Mommy
Do You Love Me?
Dear Kristen,
Some time ago, you crawled into bed with us in the wee
hours of the morning. You wrapped your little arms around me, laid your golden
head upon my chest, and said, "Mom, did you ever notice that when someone
is mad at you, it feels like they don’t love you anymore?" I smoothed
back the hair from your eyes. With a lump in my throat, I remembered that when
my mom was mad at me when I was your age, she became cold (as I do) and distant
(that’s me). How scared and all alone that used to make me feel. I was
terrified of losing her love. How would I live without it? Who would take care
of me if she decided some day that she no longer wanted me? Sometimes, my
darling girl, you get glimpses of the pain of my own childhood. They are
mirrored through me. I’m so sorry that I unknowingly (and unwisely)
inflict them upon you.
I hold you tightly and do my best to reassure you that
I’ll always and forever love you -even when I’m mad at you. I tell
you that I understand that it makes you afraid sometimes when my voice is
stern, and I turn away from you. I share with you that I used to worry that my
mom didn’t love me anymore, too. I ask you to tell me when you need
reassurance from me. You lean over me, look deeply into my eyes, and say,
"will you right now mom?" And so I do….
Love, Mom
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