe to take with any other meds like antidepressants or lithium?
I've hallucinate a lot, and sometimes the hallucinations speak or whisper.
Most of the time I just have voices in my head talking over me.
Other times it's a voice speaking from a certain thing. When I was little it use to be this hallucination of a child who would talk to me all the time.
I always thought it was normal to have the two linked together?
Is it not?
The hallucinations you are describing don’t sound to be a part of DID, but perhaps another psychotic disorder. DID is connected to auditory hallucinations from inside.
As of current I have a female part that hates my fiancée, on a daily basis she speaks awfully about her to me and my other parts. Since she knows the things I worry about the most she tends to use those to try put a wedge between my fiancée and myself. Any advice about that?
You give people really suffering such a bad name, its obvious you are faking especially with your you tube channel! Stop now before you cause more damage
Schizophrenia is a crime against humanity. Please spread an awareness of this crime. The blog is based on a true story!!
https://thestimulatedbrains.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/schizophrenia-is-a-crime-against-hum…
https://thestimulatedbrains.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/targeted-individuals-just-a-tip-of-t…
Here are further proof to understand that this is a crime. That being said, delusions are there due to meaningful interactions with things that suppose to be a coincidence and human beings are making false assumptions to judge these interactions so they end up in making false claims. This is why people think that they are being followed, their thoughts are being broadcast, their houses has been bugged etc...
1). The voices constantly told me they were never leaving, and that I’d have to learn to deal with it. They told me that our entire society is inside of a quantum computer, and that we are all just lab rats, being studied by their people. In particular, they told me that I was being “stress tested” to see how stress affected my memory. The voices constantly asked me questions about my memory and asked what medications I was taking, whenever I took pills. I could hear these voices clear as day, as if through a radio of some kind. On a few occasions, I actually saw people that correlated with the voices, faint visual hallucinations. Mind you, prior to all of this, I led a fairly normal life with no history of psychosis or mental disorders, except mild PTSD and ADD.”” - http://hvn.forumatic.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=551
2). Raina Walks “if i needed to get somewhere i did not know the directions to…they would literally lead me there without me having looked at a map…just with them directing me…it is heady stuff…” - http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread36344.html
3). one time though the voices told me something i couldn’t have known – they informed me that the 9/11 attack was about to happen in new york.. ten days later it transpired…(This voice hearers mind generated this voices? He knew this attack? Obviously he was surprised to see. When are we using our common sense?) -http://www.bluelight.org/vb/archive/index.php/t-469466.html
4). “My voice gathers information from around the globe and gives me heads up months in advance for important events. -http://www.hearing-voices.org/voices-visions/comment-page-2/
5). Actually, they can do any voice they want (man, woman, child, God, devil, British guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Mexican, someone I know, etc.). It’s a skill they have that I’ve learned to appreciate, and I find incredibly entertaining. - (Can we imitate anyone's voice? If not then why would someone get this ability when they are mentally ill ? Is that a mental illness or a skill? ) http://hvn.forumatic.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1203
Schizophrenia is a crime against humanity. Please spread an awareness of this crime. The blog is based on a true story!!
https://thestimulatedbrains.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/schizophrenia-is-a-crime-against-hum…
https://thestimulatedbrains.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/targeted-individuals-just-a-tip-of-t…
Here are further proof to understand that this is a crime. That being said, delusions are there due to meaningful interactions with things that suppose to be a coincidence and human beings are making false assumptions to judge these interactions so they end up in making false claims. This is why people think that they are being followed, their thoughts are being broadcast, their houses has been bugged etc...
1). The voices constantly told me they were never leaving, and that I’d have to learn to deal with it. They told me that our entire society is inside of a quantum computer, and that we are all just lab rats, being studied by their people. In particular, they told me that I was being “stress tested” to see how stress affected my memory. The voices constantly asked me questions about my memory and asked what medications I was taking, whenever I took pills. I could hear these voices clear as day, as if through a radio of some kind. On a few occasions, I actually saw people that correlated with the voices, faint visual hallucinations. Mind you, prior to all of this, I led a fairly normal life with no history of psychosis or mental disorders, except mild PTSD and ADD.”” - http://hvn.forumatic.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=551
2). Raina Walks “if i needed to get somewhere i did not know the directions to…they would literally lead me there without me having looked at a map…just with them directing me…it is heady stuff…” - http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread36344.html
3). one time though the voices told me something i couldn’t have known – they informed me that the 9/11 attack was about to happen in new york.. ten days later it transpired…(This voice hearers mind generated this voices? He knew this attack? Obviously he was surprised to see. When are we using our common sense?) -http://www.bluelight.org/vb/archive/index.php/t-469466.html
4). “My voice gathers information from around the globe and gives me heads up months in advance for important events. -http://www.hearing-voices.org/voices-visions/comment-page-2/
5). Actually, they can do any voice they want (man, woman, child, God, devil, British guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Mexican, someone I know, etc.). It’s a skill they have that I’ve learned to appreciate, and I find incredibly entertaining. - (Can we imitate anyone's voice? If not then why would someone get this ability when they are mentally ill ? Is that a mental illness or a skill? ) http://hvn.forumatic.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1203
I have been diagnosed with both bipolar with psychosis and dissociative ptsd. I don’t know (and apparently neither do any doctors I’ve seen over the past 20+ years) if the voices are from the dissociation or from psychosis, as I have other types of psychosis including paranoia and delusions depending on whether I am manic or depressed. The voices are definitely in my head and have different speech patterns but some tell me to do things like hurt myself depending on my mood. They are usually there more when I am stressed. Is it possible to determine if they are PTSD vs Psychosis? Does it matter?
Hi is anybody wanting to know my experience on DID? I could give you some information about my crazy life. I didn't really know if this illness was true or not until I experienced it for 6 year and I didn't know I had it until I came out of it a few month ago. It's like I've been somone else for 6 year and have no clue who. One of my personalities wasn't very nice. It was like I was possessed, I had no clue what I was doing. It was fun in one way but scary in an other not being in control like that. If anyone wants to ask me anything. Feel free too. I got the DID from a medication I was put on, I've spoke to the company and they said it happens in 1-100 of the patients x
Hi Natalia,
Have you experienced any trauma? There hasn’t been any data on DID being caused by a medication. It has to occur in early childhood. Other forms of dissociation may occur from a medication, but not DID.
mentall illness and the miss understood //voices dose not mean i am vain
this isn't necessary true the military has technology that they test out on what the world considers poor class ppl that rely on government aid. its the government allowing testing on humans for the secret military use
i Have had physical and emotional trauma abuse as a child from my own family the few things i remember because i can not remember most of my childhood (also there are things i remember but they said never happened or happened differently as I remember) there where many times people told me i said/did things I don't remember doing mostly on my teenage years and then in those years is when I started hearing voices calling my name or a nickname my friends used to use for me, from inside my head sometimes like a female voice but mostly male, i unconsciously always answered "what" since i actually thought someone was talking to me, sometimes they said something else but I never got to understand the next words after my name, lately when someone talk to me tends to occur when i go to bed(not when I'm sleepy) also these days i found out about a term "derealisation" which i used to think it was a normal thing but it seems is not.
Oh my god, what you are experiencing sounds exactly what I am dealing with! I have a horrible memory and it is very hard for me to recall childhood memories and even high school memories. I am only 21 so I would think it would be easy to recall at least high school memories. I can remember bits and pieces but not everything. For example, I don't even remember how I and my best friend became so close to each other but she remembers it perfectly. I don't ever really hear voices throughout the day but I do feel like I am being influenced to do or say certain things. Also when I am going to sleep or even just resting I can hear chattering and somtimes I can hear actual conversations happening. One time a male voice was talking and I said "who are you" and the voice mocked me and laughed then proceeded to talk about a riot of some kind. Then I heard a female voice say my name.
I told my friend about it and she just laughs about it and says "theres demons in my house trying to talk to me".. of course she is just joking but I never feel like I am being taken seriously.. its so frustrating.
I have been diagnosed DID. How do you know whats an alter and not just a part of you? Also I dont have voices but I have thoughts that are bizarre. Sometimes they say what's for breakfast or Mommy! snuggle me when thinking about a mother type figure in my life. Sometimes they are bizarre and say things like get on all fours or after dinner clouds or sometimes things like I see you doing that sir (I am female) . Sometimes I can stop them mid sentence is that DID or something else?
Hello, Michelle. Thank you for your comment and for participating in our online community. I cannot say for sure what you are hearing, but in my experience, it sounds like DID. The way I am able to differentiate my thoughts from my headmates' voices is by the sound, tone, quality of their voice. I can usually tell if an alter is talking to me because I know how they normally sound and how I normally sound. Sometimes I'll have random thoughts and I will instinctually know they didn't originate with me because they are different from how I typically think, or, as you said, the thoughts are bizarre. That is DID. This is a great question. I don't know how long you have been diagnosed with DID, but with time comes clarity. Keep reading and stay in touch! Thanks.
Thank you. That's the problem my thoughts dont sound different in speech or anything else. They just make no sense. How is that different from a random thought?
Hi, Michelle. It is good to hear from you again. I would seek a professional's opinion if you haven't already done so. DID systems are so different from each other. While I might be able to differentiate between the voices in my head, it doesn't mean that if you can't that you do not have DID. Our systems were set up in the interest of secrecy, so I find it reasonable to believe that some alters, or headmates as I call them, might not have a different sound than your own. I have heard before that some headmates hide their voices so as not to be recognized by the host or others in the system. It is possible that this could be the case with you. Again, I would ask a professional for his or her expert opinion.
Hi, I’ve been recently diagnosed with DID and honestly I’m struggling to come to terms with everything. This is my first time really putting myself out there and trying to talk to people like me who deal with this everyday. I have so many questions because every time that i start to come to terms with it i overthink and and feel like i don’t have it. I hear voices but not all the time only when things are stressful and it seems go into overdrive it seems like when I’m in a relationship with someone I’m really starting to care about. I’m scared and feel alone and just different.
Hi, Dakota. I am really proud of you for reaching out in spite of how difficult it is. Denial is a very normal aspect of DID, so you are not alone. Please check out our page on dissociative disorders here at https://bit.ly/2OgC7oB to access answers to questions you might have. Also, please make sure you are seeking the help of a qualified clinician to help with your questions. In the meantime, if you have a question that we have not addressed, please feel free to ask it in the comments section. You are not alone. We are right here with you. Take care.
I recently just had an experience where I got in my my car but was unable to control where I was going, I was aware of what was happening and I had negative thoughts of jumping off a cliff nearby but I couldn't maintain them, the only thing that kept from hurting myself that way was the roads were closed due to the coronavirus as I got home I just sat in my car my mind was full of thoughts I eventually went back inside the house and laid in my bed but then I started hearing voices when I was laying there, the first one I heard started talking in a southern draw and cussing with every sentence he eventually stated his name was Richard I felt my lips moving around as he was speaking in my head then I felt something else my hand started wanting to move by itself it was really scaring the hell out me because I was aware of everything, my eyes decided to close and then another voice started speaking it sounded snobbish and like it was better then me my hand moved and went ran my fingers through my hair he addressed himself as Carson later, I was just laying there listening to these two argue in my head about silly things and they kept going back and forth wanting control. Then I heard a graspy gravely voice that was sinister he said he hated me and the two others and wished they'd shut the hell up I was frightened of this one it brought fear in my head and negative thoughts it never gave it's name I just called it the dark one. Through all the chaos my teeth then bucked and someone with a slow voice entered into the argument he said he wanted to have fun for bit and controlled me for a minute then Carson had control then the dark one started talking through me a said vile things Richard was quiet then there was a calm voice which told everyone to be quiet he said no profanities the entire time he said he was was Jeff, he told the dark one that the negativity wasn't cool and to stop spreading it, he also told the others to settle down. I found out the slow voices name was William during this conversation. Then a timid voice was in my head and my eyes started squinting and tearing up and I felt really scared and it said it didn't know why the dark one was here and was afraid of it, Jeff refered to this one as Lyle, then he told the dark one to leave because no one wanted him there the dark one didn't like that but I wanted him gone too so I was with them to force him out he eventually left. Everyone was wanting control of me still but Jeff said not to do that and it felt like he was suppressing the others away from conscious. I ended up telling my parents about this and they said they believe me but to also tell my counselor, I played Mario kart later that day and felt William trying to switch with me but I was able to suppress it.
Hi,
My name is Lisa. I was horrifically sexually molested at an extremely early age not 100% sure the specific age it actually started but probably age 2 or so. My birth mom allowed me to sleep on the bed with her and she slept with different men. Only I could sleep with her and she would give me gifts and candy and hot chocolate or coffee from her. My husband has a feeling she put alcohol in it too. I guess a Priest took me around to different places and would leave me alone with men. I don't know how many times this happened but I was so used to it. I don't even remember, blocked it out to this day, thank God!! Whenever I try to remember, all I see is a black fog in my head, I get horrible headaches and sometimes migraines with Aura just by thinking of what happened and I get derealization and depersonalization. Things dont seem real sometimes, and I have to feel my body especially when I am riding in a car. I remember going up to the ceiling in my head the final time I was with this guy named Fred! It's the time the cop took me away finally and I was placed in Foster Care and eventually my brother was too!! I was later adopted and it took my adopted family a year or so before I wouldn't run and hide behind a couch everytime someone came to our front door. I think I was afraid of being taken and pimped out again. I have always been hyper sexual and knew stuff about my body before most kids. I felt like a Pro in that field and even talked to my adopted brothers that way when I saw them wrestling because I thought they were having sex. My birth mom taught me so well I believe that sexual part is still there and I think I have a male who becomes very aggressive like my rapist! I also have a scared girl who cries for her mama and I have an Exhibitionist who does the sexual deeds at parties. This past Halloween, I truly opened that part of me. I had been drinking and there was very loud satanic style music playing and I don't remember much after that but when I came back to my normal state, it felt like we had only been there a little while but I had all these videos saved to my cellphone and pictures and my husband said I was taking videos and pictures like crazy all night!! I wish I had caught the little girl crying but I saw the others and the personas were so different and all while I was gone. It felt like a dream and I don't even remember where I was. I didn't even see anything. You know some people dream or can watch it while it's happening but not me. I wasn't there at all. But when I came back, I was hardly drunk. It was like my alters shared part of the alcohol and I felt normal again! I can't explain it but at one point, I was so dizzy and tipsy I fell and spilled my 4th sex on the beach so I was that drunk but yet when I came back, I didn't feel drunk at all!! It's the oddest thing!! I have heard the voices too and sometimes, they won't let me sleep until I write stuff and then I can sleep!! Also, they used to come out in my diaries and I stopped when my family took and read it!! They didn't realize it wasn't all my writing, some of it was my alters!! I think this truly helps me to feel more normal!! Because of my severe abuse, I split so I could survive with such a bad past and not have to remember!! A part of me wants to remember but when it gets pushed into my psyche I am scared!! I have started feeling and recalling small things and when it gets too much, I realize why I can never remember and I stop pursuing it!! I know their is a reason it was pushed away and I shutter to think when my mind makes me remember whether I want to or not deep down, will I be ready and more importantly, what will I see? Will it totally destroy me or just make me split again!! I am scared for real!!!
im not sure if i have DID but i might
basically, i feel really detached from reality and often times think about how everything is just a game. i have a bad habit of acting on impulse, its often times just me yelling something randomly. its not a tic though since i can choose if i yell or not. i think about doing something on impulse in my head and either do it or dont. theres also voices in my head. one of them is a man with a deep voice and the other is a little girl thats voice is extremely high pitched. the little girl acts childish and immature and the man just acts like a straight man. the man one just tells me to get things done and the other lets me know when i can take breaks. then theres also two others that dont have distinct voices, theyre just my voice. its the same kind of dynamic except these two often argue alot. one tells me to do bad things, not "shoot up your school" bad or anything, just petty bad or self harm, and the other is constantly telling me to not listen to the other. i called these two red and blue as a way to tell whos who. there are other ones but they show up rarely and have my voice aswell, so its hard to determine what they could be. the only one that has barely ever happened is one that calms red and blue down sometimes. if that guys not there then i just make them stop myself. i dont know if this is related to DID but its something else that happens. basically, i get hyper focused on things i like, and i cant draw my attention to two things at once. these hyperfixations usually last a couple days or atleast until i find something else. and if im not focusing on something then i dont know what do to with myself.
I feel like I am going through the same thing you are. I don't think I have full-blown "DID" but I do think it's possible I might have OSDD. I feel like there are different versions of myself for different things. When I am highly stressed out this 'version' of myself is more masculine and a bit immature. I like to call him Nikolas, he is kinda violent but in that weird "I want to do this very violent thing but I am joking" type of way. He is very goofy and funny when he is around my best friend. He never fronts but he HIGHLY influences my actions and thoughts. He is the one that influences me more times than not. Then there is a female, she has no name. I kind of picture her as like a mother figure who thinks very highly of herself. Not in a bad way though. When she influences my thoughts she makes me feel like I am the prettiest person on the earth, I become a very confident person. Also, there's a hint of motherhood as well, I always feel the need to deep clean or tidy up when she's there. She makes me feel very encouraged to push myself and become who I want to be and achieve my goals.
The reason why I say I "feel" them is that I don't experience much of a memory gap during these times. I know for a fact everything that is happening and what was being said for the most part unless Nikolas is there. He sometimes can get very angry and push me to feel abandoned by my friends when that in fact has not happened so sometimes I don't realize the degree of what I had said or done. For example, if Nikolas is there and he is upset he will make me feel like no one cares about me anymore and that I want to isolate myself from everyone and delete all forms of social media. When I come to I am just kinda there thinking "Uhm.. what? I would never do that" and reinstall everything again. It's a weird back and forth thing with him.
OSDD is a weird grey area honestly. It feels almost as if there are different versions of yourself but you know that when you act a certain way that it's not YOU. I don't even notice many voices going on in my head because I feel like most of the time it's just me talking to myself but there have been moments where I lay down to go to bed and its very quiet in my room I can start to hear random chatter that I can't really make out. One time I randomly asked "who are you" and a male voice who I assumed was Nikolas kind of mocked me in a voice and laughed at me and went on rambling about some riot or revolution. Then moments later I heard another soft-spoken female voice who said my name. It was comforting to hear her honestly.
In regards to your comment, if you feel like it's possible that you might have DID then professional help is always a route to take if you want to confirm it 100% then again if you are like me and are afraid of going to a therapist or even talking about it with people you are close to, do LOTS of research on it especially books written by reliable sources and make your decision from there. I personally don't feel comfortable going to a therapist because of my horrible social anxiety and the need to be "perfect" Last time I sought a therapists advice I went in there with the intention of expressing everything I feel just to end up answering all the questions as if nothing was ever wrong with me... so ultimately it's all up to you and what you decide to think and do.
Hellooo. Im Kris, 15 yrs old, almost 16. Ive been really obssesed with DID since i read a book abt a boy with DID about 3 or so months ago. Ever sense i realized that theres a lot abt the main character, Ian, that i relate to. In the book, hes different at school, at home, and out with his friend. All slightly different versions of him. He also has a main alter, who can take over, and when he does Ian loses consciousness. I have similar things, except i dont think ive ever been exactly taken over. The thing is, i have this voice in my head, but im very confused if its just my voice or an alter. I call her Alexis. She sounds the same as me, which is why its confusing, but her voice is one i cant control. Sometimes i feel like i can manipulate her into saying something specific, but most of the time it doesnt work that way. Shes often extremely rude and judgemental of other people, and criticizes them, when i myself like the person. She criticizes me as well, but sometimes really helps me feel better about myself in ways. Shes the main voice in my head. I actually gave her the name Alexis when my little sister and i were playing a game. Anyways, shes never, that i know of, taken over me. Moving on, i sometimes randomly do a little kid voice, mostly around my girlfriend. Ive only heard the little kid voice in my head maybe once, but i do it in person out of nowhere. Today, i was on call with my gf, and i spaced out and then started laughing uncontrollably, and did the little kid voice. I was aware of everything happening, and i was confused if i was in control or not. I kept acting silly and wanting to say "kris" instead of "i". Id eaten a lot of chocolate and drank soda and my gf said im sugar high and i kept saying "no no just silly". At some point she said "its funny how this only happens when youre out of school" and i wanted to say "kris very careful at school" instead of "im careful at school". So im not 100% sure if its another alter, because im conscious while all this happens. When i do the little kid voice, i feel very childish, silly, joyful, loving, and playful. I eventually spaced out again and i was back, but still extremely confused if i was controlling it all. As far as trauma goes, i know that usually, you have to have had a very traumatic experience to develop DID. Ive had many traumatic experiences, but im not sure if theyre traumatic enough to cause DID. Last year, i was sexually assaulted by a boy i thought i could trust. That still effects me and im trying to get therapy. In middle school, i was hated by a lot of people just for being myself. I often had to help people almost everyday, talking them out of killing themselves. Ive self harmed before too. And i have many issues with my biological and step father. Ive almost ran away about 5 times, and ive always had a packed bag just in case. Theres a lot more ive been through as well. I kinda feel like im going insane, and i feel like maybe im making all the alters up in my head. Not sure if theyre real or not. Its all so confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Ive mentioned Alexis to my gf a few times before, and pointed to my head when i said "the child is being very stubborn", but i think she thinks im talking about an actual person, and not the voice in my head. Im kinda scared to tell her, scared she'll leave me thinking im insane, or hate me and think im lying and making it all up. I dont know what to do with myself anymore.
When an alternate personality is speaking/expressing feelings and thoughts and it feels kind of like nit's really you doing it or you aren't sure if it's you or not, that is called co-consciousness. An alternate personality can be in control to whatever degree with you being aware of it too. When you or any alter is in control, that is called "fronting". When more than one alter fronts at the same time when it feels like it's some of you and some of them, that is called co-fronting. The self doubt part is a normal anxiety in DID. Be careful who you share your condition with. People who don't understand may try to convince you that it isn't so and predatory people will deliberately try to put doubt in your mind to hurt your self perceptions. I recommend that you continue to research and self-analyze but, do it slowly and carefully. Also know that you and your alters do not need outside approval in order to be yourselves.
Hiii, I’m Zariah and I can’t really say weather or not I have DID but I think that I might. I have about three voices in my head, their names are, Eve, Anabeth, and Casse. I gave them their names so I could tell them off if needed; I like to think of them as my sisters, all of us are opposites from each other so we can get into disagreements. There is another one named Error…She’s not happy ?
I don’t have good memory so I know what could’ve caused my voices, but I don’t mind them… ‘cause when I’m sad they cheer me up in their own ways shapes and forms.
This is gonna be a lot and I’ve expressed all this to my therapist currently but I just need other thoughts:
I had a very rough childhood up until almost 16 I was living in a abusive household where everyday I was mentally degraded and verbally assaulted and sometimes beaten as well. I never lived there full time I had some weekends at my dads and they were the complete opposite from the abusive household and they knew the struggles I was going through and everyone tried there best to keep me safe and not make it worse for me so they couldn’t really intervene.
My childhood is very hard to remember I’ve blocked a lot of it out and I can’t really access it unless I’m in a depressive episode or really anxious. I have always heard the ones around me voices in my head, which then to strictly just me at different periods in my life and now I am hearing different people plus everything else on a day day basis. I’m scared and I think I’m going crazy my current therapist said she didn’t believe I had DID but part of me really wonders if she is mistaken because I don’t feel right. I don’t feel like “me” anymore…
I also have to mention I have suffered to concussion and one I’m still currently recovering from from a surrounding noise issue where I’m unable to focus in loud situations or noise all around me as well as migraines when the biometric pressure (( changes in the atmosphere )) happen.
Thanks for reading if you get to this.
i’ve always wondered about this. mine consistently have conversations, wether i’m involved or not. i don’t understand if it’s DID or not, but sometimes i’ll say something i didn’t mean to say or do something but im completely conscious. and occasionally they’ll full on switch but im still conscious, it only happens when i have a lot of emotion though, some of them have names, others im still waiting for them to feel comfortable it share. but i honestly think im going insane.
I am 39 years old and have had a very rough life in and out of facilities of some kind since age three til a few years ago. I've recently figured out that most of my thoughts are actually voices that I can't get rid of. They are evil and describes or trys to describe what sadistic things they are going to do to me. But it could also be the chip i thinks been put in my head. My body mind morals beliefs and character all changes in depending on the group of people im arnd. My fiance trys to deal with it the best she can so i do all i can to give her a beautiful life. I've tried suicide a few times but now im to scared to. I have written my entire life story out and gave it toy therepist everything ive ever done or type of thought. I'm looking for hope anywhere i can get it i live in complete terror every day please can anyone help